10 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People
Happiness comes in so many different forms that it can be hard to define.
Unhappiness, on the other hand, is easy to identify; you know it when you see it, and you definitely know when it’s taken hold of you.
Unhappiness is lethal to everyone around you, like secondhand smoke.
The famous “Terman Study” from Stanford followed subjects for eight decades and found that being around unhappy people is linked to poorer health and a shorter life span.
Happiness has much less to do with life circumstances than you might think.
A University of Illinois study found that people who earn the most (more than $10 million annually) are only a smidge happier than the average Joes and Janes who work for them.
Life circumstances have little to do with happiness because much happiness is under your control — the product of your habits and your outlook on life.
Psychologists from the University of California who study happiness found that genetics and life circumstances only account for about 50% of a person’s happiness. The rest is up to you.
“The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.” —Benjamin Franklin
Unhappy habits
When people are unhappy, it’s much more difficult to be around them, let alone work with them. Unhappiness drives people away, creating a vicious cycle that holds you back from achieving everything that you’re capable of.
Unhappiness can catch you by surprise. So much of your happiness is determined by your habits (in thought and deed) that you have to monitor them closely to make certain that they don’t drag you down into the abyss.
Some habits lead to unhappiness more than others do. You should be especially wary of the 10 habits that follow as they are the worst offenders. Watch yourself carefully to make certain that these habits are not your own.
Waiting for the future
Telling yourself “I’ll be happy when … ” is one of the easiest unhappy habits to fall into. How you end the statement doesn’t really matter (it might be a promotion, more pay, or a new relationship) because it puts too much emphasis on circumstances, and improved circumstances don’t lead to happiness.
Don’t spend your time waiting for something that’s proved to have no effect on your mood. Instead, focus on being happy right now, in the present moment, because there’s no guarantee of the future.
Spending too much time and effort acquiring “things”
People living in extreme poverty experience a significant increase in happiness when their financial circumstances improve, but it drops off quickly above $20,000 in annual income. There’s an ocean of research that shows that material things don’t make you happy.
When you make a habit of chasing things, you are likely to become unhappy because, beyond the disappointment you experience once you get them, you discover that you’ve gained them at the expense of the real things that can make you happy, such as friends, family, and hobbies.
Staying home
When you feel unhappy, it’s tempting to avoid other people. This is a huge mistake as socializing, even when you don’t enjoy it, is great for your mood.
We all have those days when we just want to pull the covers over our heads and refuse to talk to anybody, but understand that the moment this becomes a tendency, it destroys your mood. Recognize when unhappiness is making you antisocial, force yourself to get out there and mingle, and you’ll notice the difference right away.
Seeing yourself as a victim
Unhappy people tend to operate from the default position that life is both hard and out of their control. In other words, “Life is out to get me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” The problem with that philosophy is that it fosters a feeling of helplessness, and people who feel helpless aren’t likely to take action to make things better.
While everyone is certainly entitled to feel down every once in a while, it’s important to recognize when you’re letting this affect your outlook on life. You’re not the only person that bad things happen to, and you do have control over your future as long as you’re willing to take action.
Pessimism
Nothing fuels unhappiness quite like pessimism. The problem with a pessimistic attitude, beyond it being hard on your mood, is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you expect bad things, you’re more likely to get bad things.
Pessimistic thoughts are hard to shake off until you recognize how illogical they are. Force yourself to look at the facts, and you’ll see that things are not nearly as bad as they seem.
Complaining
Complaining itself is troubling as well as the attitude that precedes it. Complaining is a self-reinforcing behavior. By constantly talking — and therefore thinking — about how bad things are, you reaffirm your negative beliefs.
While talking about what bothers you can help you feel better, there’s a fine line between complaining being therapeutic and it fueling unhappiness. Beyond making you unhappy, complaining drives other people away.
Blowing things out of proportion
Bad things happen to everybody. The difference is that happy people see them for what they are — a temporary bummer — whereas unhappy people see anything negative as further evidence that life is out to get them.
A happy person is upset if they have a fender bender on the way to work, but they keep things in perspective: “What a hassle, but at least it wasn’t more serious.” An unhappy person, on the other hand, uses it as proof that the day, the week, the month, maybe even their whole life, is doomed.
