My Grandmother
My beloved grandmother, the Queen, Dechen Minh of Xinjiang. I miss her so much. ~ Tsem Rinpoche
Queen Dechen is Tsem Rinpoche’s maternal grandmother and married to Mingyur Wang, the ruler of Xinjiang. They belong to the Torghut tribe of the Kalmyk-Mongol people and the following account tells the story of Rinpoche’s early childhood in Taiwan. Several months after Rinpoche was born, Princess Dewa Nimbo called her former schoolmate, Ms. Kwan, to her rented room. She told Ms. Kwan that she was going to the United States to get married, and because she was worried that Queen Dechen would be lonely after she left, they adopted a baby brother. At this point, Dewa Nimbo asked Ms. Kwan to visit Queen Dechen and the boy often after she left for the United States. Ms. Kwan believed her friend’s story and promised to visit them often.
After Dewa Nimbo left in 1967, Ms. Kwan visited the boy and Queen Dechen every week after that. Later, Queen Dechen told Ms. Kwan that she could not take care of the boy anymore, so she hired a nanny. Unfortunately, she was displeased with the nanny’s care for the boy. Thus, with the help of her family attendant, Tu Mama, they found a foster family, Shi Mama and her husband, who would take care of the boy for USD50 per month. The boy was told that Shi Mama and her husband were his parents, and he believed what he was told. Although the boy did not live with Queen Dechen anymore, Ms. Kwan continued to visit the boy every week. The boy fondly called her Kwan Mama.
Rinpoche with his beloved grandmother in America
One day, she suggested Queen Dechen to enrol the boy in a kindergarten so he could play with children his age. To her surprise, Queen Dechen told her that Dewa Nimbo was looking for a foster family who would be willing to adopt the boy in the United States. If all went well, Queen Dechen would travel to the United States with the boy. Kwan Mama was reluctant to see the boy go to such a faraway place, but there was nothing she could do. So she borrowed a camera and took several pictures with the boy as keepsakes. She told Shi Mama to call her immediately when there was confirmation as to when the boy would depart to the United States.
Two weeks later, Kwan Mama went to Queen Dechen’s house, however, no one was home. She asked around, and one neighbour told her that Queen Dechen had terminated the lease to the house and moved out. Kwan Mama rushed to Shi Mama’s place and also found that she had moved to another place. Following this, Kwan Mama assumed that the boy had left for the United States. Little did she know, Shi Mama had lost her contact information, and the boy was still in Taiwan for several more years. Queen Dechen came to visit the boy from time to time. Before she came, the boy would be washed and dressed in nice clothes. She always brought candies, treats, toys and clothes whenever she visited. However, the boy was only allowed to play and enjoy the gifts in her presence. As soon as she left, the toys, the treats and the clothes were taken away.
On one of these visits, Queen Dechen brought the boy a toy horse. The horse was beige in colour, and it was strong, on wheels, and had springs. The wheels were hidden under the hooves. When the boy rode on it, it would gently bounce and move. The boy had never seen or had such a wonderful toy. He was amazed and happy. Unfortunately, Queen Dechen only stayed for a few hours. After she left, Shi Mama and her husband took the toy horse away, and the boy never saw the horse again except for that one time.
When the boy was six going on seven years old, Queen Dechen came and told the boy that they were going to the United States. The boy said goodbye to Shi Mama and went with Queen Dechen on a Pan Am flight to the United States. In the summer of 1972, the boy and Queen Dechen landed at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York. They were greeted by Dewa Nimbo who had since married. The boy was bewildered in the new environment. They stayed overnight at Dewa Nimbo’s house in Philadelphia. Queen Dechen introduced Dewa as her daughter. Dewa Nimbo did not introduce herself as the boy’s mother, instead, she introduced herself as the boy’s aunt. That night, Queen Dechen told the boy that she was his grandmother and he should never forget this fact. She also informed him that he is a Buddhist, and he should recite Avalokiteshvara‘s mantra ‘Om Mani Peme Hung’ often.
Rinpoche reunited with his royal grandmother, Queen Dechen Minh in Taiwan just before she passed away.
