Why Losing a Dog Can Be Harder than Losing a Relative or Friend
Dear friends around the world,
The popular saying goes, “Dogs are a man’s best friend”. Most of us may not realise the deeper meaning behind this common adage but it definitely holds great weight in the hearts of dog lovers.
To some, dogs or other pets are seen as just “animals”. These people may think that animals are senseless living beings, incapable of feeling pain and love. These same people may also think that mankind is more superior and that we can do whatever we want to animals as long as it benefits us. However, this is very wrong thinking because it will lead us to inflict more harm on animals, whether they are our pets or otherwise.
It is important that we love everyone, including our pets, while they are alive. Time is short and when our loved ones pass away, it’s too late for us to do anything but cry. For instance, when we hit a problem, lose money, a car, a house or fight with our friends, it is very difficult. But in time, we can recover from it. We can get another car, another house, make more money and slowly make up with our friends. So although we can be extremely sad, there is still hope and a chance to fix the problem.
However, in the case of death, no matter what we do, the person cannot be replaced or repaired. We will never see them again. They are gone forever and we have to live with our loss. So, we should be kind and loving to everyone around us now, especially our pets who love us unconditionally. Dogs, in particular, are incredibly loyal and give us so much comfort especially when things are difficult. They are always by our side when we need them, through ups and downs. So when they are gone, it is as though we have lost a part of ourselves and it is difficult to imagine our life without them.
This article talks about the pain that dog owners go through when their beloved dogs die. In reading, I can feel that the author really loved his dog and suffered very much when it passed away. He didn’t see or treat his dog as “just a dog”. I too have dogs and I know exactly how he feels.
Please read the article and imagine yourself in the author’s shoes. If you feel anything at all, then please always be kind to animals and do everything you can to relief their pain, hunger, suffering and repay their loyalty and love in this manner.
Tsem Rinpoche
Why Losing a Dog Can Be Harder than Losing a Relative or Friend
By Frank T McAndrew Posted 12 Apr 2017 14:35 Updated 12 Apr 2017 15:48
A Corgi dog is seen at the world premiere of “The Crown” at Leicester Square in London, Britain November 1, 2016. REUTERS/Eddie Keogh
Those who have loved a dog know the truth: Your own pet is never “just a dog.”
Recently, my wife and I went through one of the more excruciating experiences of our lives – the euthanasia of our beloved dog, Murphy. I remember making eye contact with Murphy moments before she took her last breath – she flashed me a look that was an endearing blend of confusion and the reassurance that everyone was okay because we were both by her side.
When people who have never had a dog see their dog-owning friends mourn the loss of a pet, they probably think it’s all a bit of an overreaction; after all, it’s “just a dog.”
However, those who have loved a dog know the truth: Your own pet is never “just a dog.”
Many times, I’ve had friends guiltily confide in me that they grieved more over the loss of a dog than over the loss of friends or relatives. Research has confirmed that for most people, the loss of a dog is, in almost every way, comparable to the loss of a human loved one.
Unfortunately, there’s little in our cultural playbook – no grief rituals, no obituary in the local newspaper, no religious service – to help us get through the loss of a pet, which can make us feel more than a bit embarrassed to show too much public grief over our dead dogs.
Perhaps if people realised just how strong and intense the bond is between people and their dogs, such grief would become more widely accepted. This would greatly help dog owners to integrate the death into their lives and help them move forward.
Katie McCloughlin lies with Topsy, her English Setter, during the third day of the Crufts Dog Show in Birmingham, Britain March 11, 2017. (Photo: Reuters)
An Interspecies Bond like No Other
What is it about dogs, exactly, that make humans bond so closely with them?
For starters, dogs have had to adapt to living with humans over the past 10,000 years. And they’ve done it very well: They’re the only animal to have evolved specifically to be our companions and friends. Anthropologist Brian Hare has developed the “Domestication Hypothesis” to explain how dogs morphed from their grey wolf ancestors into the socially skilled animals that we now interact with in very much the same way as we interact with other people.
Perhaps one reason our relationships with dogs can be even more satisfying than our human relationships is that dogs provide us with such unconditional, uncritical positive feedback. (As the old saying goes, “May I become the kind of person that my dog thinks I already am.”)
