Day 2: Marc Reed, Turkey Swamp, Susie and Lizzie

It’s only day 2 but it seems like forever since I arrived – I guess because so much is packed in to the schedule. This morning, we met with Rinpoche’s classmate, Marc Reed, and sat around a basketball court to chat about what Rinpoche was like as a teenager. Marc was lovely; very open and willing to share. He remembers Rinpoche well, and considered Rinpoche as his best friend for 5-6 years.

Jamie chatting to Marc

Marc recounted that Rinpoche had been an “A” student while he was a “C” student so Rinpoche asked him if he’d like to go over to his house to study. When he showed Rinpoche his notebook, Rinpoche said that he knew what was the problem. Marc had been just putting notes from all his classes into one notebook, regardless of subject matter. So Rinpoche ripped out all the pages and got a ring binder file. He then put in dividers and filed the notes according to subject. Marc thought that was amazing and his notes began to make more sense when separated out that way and Marc’s grades improved!

Marc and the young Rinpoche liked bike rides and their favourite destination was Turkey Swamp, a 5 mile bike ride away from Howell. Marc also told us that on the way to Turkey Swamp, they would have to cycle past a farm with a rottweiler which was not chained up and liked to chase bikes. They would have to pedal very fast uphill to get away from the dog. However, Rinpoche wasn’t scared to the dog and stopped and put Rinpoche’s hand out at the dog, and to the surprise of the kids, the dog stopped barking and just turned and walked away. Marc said that ever since then, he does not run when an animal comes charging but stands firm and sends warm energy to the animal. And that includes bears in the wild!

While Marc and other friends liked to wander in the forest of Turkey Swamp to explore, Rinpoche would always like to find a quiet place to meditate and to chant mantras. Marc took the bio group there to have a look. It was a beautiful day for a walk and soak in the atmosphere.. perfect for meditation.

Grabbing a bite at Lino’s, Rinpoche’s favourite pizza joint in Howell, en route to Turkey Swamp

Marc explaining that Rinpoche and he would walk through the forest to look for quieter areas where Rinpoche could meditate and then Marc would just wander around and explore while waiting for Rinpoche…

Beautiful forest trails

Turkey Swamp

Marc showing us a potential spot Rinpoche might have chosen to meditate at

After we left Turkey Swamp, we dropped by Freehold High School, where Marc and Rinpoche were freshmen. According to Marc, Rinpoche was already 6′ tall then and had a big mouth so he sometimes got himself into trouble with other kids but he’d somehow be able to defuse things and sometimes, Rinpoche would even become friends with the very person who was ragging him. Marc related that Rinpoche got on with everybody and “to know him was to love him”.

Freehold Township High School

Marc being interviewed at the school

Off to Susie Carton, Rinpoche’s cousin’s lovely house

Interviewing Susie Carton and Lizzie Murphy

It was great to talk to Susie and Lizzie. They had met Rinpoche since Rinpoche first came to Dana and Boris Bugayeff’s house, as a child who did not speak English. Susie babysat the young Rinpoche for a whole summer and became quite fond of him. She says he was great fun, and would make breakfast for her. Sometimes she’d be late to go over to his house and he’d call her up and tell her to come over. Dana and Boris forbade them from leaving the house though so they’d spend the day just playing and watching TV.

Lizzie and Susie told us many interesting stories and at the end of the afternoon, their three words to describe Rinpoche were; Susie: “Funny, Appreciative, Mischievous”, Lizzie: “Brat, Funny, Kind and Helpful (hey, that’s four words!)”

After the interviews, Susie and Lizzie took us to the arcade at Point Pleasant, where she told us that she used to bring Rinpoche and they’d play pacman which was her favourite game – and still is!

PacMan!

Susie at the pacman machine at the Arcade, Point Pleasant

After the Arcade, we went to have dinner at Farrells (great vege rolls!) and here’s a pic of Deedee celebrating her birthday with cake

Day 4: Nitsan, Land O’Pines, Nitsan, Uncle Dorja and Aunt Matza

This morning, Beng Kooi took me to visit Nitsan Temple, which I missed as the others had seen it in the earlier part of the week before I arrived. It’s a very picturesque temple and the lovely blue sky that day helped.