Sweeping problems under the rug
Happy people are accountable for their actions. When they make a mistake, they own it. Unhappy people, on the other hand, find problems and mistakes to be threatening, so they try to hide them. Problems tend to get bigger when they’re ignored.
The more you don’t do anything about a problem, the more it starts to feel as though you can’t do anything about it, and then you’re right back to feeling like a victim.
Not improving
Because unhappy people are pessimists and feel a lack of control over their lives, they tend to sit back and wait for life to happen to them.
Instead of setting goals, learning, and improving themselves, they just keep plodding along, and then they wonder why things never change.
Trying to keep up with the Joneses
Jealousy and envy are incompatible with happiness, so if you’re constantly comparing yourself with others, it’s time to stop.
In one study, most subjects said that they’d be OK with making less money, but only if everybody else did too. Be wary of this kind of thinking as it won’t make you happy and, more often than not, has the opposite effect.
Bringing it all together
Changing your habits in the name of greater happiness is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. But it’s also important for another reason — taking control of your happiness makes everyone around you happier too.
Source: http://www.e-buddhism.com/2016/02/10-habits-of-chronically-unhappy-people.html?m=1
Please support us so that we can continue to bring you more Dharma:
If you are in the United States, please note that your offerings and contributions are tax deductible. ~ the tsemrinpoche.com blog team
We should always make our mind to be aware to not fall into this 10 habits.Many of us have these habits even at times we may not realized it.
The guidelines given in this article are helpful as they make us aware how we create our own problems.Everyone wants happiness and we should always keep that in mind as it is not only for our own benefit but also for those around us.Thank you for good article.
Sometimes it is easy to fall into unhappiness because we let our mind control it. We should control how we feel and think. The more we dwell on negativity the more we are unhappy. We should always make our mind be aware to not fall into these 10 habits. Realising nothing is permanent, we should be flexible in accepting the situation we are facing and move on.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article as it serves as a good reminder for me.
To be happy or unhappy is our own choice. We are constantly plagued in one way or another by the habits mentioned in this article thus making us dissatisfied and unhappy. When we are unhappy we create so much negativity for ourselves and those around us. When we are happy and contented, we are positive and see everything around us as beautiful. Even a simple act of helping people can also bring happiness, something I discovered after volunteering at Kechara Soup Kitchen which was founded by my Guru,
H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche. Different people have different definitions for happiness, depending on their wants in life. At the end of the day, happiness and unhappiness is not permanent. I am trying to free myself from these undesirable habits and hopefully can make a positive change in my life and people around us.
There are many factor can make us unhappy beside 10 habit has mention in above article as long we are still hold on in own emotion up and down, doing thing base on 8 wordly concern. Many people looking for more unhappiness, at the end of the day, they will still end up loneliness, sad and depression due to they still can’t let go of attachment, hold on in prejection of wordly meterial thing. More you can let go your own attachment , more happy you will be.
Being grateful and appreciative; are the keys to unlock the door of happiness.
Many people around us including ourselves can’t run away from any of the 10 habits above. Human live in samsara, tend to get influenced by things happened around us, which can affect our mood and mind. Thus, we need to always remind ourselves, although sometimes we can’t run away from unhappiness, but we need to keep in mind that whatever happen, we don’t dwell or cling on our unhappiness and also happiness. The feeling we get is only temporary. So that we will not attach to our feeling. It’s all started from ourselves, we need to learn to see things through, we need to to learn everything is not permanent in samsara, learn how to detach. By doing so, we can slowly avoid unhappiness and get rid of the habits above.
Unhappy Habits – To hold on projection of others, the things that i want and i couldn’t get it ( worldly material things, eg : money, big house, sport car and etc… ). Those things that i think is permanent and can make me happy forever ( wrong views, illusions and attachments ) in mind. That’s lead me to Suffering of mind. These thoughts was inside my mind before i meet a Dharma.
