Growing Up With Rinpoche
If I examine my life honestly, I can safely say that all of the good things that have happened to me have been the result of my teacher, as well as any good qualities that may have scratched their way just a little bit through the mud.
I first met Rinpoche in 1997, when he came to visit us in our apartment and over the years, I have been fortunate enough to be exposed to such a person. Let’s not even talk about ‘guru’ for now but about Rinpoche as a person, as someone who is overwhelmingly kind, fiercely loyal, unbelievably caring, extremely sharp and hilariously funny. Anyone would be fortunate to have such a friend in their lives. What more is there to say about having such a person who possesses Bodhicitta motivation as one’s spiritual guide?
Now having known Rinpoche for more than half my life (18 years!), you can be sure that such a conclusion was not developed overnight, free from any kind of observation. Such a conclusion has come from years of observing Rinpoche both in public and in private, always in action to assist and benefit anyone in need, even if they themselves do not realise at the time that they needed his help.
I can also tell you that 18 years means a lot of pictures and as I was going through my archives (as I often do, apparently!), I realised that except for 1999, 2006 and 2008 to 2010, I pretty much have one photo with Rinpoche for every year I have known Rinpoche…which is kind of cool 🙂
What comes to mind when I look at these pictures? Good memories, no doubt but I am definitely reminded of impermanence. Impermanence in appearance, for sure and not to hang on to it. It is a foolhardy endeavour to hope that our permanent happiness can be based on our impermanent appearance, or our impermanent-anything for that matter because everything that exists beyond attainments in our mind will never be permanent.
It also strikes me that through it all, I never realised how much I changed. I know, you would think, “How can you not realise that you have changed in 18 years?! Two decades is a long time!” but that is the delusion we are all under. As we live out our lives, we generally fail to actively observe it and as a result, we abide in the delusion that we have always been the same. Think about it – how self-aware were you as a 5-year old? And how self-aware were you as a 15-year old, a 25-year old, etc.? Did your level of self-awareness change? Did you spend more moments in awareness, or did you just go through life taking it as it comes? For most people, it is safe to say that we generally abide in the latter state which is why, when we apply hindsight, you hear statements like, “Gosh! How quickly time flies!” Time flies quickly because we were never truly aware of what we were doing, and how time was passing and upon examining it, realised how much time we have lost.
So instead of losing even more time, why not apply a remedy to the situation so we don’t have the same kind of epiphany 10 years down the line, having wasted even more time? This kind of thinking, the one where we lack self-awareness, is dangerous and it would benefit us to develop awareness through, for example, meditation practices. Why? Well, instead of relying on hindsight to examine how different we are, would it not make more sense to try and always be aware of the change? That way, we can move beyond dealing with the consequences of change, and progress into being in control of the change itself.
When I look back, I am most definitely not that kid who first met my teacher 18 years ago. My life has taken twists and turns I could never possibly have imagined but at every major intersection and point of my life, my guru has always been there, lighting the path and guiding me along the way and for that, I will always be very grateful to him.
1997 - in the Burmese Temple, Penang. My first picture with Rinpoche.
1998 - in one of the early Dharma centres that Rinpoche established. I am in the white shirt on the right. It was around this time I realised if I'm going to be dragged to a Dharma centre every weekend, I might as well make an effort to understand what was being taught than sit there with a forever-bored look on my face!
2000 - in Royal Selangor Club, Bukit Kiara at an appreciation dinner for flea market volunteers. Everyone was having severe financial difficulties during this time and some senior students, led by Pastor Henry, organised a flea market to raise funds for Rinpoche's living expenses. Rinpoche organised this dinner to thank everyone who helped.
2001 - in Jurong Reptile Park, Singapore receiving refuge from Rinpoche.
2002 - in Eastin Hotel, when Rinpoche organised a surprise birthday party for my mother. I remember this was at a time when everyone was still doing very badly financially. Despite these worries, Rinpoche still brought everyone together and organised the surprise for her.
2003 - in SS22, in our family home.
2003 - in a Javanese restaurant behind Jalan Bukit Bintang, celebrating my aunt's birthday after we had just invited a 3ft Lama Tsongkhapa statue into my family home. Taken just a few months after the previous picture!
