A Thought…
While thinking earlier, I came to some more understanding. However other people act towards me or anyone, should not affect me much as it was never between them and me but between me and karma. What I need to watch out for is my mind and the reactions. When I am unhappy then the 1st chapter of Lam Rim should be applied strongly… Otherwise there’s nothing much to be attached to how others react… it’s all temporal and it doesn’t last at all. Why waste the time to evaluate, just treat everyone as best as I can irregardless.
~ Tsem Rinpoche
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Sometimes we learn to ‘see’ ourselves clearly when we are confronted with problems/obstacles, especially we thought it was from others. I’ve learnt to be more patience and not be influenced by others.I learnt not to jump into conclusions immediately. Not there yet but definitely have some improvements over these few years. I tried to put in ‘effort’ to listen to what others have to say about me too although I might not like it (who likes it anyway😜), because I wanted to know the causes of their dissatisfaction. My motto – to solve problem. If can’t be solved, at least do not harm others.
Thank you Rinpoche for the above. A self-reflection.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Everything or any one that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. It’s not what we look at that matters, it’s what we see. If someone perceives something to be true, it is more important than if it is in fact true. Wisdom comes from knowing that what others say about you is not your reality. It’s their reality. Our perception is based on our thoughts, beliefs and behaviours, which then define the way we think and therefore, the way we act. We are not at the loosing end, when others commented negatively on us. Rather than participate in someone’s negative behaviour, just leave them aside. If our mind is full of negative thoughts, our life will be not change to be better. Don’t let anyone mess up our masterpiece in our life.
How we feel should not be affected by what others say about us. Everyone has a different expectation and perception of things. Their comments on us are purely based on their perception, it may be true and it may not be true.
Our motivation might be misunderstood, but it should not matter. At the end of the day, we create our own karma. If we react to negative comments with negative emotion and behaviours, we are the one who lose out. We should always remember what the 8 verses of mind transformation say, give the victory to others.
What we want to win is our old self and flippant mind that don’t bring us any where. We have to constant observe our mind and tame it. Contemplate what people say about us. If it is true, change. If it is not, just let it go. It is the same for positive comments. After all, we don’t live on people’s comments on us, good or bad.
What others do to me, whether they criticise me or praise me, hurt or help me, comes from their perception of me. Their perception of me is likely shaped by my past actions towards them.Whether they hurt me or help me, my reaction should be based on an awareness of karma -past and future. I should be mindful to react in ways that will not result in negative karma and the pain and suffering this will bring.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing these profound thoughts, reminding us that it is always about karma.
When we belief in karma , we will accept everything happened to us with rational view with no anger or blame others. Application of Eight verses of Thought very effective in order for us to treat others kind and create more good karma for ourselves.
We must always bare in mind that nobody can escape from karma, whatever positive actions we did will create postive effect in return .
Jason
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for sharing this profound teachings. This reminds me of 8 verses of thought transformation and the wheel of sharp weapons. Our own actions will produce the corresponding karma. By changing our mind we can be able to cange our perspective of the things around us. Since we cannot change the outer world around us, why not change the world within us. With that, we will have less negative emotions like anger.
It’s so true that whatever we do is between ourselves and our karma. It was never to please anyone other than ourselves. We are answerable for our own action. Anything good or bad that we do – we have to deal with our own karma.
Why should we be bothered with what people say about us be it good or bad. That is their perception of how we should be. We need not let others ‘rule’ our lives and we do what we are taught by our Guru for a Buddha is never wrong.
Thank you Rinpoche for the simple yet profound teaching.
Jill Yam
I had told Rinpoche once that when someone says something positive about me, I never really quite believe it; but when someone criticises me, I take it completely to heart and believe it completely.
He answered me like this, “Why is it that your truth about yourself is more truth others’ truth about you? in the end, it is all perceptions. So what! So what, what other people think of you?” And the profundity of this statement works both ways – we can either let ourselves get caught up in all the good things people have to say about us (and let our egos swell!) or we can let ourselves get caught up in the all the bad things people have to say, which drags us down. Either way, it becomes the same thing – it is us letting an outside comment impact us and affect us completely, so we never really become our own person.