That’s my point of view:
Solutions : As an ordinary person, i learn how to Let Go of all my selfish thoughts in my mind and face the problems that i had in my mind, i couldn’t let go of the Problems ( wrong views, illusions and attachments ) in one day, but i willing to spent times to practice letting go of my Selfish thoughts day by day. Is easy to talk to others : Let go, let go and let go… If the words putting in ours daily practice ( Action and do it ), we will see the results that ours mind is changing from Unhappy to Happy.
In the article : Changing your habits in the name of greater happiness is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. But it’s also important for another reason — taking control of your happiness makes everyone around you happier too.
These negative habits have a lot of negative effects on our personal life. We are social beings and it is not good to stay apart and not communicate with others. This will bring up more and more bad habits. The guidelines given in this article are helpful as they make us aware how we create our own problems and keep increasing them.
By being aware of our mistakes, we can improve and reflect on what we need to do to change the situation.
Many of us have these 10 habits even at times we may not realized it. Happiness is like good things fall into places and with that kind of fulfilling thinking where else unhappiness is when things doesn’t work out or got screwed up. As we think deep into it, it is our mind and expectations on things we required, to achieve it on certain level. If our level expectation is high and the achievement is unreachable, of course we will be unhappy. Therefore we should learn to control our mind relevantly, be at peace and cultivate into meditation. In my opinion, spirituality will bring out our inner happiness.
What stated on the 10 habits of unhappiness is what most of us gone through. Unhappiness is impermanent and most of the time it causes from our expectation as how it should be. The longer we hold on to it the longer we suffer and could be chronic.
In term of the habits it not easy to change but we can take a small step consistently to make the different. No one is responsible for our unhappiness but ourselves. It not easy but only us can control. I believe if we focus out instead of just keep focusing on ourselves it will help us to cut down our self cherishing mind and whatever problem and issue we encountered the important thing is we do something about out it instead of sitting on it.
Why are we unhappy? Different people have different level of unhappiness.
For example: Someone dont get praise is unhappy OR someone dont get to inherit the father’s wealth is unhappy OR kids who did not get straight A’s for exam is unhappy.
This article also links back to the article about Supreme Contemplation whereby if we meditate on death , we would have let go all the attachments and not let the unhappiness get into us for so long. A while is ok. But do not let it linger on.
Interesting article really. In the end of the day when you analyse deeper into the above “tendencies” of what unhappy people tend to do, it is all caused by them being too absorbed into themselves = selfish. Thinking too much only into themselves and value themselves way bigger than others. If we are able to focus out instead of focus in then we will be less unhappy. In the end of the day all these does not matter anymore when we die.
Those habit mentioned above is most of them we have, is either light or heavy. For example complaint, some once in while complain, some complain everyday. The scary part is we repeated it many time until it become unconscious patterns. That is why mind training in Buddhism is important, it will help us to improve our mindfulness in order for us to discover the habit, acknowledge it, admit this will not bring you anyway and have willpower to find way to break it. Without willpower our habit will not change even we are strongly recognized that this habit brings us no way. As such, learning & practicing Dharma playing an important part for us to have willpower to change. We may also change our habit by keep our brain preoccupied with more fruitful activities which can benefit others but not forgetting that we need to remove the bad root and have lasting change. Read more at https://www.tsemrinpoche.com for improving yourself.
The first sentence is on the dot! The definition of happiness is different for many people. I see so many friends who feels unhappy over petty things. I do too but I keep reminding myself I shouldn’t and think of something else instead. And their level of happiness is so short because of the negativity that surround them. Even those who are not like them, drown in their negativities. Some people can talk about same incidents that happened many years ago. This shows how unhappy many of us are at different levels. Knowing that our habits are the reasons causing us unhappiness, we should push ourselves to change even if it’s just a little a day. With that little push and motivation we set for ourselves, we will definitely be ‘happier’. Always remind ourselves that laughing, crying, heart pain, jealousy, etc are just very short term hence we should focus out and keep reminding ourselves.
Every one wants to be happy but is it that easy to be happy? According to research happiness is achieved when we live EVERY MOMENT being mindful and grateful to everything we have and everything in our space.
Being unhappy is like planting the seed of a fatalistic disease upon ourselves and that which will grow and kill us. It may even be a infectious disease and then it will pollute the people around us and infect them with the same horrible disease of unhappiness.
Here are 10 bad habits which we must avoid in order to find happiness.