The next day, Queen Dechen introduced the boy to another set of ‘real’ parents, Dana and Boris Bugayeff and a ‘new’ sister, Lidshma. This other set of ‘real’ parents created confusion in the boy’s mind, but he reluctantly obeyed and accepted his ‘real’ family. The boy was taken in a big white Ford LTD car to a big house that sits on a half-acre piece of land in Howell, New Jersey. She stayed with them for a while and helped to translate, which helped the young boy get used to his new family.
Epilogue: Interview of Queen Dechen and
Princess Dewa Nimbo
These two audio files are a recording of an interview done by Dr Fred Adelman, an anthropologist and student of a famous professor of Mongolian studies, Professor Nicholas Poppe of University of Washington. Dr Adelman had visited Queen Dechen who was 63 years old at that time, to ask her about what she knew of the Torghuts. Rinpoche’s mother Princess Dewa Nimbo acted as the interpreter.
Amongst other things, Princess Dewa Nimbo explained that Queen Dechen’s husband or the King Migyur (Migyur Wang), is a descendent of Ayuka Khan and is a Noyin and that Princess Dewa Nimbo, together with her father, had met famous painter, Tibetologist and practitioner, Nicholas Roerich before.
The audio files are part of the Indiana University Center for Language Technology (CeLT) archives.
Source: http://celt.indiana.edu/portal/languages/kalmyk/archive.html#menu
For more interesting information:
- The Promise – Tsem Rinpoche’s inspiring biography now in ebook format!
- My Short Bio in Pictures
- I Like This Picture of My Mother
- Tsem Rinpoche’s Torghut Ancestry | 詹杜固仁波切的土尔扈特血统
- My Childhood in Taiwan…Revisiting…
- My Father
- My Uncle
- My Grandfather the Ruler of Xinjiang
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The great Protector Manjushri Dorje Shugden depicted in the beautiful Mongolian style. I hope many Mongolians will print out this image and place in their houses to create an affinity with Dorje Shugden for greater blessings. To download a high resolution file: https://bit.ly/2Nt3FHz
The powerful Mongolian nation has a long history and connection with Manjushri Dorje Shugden, as expressed in the life of Venerable Choijin Lama, a State Oracle of Mongolia who took trance of Dorje Shugden among other Dharma Protectors. Read more about Choijin Lama: https://bit.ly/2GCyOUZ
1984 Los Angeles-Left to right: Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen, His Holiness Kyabje Zong Rinpoche, monk assistant to Zong Rinpoche and the 18-year-old Tsem Rinpoche prior to ordination. Read more- https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/category/me
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A poem inspired by seeing a picture of my teacher, Kyabje Zong Rinpoche…
In the sport of correct views,
all that is correct is just a view,
without permanence or substance.
As long as we hold onto views,
our sufferings are gathered
to be experienced without end.
Without the strong methods of emptiness
and compassion, bereft of merit,
we sink deeper without respite.
To arise from this samsara is but
a dreamscape on the deluded mind.
Therefore seek the guru, who confers the yidam,
hold your vows and fixate on liberation
free of new creations. Free of new experiences as
there are none.
~ Tsem Rinpoche
Composed in Tsem Ladrang, Kuala Lumpur on July 7, 2014
I was walking past a second hand shop on Western Ave selling old things. They had a Japanese-style clay Buddha which was beige in colour on the floor, holding the door open. I thought the shopkeeper would collect a lot of negative karma without knowing if he kept such a holy item on the floor as a doorstop. So I went in to talk to him, but he didn’t look like he wanted to talk or that he even cared. So I asked him the price and he said US$5. I purchased it so he did not collect more negative karma. I was 17 years old and that was in 1982.
I escorted my new Buddha home and washed it lightly and wiped it. I placed it on my altar and was happy with the Buddha. I would do my meditations, prayers, sadhanas, mantras and prostrations in front of this shrine daily. When I left for India in 1987, I could not bring this Buddha along and gave it to a friend. It was a nice size and I made offerings to this Buddha for many years in Los Angeles. In front of the Buddha I placed His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s photo. I remember I was so relieved that the price was affordable. But US$5 that time was still expensive for me but worth it I thought. But I was happy to have brought the Buddha home. Tsem Rinpoche
https://www.tsemrinpoche.com
Tsem Rinpoche at Kechara Forest Retreat, Bentong, Malaysia
H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche is very devoted to his root guru, H.H. Zong Rinpoche.
