I BELONG IN THE MOUNTAINS….
Since I was very young, I had a yearning to live in the mountains in a hut or a large cave protected from the elements. Within this dwelling I would have a fantastic large statue of a Buddha/VajraYogini on my shrine with butterlamps offered to them and continuously burning.
This place in my imagination and intense yearning has water nearby, lots of trees, green, grassy and peaceful animals roaming freely, wildly and have no fear of me or I them.
I would eat natural foods that are available. I would see a large expanse of open space and mountains also. The mountains are very important. The air is crisp, fresh and cool but not cold. I must see green and mountains. I need that. I belong there. I wish to be there. I hope to be there. I want to be there. I beg and pray to be there. It is my home. It is where my mind feels most comfortable. I need to be there always…but I can’t be. I have to stay in the city to teach, teach,explain, explain, talk, guide, and meet endless amount of ppl. I have to stay and find comfort in the few trees growing around me. I have to have a house or room that at least looks at greenery. That would keep me connected to what I really want to do and where I want to be but can’t. I want that connection…
I would be very happy here in this type of green mountainous place doing my practices, mantras, prostrations, offerings and reading the holy dharma. I would spend my life in this place and gain exalted attainments. I would fantasize, dream, wish and yearn so strongly for such a place. I wanted and still yearn to live in such a place.
Sometimes even now the yearning is so strong and intense that it’s painful at times. I have to remember the promise I have made to my teachers and continue to do what I am doing. I never wanted to be a teacher or a guru. I wanted to retreat and stay in the mountains. To engage in practices. I cannot disobey the requests of my teachers. I must stay….in the city with sparse green leaved trees around to see through a grilled window….
When I was very young in New Jersey, I drew endless pictures of mountains with nearby lakes and I would live there. No one said these things to me or showed me pictures, but I wanted to be there so much. My nightmare is to live in a place with no greens, all concrete, sandy, barren or in the middle of a city. It makes me apprehensive, uncomfortable and I know it is not home…
I would draw endless Buddhas and paint them or crayon their colors in. Wishing I was in the mountains meditating on these Buddhas…that is what I was suppose to do…I knew that from a very young age as I know that now…
This is the hut I should be in. I can’t be there..so i must look at the pictures and pretend to be there. Pretend to stare at wonderment of the sacred Vajra Yogini statue in my hut with a butterlamp flickering in front of Her as my offering of Wisdom to this Noble Lady of Crimson. To engage in Her practices without interferences or distractions…..and to gain Her sacred realizations as promised by Naropa and Pabongka Rinpoche…..also Heruka…When can I ever get there???
I don’t like ocean front views, but I am so yearning the mountains. I only want mountains…greens..trees…dharma…meditation…practice….letting all the illusionary world dissolve as they really never existed anyways….
As I grow older and closer to my death, my yearnings of a distant childhood wish to be in the mountains still burns strongly in my chest….although I am changed, yet I am the same….
Will I get there? Will I be able to have something I really want or just continue as I am????
May all beings’ immense wrong perceptions, sufferings that arise from that and it’s results come to me.
May they feel freedom, happiness and be released from the shackles of karma. May they never be separated from the Queen of Crimson hue who waits for us…
Please support us so that we can continue to bring you more Dharma:
If you are in the United States, please note that your offerings and contributions are tax deductible. ~ the tsemrinpoche.com blog team