This is no accident. They have been selectively bred through generations to pay attention to people, and MRI scans show that dog brains respond to praise from their owners just as strongly as they do to food (and for some dogs, praise is an even more effective incentive than food). Dogs recognize people and can learn to interpret human emotional states from facial expression alone. Scientific studies also indicate that dogs can understand human intentions, try to help their owners and even avoid people who don’t cooperate with their owners or treat them well.
Not surprisingly, humans respond positively to such unrequited affection, assistance and loyalty. Just looking at dogs can make people smile. Dog owners score higher on measures of well-being and they are happier, on average, than people who own cats or no pets at all.
In fact, the high rate of dog ownership has prompted Shanghai officials to impose a “one-dog policy” – limiting owners to a single canine. (Photo: AFP)
Like a Member of the Family
Our strong attachment to dogs was subtly revealed in a recent study of “misnaming.” Misnaming happens when you call someone by the wrong name, like when parents mistakenly call one of their kids by a sibling’s name. It turns out that the name of the family dog also gets confused with human family members, indicating that the dog’s name is being pulled from the same cognitive pool that contains other members of the family. (Curiously, the same thing rarely happens with cat names.)
It’s no wonder dog owners miss them so much when they’re gone.
Psychologist Julie Axelrod has pointed out that the loss of a dog is so painful because owners aren’t just losing the pet. It could mean the loss of a source of unconditional love, a primary companion who provides security and comfort, and maybe even a protégé that’s been mentored like a child.
A dog enjoys an ice cream given by its owner at an ice-cream shop where ice cream is designed especially for canines in Mexico City. (Photo: Reuters)
The loss of a dog can also seriously disrupt an owner’s daily routine more profoundly than the loss of most friends and relatives. For owners, their daily schedules – even their vacation plans – can revolve around the needs of their pets. Changes in lifestyle and routine are some of the primary sources of stress.
According to a recent survey, many bereaved pet owners will even mistakenly interpret ambiguous sights and sounds as the movements, pants and whimpers of the deceased pet. This is most likely to happen shortly after the death of the pet, especially among owners who had very high levels of attachment to their pets.
While the death of a dog is horrible, dog owners have become so accustomed to the reassuring and nonjudgmental presence of their canine companions that, more often than not, they’ll eventually get a new one.
So yes, I miss my dog. But I’m sure that I’ll be putting myself through this ordeal again in the years to come.
Frank T McAndrew is the Cornelia H. Dudley Professor of Psychology at Knox College and an elected Fellow of several professional organizations, including the Association for Psychological Science. This article first appeared on The Conversation.
Source: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/lifestyle/commentary-why-losing-a-dog-can-be-harder-than-losing-a-relative/3672028.html
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Please try to understand that the photo of the poodle standing upright, is cruelty in it’s worst form. Those dogs are trained to walk upright and have to endure excrutiating pain. Please consider removing the photo.
Animals show love for humans! Cow, lions, apes, dogs, bears, parrots and more can all be very affectionate and show surprising emotions when it comes to expressing their love for people. An emotional animals hugging humans video.
https://video.tsemtulku.com/videouploads/comment-1546455946.mp4
Talking about losing dog, relative, or friend, I guess it is very much due to the attachment. The emotional bond that forms between one another. It might not be a living animal/human but non-living object. I’ve read this article which I find it meaningful.
https://psmag.com/social-justice/history-humans-loving-inanimate-objects-75192
Therefore, I think it is not so much on losing dog/relative/friend, level of attachment matters a lot.
I think most of the human like the company from the dog. That feeling closesness will let human forget about loneliness temperory. However losing a dog or pets will lead human emotional because scar of losing thing you love and affection toward it.
Dog is indeed the best friend of human being. Sad to say, human being is always the biggest traitor of the dog, in fact, all animals.. scary human being..
