It’s Worse to Say Nothing than to Say the Wrong Thing

Jan 31, 2017 | Views: 1,844

grief

There will be times when horrible things happen to our family and friends, or when we see someone we know in deep pain and grief. When this happens, most of us may not know what to do or what to say to make the other person feel better.

Human nature makes us innately want to help when someone we care about is going through a difficult time. Although there are some who do not possess such empathy, the majority of us will feel this way, and we may even feel helpless when nothing we do seems to allay their pain.

If you find yourself in such a situation, this article provides five simple pointers of what you can do. Do read and keep these methods in mind; bringing others relief from pain, whether physical, mental or emotional, is one of the core methods to develop true compassion and care in our being,

Tsem Rinpoche

 


 

How to Speak to Someone About an Unspeakable Loss

By Linda Carroll on Wednesday December 28th, 2016

Five Ways to Help When You Feel There is Nothing You Can Do

“It’s not about saying the right things. It’s about doing the right things.” ~ Unknown

Years ago, my family and I moved to a bucolic little town in New Zealand, where we were immediately swept up into a group of ex-pats and locals. We felt deeply connected to this community by the time I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in the local hospital.

When our son was three months old, a doctor heard a heart murmur. Twenty-four hours later, he died.

In the days and weeks that followed, I wandered in my own fog of grief as I went about the necessary tasks of ordinary life: shopping for food, taking our other kids to school, doing the usual mounds of laundry.

Meanwhile, my new friends kept their distance. I saw them take great care to avoid me: to cross the street, switch supermarket aisles, literally do an about-face when they saw me coming.

Invitations stopped coming. The phone went silent. My grief was marked by a deeper isolation than I’d ever known.

When our son was three months old, a doctor heard a heart murmur.

Later, many of these people apologized. They told me they were terribly sad and distressed about what had happened, but hadn’t known what to say. My loss was so enormous that words seemed inadequate, even pitiful.

They said nothing, out of fear that they would say the wrong thing.

This sort of experience repeats itself in many different forms: a friend gets dumped by the love of her life, a colleague is given notice at a job he’s held for two decades, or a loved one receives the dreaded news that she has inoperable cancer.

What can you say?

While it’s not an easy question to answer, one thing is certain: It’s worse to say nothing than to say the wrong thing. Here are five ways to respond helpfully to people who have suffered an enormous loss.

It’s worse to say nothing than to say the wrong thing.

 

1. Manage Your Own Feelings First

When we learn that disaster has befallen a loved one, we initially feel shock. Our heart rate increases, our thoughts either speed up or slow down, and we may experience nausea or dizziness.

The anxiety we feel is real and personal. Our instinct, though, is to ignore it, find ways to numb it or minimize it. That’s a mistake.

If we address our own anxiety first, we’ll be in a much stronger position to respond well to the person most directly affected. Do the things you know how to do to manage stress. A walk in the woods, some meditation or yoga, or talking to a trusted friend can help.

Make sure your own body and emotions are regulated before you turn to the person in grief.

 

2. Now Focus on the Other Person

Remember that the isolation they feel is almost as painful as the shock and the sadness of the loss itself. If you avoid them because you don’t know what to say, this avoidance serves only your needs.

Our friends and other loved ones need our comfort, support, and involvement during times of sorrow.

Although there isn’t a right thing to say, there are some things to never say. They include the current favorite, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “I know just how you feel.” How do you know there’s a reason, and what difference would it make to a grieving person, anyway? And you don’t know how they feel—only they do.

Our loved ones need our comfort, support, and involvement during times of sorrow.

 

3. Admit That You Don’t Know What to Say

That’s a good start. Try something simple that breaks the ice and starts a conversation, or at least sends a message to the other person that they’re not alone.

“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could say the perfect thing, but I know there’s nothing to fix it. I just wanted you to know I care and am here with you.”
 

4. Listen

If the person is willing to talk, listen. It’s the single most vital thing you can do.

Listen to their story without interrupting. Don’t turn the conversation back to you with statements like, “I know what you’re going through—my dog died last year.”

Don’t tell them what they will, or should, feel. Simply acknowledge their pain and listen to what it’s like for them.

We all have different styles of managing shock and distress. Some people are angry, while others seem numb. Still others turn to gallows humor. Your job is not to correct them but to give them space to be the way they need to be.

Simply acknowledge their pain and listen to what it’s like for them.

 

5. Rather than Saying, ”Let Me Know If I Can Do Anything,” Offer to Do Something Practical and Specific

Taking on an ordinary task is often most helpful. Offer to shop for groceries, run errands, drive the kids somewhere, or to cook a meal or two. Ask if you can call tomorrow, or if they want to be left alone for a few days.