It is said that the teacher acts like a mirror to us – so he shows us all the good, all the bad and all the ugly. But he also gives us the teachings to go beyond that and to rise above what others have to say about us, and also what we have to say about ourselves, which can sometimes also be damaging (for example, if we praise ourselves too much or self-denigrate too strongly). Whatever the case is, most important is that we watch our own minds and we learn to be confident in ourselves and what we are doing. Then, what others say won’t affect us as deeply, for we are sure in ourselves.
This so true Paris. How our mind operates and how we perceive things whether it is about ourselves or others, we should really check in. In Dharma we learn that nothing is ever 100% true. Whatever we deem as good and positive can change to be bad and negative another day. So it is best we are not attached to what others say to us, in this case since we’re talking about what people say about us.
The good thing is Rinpoche has made it so simple for us to understand and apply – just change our perspective. Stop thinking about the all the negatives and start thinking about the positives. Whatever negatives we have, we can also change it to the positives and whatever positives we have, we just need to nurture it further to make it strong without being egoistical about it.
Bottom line is we should always take the middle way approach I think and not be too attached on either, this is probably easier said than done but it is definitely worth the try, and better than being down all the time. We gain confidence in ourselves through pushing ourselves to become better and to take responsibilities in all our actions, even thoughts… for it is from our thoughts that our action follows. I guess that is why in Buddhism, the focus is on taking care of our minds.
Even when we are not work in dharma center or practicing, what we look for in life is still about how to improve our life, how to have a happier life.
Only when we at peace with ourself, whether is dealing with our anger, jealousy, disappointment, accusations and so for, we could have less suffering and peace of mind.
Physical suffering is of course painful but what is more damaging is suffering of mind. We can always enjoy outer “happiness” while internally is endless suffering. It’s just like living in hell while you physically in heaven.
The suffering could only be lifted by ourself with the shift of mind, be the body guard who guard against on any “thief” of three poisons to sneak into our mind, every moment.
To be alert, to let go, to forgive, to counter our mind disease is not to make others happy, or our Guru happy, is for our own happiness. After all, we are the one who have to answer to and to responsible for our own happiness and unhappiness. And our karma.
It has always being emphasized that our actual enemy is within ourselves. The afflicted emotions (pride, anger, jealousy) are said to be our real enemies. These are the real trouble makers and are found to be within ourselves. It was also reiteriated that the actual practice of dharma consists of also fighting these inner enemies. Effort to restraint oneself from non-virtuous actions are regarded as the most practical of all buddhist teachings; and it seems, will determine one’s future, giving one’s ultimate joy. The wisdom of hearing and clear sincere contemplation provide the door to good dharma practices, which will lead and direct us tothe renunciation or non-attachment to samsara. We have been propelled into the cycle of suffering by our delusions and the actions they provide, which are known as “karma”. Living beings are nothing other than self as said in the books, imputed on the basis of the continuity of “consciouness”. It is from the actions of this consciousness that all emotions, and all human faults arise. However, it is also because of the inherent nature of this consciousness that one can eliminate all faults and delusions, to bring about lasting happiness to one’s life.
Thank you for the words of wisdom. I shall read daily to re-habituate my thinking and actions.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your thoughts… Well said and straight to the point. I have learnt to control my speech and feelings better now from Rinpoche’s teachings and guidance. Still need to do better…
Dear Rinpoche,
When I conduct Dharma classes, I find quoting yr advice and instructions give the oomph factor to my talks and help me nail a point down.
I always have this deja vu feeling when what Rinpoche imparts co-relate with what the Lamrim masters wrote or match whatever little understanding I have.Its like an affirmation that I am thinking in right direction.When that happens I feel more confident and ‘ qualified’ in sharing Dharma.
Rinpoche’s wisdom advice and quotes,has a reality and immediacy to it which we don’t get from textual study.You bring wisdom into our present and what we are doing and where we are in the now – in Malaysia, KL, Pj, Kechara, our house, eating,working,watching movies etc. People talk about practical wisdom. Rinpoche’s is definitive and it goes straight into our hearts.
Rinpoche’s practical wisdom is truly the Dharma jewel of the 21st Century and beyond – the golden yoke a blind turtle like myself , who despite having mountains of demerits, have the good fortune to meet.
May Rinpoche live long and remain until we are out of our miseries.