My Childhood in Taiwan…Revisiting…
This was me in Taipei, Taiwan
In December 2008, I went to Taiwan to do a ritual for a special family. There was a lady there by the name of Ms Kuan who was my mother’s schoolmate, and her sister was going for a serious heart operation so I needed to do some pujas. I went with Irene, Seng Piow, FM and Paul who came to assist me and while there, I visited the old street and apartment I lived in until 1972.
So we did the pujas in the hotel room with the Kuan family and of course the ill sister. I did the puja the day before she checked into the hospital. Divination said that her operation would be a success. I very much wanted to go to Taiwan to do this puja in person because I owe the Kuan family my sincere gratitude. Let me explain…
This is the set-up for the puja I did for Ms Kuan’s sister who was going for heart surgery the very next day. I am so glad I was able to go.
My mother is of royal Mongolian descent. When she and family migrated to Taiwan from their homeland, she was just a schoolgirl. She went to school in Taipei and had a good friend named Ms Kuan. My father left Tibet where he already had a wife and three kids, and he met my mom in Taiwan. He never told my mom about his family in Tibet. After she became pregnant with me, he confessed to already having a family in Tibet (they came to Taiwan later) and said he couldn’t marry her. My mom was beyond consoling. Her pain and hurt was tremendous. The shame and stigma that time with her parents, relatives and community was too much for her to bear. She secretly gave birth to me in Taiwan General Hospital and then gave me up before she migrated to the US.
Doing some rituals for Ms Kuan’s sister. Her surgery was successful and I am glad to update that until today, she is fine.
My mom‘s mother (my grandmother) found a Taiwanese family to care for me. This lady caretaker was called Shi Mama, and she had a husband and three sons living in a small second floor apartment across from a school. My grandmother paid them US$50 per month to look after me, and she would visit me from time to time. Before my mom left for the US, she also asked her friend Ms Kuan to visit me from time to time but she never openly admitted I was her son. Later, my mom got married in the US and lived in Philadelphia with her husband and two sons.
Shi Mama had her own huge problems and didn’t treat me very nicely. I was just a small kid but her sons were very abusive towards me, punishing me whenever they could for the smallest mistakes. Ms Kuan and her brother Mr Kuan noticed, so they would often come to where I stayed and take me into their home in the Taiwanese mountains to spend weekends with them. They would wash me, feed me real well, buy me toys and play a lot with me. They were VERY, VERY, VERY KIND to this illegitimate boy and I looked forward to visiting them. I didn’t know who they were at all, but I just remember a very nice lady with a kind brother who always was kind to me. It took me 30 years to find them again and to reunite with them. Suffice to say, it was a teary reunion. I realise now that Ms Kuan really cared about me and wanted to adopt me, but my grandmother would not let her. I don’t know why because I would have loved to stay with her and call her my mom. But it was not to be and I was taken to the United States against my wishes in 1971 and given to a Mongolian family in Howell, New Jersey.
This was myself as a baby in Taipei, Taiwan.
Again, where this was taken, I don’t know but it was somewhere in Taipei…
I don’t know who was holding me but I looked happy.
This horse was given to me by my grandmother Queen Dechen Minh. I loved the horse but Shi Mama only let me play with it when grandma came to visit. Otherwise I never saw the horse. But I remember it very well.
I don’t know how old I was in this, but these pictures were kept and given to me by my adopted mother Dana Bugayeff in New Jersey. These pictures were definitely taken in Taipei. Ms Kuan and her brother said I still look the same!!!!
Nearly every day after school I would sneak upstairs to the second floor, and leave my school bag and cap on the stairs to the apartment and go off. Daily, I would wander the streets until late at night and only when I was very tired, I would sneak into the apartment to sleep. Sometimes one or two of the three boys would wake up and make me kneel on rice on the floor to punish me. I didn’t go home much because there was not a lot of care, affection or food given to me. Most nights after school I would be given white rice with sugar mixed into it and that was about all. My teeth were nearly all rotten and I had to have extensive dental work when I arrived in the US. There would be much punishments from the three boys and sorry to say, my caretaker didn’t care about me very much, I was a job to her. I lived with her for 24 hours a day for many years and it was not a happy time for me at all.
While we were in Taiwan, I went with a small group of friends from Malaysia to visit Shi Mama’s apartment and when we enquired, the owner of the store on the ground floor still remembers me after 36 years!!!!! Amazing. There are more buildings on the streets but I do recognise this building I lived in. The street also seems cleaner than I remember.
Across the street from this building were two schools which are still there. One is an elementary school that I attended and the other is a high school. It was strange walking down this street and seeing the school after 36 years. Ms Kuan remembered where I had stayed with Shi Mama.
I thought I’d share a little of myself more on this post. I will share more in the future. I have tons of pictures of me growing up in Howell, New Jersey and many stories to share along with the photos…
Tsem Rinpoche meeting Kuan Mama and
her family in Taiwan in 2008
This is a short video of myself giving dharma to Ms Kuan’s family and oral transmission to the long life mantra of Je Tsongkhapa. It will benefit them very much.