When Survey Monkey’s CEO Dave Goldberg died suddenly, his wife, Sheryl Sandberg, wrote the following:

When I am asked, “How are you?” I stop myself from shouting, “My husband died a month ago, how do you think I am?” When I hear “How are you today?” I realize the person knows that the best I can do right now is to get through each day.

Taking on an ordinary task is often most helpful.

Today, as I recall the loss of my own infant son, I think about the one person who did truly comfort me. She arrived at my house with a bottle of fine brandy and said, “This is everyone’s worst nightmare. I am so, so sorry this has happened.”

Then we sat on the lawn and she poured me a drink as she listened to every horrible detail.

As I look back now, I still feel how much her gesture helped me cope through those early days of pain. She didn’t try to fix me or try to make sense of what happened. She didn’t even try to comfort me. The comfort she gave came through her being in it with me.

You can’t fix what happened, but you can sit with someone, side by side, so they don’t feel quite so alone. That requires only intention, a willingness to feel awkward, and an open, listening heart. It’s the one gift that can make a difference.

 
Source: http://upliftconnect.com/speak-about-an-unspeakable-loss/
Feature Image: Artist Unknown

 
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41 Responses to It’s Worse to Say Nothing than to Say the Wrong Thing

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  1. S.Prathap on Jun 10, 2019 at 12:14 pm

    Wonderful article that we could overcome situation of grieving and of helping loved ones and friends.This is so true that we have to manage our own feelings first before we approach to other people especially when they are in pain and grief.
    A simple gesture or words of consolation could be exactly the all that the person need to carry on for the next moment. Being a good listener is definitely the best thing to offer because, for the person who is suffering, his/her only outlet and relief is speaking the pain out.
    Thanks for the five ways ……

  2. Tan Soon Huat on Apr 15, 2017 at 10:20 am

    Thank You Rinpoche for sharing this valuable article. I made me think that with these practice might help us to nurture our compassion or bodhichitta (one of the toughest topics to me personally in Dharma path). I will try to practice this whenever I can.

    The tragedy happened to the writer and Madam Sheryl Sandberg reminded the death of my father. He passed away in 2000 due to heart attack and left us in sudden without a word left to us. I was lost and do not know how to cope with it.There is no Guru (I have not yet met Rinpoche and joined Kechara yet) for me to seek for advice. However, with the little limited Dharma knowledge I have. I asked my family to be vegetarians for 3 months and I did not inform any of my friends (some still blaming me for that). I just wanted to leave alone and chanting Omitabbha mantra to my dad day and night. I do miss him till today. However, for those who has offered help to me to run some errands for my dad’s funeral I appreciate very much till today in my heart. I personally think, Guru, the Dharma knowledge and center is very important to us especially when our family passed away; at least we do not feel lost. I did feel helpless and lost when my father passed away (some even blamed me for offer just vegetable to my father as he was not vegetarian).

    I hope I can help others in future in this type of tragedy. Thank You Rinpoche.

    Best Regards,
    Soon Huat

  3. Justin Cheah on Apr 12, 2017 at 9:23 am

    I am really thankful and glad that I have actually read this article. It teaches us we should look at the situation from the “victim’s” angle and not from our angle.

    I guess it has been a normality and seems like a given thing to do whenever we hear someone we know lost their family members/partner/friend and we give them space. Our part of ignoring or just mere a simple message is deemed as giving them space. This is just from our angle and yes I do agree if there are exceptional situations where the victim really needed to be alone and probably we should just leave them alone because we are more worried of hurting them deeper by making them think about their loss.

    But what I found most importantly is, even if the victim actually needed to be alone, it doesn’t necessarily say we should leave them alone. We should at least offer some help to her this so called victim pull through. We should at least be there mentally and physically to help the victim whether he really needs us or not.

    After reading this article and learning this situation from another angle, I think I am already a better person where I will think more for others. This is one basis where Rinpoche always teaches us to be caring and always think for others. I am one person who tends to automatically think for others. I am now able to think more for others at least. This makes me feel bad too because I haven’t been doing so but I will from now on know what I should be doing when similar situation arises.

    Really thankful to this sharing Rinpoche as this makes me think deeper and act on my flaws. Thank you again, justin

  4. Pastor Albert on Apr 12, 2017 at 8:18 am

    I’m very very fortunate to read this article, in just 5 simple points but it has clearly pointed out much we can do to a person who is in grief.

    There are many powerful quotes that allow us to digest fully to become a more caring and understanding person, when someone close to us are in grief, even we really don’t know what to say, even if we just remain silent, but at least we can be present, be a listener and give support to that person.