Both happiness and unhappiness are choices, and it is imperative for us to learn to avoid the 10 known bad habits that lead to unhappiness and cultivate the circumstances for happiness to prevail.
Great article to learn from and in creating happiness and a happy environment we can create world peace. A MUST READ.
The 10 points mentioned above are so true, that is what we done that make us unhappy and what we usually do when we are unhappy and it make us even more unhappy.
For example:
Staying home
When you feel unhappy, it’s tempting to avoid other people. This is a huge mistake as socializing, even when you don’t enjoy it, is great for your mood. We all have those days when we just want to pull the covers over our heads and refuse to talk to anybody, but understand that the moment this becomes a tendency, it destroys your mood.
This is what I normally do, I’m sure many people out there does the same thing, as this is one of the most comfortable thing to do when we are unhappy, I used to do this, but after sometime of hiding myself, i realized hiding myself does not make any good, because i will keep being unhappy, then I will go out from my ‘cave’ again.
Being happy or unhappy is not permanent, it is just temporary, so whether we want to be happy or unhappy, it is fully our choice. we decide and not let outer things decide our happiness.
“Unhappiness is lethal to everyone around you, like secondhand smoke.” This is a good one. I remember Rinpoche told me many years ago, whichever way you choose, you have to make sure you are happy, because if you are not, your children will be unhappy too. I am glad I thought deeply of my Guru’s advice and chosen the right path.
Those 10 habits above? they are the root of life. No wonder i was so unhappy and full of anger everyday. I constantly compared myself with others, felt like a victim, non stop complaining, blaming others for my own failure, jealous and kiasu till the top. I considered myself extremely scary and dangerous!!
Today when i looked back. Thank Buddha, many of the 10 habits already left me after i stopped feeding them. I have to remind myself to be conscious all the time. knowing that those habits arise, I would let them pass but sometimes too late, old habits kicked in, I will find solutions to repair my bad asap. I took years and years to shake them off. I still see them (those 10 unhappy habits) sometimes especially when I am tire and when things didn’t turned out my way. The 10 habits not only harmful and make ourselves unhappy, they are definitely hurtful and trouble maker to the people around us too. So we must watch our reactions and our words although we lost our mind during the unhappy mode is on. Other than constantly watching our minds with the 10 habits above, we can also always think of making others happy. Making others happy is the best solution to make ourselves happy that’s for sure.
I am grateful that my Dharma brothers and sisters didn’t run away yet they gave me their kindness and guidance. I am shameful that my Guru has to deal with my ugly habits, for the last 10 years. Thank you Rinpoche for your unconditional love and guidance. I do not want to waste even a moment for being unhappy because being alive as a human is simply precious. No one should waste their lives being unhappy. No one can make me unhappy but myself.
make myself happy so that people around me will be happy too.
Happy people always find for solution. Unhappy people have lots of problems. Thus, we need to try get ride of the 10 habits of unhappy people, do that sometimes we ourselves don’t realized it.
1. Waiting for the future
2.Spending time of acquiring things
3. Staying home
4.Seeing yourself as victim
5.Pessimism
6.Complaining
7. Blowing things out of proportion
8.Sweeping under the rug
9.Not improving
10.Trying to keep up with Jonesses
11.Bringing it all together
Chronically unhappy people have habituated themselves to be unhappy. Now they must rehabituate themselves and change their negative outlook and perceptions if they wish to be happy. One of the perceptions that need to be changed is looking for happiness in the uncertain future,in the hope and expectation of their wishes being fulfilled. Instead they should just find their happiness in the present. Sometimes in chasing after a dream that they hope will be realised in the future, they sacrifice some things that would make for real happiness,like friendships and love and ties of family and loved ones. “There’s an ocean of research that shows that material things don’t make you happy”.
Often people make themselves unhappy because they are habituated to be pessimistic and to think that life is out to get them. They complain a lot, and because of this they drive people away. Such people should learn to be more optimistic and to put things in the right perspective , as well as see things as they are.
In essence, negatively habituated people are in a way “too full of themselves”. They must see how most things that contribute to their unhappiness have been played out negatively and in an exaggerated way in their minds. They should be less focussed on themselves and more focussed outward towards people out there who are truly in dire need of help and support -the disadvantaged poor and the physically and mentally handicapped people, as well as animals who need love and a home.