Tsem Rinpoche meeting his uncle
for the first time…
A video of part of my meeting with my Uncle for the first time. Remember I knew of him, but never met him. He is the only sibling of my birth mother Dewa. It was nice to meet him and get more background on my family which many things I did not know for the past 40 years. Thank you Uncle David Minh for your time. I hope your book comes out soon. I am interested to read it.
This post was originally published on June 20, 2010
For more interesting information:
- H.E. the 25th Tsem Tulku Rinpoche’s Biography
- The 4th Edition of ‘The Promise’, the Pictorial Biography of H.E. Tsem Rinpoche Is Out!
- ‘The Promise’ launch on national TV
- Visiting My Parents – Tsem Rinpoche
- Mom, Can I Call You Before It’s Too Late?
- My mom in the Herald | 我母亲在先驱报的报导
- The Promise – Tsem Rinpoche’s inspiring biography now in ebook format!
- My Previous incarnation
- Tsem Rinpoche’s heritage in China
- Tsem Rinpoche’s Torghut Ancestry | 詹杜固仁波切的土尔扈特血统
- My Short Bio in Pictures
- It Wasn’t Easy in New Jersey, but My Cousins/Aunts Helped…
- Fotomat and Me | 我和Fotomat
- Tsem Rinpoche in an American ‘Tantric Dress’!!!
- Kyabje Zong Rinpoche Cuts My Hair
- I’m Requesting Ordination in 1987
- Why I Conceived of Kechara Soup Kitchen or KSK
- How Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen changed my life
- The Cowshed That Was My Home in Gaden
- Kyabje Zong Rinpoche with Lama Yeshe and Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen
- Dharma Work, Attitude & TDL | 佛法工作、态度及图登达杰林佛法中心
- Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen’s special thangka | 属于格西簇亲格而辛的非凡唐卡
- My Precious Kyabje Zong Rinpoche statue
- His Holiness Kyabje Zong Rinpoche’s Precious Teaching Collection
- Short sharing about Kyabje Zong Rinpoche | 关于嘉杰宋仁波切的简短分享 | ༧སྐྱབས་རྗེ་ཟོང་རྡོ་རྗེ་འཆང་གི་སྐོར་བགོ་འགྲེམས་མདོར་བསྡུས།
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Revisiting this post to remember the kindness of our Lama.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your stories with us. The best example for us especially when we are trapped in the same manner. This will inspire us to have courage and move on.
Thank you very much Rinpoche and blog team for sharing this moving and touching write up and videos about Rinpoche’s visiting relatives back in Taiwan. From what Rinpoche experienced in Taiwan, that Rinpoche wandered on the street until He felt tired and went home to sleep, I could feel how lonely Rinpoche was at that time, and as a small kid, Rinpoche doesn’t deserve that. And Rinpoche was being bullied in the house, and no one ever helped him. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your life with us through this blog.???
1984 Los Angeles-Left to right: Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen, His Holiness Kyabje Zong Rinpoche, monk assistant to Zong Rinpoche and the 18-year-old Tsem Rinpoche prior to ordination. Read more- https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/category/me
View
A poem inspired by seeing a picture of my teacher, Kyabje Zong Rinpoche…
In the sport of correct views,
all that is correct is just a view,
without permanence or substance.
As long as we hold onto views,
our sufferings are gathered
to be experienced without end.
Without the strong methods of emptiness
and compassion, bereft of merit,
we sink deeper without respite.
To arise from this samsara is but
a dreamscape on the deluded mind.
Therefore seek the guru, who confers the yidam,
hold your vows and fixate on liberation
free of new creations. Free of new experiences as
there are none.
~ Tsem Rinpoche
Composed in Tsem Ladrang, Kuala Lumpur on July 7, 2014
View
A poem inspired by seeing a picture of my teacher, Kyabje Zong Rinpoche…
In the sport of correct views,
all that is correct is just a view,
without permanence or substance.
As long as we hold onto views,
our sufferings are gathered
to be experienced without end.
Without the strong methods of emptiness
and compassion, bereft of merit,
we sink deeper without respite.
To arise from this samsara is but
a dreamscape on the deluded mind.
Therefore seek the guru, who confers the yidam,
hold your vows and fixate on liberation
free of new creations. Free of new experiences as
there are none.
~ Tsem Rinpoche
Composed in Tsem Ladrang, Kuala Lumpur on July 7, 2014
Its wonderful to know or visiting someone who have taken care of us during childhood. Its important to remember and repaying to those who have loved us and were helped in life. It does not matter whether it is little deeds, little sacrifices, little kindnesses. Having old pictures to recall is simply wonderful. Rinpoche had gone through hard times during childhood yet it does not stop him from revisiting to the place, people schools and so forth. Meeting his uncle for the first time and caretaker Ms Shi-mama is indeed wonderful. It’s a down memory lane for Rinpoche.