2004 - in Kechara House 1, just after I (accidentally!) tipped a whole monk's bowl of fruit all over Rinpoche. I was mortified but Rinpoche very kindly laughed and said that this spillover was a good sign that I would be doing more Dharma work in the future.
2004 - in Colombo, Sri Lanka on our way to Bodhgaya. Rinpoche was scouting Sri Lanka and Bodhgaya so he could lead a group of 62 pilgrims on pilgrimage the following month. Rinpoche has always taken a personal and deep interest in every aspect and activity of Kechara, to ensure everyone has the best opportunity for spiritual advancement.
2005 - in Dagom Ladrang, Kathmandu during an audience with His Eminence Kyabje Dagom Rinpoche. I had no idea he was a Dorje Shugden lama; to me, he was just a powerful being that my guru told me is one with Yamantaka. If I recall correctly, Rinpoche presented me as someone who wishes to become ordained in the future. I was immensely lucky to meet him because Kyabje Dagom Rinpoche passed away just a couple of years later.
2005 - in a cafe in Sunwaymas, at an appreciation dinner for Kechara Paradise directors. If I recall correctly, I was about to leave Malaysia to attend university in England, hence the khata around my neck – it would be the last time I would see Rinpoche for months.
2007 - in Bangkok with His Eminence Gangchen Rinpoche and Venerable Lama Michel, after attending the cremation of His Eminence Kyabje Dagom Rinpoche.
2011 - in the Samsung store in Gardens Mall, checking out some phones.
2012 - at the Chamang Waterfall, after recovering from a long period of illness. I was in the hospital for a month recovering from a laparoscopic appendectomy which normally takes three days to recover from. After being discharged, Rinpoche put me in a Shize retreat because I was still extremely weak. This photo was taken the day I finished my retreat, which took exactly 100 days, and the first day I felt well enough to leave the house. Rinpoche had no idea I was finishing my retreat that day; I got the call to join everyone just as I finished reciting my dedication prayers.
2013 - in Cahaya Suria, Chow Kit, Masjid Negara, Pudu and Jalan Bukit Bintang distributing face masks and eye drops to the homeless suffering from the haze.
2014 - in Topanga, USA looking at beautiful properties.
2014 - in the US Ladrang, in front of the sponsors' appreciation shrine. Rinpoche wanted this shrine to be created, to generate merits for everyone who has been so generous to Kechara's work over the years, in thanks for their kindness.
2015 - in Kechara Forest Retreat, Bentong after Rinpoche took pictures of our 24-foot Dorje Shugden statue for the first time.
2016 - in Tsem Ladrang, in front of the main altar. The elaborate offerings on the altar is to generate merits and resources for the great works we need to accomplish throughout the Kechara Organisation. As the Ladrang is the heart of the organisation, it's the Ladrang's responsibility to generate these merits.
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Thhank you for this post Pastor Jean Ai for sharing your personal experiences of Rinpoche. To have met Rinpoche at such a young age is a great blessing. Your life is really a culmination of merits from a previous life and the keeping of samaya that you are always by your teacher and that he guides you. What makes this post even more beautiful is the knowledge that this relationship will continue well into the next life. I feel so happy to see those sweet and happy pictures of you and family taken with Rinpoche when you were a little girl until now 🙂 _/\_
Dear Pastor Jean Ai,
Thanks for your sharing above. What makes your story even livelier is the few other comments below. Those who have commented really sum up who Rinpoche is. This is one of the ways on how we can recall the kindness of a Guru and especially beneficial for those who are not able to serve Rinpoche in person. Once again, thanks!
With love,
Jacinta
Dear Pastor Jean Ai,
Thank you for sharing with us your personal experience growing up with Rinpoche. Many people made negative comments on Rinpoche, then funny thing is they do not even know Rinpoche personally, they have not even spent a second with Rinpoche. It puzzled me on what basis do they have to make such comments.
Rinpoche’s love, care and compassion is very genuine, he has never asked for anything in return. His wish for us is to be happier and better. Wealth to Rinpoche is not for personal indulgence, getting more clothes, house, car etc, but to use the wealth to benefit another person. Whatever Rinpoche has, he gives it away for those in need, to relieve another person’s suffering.