我从来没有养过宠物， 所以无法真正的体会失去一只狗可能会比失去一个亲戚或朋友更难过，作为佛教徒，这意味着我们没有达到平等对待所有有情的众生，不过但与那些爱狗的朋友在一起，发现他们的宠物永远不是“只是一只狗”， 而更像”家庭成员“，而这个所谓的”家庭成员“是可以很好的一位倾听者，忠诚和有些甚至可以保护你，难能可贵的是狗可以无条件的爱及不加批判的正面回馈主人，或许就是如此一旦陪伴十几年的狗离开了，主人会很悲痛。
Dog is a very special animal on earth, they can melt a cold people’s heart, they can cheer a sad person up, they can give you a broken heart, they can irritate you to the max, they can help you to release your stress, they will help you to forget your difficulties, and the list goes on.
Why is dog important in our life? Because they made us a caring person:
There is once i read a news, there is a dog owner who built a small house for his dog, he even install an aircond inside the small house for his dog, so that the dog can rest inside the house when he felt hot.
Why is dog important in our life? Because they are our family member, not friends or even relative, but our family:
I once read a news online, there is an owner’s dog passed away, the whole family was on leave for 2 days including their children who are schooling also took leave to settle the dog’s cremation and to send their dog’s off for the last time. They cried, they grieved for the dog’s passing.
Why are dog special?
You may not be a dog lover, but once you take care of a dog for a month, you will become a dog lover eventually, because that dog has already took up a position in your heart. 🙂
I had pet dog long long time ago when I was very young, but that time I didn’t really feel the lost when my dog passed away. After that I had never kept a dog until my wife and I rescued a dog several months ago. Although we didn’t keep the dog after rescuing him, he was kept in a shelter under good hand of Khoo, but the whole processing of rescuing and sending him and discharging him from hospital, and seeing him recovering day by day, is really feeling fear, joy and tragic at the same time. It is because he was diagnosed with kidney failure, and passed away months after his wound recovered.
Actually, either loosing relatives and friends or a dog, both give us the same hard feeling, depends on the bonding we have with our relatives and friends and the dog. In many cases, loosing a dog leave us harder feelings is because dogs are always men’s best companion. Although they can’t talk, but they can always give us comfort, listen to us, keep us company, and, they know how we feel and seems like they can read our mind.
I never really had a pet dog. It’s more of a family dog. I have cat pet before and the moment I received the news that she has passed away I cried non-stop. It is like loosing a companion. My cat died tragicly while I was away for holiday. She was attacked by 2 dogs and died instantly. It took me quite some time to get use without her presence.
I was never a dog person prior to this and what happened was i got exposed to dogs (poodles to be precise) when i was seeing my the then girlfriend. As days gone by, the bond was sort of established and we never really looked back ever since. My ‘fear’ in them had since gone as they were adorable and loyal friend to have which was unimaginable prior to this. I probably wouldn’t be as affectionate with cats, snakes or other animals to be precise as i feel dogs are extremely loyal animals and they know how to be submissive to their owner which i feel is the most important element in why people become very attached to their dogs while humans are not as always loyal and more likely to fall out of love with another over time.
Dogs are a fun, loving creatures to have. They see, they cherished and they followed you when they starting to like you. My family have taken care numerous dogs for the past 20 years. The most memorable moment was the first dog my family adopted whom we named him Lucky.
My whole family adored him and he grew up became a very strong, smart, active and happy dog. Friends, relatives who came for visiting will praise him. There is once, we found out he could open house gate door which draw us in surprised as later found out my sister thought him that!! His secret escape from home causes us much worried and my dad had to place another latch lock beyond his reach. There were even one time, he sneaking and took a bite on my mom newly make mooncake. All of us aren’t mad at him in fact making jokes of it as a first taster on my mom’s cookery.
Having him into our life, he changes our thoughts, feelings towards other animals and sentient beings. He thought us what is love, loyalty and compassion as he shown it to us from his action. Though his living for only 14 years, I believed he is the happiest dog for he had this family that loved him.
I have always had a dog as a family companion or pet for the longest time as they were adopted by my children and grandchildren, but personally I never adopted a dog on my own.
I suppose I am not an animal lover but had felt kindness towards dogs especially the stray ones who run around without food and shelter.
However having met my Guru, and received His teachings on the Dharma that all sentient beings could have been my mother who cared and loved me, I have looked at sentient beings other than human beings with a new attitude. I no longer feel disassociated from animals and feel for their happiness and sadness.
