My first flatmate in LA…
Yes this black and white picture was me taken by a friend of mine… I think I was around 17 here with a favorite t-shirt of The Doors on…
When I was around 17 I moved into a studio apt in Los Angeles shared with a flatmate. He was a very nice person, but addicted to substance. When he was on substances, he would be a different person. Someone I didn’t recognize. As time went on, his substance abuse became stronger and heavier… I felt so bad, I was a kid and didn’t know what to do for him… I would come home and he’d have the shades pulled down, laying in his bed, sweating and smelling and very under the influence. He would blast Fleetwood Mac’s Rumour album over and over again non-stop really loud… If I suggested to lower the volume he would be very unhappy. Or if I wanted to open the shade for light, he would protest vehemently.
Sharing an apt with him towards the end became unbearable for a young kid like me… he was around 26 that time. I come home to a dark apt with Fleetwood Mac playing super loud and roommate would be laying in his bed sweating. I really liked him when he was not on the substance and couldn’t understand how people become not themselves when addicted… it was new to me. I use to escape and just wander the LA streets.
Finally he moved back to his parent’s house and I was alone… afraid to manage the rent, but in the end I did. I remember him as a warm, helpful, friendly, kind and generous person which he was… The substance abuse ruined this kind person at the time… I miss him and always wandered what happened to the first flatmate I ever had in LA. May he be well.
I didn’t like Fleetwood Mac at all during those days in the 80’s… but I love them now. I wanted to share this song with everyone. It brings back so much memories of LA both bitter and sweet, my apt, my kind flatmate… I dedicate this song to my flatmate… I hope one day our paths will cross and we will meet again… May you be well wherever you are…
Tsem Rinpoche
This was taken of me in Thubten Dhargye Ling dharma centre back in Los Angeles… Gee was I that young once?? hehe. Anyways… enjoy the music below… it brings back lots of memories for me and maybe for some of you too…
I also dedicate this song for all the people who I don’t see anymore, who have left for one reason or another… you are not in my life now, but you are not forgotten and I always wish you well wherever you… some of you even come back…
Or view the video on the server at:
https://video.tsemtulku.com/videos/FleetwoodMacDreams.mp4
Fleetwood Mac – Dreams from 1977
LYRICS
Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well, who am I to keep you down?
It’s only right that you should
Play the way you feel itBut listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had
And what you lost…
And what you had…
And what you lost(Oooooh)
Oh, thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Say, women…they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know
You’ll knowNow here I go again, I see, the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It’s only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you’d like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness…
Like a heartbeat drives you mad…
In the stillness of remembering
What you had
And what you lost…
What you had…
Ooh, what you lostThunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll knowOh, thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Say women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know
You’ll know
You will know
Oh, oh, oh you’ll know
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1984 Los Angeles-Left to right: Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen, His Holiness Kyabje Zong Rinpoche, monk assistant to Zong Rinpoche and the 18-year-old Tsem Rinpoche prior to ordination. Read more- https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/category/me
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A poem inspired by seeing a picture of my teacher, Kyabje Zong Rinpoche…
In the sport of correct views,
all that is correct is just a view,
without permanence or substance.
As long as we hold onto views,
our sufferings are gathered
to be experienced without end.
Without the strong methods of emptiness
and compassion, bereft of merit,
we sink deeper without respite.
To arise from this samsara is but
a dreamscape on the deluded mind.
Therefore seek the guru, who confers the yidam,
hold your vows and fixate on liberation
free of new creations. Free of new experiences as
there are none.
~ Tsem Rinpoche
Composed in Tsem Ladrang, Kuala Lumpur on July 7, 2014
I was walking past a second hand shop on Western Ave selling old things. They had a Japanese-style clay Buddha which was beige in colour on the floor, holding the door open. I thought the shopkeeper would collect a lot of negative karma without knowing if he kept such a holy item on the floor as a doorstop. So I went in to talk to him, but he didn’t look like he wanted to talk or that he even cared. So I asked him the price and he said US$5. I purchased it so he did not collect more negative karma. I was 17 years old and that was in 1982.
I escorted my new Buddha home and washed it lightly and wiped it. I placed it on my altar and was happy with the Buddha. I would do my meditations, prayers, sadhanas, mantras and prostrations in front of this shrine daily. When I left for India in 1987, I could not bring this Buddha along and gave it to a friend. It was a nice size and I made offerings to this Buddha for many years in Los Angeles. In front of the Buddha I placed His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s photo. I remember I was so relieved that the price was affordable. But US$5 that time was still expensive for me but worth it I thought. But I was happy to have brought the Buddha home. Tsem Rinpoche
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Tsem Rinpoche at Kechara Forest Retreat, Bentong, Malaysia
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People on drugs lose themselves, either entirely or partially. I am glad that so far I don’t have this similar encounter like Rinpoche has gone through, although this also means that I lose out a chance to learn so that I can better manage the situation, or to know how to help such people if I ever come into one in the future.
Many of them did not know the consequences of getting involved in drugs and they end up getting into deep troubles. We read this many times on newspapers.
Better to stay away, no matter how tempting these drugs look to us.
omg.. i actually know this song.. it was re-sung by The Corrs! Didn’t know it was from 1977! i really like this song. Now only i know the lyrics and wow, it seems to be about impermanence and the loneliness that comes from attachment.
i know a number of my overseas friends who take drugs at parties… if i hadn’t learned a bit of Dharma back then i might have even joined them… Sure, they are “having fun” and “feel happy” but… really its such a waste of time, youth, money, health… they are already fun and happy people to begin with, i don’t know why they would want to directly take poison just for that fleeting dose of “happiness”. being greedy for quick fix happiness.