Thank You Rinpoche for this sharing…..interesting read and beautiful pictures to recall back.
A poem by Tsem Rinpoche
I was walking past a second hand shop on Western Ave selling old things. They had a Japanese-style clay Buddha which was beige in colour on the floor, holding the door open. I thought the shopkeeper would collect a lot of negative karma without knowing if he kept such a holy item on the floor as a doorstop. So I went in to talk to him, but he didn’t look like he wanted to talk or that he even cared. So I asked him the price and he said US$5. I purchased it so he did not collect more negative karma. I was 17 years old and that was in 1982.
I escorted my new Buddha home and washed it lightly and wiped it. I placed it on my altar and was happy with the Buddha. I would do my meditations, prayers, sadhanas, mantras and prostrations in front of this shrine daily. When I left for India in 1987, I could not bring this Buddha along and gave it to a friend. It was a nice size and I made offerings to this Buddha for many years in Los Angeles. In front of the Buddha I placed His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s photo. I remember I was so relieved that the price was affordable. But US$5 that time was still expensive for me but worth it I thought. But I was happy to have brought the Buddha home. Tsem Rinpoche
https://www.tsemrinpoche.com
Tsem Rinpoche at Kechara Forest Retreat, Bentong, Malaysia
Thanks for sharing Rinpoche
In this post on Tsem Rinpoche’s childhood in Taiwan,there are two very powerful teachings from Rinpoche. One is not to allow suffering to repress us and not to hold on to these hurtful experiences of the past. The second is that of remembering and repaying the kindness of others, in this case, Kuan Mama and her brother, who were about the only people who showed Rinpoche the light of kindness in an otherwise dark and loveless childhood.
As a child in TaIwan, given over for adoption to Shwi Mama as a baby until the age of six, Rinpoche was not loved or cared for at all by his foster mother and her three sons who were nothing but bullies. Not only was Rinpoche not properly fed,but he was also cruelly punished by them for no apparent reason. They made him kneel on rice grains!After school he was left to wander around hungry and without means to get food.Yet,looking at Rinpoche’s pictures from his childhood, where we see him smiling all the time, we would never have imagined that he was suffering so much. Impossible as it may seem,he was nonetheless a happy child.Rinpoche made the choice of not letting his suffering from the past pull him down, but instead learn from it never to make others suffer like he was made to suffer.
However , there was a bright spot in Rinpoche’s miserable childhood. His birth mother’s friend Kuan Mama and her brother came to visit him frequently and took him out.Seeing that he was not even properly scrubbed or cleaned, they would bathe him and clean him up. They would feed him well and buy him toys.
Hence four decades later, Rinpoche remembers their kindness and repays them with gifts including statues, malas and thangkas. Rinpoche had pujas and prayers done for Kuan Mama and her family when they went for surgery. Furthermore, he gave them dharma and the oral transmission of Je Tsongkhapa’s long life mantra , which he knew they truly needed. As Rinpoche says,he could not do enough to repay their kindness, but because of their kindness, he is repaying it by showing kindness to others as they did to him.
H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche is very devoted to his root guru, H.H. Zong Rinpoche.
Dear Rinpoche,
Rinpoche do not hesitate to share the bitter childhood that Rinpoche experienced to inspired people who have similar experiences to stand up and be benefit to sentient being. There are many unhappy marriage ended up child abuse in the family. And when the child grow up the hatred they have is either grow into action to hurt other or they hurt themselves.
Everywhere Rinpoche goes, Rinpoche give dharma to people. This is a best gift for people. Not only protect the person in this life, but, also next life. Rinpoche always appreciate and remember people who have kind heart. Rinpoche repay them with dharma. This acts inspired me to repay people who are kind to me by using Dharma.
Kwan Mama is a very kind people. She has pure heart. Perhaps a kind person could meet a Bodhisattva.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this reunion pictures
Love
Freon
This one bit really moved me – I was the kid he scrubbed and cleaned. I was the kid he use to have ride on his shoulders. I was that little neglected child that he showed love to…Thank you Mr Kuan for being so kind to a child that needed parents he didn’t have. This child now a grown up me, will NEVER FORGET you and Ms Kuan’s kindness. I will show kindness to others remembering you both always. Your kindnesses will not have been wasted on me…I promise.
It is amazing how much impact kindness can have on people, especially for someone like Rinpoche. Lesson learnt: Pay it forward. When you have experienced kindness, extend the same to others.
I always find it fascinating to read about Rinpoche’s life stories. Even as a child he experienced abuse, not being fed or cared for very well.
What I found amazing is even when he was experiencing numerous challenges, he still found the courage to smile and look happy. Little that people know then that the boy would grow up to benefit many people.
i am very touched and moved after going through Rinpoche’s growing stages in life. i nearly cried twice when you met with Kuan siblings after 36 years.
Bless me with you blessing throughout my life.