Our family dog, Spot is now grossly spoilt as the disciplinarian (me) had stopped being too strict with him and even permits him frequent access into the house. I am glad that the Dharma has brought me closer in sync with dogs and all other sentient beings. May I learn more and be even kinder with passing days.
I may not fully understand how it feels like to lose a pet, be it a dog, cat, mouse, snake, bird, fish because I did not truly had one. I could only imagine how devastated one would feel if their pet died especially having built a strong bond over many years. I could be wrong but some pet owners do not grieve as much as others, maybe their pet was ‘just a pet.’ Maybe some people keep pets for whatever reason and did not really bond with them. Some of the pets ended up as strays when they cannot serve the purpose of the owners anymore. Worse still, exotic imported pets are let loose and the owners think the pets could survive on their own.
Dog always being considered as a loyal animal and this make a lot of people appreciate their quality and able to be best friend or even part of their family. The unique interaction between human and dog is fascinating. Even we are not the same but dog able to understand our feelings and will behave accordingly. I believe this is why people love them so much.
It’s important for us to appreciate what we have and everyone around us be it our loved ones, family, friends, pets or any beings. I believe being appreciative will make us value everything around us and will make us always remember the positive things more instead of negative or unhappy moment. With this we should treat them well while they are still around and do something beneficial so that it will benefit them even when they are no longer with us.
As a Buddhist, we can recite mantra or bring them for circumambulation around holy/blessed monument to get blessing. This is one of the way how a good imprint can be planted and this will benefit them in their future. Being an animal they are not able to read, learn or understand the teaching like us but we can help them to get blessing for future benefit.
I agree with the topic! A friend let us take care of her dog for 2 weeks, while she was away traveling. During that time, I was extremely attached to him and I even let him sleep right next to me. The owner didn’t even allow the dog to be on the bed and didn’t have much time for him. I kinda felt pity for him for not having love and attention but at the same time there was something about him that made me feel extremely comfortable/loving with him. His owner picked him up while I was away at work and when I found out, I cried uncontrollably and felt a void, in my heart and on my bed. And the best part was, he is not even dead! After some time, the owner did the same again, and left him with us as she saw how much we love him and took care of him. One day, she decided to let us keep him! He is still with us today, with a loving family who pays a lot of attention to him and always making sure he is loved.
You guys are going to have a cute attack with these two super adorable videos of Tsem Rinpoche’s doggies Oser and Dharma.-
https://youtu.be/JX1UdH7IjQ8
And
https://youtu.be/YGD7CtNmnuI
The videos JUST came out!
Enjoy!
When dog owners share a close bond with dogs, people begin to realise how close dogs are to humans in characteristics such as loyalty, their capacity to love and how they too can suffer physical pain like us. They are forgiving and always aim to please. This is why people always say dogs are better than humans. hehe.
Dogs bring so much joy to their humans, it is almost impossible to not be devastated losing a dog. Merely thinking the possibility of it one day is devastating. ?
H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche loves animals and is passionate against their harm, torture, and abuse.
The few minutes a day we spend on social media creating awareness for animals who cannot speak is purely spiritual and humanistic practice because we are trying to alleviate pain from another sentient beings and that makes us more spiritual, and that makes us more spiritual and more humane.
Dogs are men’s best friend treat your pet like your loved ones and be kind to them. I have a pet dog before, her name was Coffee, she was a golden retriever. When I was 3 or 4 years old , I remember that she was very playful and sometimes I would ride on her and she allowed me to do that. One day, as my dad was moving his car out of the gate, Coffee took the chance and ran off. Later, we found her in an Indian home. She was happy living there and so we let her stay with the Indian family, we would often visit her. Later she grew older and passed away of old age in the home. Even now, I would still think of her and I miss her.
Few days ago, I just read through some stories about the relationships within dogs, owners and baby. Dogs save baby’s life by dignosis a disease and get a earlier treatment.
Guide Dog is an example how the dogs loyal and help blind people in their daily life but in some countries, Guide Dogs are not allow in public spot due to religious issue.(sad about it).
Rinpoche teach us to treat all animals like our family member and give them unconditional love especially stray dogs or cat. Rinpoche will stop-by and give foods to stray dogs whenever he saw the stray dogs.