    I always used my thinking to put it on others, example, when I’m in grief or unhappy, I prefer to be alone without other people disturbing, so with this, I also thought that when others in pain, they would want their own space and not others to disturb. But Linda Carroll said this only serve my own need, not others. It is very true, we think, we assume, it is all about myself, I don’t like this, I assume others to don’t like as well, I want to be like this, I assume others to be the same, but everyone is different, how can all be the same?

    Lesson learn from this article is, when someone else are in grief or unhappy, instead of imagining my own feeling in that situation, I should focus out and feel what they feel. It’s not about saying the right thing, but it is doing the right thing.

  5. Pastor Chia on Apr 12, 2017 at 8:16 am

    I am glad reading this article to learn some knowledge for helping people during akward situation when they facing pain of lose or depress mode. I experienced most of the people are sad and depress, listen their story and companies them by their side to show my support with them. Some time people just to need to let it all out with their emotion. When it out they felt better not keep holding their emotion and suffer from that pain.

    Having said that, is alway hard to start to break the silent, don’t know what right thing to said when people feel sad. Is important for us to make any convasation to show care to comfort others. I learn more to be selflessness and put other first when they need help. Thank for Rinpoche sharing this article

  6. Pastor Antoientte on Apr 12, 2017 at 7:58 am

    In times of pain and loss we feel down and depressed. As described in the article, many tend to avoid to talk to us because they may think that they will say something wrong and only create more suffering. But this is not true as we give support in times of need. By listening, we allow the person to express herself if she wishes to talk and give a support that is much needed in difficult times.

    This article is a good reminder that we should not be afraid but to follow our heart and not be scared to show our support. Telling the person that we are there for her, and that she can count on us and to help in daily life does help. It is easy to be a good friend in good times but it may need courage to be a good friend in difficult times but during this time it is more important and more helpful.

  7. Mingwen on Apr 12, 2017 at 7:53 am

    Before everything happened, as a person, we all should strive to be a a better person, a person who is understanding, patient, rational, cool headed and more. These positive qualities of a person could save lives of a stranger’s who is planning to jump off a 65- stories height building, a friend who has broke his leg and lost his job, a family member who has diagnosed that he can only live for another 3 months. I’m bringing this out here is because no one will ask for helps and supports from a person they do not like, has no sense of secure, untrustworthy and more. We might have close relationship with many people, but when they face problems will they look for us? Or it is worse that even we go forward to provide care, the person will ask us to leave directly or indirectly, because he/she think that “Kent could never know how I feel and he will not able to help because he cannot even take care of himself and was criticising our best friend,Joe, during his lowest point of life, saying that he is like a lady who cannot bear with what has fallen on his shoulders.”

    I think deep and I wish people who are here think deeper.

    If we do not care about others due to our selfisheness. We should even do more to prepare ourselves to help, because we do not know when we need the same help.

  8. June Kang on Apr 12, 2017 at 2:07 am

    The article alert me on we are more focus on ourselves and we made assumption. The assumptions we made can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of communication and therefore we say nothing. Apart from assumption, most of us still struggling should we say or not to say. In my opinion this is all depend on our motivation.

    Beside we can develop our compassion through handling this type of situation. Many of us mistaken Compassion is same as empathy; empathy is you place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. However compassion is more than empathy, compassion bear the pain for others. Compassion always works together with Wisdom. Compassion and wisdom is just like 2 eyes work together and see things deeply. That is my level of understanding. By developing our compassion, we should easily handle suggested points mentioned in the article.

  9. Esther Goh on Apr 12, 2017 at 12:42 am

    This article reminds us to be mindful of our words and actions when dealing with people during their bereavement or in times of despair. After reading and discussion in the KFR group chat I have learnt not to use these 2 sentences (things happen for a reason & I can understand how you feel). Everybody react and feel differently in dealing with their loss so we can never understand how they feel. The 5 points that you have highlighted will be very useful in helping me to handle situations like this in future. Instead of saying or doing nothing we can lend them our ears or a shoulder to cry on to let them know that they are not alone. Through dharma I have learnt so much about selflessness. Thank you Rinpoche for helping me to become a better person through your teachings.???

  10. Eric kksiow on Apr 12, 2017 at 12:34 am

    An article that make my day ( knock, knock and wake up ). I am a human and still contain the 3 poisons ( Desires, Hatred and Ignorant ) within my mind, those situations happened to me for all the time, eg : if my friend fall sicks, their parents, siblings and pets passed away. The common words i always used : Bro/Sis be strong, take care, may Buddha bless you and family, i’ll pray for you.. Except these words, i don’t really know what to say anymore. Frankly speaking, i don’t even spend time on them and listen to them.