I find this post quite touching… “I really liked him when he was not on the substance and couldn’t understand how people become not themselves when addicted” I relate this to when a friend is angry and totally not their usual self, to look beyond the “anger high” they are experiencing and remember they are not being their usual selves at that moment of anger… this could help us not react back in anger and fuel the “addiction”.
This blog trigger me to think of my roommates,i wonder where they are now and how are they? First time staying out from home i was about age 20. One room was shared by 4 persons. Then i moved out from hostel, to save money ,i had to squeeze into a room with another 5 persons. What is fun about having room mates was, we can see how they looked like when they are asleep. What is not so fun, i need to tolerate all kind of “habits” and “nonsense”, e.g: “dream talks”. Over the time, i hardly remember who they are. Especially the 5 peoples that i shared room with. I wonder why i can’t remember them.
there is music in everyones life that stops them in their tracks i love the wiggles still gives me goose bumps my 16 year olds favourite group fourteen years ago and for me it was Leo sayer, he lives in Sydney now , Train oh Train the journey ends and starts again
What beautiful music by the band. Though Rinpoche did not know what to do for his flatmate then, but now Rinpoche have gotten the training and methods to benefit beings of all walks of life and levels! Hence it shows Rinpoche really walks the talk.
Rinpoche came for a very interesting era, it’s the 70’s – the end of hippie era and into 80’s where disco is borned and all other possibilities that created Madonna (still going strong). It was an era of soul finding, wasted youth, sex drugs and rock n roll. When the world come crashing with AIDS and disco, Rinpoche did not get distracted by none of these, in fact Rinpoche chose to pursue dharma at the hardest time. In a samsaric version, hardest time is equivalent to the FUN time for us people. It was a total freedom era, expressing yourself, rebel against the norm, the Warhol and the sex pistols!
Even thought they are still inspiration today. But how many have faded? How many remained a legend but dead. How many were appreciated while alive? And how many remained the best? Rinpoche indeed chooses the right path. Look at the how many people are inspired and still inspired by Rinpoche.
So many of my friends went unheard. A lot of time I wondered how are they now. Are they still the same or has reality bring them down? Or are they still chasing stars?
Fleetwood Mac…..ah!…lots and lots of good memories of my upper six form. Music was music those days. Today….I rest my case. Wonderful memory albeit fleeting. Reminded us that we were too handsome once. Today, we are just simply ……gorgeous at this age. Lol.
This post has a few dimensions to it, all of which are wonderful. First, people came and go in our lives and after a while they fade into the deeper recesses of our memory but in Rinpoche’s case, Rinpoche doesn’t forget anyone and instead, are grateful to have met everyone regardless of how they treated him. Rinpoche looks for what is good in everyone and remembers them as that. Rinpoche speaks fondly of his first flatmate, and Mr. Kuan, his paternal father and everyone who has come into his life.
Second, we can never be reminded enough times of Rinpoche’s background and the obstacles he had to overcome to be the High Lama he is today. Rinpoche wasn’t given the golden child treatment and as a result he can identify and relate to all kinds of human issues and problems. I always felt that if anyone had a good reason to feel depressed it would have to be him, and instead he turned the harshness of life on its head, stepped on it, to sit on the throne of a Bodhissatva.
Third, the lyrics of the song are apt and meaningful. The first two stanzas are questions we have to ask ourselves if we have dharma and the love of a Guru in our grasp but we slipped up because we wanted to do things our way. Interestingly the members of the band were all going through some crisis while recording the album-“We had to go through this elaborate exercise of denial,” explains Buckingham to Blender Magazine, “keeping our personal feelings in one corner of the room while trying to be professional in the other.”
Finally, i really like how Rinpoche is not stuck on things he didn’t like in the past and found reasons to appreciate everything.
i love the lyrics
“But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had
And what you lost…
And what you had…
And what you lost”
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your story and this song with us.
🙂
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing part of your life with us. At a young age Rinpoche would have to be independent and fend for yourself where as I am still living comfortably at home. And now Rinpoche is also going through hardship in training and teaching students like us.
Thank you also for the beautiful song.
It is always interesting to read about Rinpoche’s childhood/teenage life. It always inspire me. Rinpoche comes from a difficult breakground whereby if most of us would have gone through, we would been broken, torn and bitter.
Sometimes, when I think how spoilt am I now, I realised is because I did not need to go through MUCH hardship in my life when I was young. The results of who we are now, I truly believe that it is related to our upbringing but if your mind is strong and fpcus like our Rinpoche here, we can turn the pain into determination to succeed.
Thank u Rinpoche for having in your prayers (in your previous life) to be born in condition so difficult as this and being very inspiring to many of us.
I really love this song. the version i heard was the one sung by The Corrs which is more upbeat but retains the spirit of the original version. It brings back much memories as when i was younger, the only friends i had was flippant and would only act as my friend whenever they wanted something and became my enemy or a stranger the next day, and then friend again when they wanted something from me. This song consoled me and made me realize that people cannot be trusted to be stable. I distanced myself from people after that.
even now, some of my close friends are still flippant in their attitude and care towards me. which hurts me a lot as it digs on all the old wounds.
Reading Rinpoche’s dedication made me realize that relying on Rinpoche is the best choice i have ever made as Rinpoche will never hurt me intentionally or unintentionally in any way, unlike samsaric friends.
Dear Rinpoche. Thank you for the song of Fleetwood Mac. I quite like them. Nice music and lyrics. Wonder if he listens to Led Zeppelin than. Maybe being under the influence of substance could and listening to Fleetwood mac was his only expression of his emotions. I pray that he is well and you to be well. Emotions can be harmful to our body. Please be well my dear Guru.