Gratitude makes us happier
(By Tsem Rinpoche)
When we are afraid to express gratitude, we don’t want to reveal what has been done for us and so we don’t have to ‘pay back’ nor remember. Also perhaps we don’t want others to know so we don’t have to ‘pay’ back…..then eventually we become angry and bitter because we are not being honest and true to others and ourselves.. we will not feel good when we just take, take and not give. We need to give and take and take and give then there is a balance. Balance is the key.
Example: A student takes a lot from the teacher eg teachings, love, advice, materials, care, etc and that is in the beginning. Student ‘returns’ or ‘pays’ back the kindness of the teacher by transforming, overcoming fears, helping others and doing less vice and more positive activity for oneself and society. So by a student showing gratitude or anyone showing any gratitude, it is ultimately a training of the mind to overcome self-centricity. Gratitude has that type of effect on our mind. Teacher and student is just one example as it can be applied to many other relationships as well. Gratitude is not meant to remind you negatively how you took something, but a quality in the mind to be developed. To develop the mind to higher thoughts and modes of conduct.
When we express gratitude, then we return it to others and others feel good you remembered. Then others respect you. When they respect you, you feel good about yourself giving little space for anger, hatred and negativity to arise. When you feel good about yourself, little space for negativity to arise and do harm. You have nothing to hide, avoid or feel bad about when you express gratitude. Owing and gratitude are different. Owing is like a loan to the bank that you responsibly pay back. Gratitude is not being afraid to say you needed help, received it and will show the same to others. It is a positive state of mind to another sentient feeling being.
Showing gratitude is one of the best ways to not feel bad about what you received and to positively put you in a position you ‘have’ to give also. It makes you give to others due to the mind being cultivated into higher mode of thought and conduct not guilt. When you give, then you feel good because innately we want to help others. When others are benefitted by us, we innately and naturally feel good. Feeling good can escalate into doing even more for others and vice versa. It just continues. Showing gratitude is acknowledging others can do more than you at the moment and you needed love, help and that is it ok to receive this. It counters jealousy and pride. Big enemies that make our minds unhappy. It also tells us that we are not bad people for needing love and help. Also that when we are ‘better’ we will help others back. It is a good way to live.
It is important to show gratitude in a way that trains our minds and it lets other people know they are appreciated. That is important in mind training. To appreciate the care, help and love you have received is a very strong component of happiness.
Training in gratitude is good for those who are in a secular life and especially good for those developing spiritual qualities of higher attainments, compassion, bodhi mind, wisdom. All good things arise from proper and consistent development within the fundamentals of which gratitude is one of them.
Tsem Rinpoche
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Saying thank you and showing our gratitude with a handwritten message can make all the difference in our life.At times, when our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has reason to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. None of us who achieves success without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge is this help with gratitude. Let us rise up and be thankful. Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.Its gratitude that helps us to grow and expand . And also gratitude brings joy and laughter into our life and into the lives of all those around us. Spiritually it unlocks the fullness of life and turning what we have into enough in life.
Thank you Rinpoche for this sharing
Every one of us feel and express gratitude in multiple ways. Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have or receive. They could retrieve positive memories and being thankful for past blessings, the present and future. Yes it definitely make us happier in away and nurture our relationship with another person. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives and valve whatever they have. In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships. That’s for sure. Showing gratitude in a way will trains our minds and it lets other people know they are appreciated.
Thank you Rinpoche for this sharing.
Thank you so much for the deeper understanding on gratitude. Gratitude is an attitude and way of living that has been shown to have many benefits in terms of health, happiness, satisfaction with life, and the way we relate to others.
I find myself feeling refreshed with a new sense of purpose and happiness. We can’t just assume we deserve certain pleasures in life. Instead we have to work for what have and be grateful for what comes our way.
https://bit.ly/3tzR0DQ
Gratitude is a powerful catalyst for happiness when we put into action. It’s the spark that lights a fire of joy in our soul. Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. Learn to be thankful for what we already have. Once we begin to take note of the things we are grateful for, we begin to lose sight of the things that we lack. Once expressed, it changes our attitude, brightens outlook, and broadens our perspective. When we express gratitude it improves our self-esteem and enhances empathy.
Thank you Rinpoche with folded hands for this great teachings which I deeply appreciate.
A truly lovely and gentle reminder that “gratitude is the best attitude” both for secular and spiritual lives. And it also tells us that it’s okay to be *not enough* at times; let go of pride ; ask for help, love and guidance and to acknowledge it wholeheartedly 🙂
This is a good reminder on how we feel when we have done something for others. We may easily forget on how good we feel when we are doing something for others. Yet it is important to reflect on this and how by overcoming negative emotions, we gain good feelings and even over time mind transformation.