Rinpoche’s action inspired many people to take initiatives to care about their pets.
I am looking forward that Malaysia can allow Guide Dogs to help blind people in future.
Jason
When we truly love and care for another being like a family, whether this other being is a dog or cat, a child or a stranger, it will break our heart when it is gone. Many people may not be capable of this emotion towards a pet but as we evolved, we will realize we are capable to develop such feelings for animals. It is common in the west to have pets cemetery because of this reason. Thank you for this article, Rinpoche.
Dogs don’t judge nor disagree with you. They just love you and stays near you and follows you around. They just give unconditional love. So, yes, losing a dog is very painful. But, that normally does not stop a pet lover from having another dog as companion. In fact, it the more reason to have another dog around.
In a way, adopting another dog also eases the suffering of the dog and there is now an owner who can look after it’s needs.
But, it is also a form of attachment for the person. One becomes attached being loved unconditionally and feelings of being in control of the happiness of another. We just have to recognise that part and love the dog but not get too attached to it.
It is indeed difficult when a person loss his/her pet. It is never easy because for many pet owners they don’t treat their dog/cat literally but as part of their family. Especially for dog and their nature, they are so loyal and the bonding with human is very strong. Hence, it is understandable that pet owners will grieve over the death of their dog. Every pet owners will mourn or grieve at different extent. As family member and friends we should understand the situation and extend our assistance to comfort them.
Losing a beloved animal companion can be a heart-rending experience. There is usually a poignant story to share about a cherished dog or cat’s passing and the void is comparable to losing a close family member or friend. However, as the article rightly pointed out, when we lose a close relative in death, people generally offer support to help us move through the grieving process. Mourning for the loss of a pet is a different story. More often than not, there is much less sympathy or support and some might even belittle such sense of loss. It is important to bear in mind that for most pet owners, a pet becomes part of their family and daily life. Thus, such loss is really profound. There is no correct way to grieve and work through this process, as everyone walks down a different journey with a pet. However, regardless of how the grieving process is, support and understanding during such difficult times would always be valued and appreciated.
I can relate to the writer’s experience. I’m a dog person and had dogs all my life. My dad was also a dog lover and often we had more dogs than the neighbours would like, people complained and Dad had to give some of them away. It broke his heart and he cried buckets. Somehow I don’t understand cats and can’t relate to them. Dogs have a special place in my heart and if I would have a pet, it would be a dog.
My current dog is my children’s first experience having a dog. She is part of the family and has brought us so much joy and is such great company. Most often our conversations are centered on our dog! She has her own personality and temperament that we understand and are used to; generally she’s a good dog.
It is true that dogs (animals) feel pain and sorrow too. The day I brought her home as a puppy, she had to part with her brothers and sister. Somehow she knew and as I carried her, I felt a lot of liquid dripping onto my feet. I thought she was peeing but to my great surprise, she was weeping.
She is especially close to my son and takes him as her master. When he is at home, she loves to be by his side and will keep licking him, i.e. her way of expressing her love and affection.
I can’t imagine what it will be like if we have to part one day. It will be painful and my son especially, will be devasted I’m sure.
Cats and Dogs people are quite different their outlooks and their view of the world. Having had cats and now dogs, dogs require our care and attention much much more than cats in general. Cats have quite a free spirited nature and are quite independent for most part.
I feel animals can have that place in our hearts if we let them in, dogs are always so accepting and so loving, cats I always find that you always like to figure them out a bit, they have some air of mystery about them. I think why people can bond so much with their dogs is because the dogs are so accepting to us, regardless who we are. Thats is a very powerful bond.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing the article. It is very true that dog can build a very close bond to human being. They are very loyal and will even sacrifice their lives for us, their love to us is unconditionally. Dogs are trained to sniff drugs, poisons, to rescue people, to guide the blind etc. There are also stories about dogs getting sad or depressed after their owner has passed away. The famous Japanese dog Hachiko waited everyday at the train station for his master after the passing of the master for 9 years. His loyalty for his master is deeply admired by the Japanese and people all around the world.
Even though dogs cannot speak or talk, but it doesn’t mean they don’t have emotions, they don’t feel anything. It is probably because they cannot communicate with us, therefore they express their love to human with their actions. This is more precious than words.