“Life circumstances have little to do with happiness because much happiness is under your control — the product of your habits and your outlook on life”.
In short, whether you wish to be happy or to remain unhappy is entirely up to you.Let’s choose to be happy. In order to be happy, we must know what it is in our habits and in our outlook that make for unhappiness. Knowing them,we can then consciously and mindfully work to remove them and replace them by more positive habits and outlook designed to bring us happiness.
Here is an example of how unhappy people view happiness. One view is waiting for happiness in the future.”I’ll be happy when “I earn my first million” Such possible outcomes like earning your first million are subject to a lot of uncontrolled factors. Also even if you do realise your first million, you may be euphoric for a while. Later, you’ll slip back to that routine of a humdrum daily life where happiness comes in moments and leaves afterwards,leaving you empty and restless once more.
Hence, in order to realise happiness, we need to see that our present unhappiness is a result of our creating the cause for it in the past.Hence we should concentrate on the present to create the cause for happiness in the future. Being mindful of living, with a positive outlook and attitude in the present, helps us to focus on our actions and reactions to experiences, correcting wrong attitudes and projections and accepting and letting go of problems and difficult situations and people.
The above is one way in which we can change our outlook and begin to habituate ourselves with a positive outlook and attitude for happiness.
Thank you Rinpoche for this simple easy to understand article on the 10 habits of chronically unhappy people. I agree with this point, ” Because unhappy people are pessimists and feel a lack of control over their lives, they tend to sit back and wait for life to happen to them.
Instead of setting goals, learning, and improving themselves, they just keep plodding along, and then they wonder why things never change.”
I have come across some friends who always think negative everyday and that makes them feel unhappy and also people with a self cherishing mind who only want others to make them happy..
Thank you Rinpoche for this simple easy to understand article on the 10 habits of chronically unhappy people. I agree with this point, ” Because unhappy people are pessimists and feel a lack of control over their lives, they tend to sit back and wait for life to happen to them.
Instead of setting goals, learning, and improving themselves, they just keep plodding along, and then they wonder why things never change.”
I have come across some friends who always thin negative everyday and that makes them feel unhappy and also people with a self cherishing mind who only want others to make them happy..
This is a very good check of state of mind, to check how stable we are when faced with difficulties and challenges. Unless our life is so picture perfect it is impossible we can experience no setbacks or problems, but what matters is how we deal with it that is important/.
One of the best ways that Rinpoche share is the imagery of his words, it went like this, ‘If you fall down on the pavement, you get up don’t you , you don’t stay down’. I found that a powerful imagery, it is symbolic of what happens to us when we fall, as a baby or young child the moment we fall down, we will get up again, we will not stay down on the floor.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein. It logical to expect the same unhappy results when we continue to reinforce the negative thinking and actions. If certain things we are doing now is not making us happy, it make sense to try a different approach if we truly want to be happy. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article.
Thank you Rinpoche for this simple easy to understand article on the 10 habits of chronically unhappy people. Looking down the list, I think I am at times guilty of “not improving”, staying at my comfort zone and wondering why I am left out of things. Hehe luckily with Rinpoche’s teachings and guidance, I know the answer to my question.
It is true that due to habitually indulgence in these emotions people put themselves into unhappiness. Most would pull themselves out of it with a switch of mind set or with family or friend’s advice but if they were to indulge too deeply there is a risk of sinking into depression which would be harder to get out of. That depression becomes their comfort zone.
The simplest antidote would be to stop thinking of the self and open the eyes to the suffering of others. Develop the care and kindness to help others and soon your own problems would seem so insignificant and easily solved. Rinpoche always gives us the simplest explanations and solutions, its really up to us to understand and practise.
Every sentient being long for permanent …happiness. Unfortunately happiness doesn’t last forever in samsara. In reality we find more unhappiness than happiness. Furthermoe happiness is subjective. What is happiness to one person may not necessary be a happiness to another person. The degree of happiness depends on how each senting being perceives it.