Negative emotions such as jealousy and pride will never make us happy, and will not make us connect to others but create a barrier.
We need to remind ourselves that we need a balance between giving and receiving.
very interesting…….yes i do agree gratitude makes us happier.As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them, Feeling gratitude, and expressing by giving,helping,love, caring to make someone happy.We always give and take and vice versa. It will change our life mightily to be a better person-I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness. To appreciate the care, help and love you have received is a very strong component of happiness which was well said by Rinpoche.
Thank you Rinpoche for all the teachings.
Sometimes we are grateful of someone but we keep in our heart without expressing. We should express out and being honest and true to others and ourselves.
It is a way that trains our minds and it lets other people know they are appreciated. Thank you Rinpoche for the sharing
We were always being taught in school to repay kindness to those who have helped and kind to us but eventually upon stepping our feet to the samsaric world, to most of us this precious value has slowly diminished . In fact, there are few people in my life that I will always show gratitude to and I will take every opportunity to convey my thankfulness to and they will always be remembered. They are really the most respectable persons I have ever met. Once again, thank you Rinpoche for all your care for us and you will always be in my thoughts.
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Thanks Rinpoche for the sharing.
I really feel happy that i am able to meet Dharma at my 20’s. I also want to say thannks to Rinpoche that created Kechara in Malaysia, so that i have a place to learn dharma.
I also would like to say thanks to everyone in Kechara who have help me.
Thanks everyone.
感激之情,那首先我要感激尊贵的仁波切，他创办了克切拉佛教中心，让我们大家有个修佛和开示的机缘。我还要感激我这一世我所接触的每一位人，不管是小人还是贵人，他们都是我生命中的点点滴滴，给我尝尽生活中的酸，甜，苦，辣经历，让我的人生过得多姿多彩。也感激所有的有情众生。还有感激每一天，每一日我们生活在有佛法的世界里。
I just wanted to add here that, we do not show gratitude as a means to make us happier… meaning the motivation behind the gratitude should be we want to do it not because it makes us feel good. If that is the case, we wont show gratitude if we were in a foul mood or dont feel like it. That is not right either.
It is good to have the attitude, I feel, that when someone does something for you, a very simple heartfelt is needed. And this is not to want praise that you said thank you nor have some euphoria that you said thank you… it is just because you ARE thankful! If you do not feel that way, then don’t say it as it would just be empty words and I am pretty sure the recipient will feel it!
Take for example this simple story shared here within this blog…
https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/inspiration-worthy-words/shocking-gratitude.html
How incredibly touching! This simple illustration will tell us where our mind is… how many of us has actually thanked our parents for our education or do we take it for granted that it is their duty!!! Reflect upon this. It is quite astonishing how many of us DO NOT say a simple thank you even for this!
Thank you, Rinpoche, for this teaching. Yes we must be appreciative of what others had done for us and we should express our gratitude and be grateful. This is very basic human ethics yet not many are able to develop this qualities because of ego.
We can express our gratitude by saying Thank You with a genuine smile or help in any way we can to the giver. By showing gratitude, we create the positive energy for us to be happier knowing that the other person will also be happier by our positive actions and thoughts.
Thank you Rinpoche for this precious teaching.Gratitude, as Rinpoche, has shown us here, is such a beautiful and powerful virtuous ’emotion’. When we express gratitude ,we are cultivating a positive attitude and state of mind to replace a habituated negative attitude of not caring about people enough to show appreciation for their kindness.
Gratitude expressed sincerely is a form of giving and opening of our minds up to love and compassion, and of overcoming our self-centeredness in the process.In the example of our Guru who has given us so much, we will have to transform our minds in order to sincerely show our gratitude to him. Transforming our minds is for our benefit, as it puts us on a trajectory towards ultimate peace and happiness.
Gratitude doesn’t just make us happier but make the people who gave us help happier and felt appreciated. It’s important to make people around us feel happy so that things can work much more easier and better. Gratitude by any means can be anything like simple “Thank you.” to the waitress or waiter, to the sweeper or the cleaner in the office. Let us develop the habit of saying “Thank you”, then from there on real gratitude can be shown by giving gifts, help and care to others.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for this post about gratitude.
From what I understand, expressing gratitude shows that we acknowledge the amount of effort and care the other person has put into assisting us at the moment. And when we don’t express gratitude it makes us look selfish and careless.