Nitsan

Nitsan consists of two buildings – the monks live in the building on the left

This was a Manjushri thangka at Nitsan which Rinpoche liked to meditate in front of when he visited as a child.

Rinpoche has always liked Manjushri, the Buddha of Wisdom, and this was one of the favourite thangkas he liked to meditate in front of.

In the afternoon, we went to visit Land O’Pines, Rinpoche’s first school at Howell.

Land O’Pines had been renovated quite a lot since Rinpoche’s time – we also couldn’t find the playground where Rinpoche hid with his friend Pat on his first runaway attempt. However, it was still nice to see where Rinpoche would have gone to school.

After we left Land O’Pines, we had a surprise phone call from Anila, who said that one of the monks at Nitsan, Lobsang Gyatso, remembered Rinpoche so we rushed back to Nitsan to interview him. Anila was so kind that day – apparently she had been ringing around various people to see if they remembered anything so we could interview them.

After the interview, we dropped Anila home then we found Uncle Dorja at her house and decided to interview him too. He is 80 years old and remembers a lot though it was quite difficult to decipher what he was saying with his strong accent.

Uncle Dorja

We then ended the evening at Aunt Matza’s, where we had an impromptu dinner. Kalmykian hospitality is really legendary! We had a lovely chat with Aunt Matza, though it was marred by a phone call from her sister who had been admitted to hospital because of a heart problem and they wanted to operate immediately.

Day 6: The White House, Virginia and back to Howell

We had the amazing opportunity to visit the White House in Washington D.C. on Thursday. It was a good to see how the tour was conducted, the security issues etc which we could apply to Ladrang and KWPC. The White House is not a museum and all the rooms we saw are in daily use so they rolled back carpets and cordoned off areas just for the tours. It was a good learning experience. We also met the Presidential dog, Bo!

The White House was smaller than I thought. The front entrance looked like a large residential house, rather than what I had seen on TV. Perceptions and reality are quite an interesting contrast.

We then headed back to Virginia to interview Diane then sped back to Howell to interview Aunt Matza one last time. Even though she did not like to be filmed, she very kindly put aside her personal preference so that we could conduct the interview. Aunt Matza also surprised us all by giving us a promise – I won’t reveal it yet – time will tell if it happens! I am so excited! Watch this space at the end of November…

The lovely Aunt Matza

I was quite sad to leave the new friends we made in Howell and Virginia – Sara, Aunt Matza, Anila, the DP sisters, Aunt Meda… they were all so warm and hospitable – full of laughter and their very fond memories of Rinpoche. Even though I only met them for such a short time, it seemed like I knew them forever. I shall never forget Kalmyk hospitality – definitely something to learn from! I am so grateful that this extended family gave Rinpoche the love and affection that any child deserves and which he sadly lacked at home. Rinpoche had often shared with us how appreciative he was of their care and it was very special to experience a glimpse of it during our brief visit.

Day 8: Nina Noronow and family in Florida

Eleven of us descended on Nina Noronow’s house in Florida today. Our group had shrunk because JP stayed behind in New York, and Yee Ling and Diana had returned their respective homes. JP would join us in LA tomorrow but for today, it was just the eleven of us.

Nina was another of Rinpoche’s classmates. We had exchanged a few emails and she had sent me some lovely photos of Rinpoche.

Here’s Nina, Rinpoche and Nina’s sister (Christmas 1975)

Sweet (literally!) gifts from Nina for all of us

Gifts for Nina from Rinpoche and Tsem Ladrang

The Kalmyks have a lovely tradition of gift giving, which Rinpoche practises to a ‘T’! When we were in Howell, Rinpoche’s cousin, Sara, had given all of us gifts, and here in Florida, Nina followed the tradition with little packs of chocolates and souvenirs.

Nina shared with us that Rinpoche was a quiet boy. Dawn Garofalo had said the same thing yesterday and we did wonder if they were talking about the same Rinpoche who is anything but quiet these days! We then deduced that when Rinpoche was in school with Dawn and Nina, he was still very new to the United States and did not speak any English then which was probably why Rinpoche was rather quiet to begin with.