Similar to Pastor Jean Ai’s life, Rinpoche has played a major role in my life. If it is without Rinpoche, my whole family would have been crumbled by now. My parents first came to meet Rinpoche at around 1999, when my mother was pregnant with me for two months. At that point of time, Rinpoche came to Dato Ruby’s house to give a dharma talk, my parents were invited to join the talk by Dato Ruby and that is how my parents met Rinpoche.
Rinpoche has definitely helped our lives to become better for example: My mother was about to pass away in 2004 and Rinpoche compassionately saved her life (If it wasn’t for Rinpoche, I cannot imagine how difficult life would be for my family), my parents used to argue a lot because my father had gambling issues, that was also solved by Rinpoche (my father made a promise to Rinpoche to never gamble again), my uncle almost pass away due to brain cancer, the tumor grew to 2/3 size of his and Rinpoche definitely helped my uncle to go through it. Above are some of the few things Rinpoche has helped my family with.
To me, Rinpoche is indeed more like a parent to me that he is a just a spiritual teacher. He has taught to me to be compassionate and helpful to every sentient being in this world regardless if they are humans or not, what matters is that they all have emotions. Thank You Rinpoche for these many years of care and love.
Edward, you are very lucky to have Rinpoche’s presence and guidance in your life and it is something you should never take for granted. When I was your age, I knew Rinpoche was nurturing me towards something good but I didn’t know what it was. I just went along with it because even though I didn’t know much Dharma then (and I still don’t), my childish mind really liked Rinpoche for his generosity, kindness, care, consistency and integrity. I trusted Rinpoche for those qualities and I still do.
Now that I am older and I look back on my life, I can see how the nurturing and time that Rinpoche kindly spent on me helped me to deal with the ‘difficulties’ and disappointments in my life. If I hadn’t had Rinpoche’s care and teachings, I think I would have dealt with those things in a much more destructive manner.
So I dare say this to you based on my own experience – when Rinpoche gives us advice and assignments, it may look ‘trivial’ and mundane and simple, but in reality they are teaching us skills that are beyond our understanding, that will help us in the future 🙂 I hope you will remember this next time you are fortunate enough to get some assignments from the teacher who has been so kind to your family and to mine too! 🙂
Dear Pastor Jean Ai,
Thank you for sharing your beautiful growing up story as well as your spiritual journey with Tsem Rinpoche with us. You are indeed very lucky to be born in a family that have faith in Tsem Rinpoche and Rinpoche’s dharma teaching. Like what others commented, you must have created a lot of merits in your previous life to be able to connect to Rinpoche and Dharma again at a very young age this life.
I have seen children age from 2 years to 16 years old attending the Kechara Sunday Dharma classes and I felt rejoice for these children as well as they have the merits to be connected to Tsem Rinpoche’s teaching just like pastor Jean Ai. I hope pastor Jean Ai’s story and experiences will continue to inspire and motivate more people to plant the dharma seeds in their children at young age.
Rinpoche is really a good person, he is kind to people on the street who are strangers. Rinpoche has estableshed Kechara Soup Kitchen to feed the homeless. Rinpoche gives me teachings and gifts from time to time. And daily prayers for me to do. Rinpoche doing all these to benefit others, including me, not for his own interest. He is selfless. Thank you Pastor Jean Ai for sharing.
Dear Pastor Jean Ai,
Dear Pastor Jean Ai, Thank you for sharing this beautiful personal experience of Rinpoche. To be able to meet a Guru who is so kind and compassionate,and care for the well being of the student is really awesome.
From this post, it shows that Rinpoche is a very kind and genuine Guru, whose compassion is unrival, no matter if it is 20 years back, or 20 years later, H.E Tsem Rinpoche Bodhicitta and care is the same. I rejoice in the merits you had collected in previous life, to be able to meet Rinpoche at such a young age, and whom instrumental in you development over the years 🙂
Thank You,
Frederick Law
Dear Pastor Jean Ai,
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences of Rinpoche. To have met Rinpoche at such a young age is a great blessing. Rinpoche’s influence in your teenage years must have been tremendous. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be where you are now.
I rejoice in your endeavours to transform and take Rinpoche’s teachings and guidance to heart. Do share more with us as your stories will inspire others for the better.