Gratitude helps cure some of our mental afflictions as well, like depression or just the general feeling of being unlucky at the moment. But if we think about what we have now and be grateful, it definitely puts our lives in perspective and we realize things weren’t so morose as we project them to be. e.g. “I *hate* my job! But hang on…When I think about it, at least I *have* a job and it helps provide my belly with warm food (which keeps me alive). Whereas others are not so fortunate to even have a job.”
Much like the teaching Rinpoche gave about “Jealousy.” We can definitely counter jealousy and selfishness by rejoicing when others succeed, and by being grateful when someone is in a better position to help us. Certainly it’s what we want others to feel when we’re a little ahead in life.
From my personal experience, it took a lot of effort for me to show gratitude and rejoice for others at first. It felt “unnatural” and it’s still a work-in-progress.
Rinpoche’s teachings does help us gain a deeper understanding on “Karma” and why we must express gratitude or be happy for someone.
Not to have gratitude means no one has done anything nice or of benefit to you. Is that the truth?
How can anyone go through life and not have anyone ever helped us or benefitted in any shape or form. It simply does not make sense. If no one has ever done anything to help and of benefit to you, then I suppose one has the right to be angry and unhappy all the time.
Being grateful is the very basic and important qualities that we should have. Being grateful lead us to see how we are interrelated with each other – animals, humans, planet etc. There is no way we can live by not depending on others. We need the come together of our parents to be born in this world. We need our parents to care and nurture us. We need the teachers to teach us so we can learn. We need the farmers to go to the field for us to have food. We need the tailor to make clothes for us to wear. We need the doctors & nurses to be well-trained so we are save from illnesses. We need our spiritual guide to grow internally. The list can go on and on. The point is without others, we can not live. How can we not be grateful?
Good morning, Tsem Rinpoche.
A BIG THANK YOU! It’s reminds me to feel gratitude of the scarifies of my PARENTS, and to those whom have touch my lives directly & indirectly. 🙂
Once a again, THANKS for all of these wonderful sharings. <3
Showing gratitude is a good way to practice buddhism, even if someone hasnt done anything good to you, showing gratitude towards them for just being the person that they are is still a nice practice. Giving or doing something nice to someone could have the effect of them being nice towards someone else and that could spark a chain. I find this teaching very interesting because I have felt sometimes where someone gave or did something for me, i “feel oblige” to having to return the favour even if they didn’t ask. I think that just influences a negative thinking, returning a favour without the sincerity of appreciating what they had really done for me. Where as showing gratitude is showing that we sincerely really want to show how much we appreciate what they have done for us. I really like what Rinpoche said “Gratitude is not meant to remind you negatively how you took something, but a quality in the mind to be developed. To develop the mind to higher thoughts and modes of conduct.”. Thank you for your kind teaching Rinpoche.
Thank you Rinpoche for continuously showering us with many valuable teachings. I always feel like i want to repay more kindness for anyone who has helped me before, rather than just say two words ‘Thank you’.
Thank you for sharing this Rinpoche. This message will stay in my mind. I agree with every word Rinpoche has said here. Gratitude is always good and make people happier.
Shelly tai on 6 August 2013 at 418pm
Gratitude is something need to be develope especially children because I have come across a lot of young people now do not know how to repay kindness to the elder especially their own parent this youngster has developed a very self center attitude they only care about their own need and want they do not care how others feel or how they can help others. This is very sad to see because a lot of the parents nowadays do not pratices dharma so they do not know how to teach their own kids. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing us this teaching.
Sorry to say, but the inability to show gratitude is the result of bad upbringing where ”things are taken for granted” as though the world owes you.
At the same time when some one helps us and we show gratitude it is a form or acknowledging that we need to learn everyday in our lives and from learning we progress.
It is sheer arrogance not to be able to show gratitude and the best way to hide our incompetence and failure.
Gratitude is very empowering as we will remember those who had so kindly given us in any manner that we needed at that moment and with gratitude to kindness and generosity by others, we can also practise same.
Too many times we skimp on the thank you’s because something has happened so often it’s become routine or we figure the person already knows how thankful we are for them.A mind or soul filled with gratitude is an absence of a selfish mind.Gratitude is the sincere love and thanks we can humbly share with others.
Thank you Rinpoche for this beautiful teaching.