A positive and optimistic person will turn even an unhappy situation into a happy one! To them the conditions that give rise to their unhappiness are only temporary and also an opportunity to learn and grow from them.
This is like the Lojong or Mind Transformaction practice such as transforming adversities into a path. By this mind transformation method, practitioner can turn unhappiness into the path.
If we believe in Karma, then we shall understand the nature of our unhappiness in samsara
We had ignorantly created
We can overcome unhappiness by putting Dharma into practice purely and sincerely. Ultimately, we want only the permanent happiness of a Buddha which is supreme enlightenment.
Every sentient being long for permanent …happiness. Unfortunately happiness doesn’t last forever in samsara. In reality we find more unhappiness than happiness. Furthermoe happiness is subjective. What is happiness to one person may not necessary be a happiness to another person. The degree of happiness depends on how each senting being perceives it.
A positive and optimistic person will turn even an unhappy situation into a happy one! To them the conditions that give rise to their unhappiness are only temporary and also an opportunity to learn and grow from them.
This is like the Lojong or Mind Transformaction practice such as transforming adversities into a path. By this mind transformation method, practitioner can turn unhappiness into the path.
If we believe in Karma, then we shall understand the nature of our unhappiness in samsara
We had ignorantly created
We can overcome unhappiness by putting Dharma into practice purely and sincerely. Ultimately, we want only the permanent happiness of a Buddha which is supreme enlightenment.
Dear Rinpoche,
Indeed unhealthy habits bring us unhappiness and to those around no matter where we are and what we do. We can be in the most beautiful place with everything provided, but it is not the outside things that bring us happiness but our attitude.
We need to reflect and meditate on how we can avoid being drawn to negative habits like pessimism, buying “things” and waiting for the future for example. This is most important as it will bring us the happiness we are all longing for.
Everyone wants happiness and we should always keep that in mind as it is not only for our own benefit but also for those around us.
Thank You Rinpoche for this meaningful article.
It is really amazing how happiness does not depend on how wealthy you are or how much good stuff you have. Happiness is based more on your own personalities and not based on things you own or places you live. Even some of the richest business can’t escape from anger even though they have millions of dollars to dispose on whatever they want to buy. Happiness lies in your own habits and not those around you, you are who you want to be. Life does not choose or determine whether you are happy or not, only you can choose to be happy.
You are what you choose to become, no matter how rich or poor you are, you have a choice to be a happy person or angry person.
Thank You Rinpoche for sharing this post.
Dear Rinpoche, Thank you for sharing this article
The 10 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People can help me self-examine if i am happy. If I stick on to the unhappiness and do not let go, the condition be become worse. There is no other method but to accept it, contemplate and improve. Improve by changing my habits, taking control of my happiness makes everyone around me happier too.
10不快乐的人的习惯. 了解它可以帮我自审我们的情绪. 如果我们坚持不放手，情况会变得更糟。所以接受它，思考和改进。通过改变我的习惯，我们可以掌控我们的情绪,改善能使我们周围的人更加快乐
Thank you
Pee Bee Chong
谢谢仁波切的分享，感恩。
活在娑婆世界的我们，不快乐的事总会突然降临我们身上。我们会被一些芝麻绿豆的小事影响我们负面的思绪，只是因为事情发生后，结果不是我预想的。这些不好的习惯，造成我们情绪低落，心情糟透了。
负面的情绪原至于我们无法控制心识，导致常常活在别人的眼光之下。总要让他人给你肯定和赞赏才能够快乐起来！要成为快乐的人，只有转变自己的心识，凡事从正面的态度和想法去思考，不要被动的等快乐的事情来到自己面前，要活在当下。快乐就在你我的身边，要积极主动的捉住它，才会活得精彩。
Dear Rinpoche,
This article is very meaningful. I did a checking on my habits of causing me easily to be unhappy. I found it is very true. Feeling of unhappy really get us no where. We not only wasting time mourning on our unhappy feeling also we nurture the unhappy feeling to be stronger. As time goes by, the only things that i always felt is unhappy, bitter and my mood swing. Not even mindful on the actions of unhappiness have causes people around me suffered with me. Things that i suppose to do is pending. Thus, from this article, i learned that i must “fight” the habits that cause me easy to be unhappy. Instead of continue to entertain my unhappy feeling, why not do something now. At least i have tried.