Nina told us that Rinpoche didn’t find much time to play because he would go to the temple after school. Nina’s temple was Nitsan while Rinpoche’s was Rashi Gempil Ling, but she remembers that Rinpoche also visited Nitsan with her, but that during those visits, Rinpoche would always stay behind in the temple even after she left. Rinpoche would spend time there talking to the priests.

Rinpoche never did anything mean to her and was always thoughtful – when most kids would say what they wanted to do, Rinpoche would ask Nina what she wanted to do, and Nina would ask him to play a game called Jacks with her even though he didn’t really like it!

Nina said that she thought what Rinpoche is doing today is awesome and she was very happy for him.

We also had the opportunity to interview Nina’s sisters, Angie and Olga, who also remembered that Rinpoche liked to go to the temple. If people asked where’s Burcha, most likely he was at the temple. Olga said that their house in Howell was on the way between Rinpoche’s home and the temple and he would drop by their house to say hello on his way there. Olga also said that she was amazed at where Rinpoche is today but not surprised because she always felt that he stood out from the other kids.

From the interviews so far, it is very consistent that from a young age, Rinpoche loved being at the temples, and that Rinpoche’s character has always been kind and caring to all those around him.

Next stop: LA!

Day 10: Searching for Traces of a Rinpoche in LA

It was a lovely sunny day – perfect for going in search of traces of Rinpoche in LA. We drove around LA, going on the streets that Rinpoche frequented as a teenager living in the City of Angels. It wasn’t easy to locate where Rinpoche had worked about 20 years ago. Places like the Fotomat where Rinpoche had worked had simply ceased to exist as there was no demand for photo developing services these days. We even wondered what happened to the guy who used to hold up and rob the Fotomat so often that Rinpoche developed a relationship with him!

Rinpoche had given us a guide on where he used to stay – Fenmore apartments which was near a Denny’s, a few blocks from Western and Sunset.

Beng on Western and Sunset

Beng Kooi on the phone with Rinpoche and getting some directions

Unfortunately, we found that Fenmore apartments had been demolished. However, we found the Denny’s and Rinpoche told us that he stood at the bus stop outside Denny’s with a row of newspaper dispensers nearby – and everything was still there as Rinpoche had described. Rinpoche shared that sometimes when he had enough money, he would eat at Denny’s for a treat.

Undeterred by the lack of success in finding Fenmore apartments, we then continued to look for the laundromat that Rinpoche worked in.

And we found it! Rinpoche confirmed that it was the same laundromat and that it all still looked the same.

Inside of the Laundromat

At first I was very happy to find the Laundromat – finally, one place which still existed. But then I was reminded that it was at this Laundromat that one day, Rinpoche received a phonecall which told him that his most precious root Guru, Kyabje Zong Rinpoche, had passed into clear light. I stood in the carpark and contemplated how Rinpoche would have felt and realised I could not even begin to imagine how devastated Rinpoche would have been. A sobering thought.

Day 12: Anila Lobsang Drolma

We drove half way across town to a small residential area to meet a female yoda – Anila Lobsang Drolma – who is a 72 year old nun. She lives alone, suffers from rheumatoid arthritis, has two artificial knees, a leg that was broken and didn’t mend properly leaving her with one leg shorter than the other yet radiates happiness and peace. Her strength of mind is inspirational and we spent a lovely day with her, listening to her talk about Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.

The lovely Anila

Anila happy to see the photo of Rinpoche with H.H. the 14th Dalai Lama and Kensur Jampa Yeshe

Anila offers the roses Tsem Rinpoche sent her to H.H. Kyabje Zong Rinpoche and Geshe Tsultim Gyeltsen.

Anila was the first female student of Geshe Tsultim Gyeltsen and she was ordained by Kyabje Zong Rinpoche in 1982. She spent time with Rinpoche at TDL and said that Rinpoche was always running up and down the stairs, serving Geshela and Zong Rinpoche. She had always felt that there was something more to Rinpoche than just a mere student, though she did not know at the time quite what it was.

