Short & simple
Tolerance is an interesting word. It denotes the object is at fault or difficult to deal with. Be it so in some cases as there is reality to contend with. If the subject changes the views, then the object although in certain circumstances are difficult, still the subject will not have to ‘tolerate’ so much. But this tolerance is transformed into acceptance, compassion and forgiveness for others and even it can motivate the subject to find a way to break through to the object of one’s once tolerance. To simply abandon an object of tolerance means we will spend the rest of our lives only tolerating which can lead to a build up of anger and unncessary effects that harm. Because where in the world do we find perfection to be only enjoyed and nothing to be tolerated? Tolerance denotes subject has no fault and only object is to be blamed. This is wrong. In other words projections and expectations of everyone around us is the cause for suffering, anger and feeling we’ve been slighted. The more we work on changing our attitude from tolerance to acceptance and perhaps finding ways to inspire others to be better, we will never find a tolerance free zone. So more practical the subject works on itself and not keep blaming the objects.
Tsem Rinpoche
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Beautifully expressed, I agree with you. I wish you blessings.
When we are tolerant of someone, we are implying that that person is at fault, or is essentially a difficult person to handle. We are saying that the other person is at fault and we are faultless. We are putting blame on the other person.
In fact, if we are able to change our view from tolerance to acceptance, if we are able to develop compassion,and are able to forgive, it would be easier to become tolerant of the other person no matter how difficult the circumstances. Indeed, we will be moved to such an extent that we will want to find a way to get through to that person. When we are able to do this, it will inspire and move others to transform and be more tolerant too.
If we cannot develop a mind of acceptance and forgiveness and compassion,if we cannot let go of anger, and let go of a mind of wanting to blame the other , we will spend the rest of our lives in anger, only being able to merely tolerate the other person, thus causing more pain and suffering to others and ourselves.
There is a big distinction between TOLERANCE and ACCEPTANCE. As explained so clearly by HE the 25th Tsem Rinpoche, TOLERANCE is about the other side being wrong and we tolerate it due to some motivation which is self benefitting.
However ACCEPTANCE is about being understanding to what the other side is all about and not be judgemental but be kind and loving even when it is not in accordance to what we perceive.
Profound short and simple teaching, thank you Rinpoche.
Beautifully expressed, I agree with you. I wish you blessings!
Mimi from Miami, Florida, USA
It such a short write up but it has so much substance of teachings for me. When tolerance exist on the subject, it is also the subject is avoiding confrontation with the object as does not want to resolve the issue of conflict and difficulty or even facing the reality. When subject does take tolerance, the subject might be also feels helpless or does not have the confidence to face the object that is giving the pain or difficulty. As such, the subject is also at fault as the subject is protecting oneself, and as such it is tolerating the object. When tolerance does built up, it is a “time bomb” scenario that is ticking. As such, with acceptance that the object is as such, we have also changed the expectation and projection of oneself have to the world. By working on oneself, is a better solution and practical, as that is the only thing that is within the subject can control and manage, and stop the blaming.
Thank you Rinpoche for this short teachings and yet full of teachings and contemplation.
Thank you Rinpoche for the very insightful explanation. Honestly, didn’t occur to me prior to this that;
(i) tolerance would have a negative taint since it is usually viewed as a virtue; and
(ii) tolerance in actuality is a clever trick of my selfish mind to cling on to my projections and expectations which is the source of dissatisfaction and suffering.
Ironically, by tolerating only it is still reinforcing the “self” by deflecting the blame onto others i.e. viewing the other as in the wrong without proper reflection of our own responsibility/part in the overall matter. It can also dangerously perpetuate a misguided suppression of anger which doesn’t work in the long run. Thus, it is only logical to move towards acceptance and work on internalising it accordingly.
Many years ago, Rinpoche told me that it’s very good to go and meditate in a remote cave and for some people, that is the path they should take. But for most of us, such an endeavour is escapism – we want to leave behind all the things we are tolerating.
If we do so, how will we know we have truly achieved the realisations that we say we have? It’s easy to say you have developed patience, for example, when there is no one around to test your patience! If you can remain patient like Atisha in the face of his cook who had nothing but criticisms for him, then you can truly say you have developed patience!
So having tolerance is a good thing for now, because it shows we are making an effort to deal with something in a constructive manner. But tolerance must change into acceptance because, as Rinpoche writes, it implies there is no fault with the perceiver, and only fault in the object.