From Bhutan
Thank you Tshering for your sincere comment. I still remember when I first met Rinpoche, Rinpoche told me a gist of his childhood… I was in shock and I too almost cried. I could not believe someone like Rinpoche had to go through such hardships. It made me realise Rinpoche’s great kindness and ability to forgive others who have mistreated him and his perseverance to do the Dharma come what may. This gave me a little courage and faith to do Dharma as I was very new to Dharma at that time.
It is inspiring to know/read such real life stories (almost like a Hollywood movie) come to life before our very eyes when we discover more about Rinpoche past and how Rinpoche arose from all the negative experiences into a light for so many beings; like a lotus arising from the mud, that is the nature of a Bodhisattva. I do think someone like Rinpoche purposely incarnate into such situations to teach us, so that it would be easier for us lay people to relate with. If Rinpoche did not “give up” then we should not either in pursue of spiritual liberation.
You wonder, how unhappy must someone be with their own lives that they could mistreat a child in the way Shi Mama did with Rinpoche? That is not the behaviour of a happy person; happy people don’t abuse, tortue and mistreat an innocent, hapless, defenceless child.
People talk about leading difficult lives but Rinpoche is someone who experienced obstacles even before he was born. How many of us would be able to tolerate such difficulties and overcome them, AND not carry the burden of anger or hatred for those who have wronged him?
This post has always inspired me because it reflects for me all the aspects of Rinpoche’s character – perseverance, determination, a love for the Dharma, a prevailing ability to forgive and the power of prayer and Rinpoche’s compassion to be reborn in a place and time that benefits the most people.
It also reflects for me a deep gratitude in Rinpoche to all who have shown him kindness, even if people may mistakenly consider him “too young” to remember or to know what’s going on. As someone who has had the privilege of spending quite a lot of time with Rinpoche, I can definitely say that no act of kindness goes unnoticed by Rinpoche. Even if the kindness isn’t directed at Rinpoche personally, Rinpoche always finds a way to repay people’s good motivation to encourage their positive behaviour in that manner.
For me, when reading this post, it is quite clear – the key to leading a happy life of peace and light is by focusing out. By focusing on the pains of others, we stop focusing on the pains we experience and they therefore lose their power to scar our minds.
Rinpoche la.I m very happy an exited to read your story during childhood struggle.and I m also crying during read your story becoz I know struggle in life during childhood life when there is one one in our life to help an support us.during that period someone help u an hold u without any reason that person is very very thankfully an give thanks to that person it return. Thanks .an happy to read or story.
Hye Rimpoché!
My deep love
JP
moving and inspiring life story …rinpoche
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your life and opening your heart to all of us..We are so blessed to have you in our lives. How you have endure during early childhood. It is heartening to know the truth and i look forward to go through your work towards all sentient beings.
Greetings from Bhutan Rinpoche, i liked your post in facebook, i just hit the like button,but very like button came only today, unless i read your biography with your beautiful pictures, when you were kid. It’s pleasure to meet you here, i was in tears along with Ms Kaun, i did not even notice until my tears rolling down, so emotional, it was like a fairy tale i read in books, anyway glad to be a member here in your website, wish a very very long life and good wishes. Tashi Delek! Dharma sister
[…] was sent an article on aseanaffairs.com by one of my students… As many of you know, I was born in Taiwan, and have always been interested in places of pilgrimage in China. This article is about the […]
Thank you Rinpoche for all the photos and stories, I enjoyed reading it. To know what Rinpoche experienced in the past is very important, as we have to understand, the kindness, love and care and Rinpoche gives to all of us today is not something we can take for granted.
From what Rinpoche experienced in Taiwan, that Rinpoche wandered on the street until He felt tired and went home to sleep, I could feel how lonely Rinpoche was at that time, and as a small kid, Rinpoche doesn’t deserve that. And Rinpoche was being bullied in the house, and no one ever helped him.
But we all know how much compassion and care Rinpoche has for EVERYONE… Rinpoche takes care of us and everytime we go for His resident to hear teachings, Rinpoche will make us feel like we are home! The lonely kid in the past turned into someone who has great care and love for everyone. Some people would just blame others, blame the whole world for his/her sad experience in the past. He/she would use the bad/pain experience as excuses for them to hurt others, to lie, or simply to get attention with a wrong way.
Rinpoche shows us a good example that we can heal our mind by relief others pain. 🙂
Dear Tshem Rinpoche,
Thank you for your sharing. It reminds me how important for a tight relationship in our life.
I wish your guidance can spread to more people in the world and continue receive blessing from Tsem Rinpoche.
Thanks.
Regqrds,
Venix
Dear Rinpoche
Today I had the time to read through your childhood story, from the out side you had transformed yourself totally, had overcomes, all those circumstance. How amazing your cultivation spirit was able to bring true salvation to yourself in time of great loneliness and set back.