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It is very beautiful. You look a lot like her.
Dear Pilar, Thank you. If you think I look like her, to me it’s a compliment. Thank you. I love her very much. TR
Dear Rinpoche,
I really find the bit where you wanted to give others what you didint have very moving indeed. Personally i never really encountered real friendship since i was young and most of my friends were either fleeting or wishy washy. They would not hesitate to dump me if they had to get into the favor of another person. And stupid, silly me craved for sincere friendship and demanded from almost anyone who is friendly enough to me but never really wanted to give any back.
But ever since i met you, i have opened up now to at least give trust, security and friendship to others although not 100% but at least about 70% (the most i can manage now) because……Rinpoche has taught me to give to others what we dont have instead of demanding it. That teaching has changed the direction of my mind and it is now working towards that direction.
Thank you Rinpoche for your precious teachings. I can feel that with every blogpost and Dharma talk I attend, my mind improves…
His Eminence Tsem Tulku Rinpoche shows great care and affection towards his grandmother. We should all love our grandparents like that now if they are alive as we cannot see in to the future as they might die very quickly, we do not know what would happen! Usually, the grandparents care for their grandchildren the most. I have seen videos were the grandmother cannot remember her own son and daughter’s name but can remember her granddaughter’s name. Rinpoche’s Grandmother really loved him and sent him to the United States of America so that Rinpoche may have a better life. May Buddha bless her soul !
Rinpoche’s grandmother, Queen Dechen was the first person to look after Rinpoche when Rinpoche was born in a hospital in Taipei. Queen Dechen had taken care of infant Rinpoche from the first day he was brought home from the hospital until he was sent to his baby sitter Shih Ma when Queen Dechen could no longer cope. I believe during this period of time when infant Rinpoche was with his grandmother, they have created a special bonding of love between them – a grandmother and grandson. Even if Rinpoche as a Lama has not touched his grandmother’s life this life time, I believe strongly there is always a second time during her next life time as Queen Dechen has created the bonding and merits to be with Rinpoche again and at that time Rinpoche can tremendously help and benefit her.
I love it whenever Rinpoche talks about his grandmother. It’s nice to know that at least Rinpoche has one of his family members who really cared for him.
I remembered once when Rinpoche told us that his grandmother used to buy gifts for Rinpoche whenever she comes to visit him. And one of the gifts was a cowboy costumes which Rinpoche and his grandmother took a picture together. See
http://www.kechara.com/rinpoche/biography/4-a-childhood-in-taiwan/
Also from this article, you can see how frail Rinpoche’s grandmother was when she was in Taiwan before she passed away. This shows no matter how rich, royal, poor or “normal” you are, the law of impermanence applies to everyone. She was a royalty and she passed away in an old folks home in taiwan. I’m so glad that she has the merits for Rinpoche to visit her before she passed away as I know Rinpoche has blessed her,
Rinpoche’s grandmother was one of the very few people that showed love and kindness to Rinpoche during Rinpoche’s childhood days.
I remember how Rinpoche cherished the moments when Rinpoche’s grandmother visited Rinpoche, bringing with her toys and most of all the love she has for Rinpoche. These were the very few moments where Rinpoche’s foster parents would show ‘kindness’, to Rinpoche.
It is a pity Rinpoche’s grandmother past away in an old folks’ home alone. For a lady who has so much love and care for others, she deserves better.
This showed me no matter how much attachment we have in this world, at our death bed there is nothing we can hold on to except the karma that we have created in our life time.
No one can help us except the merits and positive karma that we managed to collect. Hence, we should always look at the bigger picture in benefitting other and not dwell so much into the ‘ME’ syndrome that can drag us down to the lower realms!!!
When Rinpoche went to Taiwan he met up with his Grandmother who was then quite emaciated, though she had memory lapses she immediately remembered Rinpoche and cried. I’m so glad that Rinpoche’s Grandmother doted on him whenever she could, they weren’t many people who showed love to Rinpoche when he was younger in Taiwan.