Thank you Rinpoche for this article.
Love,
Freon
This is a simple and sweet article i would recommend for many levels of readers to read on.
“Unhappiness can catch you by surprise. So much of your happiness is determined by your habits..” this line reveals that when we live in samsara world, unhappiness and so easy. We could and should do is not avoid the unhappiness or anything would probably “cause” us unhappy.
Instead, this article advises cultivating good habits that empower us or train up to face to face with unhappiness which come anytime anywhere in life. These good habits is similar to training your body to be fit so to fight back any diseases might coming your way. In countering with unhappiness or to be a happy person, we need to train up our mind, to change our perspective of phenomena happen around us, by changing perspective and having knowing the true meaning of life which is impermanence, we are able to better accept whatever not so good things happen in our life, and get up positively turn things around.
Thanks for sharing the article 🙂 May more people around us learn how to be a happy person and in turn bringing happiness to more people around us.
This article is very interesting. It tells me what are some of the habits I have that drive me away from happiness. I realise that I always waiting for future and having habit of sweeping problems under the rug. Realising these, I decide to be a more happier person 🙂
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for this post. Self-reflection really resonates with me, as we need to improve ourselves first before we can help others improve. 🙂
Thank you for always giving us teachings that lead to self-reflection and skilful means. _/|\_
Your student,
Keng Hwa.
Our state of mind is what we keep enforcing, and we complain and try to influence others to be where we are, so that we do not feel like we are alone. Sometimes it takes just a moment to snap out of it, to stop ourselves from repeating the thoughts of being unhappy in our own minds. All the above Don’ts are really useful and helpful because when we are unhappy, we tend to do that. We distance ourselves from people, people who are successful because we are not allowing ourselves to be like them, and people who are just like us, to avoid more problems and thoughts for ourselves. We complain and are pessimistic to set ourselves up to fail. We drive away everyone around us because no one else needs more negativity in their lives, and so people will start avoiding us.
I remember Rinpoche’s quote: “Happiness is a choice” – something really simple but slips away from many of us. We keep looking outside of ourselves to find happiness, thats why it never lasts because everything outside of us can provide doesn’t last as proven all throughout our lives. It has to come from within for it to remain.
I think the reason may people are unhappy is because they expect too much from life. Sometimes they think that putting 100% effort into something will translate to 100% in return. Probably less but they still have the numbers. When the numbers do not add up, they put in 120% effort to achieve that number. This habits get repeated as they calculate everything they do and weigh their returns. Its not that it is wrong, I just think it is the combination of the learning, the passion and the joy of doing something that counts. Do not weigh them, just experience them.
Happiness comes in so many different forms that it can be hard to define. As generally seen, this pleasant results in the ocean of life, is because of their hankering life, as well as that, beings are fettered. Now for us to get out from the cycle of life, we have to escape. If we have never develop the wish to get out, and once we get attached to the good things of this circle of life “which make us happy”, then there will never be any way to escape it. As said in all religious teachings, to get free of this cycle of life, we must recognize that everthing about it is, by nature, completely suffering. This brings a disgust for it, a loathing for it and as such brings a renunciation for it! Without pure renunciation, there is no way to stop this attitude, where one strives for whatever pleasant results one might get in life. Moreover, it is precisely forcing their feelings of attachment and craving for the pleasant things of life. As advised, “changing our habits in the name of greater happiness is one of the best things that we can do for ourselves.” Thank you Rinpoche for your sincere advice and compassion.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article to remind us that the unhappiness is caused by our own habits and not the environment or people around us.
Unhappiness is contagious, it can spread to people around us and it is also not good for our health and mental. Happiness that come from materialistic achievement cannot last cos we will always be chasing for something. When our expectations are not met, we will be unhappy.
Thru the practice of dharma, our mind change and become more positive, the ultimate goal will be for us to achieve eternal happiness.
Different people has different perspectives on happiness. What you found to be happiness might be sorrow for others. Milarepa hailed death as victory and happiness, for the master has realised Dharma. For us, sombre and tears surrounded the deah. Now,I will just try my best to accept things as they are, although sometimes things maybe hard to accept. I don’t claim that I am happier now, but my perceptive of happiness changes. Thank you for this article, Rinpoche.