I had grown up in a similar circumstance while I was young, my mother was married to my father in an unhappy relationship. He became abusive after a few of marriage. I had an older sister and a younger sister. My mother left my father when I was 3 y/o as she was not able to cope with the daily abuse from my father and had to move back to live with my grand parents. Shortly after that my mother also left us all 3, I was 6 at the time. First we were left with my older aunt, who also had 4 daughters herself. She was a single mother as well, during that time we were regularly abused and had to work hard daily for their local business, until late at night before we were allowed to go to sleep. We were treated no different from an animal, you have to obey their command, if they said “you stand” you have to stand, “you eat” you have to eat, and you not allow to go to bed early, I was deeply feeling sorry for my little sister, she got knock on the head almost every day by those older than her. I was powerless to defend her, as i had been abused myself. My biggest regret was, I was not able to stand up for her during those time to defend her. A few year later we were all got splits up and had to live with different relatives. But I never forgotten those time how we were treated, I didn’t care much about how I got abused and abandoned by my parents, but felt sorry for my little sister the most. I was lucky to have live with my grand mother for a few years, she regularly went to the temple to listen to Buddhas teaching, and I accompanied her there almost every weekend.
At one point my father came to my grand mother’s place and told me not to attend his wedding when he got remarried a year later. That, it was not so hard to take because I never felt the love and care from him in the first place. I lost contact with him ever since.
Later we received a letter from my mother, she arrived in Australia, and got remarried with 2 kids. We had to cross border by foots, hidden with land mines, to be as a refugee to be reunited with her again in Australia, I was at the age of 11. My greatest disappointment was, when we got reunited my mother she never made up for what had happen, not long after my little sister often got punished by mother regularly whenever my step father complained, because of little mistakes she made. I was heart broken for her, her life was full of hardship, but she was very good and intelligence girl. Later in her late 20 she committed and devoted her life to study Buddhism until now. I’m really happy for her now.
Personally, I didn’t hate my mother for what she did, I was only disappointed with her for those year of neglects and abandonment, because I know she went through a lot of hardship herself. I continued to stand by her. I never said anything to her whenever i got abused by my step father, most of the time it was mental abused. Because I didn’t want her to be worried, a few years after I finished high school, I founded out he cheated on my mother. If not for the regular argument ans abuse on my mother, I would not have interfered and kick him out, there was no happiness, the argument was almost daily. I believe I done the right thing, a year or two later he got married again. That was the last time I heard about him.
Since that time I worked hard to support her financially. Now, my mother is also practicing Buddhism, but she never acknowledge her past mistakes, I felt it was important in order to have closure.
Today, I read your story, you went through many difficulty and overcomes many set back, you receive many praises and admiration from me. Your are my source of inspiration by giving the care and love, and not expecting anything back. You are a true Bodhisattva Rinpoche. Thanks you for sharing.
Dear Ven Rimpoche, I’m touched by your sentiment. I just feel weepy to go through your life story. Please keep up your spirits. Your sentiments and love has got strong effect on my mentality. I hope and wish your mom will realise her mistake in abandoning you. My prayer, hugs and kisses to your Eminence.
I’m close to you every time, because I always go through your blog, though comments were not given.
thank you.
Tshering
Rinpoche,I always read ur page,today reading about ur childhood made me cry so much.It is so heartaching…I m ur great fan plz bless me!!
I am so sad and were tearful tear from my eye..wen i reads your childhood story…its really touch my heart..and glad to meet you Rinpoche once but wat to do ..i know it is not possible la….so any way wat ever its happen its happen for good ..that much i know la….so i will be connected to u through mail la…beacause i have to learn so many things fron you la..and more over i love to learn religious la…till than have a good days n take care la…..
It is very warm hearted read this post. Rinpoche finally meet up and manage to reunion with Rinpoche’s uncle after 36 years. To meet Kwan Mama and her brother, who used to take care of Rinpoche when there was not one else did. They are the only people who gave Rinpoche love and kindness. Now they are old especially Rinpoche’s uncle. Rinpoche came back to Taiwan to meet all of them and wanted to repay their kindness by giving them powerful blessings and teachings. To make sure all of them are fine and healthy. Rinpoche’s blessings and teachings are priceless. I hope in future I will be able to meet Kwan Mama and the brother also Rinpoche’s uncle. May be Ms Han and I can go together!
I had the fortune to visit Ms Kuan and Mr Kuan in Taiwan. They are very humble and their care and love towards Rinpoche is unconditional.
I told myself, whenever I visit Taiwan again, I will visit them and bring gifts to repay their kindness for taking good care of Rinpoche.
I just couldn’t hold myself from tears reading Rinpoche’s story and most of all the kindness of Mr.Kuan and Ms.Kuan touched my heart. I’m deeply inspired to practice compassion diligently! Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this. With Great Reverence, Deki.
Dearest Rinpoche:
Nice to have a chance to meet you at the Maha Vihara temple.Appreciate to have fate to meeting you,sad to know that your child hood story.Past is past,the important things is you to convert your love to us ,might be this is an universal power to arrange you with us,to share the love and kindless amount us.Guide more people and help them to glow with kindless,love and peace.