Best regards,
JP
Dear Pastor Jean Ai,
To know Rinpoche since your childhood is indeed a huge blessing. As stated in the article and by many comments Rinpoche’s qualities and virtues are even higher that those of our parents. How rare is it to find such a person.
I rejoice for Pastor Jean Ai who has created the causes to meet her Guru at such an young age in a previous life. At her young age, she is on her way to become a nun and does work tirelessly in the Ladrang, for long hours every day.
Thank you for writing and pictures about your journey protected by Rinpoche. It is most precious to be so close to your Guru.
Something Pastor Seng Piow said below really encapsulated something I had been thinking but could not find the right words to say: “one can truly see the qualities and virtues of H.E. Tsem Rinpoche. It is easy to care for a person for a short period of time, but to care and love someone for decades throughout their growing up lives, only our parents can do that.”
Genuine care for someone does not wane or ebb over time. If it was fake, if it was forced and not genuine, it would swing and change according to one’s mood. But Rinpoche’s love and care for all of us remains steady and constant.
The story I write above has been replicated many times over with so many more of Rinpoche’s students and I hope that one day, all of them will share their story and let people know through their own experiences the qualities and accomplishments of our beloved lama.
PJA’s relationship with Rinpoche have gone a long time. From reading Rinpoche’s various biographical article and being in Kechara for over 10 years, I know that Rinpoche has been working hard and facing many challenges. So for PJA to be able to stay for that long really proof her loyalty.
Dear pastor, gurus can be found in many places these days. But to find one that clicks, and with whom faith can sustain and grow is the most fortunate karmic merit. I wish you many realisations and attainments in every life. 🙂
Very beautiful article Pastor Jean Ai, I like how you laid out those little interesting stories that happened along the way. Meeting Rinpoche or a guru in this case, is one of the most fortunate things that could ever happen to someone.
I can easily say that Rinpoche is the kindest person I have ever met, all he ever does is solely to benefit others and not himself, even if it means staying up for days and falling sick. This is how kind Rinpoche is and which is not something everyone will know because Rinpoche has humility and he doesn’t like to take credits.
H.E Tsem Rinpoche is a great combination of both compassion and wisdom, a great example of sanghahood and a great model of guru devotion. I’m very fortunate and grateful to have met such a great and compassionate Guru.
Really beautiful story, with this kind of stories that span over the years and even decades, one can truly see the qualities and virtues of H.E. Tsem Rinpoche. It is easy to care for a person for a short period of time, but to care and love someone for decades throughout their growing up lives, only our parents can do that. And thus Rinpoche is exactly like our parents and even more. Some one with selfless compassion who loves us without condition. Besides our parents, that person could only be a Bodhisattva.
Thank you for this post Pastor Jean Ai. Those of us who have experienced Rinpoche’s great love, and benefitted from Rinpoche’s teachings and all-embracing presence in our lives, have at some made made the prayer that we meet with our Guru again early in the next life. And that is what makes this post special in my opinion – it is as if the pictures above reflect one one chapter of a incredible book.
I see how Rinpoche and PJA were, in the pictures when PJA was just a child and I see how they are now almost daily and I am again reminded how steadfast and completely abiding Rinpoche’s love is. Everything else is so ethereal.
What makes this post even more beautiful is the knowledge that this relationship will continue well into the next life. In our lives we will encounter many significant relationships that will change us but truly, there is no greater relationship than that of a Guru and his student.
Dear PJA,
What a beautiful post and your life is really a culmination of merits from a previous life and the keeping of samaya that you are always by your teacher and thathe guides you. Your life is a perfect example with all the perfect conditions to continue in one’s practice.
All of us have a previous life and that we had perform innumerable merits to be able to meet the Dharma so young and able to do so much. May I and everyone else have the merit to be so close to the Dharma and especially to be close to the teacher in every lifetime especially in a life.