I wish my Grandmother taught me OM MANI PEME HUNG, or that she had some Dharma within her, many things would be so different in our lives. I only knew my maternal grandmother, the rest of my grandparents passed away by the time I was born.
Dear Paris,
When your a kid, not many people are genuinely kind or loving of you, or make you feel you really belong, then when someone does give you those feelings,YOU NEVER FORGET.
That’s what my grandma gave me. I missed her all my life for it.
I try to give that feeling to everyone now because it is so needed.
Tsem Tulku
A real lady, a real queen – someone who truly cared for people.
It was Rinpoche’s grandmother who taught him his first prayer, OM MANI PEME HUNG, and who showed him the first bit of kindness in his life. Her visits to his foster family (where he was often abused, neglected and not fed) were the few precious moments of respite and happiness that he can still remember to this day.
She was quite cheeky too – perhaps a little of that passed on to Rinpoche now! It was her who would slip in little hints of who Rinpoche really was and his family. She would tell him directly, “I’m your grandmother!” in between conversations hen no one was listening.
I have just celebrated my grandmother’s 91st birthday and dread the inevitable day when she leaves this realm. I can imagine how much Rinpoche misses his grandmother, especially as she was one of the few people in his childhood who truly loved him and showed him affection.
Rinpoche had a challenging childhood and you can see more pictures and read about his parents and grandparents here: (http://tsemtulku.com/biography/royal-descent/)
I found the photos of Rinpoche with his grandmother in an old folks home (http://tsemtulku.com/biography/a-childhood-in-taiwan/) very touching. It’s very sad when old folks, like Rinpoche’s grandmother, are not well looked after or do not have visitors. We too will grow old one day (hopefully), and I very much support Rinpoche’s wish to have an old folks home in the future as I hope to be there in my sunset years too – with my Dharma family!
Tsetchi, she was a beautiful lady inside and out, and Beng’s comment tells us why.
Maybe it’s just my experience, but grandmothers tend to be lovely people who put up with a lot for the sake of their families, but always do it with such smiling faces and so much grace. They show us dharma without wearing robes. I know my grandmother was like that, a very beautiful graceful lady, who smiled despite everything. My mother set up and sponsored Tara House in dedication of my grandmother, before KH was even established so the members then would have somewhere to gather. I remember those days when during dharma teachings, there really wasn’t enough space – we would all cram into the tiny townhouse, and there’d be people filling up every available area, sitting on the stairs, in the backrooms, on top of each other…actually, kind of like KH1 now, which is why we’re expanding to the new gompa!
I think everything about Rinpoche’s life, from beginning up to the current moment, has been for the Dharma and he has transformed all of his experiences to teach us Dharma, and give us the opportunity to practise Dharma…which is kindness. His grandmother’s suffering in her old age has inspired him to set up an old folks’ home, just like how his experiences as a homeless teenager inspired him to set up Kechara Soup Kitchen.
Anyway, I hope we all treasure our grandmothers who give us so much, and ask for so little. If there’s anyone I miss now, it’s my grandmother who filled my childhood with many happy memories, as did Rinpoche’s grandmother do for his.
I love it when Rinpoche tells us about his childhood days in Taiwan and New Jersey, when Rinpoche and his grandmother still spent a fair amount of time together. His grandmother was one of the few people who was kind to him when he was a child, and used to bring him treats of toys, clothes and candy. She would also visit him often to make sure he was ok.
Rinpoche’s grandmother passed away in an old folks home in Taiwan – she didnt have many visitors and her last weeks would probably have been lonely and quiet. Rinpoche actually went to visit her in Taiwan and was very upset because she was all alone yet he could not do anything to improve her quality of life because he didnt have much money at that time.
Rinpoche has recently spoken about his wish to start an old folks home sometime in the future, in dedication to his grandmother’s memory and so that the elderly may have a safe place where they will be cared for and loved until their last days. It is by Rinpoche’s example just like the one above, that we are all reminded to treasure and repay the kindness of our parents and grandparents.
See these photos of Rinpoche’s grandmother: http://www.kechara.com/rinpoche/biography/4-a-childhood-in-taiwan/
She was so beautiful !