When we live under such a delusion that we are perfect, and no one else and nothing else is perfect, we are in danger of becoming complacent with our practice and self-improvement. We are in danger of developing that arrogance that there is nothing else about us that needs to be improved or transformed. As beings in samsara, is that really true? Is there NOTHING about us that needs to be improved or transformed?
Only a Buddha perceives perfectly and IS perfect (with nothing needed to be transformed) so when we live under such a belief that we are perfect… are we implying we are Buddhas? :O
Rinpoche is right, this post was short and simple, but very, very profound!
I have always preferred acceptance as opposed to tolerance. As tolerance one has make an effort to subdue or suppress what we actually wanted to. Acceptance is effortless. Thank you to Rinpoche for going even deeper about the idea of tolerance versus acceptance, that tolerance means that the object we are tolerating has a fault, I never considered that before.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you so much for your explanation and teachings about the difference between tolerance, acceptance, compassion and forgiveness. After tonight’s blog chat with our Moderators, Pastors and other seniors, I have even understand more the logic behind the meaning of tolerance, acceptance and compassion.
By diverting away from tolerance and moving closer towards acceptance and compassion with all sentient beings, eventually we are able to gain ultimate peace and happiness in the long run.
Best wishes with folded hands,
kin hoe
Thanks you Rinpoche for pointing out the difference. That arouses me to take a deeper thought.
“Tolerance” carries the hidden meaning of “permission or allowed to”. It signified that one is of superior than the object or person one grant permission to. Acceptance on the other hand means “non-interference” or “co-exist” with the object. When acceptance was coupled with loving-kindness and compassion, just as water will carve away the hardest rock even when the water had no intention of doing so.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article. From this article, I learn that instead of being tolerant, is better that we learn how to forgive and accept as if we think we are tolerant of others, we think the problem is not from us, is from others, and we are somehow bearing, by feeling that, we can not transform our mind as we never recognize our own problem.
Thank you Rinpoche for this short teaching. It really reminds us about the slight difference between tolerance and acceptance. Although the difference of the two words are so small, but the impact on how we act on it is so big.
I truly agree with what Rinpoche said that we can be tolerant with things would build up anger that would have a domino effect on things that may not be even necessary in the first place. Thank you Rinpoche for showing and reminding all of us here the negative effect of just tolerating and not accepting.
I used to think that tolerance and acceptance are almost the same thing. What an ignorant fool I was! Tolerance may sound like a good virtue but in reality, it isnt. Will strive for acceptance. Don’t want to risk any untoward “explosions” due to exceeded “tolerance”. Thank you, Rinpoche for a short yet powerful teaching.
Thank you Rinpoche for this short yet significant teaching.
The words Tolerance has always been emphasized and being etch in our mind be it consciously or subconsciously, we are taught to be tolerable since young with our siblings or peers. But we were never taught how to view Tolerance in its compassionate perspective.
We grow up to have perceptions, projection towards how things should be, how a person should behave etc. Hence when things does not fit our perception, we gave ourself excuse to tolerate as if the person is at fault so we must tolerate. Without applying the correct method into our Tolerance, we will keep tolerating, and keep building up anger when things does not get fixed.
Rinpoche teaching from transforming out tolerance to acceptance is very logical and true. It is time for me to learn to accept the flaws of others and even accept the flaws within me. Being open and understand and accept that everyone has their own behavior and attitude and thinking, is also a way to check ourself that we are also a cause for other people suffering, and we work on to transform to create that unity and peaceful environment.
Thank u Rinpoche for the wonderful teaching. Though short it is very meaningful.
Thinking over what was written… made me realised that most of my unhappiness, are self made. I keep thinking that I have to tolerate this and tt… and keeping the anger within me… not knowing tt I am to be blame instead as I have made up some expectation of them which I shouldn’t have. I should have just learn how to accept them and not set expectations for them.
Thank u Rinpoche once again for the short teaching.
This is simple and yet so meaningful and practical for our daily living and practice.
We form perceptions or projections of how things should be because our minds are obscured by negative habituation, negative karma and delusions. We can tolerate unpleasant experiences. However, our tolerance must be applied with the correct wisdom of knowing the true nature of all phenomena – we and the objects around us.
Thank You Rinpoche this teaching on tolerance. It clearly explain the workings of our mind and how the mind reacts to objects around us. We should not blame others for our unpleasant experiences. We are the cause of our aversions to things around us.