Unhappiness is a common phenomena in people’s lives. This article provides a deeper understanding what leads to unhappiness so that we can change and be happy.
I used to complain a lot. But I have reduced it significantly through conscious efforts during the recent years. I noticed that I see the positive side of things and people more as a result. Because my focus is more positive, I’m happier.
I believe it’s important that we know mind and how it works. Unhappiness can turn into depression. And chronic depression can lead to suicide.
Thank you Rinpoche for the article. The the 10 points are Rinpoche mentioned are extremely important for us to be improve otherwise we will be always unhappy and blames others for being unhappy.. The key to create authentic happiness in ou life is to express love. Since our expression of love is solely up to us , we already have the key to your own happiness. What remains is for us is to determine what you do with your key..
Out of the people I have met, I can easily say that more than 90% of them are unhappy, being unhappy is almost like a ‘natural’ thing to do, a lot of us just do not realise that. We are born into samsara therefore we are made to suffer, it is inevitable but we have the choice to choose to be happy or stay unhappy.
Getting real happiness of course requires more effort, we all have different perception of happiness. Some think that happiness is not having to do anything and basically just sit back and relax; Some think that happiness is focusing out, doing a lot of work to benefit others even if it means days of not sleeping.
The is a very interesting article I must say, it help us to understand ourselves and others better so that we can do something about it to change the situation.
It is so easy for all of us to be unhappy, yet we constantly hide that fact. We act as though we are fine and happy, yet that happiness is so difficult for us to find when we just focus on the negativities in our lives. We create so many different perceptions in our minds, fooling and deceiving ourselves to believe something that is not true might be the case that is going on for us. It is all these false ideas that we have that makes us pursue something that is not there at all. Not learning to stop and look at what we have and be grateful about it.
Usually when we stop and ponder, it would already be too late as we have lost that opportunity for us to be happy about.
Thank you Rinpoche for this timely article. It definitely shows that we are not appreciative enough in our lives to notice the things that are able to make us happy. The focus point that we choose to have is negative. It is just silly how easily we are able to find unhappiness yet we try our best to find happiness that is surrounding us yet we cannot see that fact.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for this post. It is very informative and clear of what kinds of attitude that will bring us unhappiness. In my opinion, all these traits are inter-related and many unhappy people have all of them. From what I understand, most of these traits arises from ego. Ego give rise to laziness, pride, blaming, and self centreness. When our ego are not satisfied, we will be unhappy.
Humbly,
Chris
This is a very good post and great reminder for us to stop being the victim and staying in the ‘unhappy’ zone. Sometimes we do not even know we it but this is exactly what we do when continue with the habits that does not serve us.
The most obvious of all the 10 habits or signs of an unhappy person is ‘Spending too much time and effort acquiring “things”’.This is especially true because look at the country where purchasing power is strong and materialism is at its peak like in the US, Japan, Singapore and now China. These are countries where there suicide cases are the most as well and some of them are in the demographics of very young kids. You wonder what is so different from the children these days and the children 20 years ago?
Unlike kids today, the kids 20 years ago had no ipad or mobile phones. The kids today play computer games but the kinds 20 years ago play skip and jump and does more outdoor activities. From here you can already see the values being instil in the next generation is one that is highly materialistic, demanding, loves to consume. They replace their unhappiness with things and that is why we’re getting a generation of spoil unethical society that is in depression more and more.
These habits are a creature measuring stick for us to do a quick self-check and for us to not reinforce any of those habits mentioned above. Thank Rinpoche for sharing this very useful information for ourselves and for us to asses others.
Am I unhappy ?5 out of 10 already is my answer.(this is before I join Kechara ). Now I’m improving.Rinpoche profound teaching ~impermanence and emptiness . I always remember these philosophy when I almost get angry .we must mind tansform after received teachings from Rinpoche. Rinpoche always said “happiness for self comes from bringing happiness to others.”
I really want thanks Rinpoche for your profound teachings. I always apply the dharma teachings which I learned from Rinpoche’s book.
With folded hands,
Jason