When we decide to own a pet, we have to treat them as if they are one of our family members. Give them the love and care as if we are giving to our children, parents or siblings. If as a parent we will not give up our children regardless, we should do the same to our dogs. If we are not prepared to do this, it is best we don’t keep a dog. Dog has feelings and emotions like us, treat them with love and care because they will never abandon us no matter what.
Dogs , as anthropologists have explained , are the only animals to have evolved specifically to become our companions and friends.They have morphed into the socially skilled animals that we now interact with in very much the same way as we interact with other people.They have come to be popularly known as man’s best friend – very loyal and protective of their owners. Dog lovers just simply cannot help but develop very strong and intense bonds with their pet dogs, whose love for them is unconditional.
Hence, when a dog lover’s pet dies, the loss can be more painful than the loss of a human loved one. It’s like losing family.
In general, there is still a lack of public understanding about this deep and intense bond, and there are still people who see the grief shown by pet lovers over the loss of their pets as a “bit of an overreaction”; after all, it’s “just a dog.”
I thank Rinpoche for showing me how when Rinpoche’s beloved pet dog, Mumu, passed away, that mourning for him was like mourning over the loss of a beloved member of the family, just as he had taught me when my cat died some time ago, that she was family and to pray for her as I would pray for a member of my family who had passed away.
Thank you Rinpoche for this touching article about losing a dog. I can share how i feel because because my grandparents and uncle use to have dog pets,and my sister,Vivian used to have a very intelligent female cat who was chased and frightened to death by stray dogs in the middle of the night while my sis and i was away KL visiting another uncle. It has become too sad and unacceptable to have pets anymore.Moreover,it’s too much of a hassle for me to take care of one.
Dear Rinpoche ,
I can relate to this article. I will forever miss by beloved Belle, Coco and Kid. They are part of my life. Losing them is like losing part of me. Their memories lingers forever .
Our pets are a source of unconditional love; their loyalty and compassion for us is endless.They are part of our family.I do have a poodle mixed dog.She is so adorable, love by all of us and always a place in our heart.Whenever we’re feeling lonely, she greet us and are there to dry our tears in their fluffy fur.The bond between my poodle and the rest of us is everlasting ,i can say that.I cannot imagine if i am going to loose her one day.
All of these reasons amount to why losing our dog is utterly heartbreaking and painful ,can be harder than losing a close one.It could mean the loss of a source of unconditional love, security and comfort.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article and teachings.To love everyone around us while they are alive.
May Mumu have a good and swift rebirth close to Dharma.
I can relate to the writer’s feelings because my pet dog who was with me for the past 15 years passed away about 3 months ago. He was a companion in times of loneliness, a comfort in times of sadness and an everyday joy which never fails to touch my heart. His final days with me were very painful seeing this once robust little guy turning into a vegetable. The vet advised me to euthanize him to end his sufferings. Luckily at that same time I was turning to dharma so I strongly protested. I prayed to the Medicine Buddha to relieve him of his sufferings and not long after he passed away very peacefully. It was very painful and I am so thankful that I was able to cope with this loss through dharma. But being humans we cannot help but still have a sense of attachment and I still do miss this little guy. I pray that he will have a good and swift rebirth and hopefully I can be connected to him again. Thank you Rinpoche for this heartwarming article. ???
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article. I have never been a dog owner before myself but I have been a cat owner myself. When my cat died, I was outstation and when I came back and ask my uncle about it, he told me that my cat was attacked by stray dogs and died. I was so so sad until I cried non-stop. I missed my cat “Michelle” a lot till this day as she is one of the more intelligent cats. She will sleep below my bed and she will wake me up from sleep when my grandmother calls for me. She even protect the dog that my uncle saved from the market. I really hope that she has a good and swift rebirth. I also pray for Mumu’s good and swift rebirth. May Mumu come back as a Dharma teacher in Pabongka Rinpoche, Dorje Shugden and Vajrayogini’s lineage.
With folded palms,
Vivian
Sorry to hear about your cat. Yes cats are also very very close to us more than we know. I suppose how close we are to our animals is how much we open ourselves to them. I hope my care for my animals will get better with time.