For me, there’s a ‘limit’ on tolerance. Whereas if we chose to accept, we will find a way. It’s like as if we have taken on the responsibility that we are part of this. Sometimes, where there’s lack of reasoning, I’ll blame on karma. It is said that, we have created whatever causes that we are in now. Sometimes, I’ll take it as my practice. Without the person or the situation, I’ll have no chance to practice,to tolerate, be kind and have compassion or acceptance. I have been very angry before, and yes, much of the time is wasted (from thinking it again and again, finding ways to get out of the situation, calming one’s mind and etc). When we are happy, very naturally, we’ll do more and with less efforts. This is what I’ve understand from this post.
When Rinpoche sent us this teaching I was at the brink of exploding as I felt I could not tolerate the action of someone close. Then it struck me like lighting that even though I have been not criticising much these days, I still get angry with certain things and with this teaching, I understand that I have been tolerating what I perceive is wrong and not accepting what it is.
To have that peace of mind it is the acceptance of what things are that gives us this special willingness to have compassion.
Thank you Rinpoche for this very short and profound teaching.
Thank you for sharing the teaching, Rinpoche. Many people tolerate for the sake of look good without actually letting it go but carry along the pain and anger for the longest time. These people forgot to tolerate themselves. We should feel peace and happy not holding back with anger when we truly tolerated someone. We must always check our mind to make sure we do not carry along anger and hatred with us because that will bring us lots of sufferings.
Thank you Rinpoche for this simple yet very profound teaching. I remembered in year 2008 Nepal Pilgrimage tour, Rinpoche gave a teaching about tolerance, in the teaching, Rinpoche mentioned
“How much we can tolerate is dependent 100% on the amount of compassion and the amount of care and the amount of genuine empathy we have for others, how much you truly wish to benefit others, if you wish to benefit others tremendously, your tolerance level will be very high, will be consistent and constant.”
Through practicing tolerance, able to become less selfish, more understanding,loving ,caring and acceptance towards others. To me initially may be difficult to tolerate difficult people or situation but through practice and consistency, eventually will be natural and able to benefit ourselves in our spiritual path.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for this powerful teaching. Tolerance, in actual fact , denotes an attitude of looking outwards and shifting blame to others. When we do that we are covering for our own anger, which we leave to fester inside us. If, we , instead turn inward, reflect and decide to let go our projections and expectations of others, rather find in us the capacity to accept, be compassionate and to forgive, we will be transforming in the direction of peace with self and others.
Thank you Rinpoche for the profound teaching in a simple manner for us to understand and apply to our life. When we said “tolerate”, we consciously/unconsciously put the blame to others. At the end of it, we become more angry and a lot of resentment built up too.
The important points that I get from Rinpoche’s teaching is acceptance and “we control our mind and karma and those who ‘disturb’ us come and go”. I take charge myself rather than blaming others. Be responsible to create a harmony environment. It is my own karma I have created that will follow me wherever I go like my shadow.
With folded hands.
Thank you Rinpoche for this teaching. I find that tolerance appears to be acceptance because when we “tolerate”, what we are doing is hiding our anger and not acting out externally. Instead this anger builds up more and more internally until we can no longer tolerate. The feeling of acceptance is peace within ourselves. The result is peace and harmony with others.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thanks for the short but profound teaching that we can apply in our daily life and hopefully we can apply this teaching in our next life automatically after we take rebirth.
Personally i feel that Tolerance is the main key to create harmony. It’s not so easy to be tolerate so much initially but it can be improved a bit better and better days by days.
I will remind myself to be more tolerance so that i will be able to save more timing from dealing with my disturbed moods hence can use my limited timing to contribute more in Dharma works.
Your sincerely,
Casteven
In fact much anger within ourselves arise because we don’t internalize these teachings. Over the years the anger builds up, we explode and then we ruin the chances we have and hurt the very people that are around us. Then we have to cover and hide our shame and denials. And so much time is wasted in this unproductive process. All that can be avoided if we accept these teachings immediately. TR
Thank you Rinpoche for this simple yet timely teachings. The difference between tolerance and accepting seem subtle yet it has a big psychological difference. I can feel the anger is building up and it is not really helping me and the organisation. Different people have different up bringing and expectations are all different. Nobody is really “at fault” here. When we say “tolerate”, it is indeed pointing that others are at fault and we don’t need to improve.. Yes, no more tolerating from this point onwards, and it is about accepting 🙂