Regards,
Phoebe
Dearest Rinpoche,
Thank you for very much for the video and I get to listen to the mantra in the video. It is emotional for me to watch the video and having to meet someone who care for you during your childhood days and they are now old. As I mentioned earlier that my previous job in a marketing company takes most of my for practice. I am glad that I am able to listen to the mantra once again. Yes, I will re-start my practice again and not be lazy.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your life and opening your heart.. we are all so Blessed to have You in our lives .
A little Buddha living amongst the Taiwanese in Taipei…. a non-fiction. They must have some good karmic link ….
I’ve always tried to put myself in Rinpoche’s shoes and when i do it successfully I can’t help but feel somewhat emo reading this.
I’ve read sort of the same content many times, still gets me sometimes.
Growing up with so much attention and care I can still have complaints growing up. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for Rinpoche when he was that young.
Thank you for the teaching of gratitude to all the people who have stopped by our lives. Some seen, some unseen, some known , some unknown, some for a briefest of moments and some for a lifetime.
May I be able to repay all their kindnesses….
When i looked at the pictures and excerpts in this posting and the other (more extensive) one, on Rinpochela’s life story, i was very overwhelmed. It practically had all the episodes of a tear-jerker movie! It could really tug off your heartstrings! If i had to go through all those hardships, i would have shattered to pieces! HOWEVER, Rinpochela TRANSCENDED them – and in following his life story, we must LEARN to be strong too. i think if we just regard it as another ordinary life story, it would be in vain for Rinpochela to tell his life story; and do no justice to those wonderful people in the U.S. getting the details of the story. Most of all, THANK YOU RINPOCHELA, for sharing your life story!
Dear Rinpoche,
I’m happy for you that you are able to re-unite with Ms. Kuan and Mr. Kuan who took care of you when you were little after 36 years apart. Your perseverence in repaying back the kindness of those who took great care of you when you were a kid set a great example for us to be grateful and always remember the kindness of others at all times and to repay back the kindness of others in anyway possible.
Thank you for sharing the oral transmission for long life mantra of Je Tsongkhapa. Thank you.
Dearest Rinpoche,
Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I cried a lot, reading about your sufferings growing up.
I am female, in my late 30’s and endured beatings and racism from 2 step fathers and then bashings from my real father growing up, I also had suicide attempts, sleeping in the street, cold, hungry the times I ran away, until I could bear no more and I left home when I was 15yo. I am not complaining, I feel great compassion for my step fathers and father.
And on a lighter note, I also get asked if I’m italian, thai, african, spanish, indian, phillipino, french haha
I somehow picked up my first dharma book when I was 12yo, and have since travelled to Tibet, with regular crips to India and Nepal.
I now own half a diamond company, but from deep in my heart, I have always wanted to be a nun, I am yet to ask one of my Precious Guru’s if this is what I am to do…
Rinpoche, I am so happy I found you.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for this wonderful account of your journey to Taiwan and back into time. It is really moving and I often come to this page to relive Rinpoche’s poignant childhood. Kuan Mama is quite right, you do look similar to your childhood pictures. You were exceptionally adorable and very photogenic which makes it heart-wrenching to know what you went through. The photos are very beautiful and nostalgic. Perhaps, one day they will be the locations for a wonderful movie of Rinpoche’s life that will inspire many to the Dharma. I found the part that moved me the most was when Rinpoche said that you will show kindness to others in remembrance of the kindness Kuan Mama and her brother.
Thank you Rinpoche for posting the video on 21 Sep 2010. I listen to the 5-line Migtsema to learn the correct pronounciation. Re: Tsem Rinpoche meeting How Mama. I am trying to understand why the 3 verse Du Pung Ma Lu Jom Dzey Sang Wey Dag (as we learnt from the prayer book) is different from the video above.
As I already mentioned, this form of migtzeyma is the LONG LIFE VERSION so the third line has a variation different than the one we are use to. This form I am giving oral transmission to is to help increase a person’s life. Both forms are ok. Tsem Tulku
Rinpoche. Thank you for the explanation & clarification.
Every naration of Rinpoche’s childhood would always bring tears to my eyes. Imagine at such a young age he was being abused by his caretaker Shi Mama who does not care about him but only for the money that was paid for the babysitting I guess. But lucky for Rinpoche Ms Kuan Rinpoche’s mom school mate and Mr Kuan her brother would often visit Rinpoche at Shi Mama to give some happiness and love to Rinpoche until the age of 7 years when Rinpoche was sent to US to be adopted by Mongolian parents. Here again Rinpoche suffered at the hands of his stepmother who happen to be sufferring from an illness and he would be abused again. Even when Rinpoche became a monk he was suffering in the Monastery due to malnutrition. Rinpoche must be a Bodhisattva to endure these sufferings to show us an example of what sufferings are and to appreciate those who have been kind to us.
Rinpoche, what was your Chinese name back then?
(I live near your old school!)