Thank you Rinpoche for giving explanation on gratitude this topic. I am trying to pay back Rinpoche’s kindness by being a volunteer at KFR every weekend but I know that won’t enough because what I have received from Rinpoche and kecharian was too much. Rinpoche also talked about payback Guru’s kindness by being a virtuous person and transforming one’s mind into positive. Even though sometimes I will still err but I realized that it is better to make a change instead of being regret on my own mistakes.
Just a word yet can profoundly help so many others in return in so many ways.tegion t
Showing gratitude is one of the best things we can give to the people who have helped us in many different kind of ways. It will make the person think that you actually appreciate him/her for helping you, and eventually become great friends or family. And of course, during the process, we can’t expect others to give us anything in return, we must not do it with a greedy mind or else it would not be showing others gratitude already. When we appreciate someone, that someone must has helped us a lot, so we can’t expect anything more from him/her..
Thank You for sharing Rinpoche.
Gratitude is a great teacher. It teaches me to be humble, to be grateful of everything regardless of size nor importance and most of all, gratitude teaches me to give. Thank you for the teaching on this very important life lesson, Rinpoche.
much care + respect,
fang
Gratitude is a key part of peoples lives. If you show gratitude, it shows you do care about what was given to you and you will become happier. If you were given something, don’t ask for more as that is lack of gratitude. Instead of wondering why the glass is hall empty, be grateful you got the glass of water in the first place.
Very apt teaching. In this day an age, where degeneration is rampant in spirituality as well as society, when one receives, one thinks they deserve it and therefore there is no need say the very fundamental words of gratitude, “thank you!”.
I recall as a child, I would be sternly reprimanded for not saying those two very short but important words, so much so it was instilled in my mind that, when receiving it is imperative that we have gratitude.
However, saying those two words alone as mere utterances from habit does not help either. What is important is that we have genuine gratitude when someone goes out of their way, or does something they do not need to do for you. It could be from the smallest gesture of opening a door, to a life saving gesture of CPR and all the varying deeds in between.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank for this very important teaching. Gratitude comes hand in hand with Generosity . It is the comrade of generosity in that it is the giving up of our ego of pride and jealousy and make us feel good is a very positive way. It definitely will be reciprocated by others and will feed the positive aspect in us to continue to give and give and be grateful. It provides the basis and reinforces further positive actions and results in secular endeavors and spiritual practice.
Nice looking.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank You for this post on Gratitude.
It is indeed sad that we have regressed into a society that draws “joy” from only taking and deems giving as painful. Even the basic “Thank you” has been reduced to an automatic lip-service and we seem to have forgotten how to appreciate. Gratitude has precious little space left nowadays.
For me, facing down fears and killing bloated egos would be an excellent way to start feeling gratitude. Fears can be countered if we accept help from people with real wisdom and compassion but egos block them out. When we have fears, we tend to either run away from them or we mask our fears by putting up a show. I know – I did both. When you run, your fears follow and will catch up with you someday. There’s just no running away from fears inside you. So, if you can’t run, you put on a mask so that the world won’t see your weaknesses. After a while, you will start imposing this mask on everyone until the day comes when you’ve successfully “forgotten” who you really are. Does that change anything though? No, the fears are still there.
Ronald Reagan once warned terrorists, “You can run but you can’t hide.”. But against the ultimate terrorist – ourselves – You CAN’T run AND you CAN’T hide!
Rinpoche’s teachings helped me strip down the many layers of masks I’ve put on over the years to escape my past, to hide my fears. I’m beginning to find myself again. Yes, a “student ‘returns’ or ‘pays’ back the kindness of the teacher by transforming, overcoming fears, helping others and doing less vice and more positive activity for oneself and society.”. I’m doing all of the above. I’ve changed and I’m still changing – for the better. Rinpoche teaches not to hear the words “Thank You”. Rinpoche teaches so that we can benefit through our own efforts. For this, I’m deeply grateful to Rinpoche, my Guru.
To everyone out there: before automatically saying “Thank you” in the future, think of what the other person has said or done for you – no matter how small – and recognise that you have benefitted from it, THEN go ahead and say “Thank you” with a genuine smile.
With love, respect and folded hands,
Sean in Shanghai
Thank you Rinpoche. I will definitely keep this teaching in mind. I really don’t feel that there is any need not to express our gratitude (by speech or actions), especially when we had received. Its just like saying “Thank you” when you receive something. Its a showing of appreciation in receiving and that you value it. Although having said that, we should always give without expecting “gratitude” in return (pure motivation). Sometimes we may not have the opportunity to show our gratitude towards the giver, we can always transfer the kind act to someone else who is in need.