Rinpoche says, “Ven Anila Lobsang Drolma was my good friend in Los Angeles and still is. We both attended Thubten Dhargye Ling Dharma Centre. Anila is straightforward, no non-sense, kind, warm, direct and a very caring person. We used to hang out at the centre, eat together, discuss dharma, share dharma books, and attend pujas/teachings together. I would sit next to her most of the time.”

A photo of a young Anila and Rinpoche’s friend Diana at the L.A. Observatory (from Rinpoche’s blog)

Anila shared how hardworking Rinpoche was and how giving. Rinpoche worked 3 jobs and whatever he earned, he would give most of it to the Dharma centre, TDL. It was difficult for Rinpoche but Rinpoche simply wanted to serve.

Day 14-15: Texas!

As time was short and we had too many things to do, we had to split into three groups. My group headed to Texas while the other group went to Arizona and a couple were left behind in L.A. to shoot more footage.

The research group – Jamie, Deedee, Beng Kooi, Chris and I spent the entire Friday travelling from L.A. to Houston, Texas, from 5.30am to 7pm (Texas time); our mission was to meet and interview H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche’s sister, Lidshma Croes.

We arrived in the evening and had a delightful dinner with Lidshma, her husband Marc and daughter Julia at Happy Buddha, a Japanese teppanyaki restaurant.

Lidshma, her daughter Julia and Jamie

Jamie explaining Rinpoche’s biography to the Croes family

The next day was spent at Lidshma’s house, where she shared candidly with us what it was like as part of the Bugayeff family in New Jersey. She was around 21 years old when Rinpoche arrived from Taiwan, brought over by Queen Dechen Minh. Burcha and Dana Bugayeff, Lidshma’s parents, had agreed to adopt the young Rinpoche, Prince Iska Minh, who was then renamed Burcha Bugayeff.

Dana originally came from Yugoslavia and had survived World War II, looking after her younger brother Giga and sister Meda. Dana was a strong young woman, and had Lidshma with a German man, who could not join them when they came to the United States because of immigration reasons. Lidshma herself had come to the US when she was around 9 months old.

It was an interesting interview as it gave depth to Rinpoche’s parents – what their relationship was like and what home life was for the young boy, who came to the United States not speaking a word of English. Unknown to Rinpoche, he was the golden boy who Burcha Senior had imagined would fulfil his dreams of having a son who would have children to carry the Bugayeff name. Rinpoche’s strong inclination for the Dharma was an enormous threat to this dream and Dana and Burcha Senior tried all they could to stop this destiny from coming to fruition.

Lidshma herself was trapped in a situation where face was everything – external appearances were paramount – and she was simply a decorative piece at the best of times, and woe betide any behaviour which would undermine the perfect family which Dana and Burcha Sr. strove to portray. From Lidshma’s sharing of her experience, it gave us an idea of what homelife was like for the young Rinpoche and the hardship he endured, to live up to the expectations of his parents.

Soon after Rinpoche’s arrival in New Jersey, Lidshma left the family home, and it took her a long time to reconcile with the oppression she suffered in the house. Today, she is finally at peace with herself, but it took a long time for her to reach this place.

Fortunately, for an attained being like Rinpoche, Rinpoche does not suffer like us normal human beings although he endures the same hardship. Therefore, for Rinpoche, there are no issues to resolve nor any bitterness to his past; instead, he finds a positive purpose in his previous experiences and uses them to benefit others.

We saw several items from Rinpoche’s childhood, the most precious to me being one of the first Buddha pictures Rinpoche drew, which was of a White Tara thangka. Lidshma offered the drawing back to Rinpoche, along with several other personal items.

Amazing – Rinpoche’s drawing of the White Tara thangka (original on the right) which belonged to Dana. This was one of Rinpoche’s earliest artwork which Lidshma had kept! (Read what H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche says about this painting here)

It was a lovely day with Lidshma – she told us some wonderful stories which we’ll share later. By 4pm, we reluctantly headed off to the airport to get back to Los Angeles for our last night in the United States.