My Chinese name at that time was 葛宜山
Dear Rinpoche,after resd through rinpoche’s childhood life for couple of times,what inspired me most is the great loving kindness/compassion that rinpoche heritaged even though rinpoche had struck by tough conditions which it is unbearable to most of us, i guess.
A picture explain all the good quality of rinpoche being a sincere and diligent great guru to set people free from suffering and we are so lucky enough to link with rinpoche due to good karma seed planted for many eons.
We can see rinpoche strong determination on doing dharma works to benefit more peoples of the ten direction after divination was made by H.E Zong rinpoche.When we are down and upset by obstacles,this great quality will come automatically in my mind and all the unhappiness gone,because it is just like a small peas compared to the hardness that rinpoche went through.
Thank for rinpoche again and may the buddha bless rinpoche to have good health and continuously loose a rain of realisation to the heart of his student.
It is so amazing that even though Rinpoche has a very tough and difficult childhood, yet Rinpoche did not let those negative imprints pulled him down but Rinpoche did the opposite by transforming those imprints to become such a great Guru with a big heart filled with unconditional love and compassion.
Dearest Rinpoche,
Reading this in the privacy of my office den, I am very filled with emotions. I am very much in a reflective mode…having read your touching blog and the many heartfelt sharing from our Dharma brothers and sisters.
Thank you very much for sharing your life stories – such personal snippets which are episodes filled with so much love, understanding, kindness. The way they are dealt and turned around with positive strides and not let one ounce of bitterness creep into the heart… but instead be filled with loving kindness… something that is so very difficult to do in our daily context.
My heart is filled with warmth, inspiration and aspiration to be a truly better person.
With Folded Hands +
Love
Ling
I would also like to add that i appreciate very much the photos of Rinpoche with the Mr Kuan, both the b&w ones showing Rinpoche as a child leaning against Mr. Kuan, and the next photo of Mr Kuan bowing to Rinpoche. The tenderness in the second photo especially is cutting. The contrast of the two photos. And the reminder that kindness breeds even greater kindness and kindness finds its way back…in an even bigger form.
Thank you once again Rinpoche and thank you so much Mr. Kuan.
When i read Rinpoche’s post and Andrew’s comments, I felt ashamed of myself. So often i have used bitter and painful memories of the past as alibis and reasons to why i am not as good a human being as i know i can be and should be.
Because we have been hurt does not qualify us to respond in kind, nor does it mean we must live our life in denial and “hidden”. It doesn’t mean we need to harden our hearts to the point we become de-sensitized.
With Rinpoche’s harnessing of a painful childhood and turning it into compassion and love…perhaps its easier to say “yes,…but he is a Rinpoche…” With Andrew being so kind, gentle and so true despite having gone through pain…well, there can be no excuse.
Thank you Rinpoche. And thank you Andrew. I shall try and do better.
Much love.
Dearest Rinpoche,
Reading through what Rinpoche has written brought tears to my eyes. I could not stop the tears flowing as I could to a certain extent understand what Rinpoche must have gone through. I may not have endured such hardship but with an almost non existant father and a very hardworking but very independant mother, I know what it is like to not fully understand or know the people who are suppose to be ones we are meant to be close with.
I too yearned for love from a very tender age and I learnt in growing up that if I could not get the love I wanted, the very least I could do was give it! This gave me some happiness I found as I would sometimes see the glimmer of a smile or appreciation from the person. By giving I mean simple things I could do as a child, for example, with my mother I would make her tea or bring her something to eat or drink, cleaning and decorating the home (even though we had housekeepers) in the hopes my mother would see the change or difference and she would be happy about it, combing her hair, picking outfits for her to wear when she goes out for functions and complimenting on the way she looks, etc.
If and when my father was around, I would get him his drinks, his ashtray when he needed it and clean it after, try to talk to him (as he was a man of few words) and often I would try to come between my parents when an argument persist in the hopes they would stop when I was around (not often the case as I would on many occasions be sent to my room and I would have my ears glued to the door and crying as I heard them scream and shout at each other). I swore to myself from as young as I could remember I would never hurt another person that way… and sometimes I even thought it was all my fault that they were fighting (I would come up with very creative ways of convincing myself why I am the reason for their unhappiness: e.g. being a 2nd child perhaps they wanted a daughter and not another son?). I do love them and respect them because they are my parents and they gave me life so to speak and that will not change.
I dont know why I am saying all this to Rinpoche but I felt most melancholy having read your post and I wanted to share a little of my life which I know Rinpoche probably knows already.
Thank you Rinpoche for accepting me as I am and for making me feel so welcome from the moment we met. I have never said this to Rinpoche in so many words but I am truly happy to be here serving Rinpoche and I hope I have the merits to continue doing so for the rest of my life and beyond. I now have truly another person in my life where I trust and love implicitly that gives me a reason to carry on whenever my past memories haunt me.
I shall endure to keep in mind that without the experiences I have gone through perhaps I would not be where I am now, so therefore I shall rejoice in my understanding that by having had the opportunity to go through what I have gone through, has hopefully made me a better person and not whollow in self pity and bitterness.