Thank you Pastor Jean Ai sharing your story with everyone around the wrold.. your spiritual journey with Rinpoche very nice with pictures and written very vell. It will benefit many girls like u to do dharma. u have started your spiritual journey with Rinpoche in a very early age guiding you and gave blessing. This is because u have been doing dharma work from fast life now u have connected to the dharma again.. soon u going to be a nun what fortunate and blessed u r.. i can’t wait to see u in maroon robs…
What a very very fortunate and colourful life you’ve had with an enlightened being – Tsem Tulku Rinpoche and much rejoicing in your great merits to have the seed of dharma ripened at young age and met Rinpoche. Lovely sharing… I remembered some of the events that took place in these photos and indeed for each one of us it is a precious treasure.
Sometimes in life I often wonder how one did we manage to cross path with an enlightened being, to find a Guru amongst the abyss of samsara… think about what are the odds and chances… literally 0.0000000001%? I don’t know but it is really quite a miracle in itself to be able to connect with Tsem Tulku Rinpoche and I guess we must have done something right in our previous life to be able to return again in this life and somehow reconnect? This part about Buddhism, karma, merits, affinity is what really blows my mind.
I love how you shared the many different phases of your life with Rinpoche in pictures, as they say a picture paints a thousand words. And we can tell from that smile on your face, you were a very happy person when you are with Rinpoche as if it is meant to be… an old student meeting her Lama again perhaps 🙂 and I remembered right from the start (or at least when I was around) Rinpoche had always very good wishes and hopes for you to do dharma work.
It is also admirable to see such a young person so attune and interested in he dharma, many would only be just on the surface, and in the end samsara still rules them. But I am glad your determination and passion for dharma was stronger than samsara’s enticing calls and somehow you overcame your anger, doubts, frustration and wrong perceptions and hence here you are… a great nun in the making. I am certain you will go on to inspire many young souls seeking spirituality and being in the same position and going through the same tribulations as you, and you would guide them well with your kindness and wisdom as you have thread those very path. Rejoice for you have come a long way Pastor Jean Ai and happy for you 🙂
Thank you Pastor Jean Ai for sharing your personal growth story with all of us here and your spiritual journey with Rinpoche guiding you all the way. You are definitely very fortunate to have met Rinpoche at such a young age and can pursue dharma all the way since then. Definitely there were obstacles for you, yet you persevere and made it through. With these ups and downs it has made you into this very beautiful person that you are right now.
I believe that once we have set our minds to change and transform, we will be able to do it. We will have improvements that makes a difference each day. We may not see it immediately, but after a period of time, we will be able to see that change that we have. The people around us will feel and see that change that we have.
In my opinion, the easiest way to judge if our minds have transformed is that when the people that use to go away from us starts becoming our friends and people do not keep a distance like they used to do so, it will mean that we have changed. Another way is that we are much lighter and happier.
Thank you PJA for such a great story of your experiences. There are definitely more stories like that. I just cannot wait to read more about it.
Thank Pastor Jean Ai for sharing with us your long and varied history in knowing His Eminence 25th Tsem Rinpoche. You are very fortunate in knowing Rinpoche for so long, both you and your family are very blessed to have had Rinpoche in your lives for such a long time. How you’ve changed over the years, I could hardly recognise you in the earlier photographs! But I guess, as you mention, this is also a teaching of impermanence for us.
Your long experience with Rinpoche has led you, over the years, to come to your own conclusions about Rinpoche despite what others may say, and this is brilliant. Sharing your experiences with Rinpoche is another testament to the qualities that Rinpoche embodies and those are the qualities that the enlightened beings teach us we must practice and emulate. They are the qualities of love, compassion and wisdom, not just towards those we love but towards every all beings. Thank you for sharing this will us.
Thank you Pastor Jean Ai for sharing the beautiful images. It is very generous of you because, truly, not everyone would welcome others to view their personal lives. However, I believe you shared because you believe that it will benefit many people.
Having a friend like Rinpoche is your life is truly a blessing. An individual who is kind, generous, wise, courageous, tirelessly for others is a beacon of light as society gets darker with modernization. To top this off, a friend who can expound the pure Dharma through an unbroken lineage is a humungous bonus!!! Yes, greedy talking here 😉
I am glad that through journey’s like your, a path is opened to more kids today through Kechara and its various youth programs like Manjushri Kid’s Class and YAK. Dharma does nurture an aspect that is often neglected or even discouraged by the worldly society.
Lastly, it was fun to see a little girl grow up into a courageous woman and nun-to-be. Thanks again!