With much love… Andrew
Dearest Rinpoche,
Thank you so much for sharing your childhood stories. This makes me and I’m sure many, many more out there,feel so lucky to have a normal childhood. I was most overwhelmed with emotions when I read of your rotten teeth when you were a kid and when I saw the pics of your reunion with the Kuans. So, so touching and heart wrenching.
Nevertheless, I am very happy and proud that you managed to overcome all adversities to be who you are today – an extremely caring and devoted Guru/Lama and an inspiration to one and all. I have not met you or heard you live in person but just by following your teachings online, I have gained so much knowledge and wisdom on spirituality. I wish from the very bottom of my heart that you will be around for as long as possible and always in the best of health to be the pillar of strength to the Sangha.
Love you in Dharma <3
Dearest and beloved Tsem Tulku Rimpoche, thank you for posting these videos, especially the upper one with the Lama Tsongkapa empowerment.
LOVE from Knut
Dear Rinpoche,
The photos Rinpoche has posted on this article are meaningful as they allow us to share Rinpoche’s history, like they say, “a picture paints a thousand words”. Whenever I read about Rinpoche’s past and how much unhappiness Rinpoche endured, my heart aches to merely just read about it, I can’t even begin to phantom the pain Rinpoche went through. Yet, Rinpoche is here with us with all the compassion for each of us. Rinpoche shows us all so much love and care. I think that if any of us clowns ever even went through 10% of what Rinpoche went through we would be vengeful monsters making the whole world suffer for our sadness and suffering.
It is admirable how Rinpoche is truly Compassion in Motion. It is from Rinpoche I learn the meaning of compassion, love and true kindness.
I could not agree more with my sister’s comment here. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your life with us through this blog.
With folded hands, li Kim
Rinpoche is like a peacock likened to the Bodhisattvas, who “strives on the essence of poisonous plants” that is likened to suffering and pain of samsara.
Despite all the unhappiness experienced, Rinpoche is still most loving, kind, giving and forgiving.
The part that made the most impact was when Rinpoche said: “I guess over the years, I had less and less reason to smile…..because in my teenage years living on my own in Los Angeles, people commented I should smile more” because:
1) This is an illustration of what happens to people as we grow up. As many of us do not have the good fortune to meet a kind Guru and the Dharma, we may not manage to rise from such negative experiences. This shows us how urgently important it is to share the Dharma so that more people will get a chance to be happy.
2) It is shameful that great beings like Rinpoche will sacrifice their bliss and return to samsara so that they will benefit us. Therefore, like Liew said, we must at the very least practice Guru devotion in appreciation for all the hardship Rinpoche has taken to bring us the greatest gift of all – Dharma.
Thank you, Rinpoche, for coming down to our level and relating to us whereby we are able to “get it”. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this story and using Rinpoche’s every resource, including Rinpoche’s tough past, as an opportunity for us to learn and grow better from.
Dear Rinpoche thanks for sharing your childhood story.I felt very lucky that my parent never give up on me when I was small and granted me a happy childhood memories.Although I cannot repay all their kindness in this life but I would dedicate my puja to them everyday till my last breath.Here I would like to thanks our Rinpoche again for teaching us Dharma and your heartfelt compassion and gratitutes really touches my family and I.
I sincerely thank Rinpoche for such a nice story on his childhood. I think it is very good that we can know our Lama very well. Many people in our lives inspire us even if we do not know it. I hope that all Rinpoche’s relatives will have very good, very happy lives. I think that Rinpoche looks very cute in his old pictures.
Dear Rinpoche ,
Its so so so sad to read about your childhood , i am sure most of us in Malaysia dont go through such hardships and still after all that you become who you are today.
In comparisons whatever hardships we go through everyday its simply incomparable to what you gone through. I am humilify by your experience. I hope every Kecharians will stay loyal to you and do whatever they are told to do , to do so without question , without any doubt , with full sincerity just to repay your kindness and to show full gratitude to ALL of your work here in this country that only benefits ourself and people around us.
Kechara has grown by leaps and bounds due to the dedication of its people and their understanding and commitments due to your teachings. Without you many many of Kecharians might be still a lost soul.
We are nothing yet we can be something.
With Much Much Love ,
ck liew.
It is really great to be able to recall your childhood and proudly put in writing. I believe there are great learnings and merit we can pick up. It is wonderful sharing to be reconnected again after 36 years and also be able to perform special puja. Hopefully more ppl can continue receive blessing from H.E.Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your life and opening your heart to all of us..We are so blessed to have you in our lives.
ur such a beautiful baby. the one photo with mr kuan u can see the dimples u still have <3
There are many people in our lives who did a lot of kindness to us, at the same time, there are also some people who did the not-so-good things to us. Most of us will remember the not-so-good experience and dwell into that, and forgot most of the kindness given to us.
I sincerely thank Rinpoche for sharing this inspiring story. It reminds me to focus on the kindness of human kind, and if we don’t spread the love now, then when?