    What i learned from this article?

    Admit That You Don’t Know What to Say
    That’s a good start. Try something simple that breaks the ice and starts a conversation, or at least sends a message to the other person that they’re not alone.

    “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could say the perfect thing, but I know there’s nothing to fix it. I just wanted you to know I care and am here with you.”

    Listen
    If the person is willing to talk, listen. It’s the single most vital thing you can do.

    Listen to their story without interrupting. Don’t turn the conversation back to you with statements like, “I know what you’re going through—my dog died last year.”

    Don’t tell them what they will, or should, feel. Simply acknowledge their pain and listen to what it’s like for them.

    We all have different styles of managing shock and distress. Some people are angry, while others seem numb. Still others turn to gallows humor. Your job is not to correct them but to give them space to be the way they need to be.

    Rather than Saying, ”Let Me Know If I Can Do Anything,” Offer to Do Something Practical and Specific
    Taking on an ordinary task is often most helpful. Offer to shop for groceries, run errands, drive the kids somewhere, or to cook a meal or two. Ask if you can call tomorrow, or if they want to be left alone for a few days.

    When Survey Monkey’s CEO Dave Goldberg died suddenly, his wife, Sheryl Sandberg, wrote the following:

    When I am asked, “How are you?” I stop myself from shouting, “My husband died a month ago, how do you think I am?” When I hear “How are you today?” I realize the person knows that the best I can do right now is to get through each day.

    Why i wanna copied these few sentences? It’s remind me if the same situations happened to me again, i’ll practice it First and apply to others. If i wanted to convince others, i would make myself to showed in action rather than just talk only.

    Deepest from my heart
    Eric kksiow

  11. Pastor Henry Ooi on Apr 11, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    These are good pointers for most people as we do come across such situations and we got stuck not knowing what to say. All of us has gotten into such situations and may get into similar situations when we are the ones on the receiving end. How we felt and what we needed most during those difficult times may be similar to what others feel and need although they may be not the same. People in grief usually would want to express their sorrows and it would be a great help if we could lend our ears and shoulders.

  12. nicholas on Apr 11, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    It’s always caught in between when people are in such situation. Some may think of a way to help to fix or some may choose to avoid taught that better to say nothing than say the wrong thing.

    From this article it really help me to think that either what mentioned above is all about us rather than the person that in pain that going through the unfortunate situation. We are more worried about ourself.

    The 5 ways in the article really open up my mind. We should focus out for the person and our present is not to fix but to be there to support them. Sometimes what they need is our ear to listen or our present just as company. Everyone react to situation differently and there is no way we can tell people we understand what they going through but what best is our honest motivation to be there for them.

    What worst can happen when we offer to listen or company. If they really don’t need us then we just give them the space and time. The very least we try to be there for them.

  13. pammie yap on Apr 11, 2017 at 11:17 pm

    I’d usually say something simple than to say the wrong thing. Like ‘please take care, let me know if u need anything.’ I believe I would like to hear the same thing if I was going through grieving. Or help out in small little things to help ease a bit of burden like what was mentioned in the post. Maybe do some cooking, basic house chores, etc.

    But come to think of it now, after reading this post and discussion with KFR team and guests, I guess I can actually do more than what I said above. By physically being there for the grieving person helps a lot whether they want it or not. For the person to know that they are not alone and I will be there for them. In another way, I must learn to be more caring and understanding in order to do more to ease their pain.

    Some of us prefer to leave it alone and try hard not to hurt the grieving person more, but I think that is wrong. We should actually be more mindful of their pain. In time, we can also encourage them to move on and heal.

  14. Tek Lee on Apr 11, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article. I believe all of us in our life, will go through this moment one day. Is either we are the one that comfort others or, we are the one that are being comforted. I remember in year 2011, was the year that I had most of my family members passed away. First was my god father, then my grandmother, then my uncle. The one that I remember the most was my god father. It was a sudden death. Died because of heart attack. During his wake, my god sister was crying. I was in the same grief as her, but of course she had a deeper grief than me as it was her own father. I didn’t know what to say to her, I just pet my hand on her shoulder, gave her a side hug, and she leaned on my shoulder and cried. I think that was the most thing I could do during that moment. In my experience being comforted, I think most of the Chinese, especially guys, don’t really know how to comfort people. I remember during my university time, my girl friend broke up with me while I was studying in the UK and she was in Malaysia. I was in my greatest sadness in my own room, and suddenly my friend (guy friend) knocked on my door and just came out one sentence from his mouth “Don’t be so sad bro, aiya….. actually we all don’t like your girl friend one lah.” Then he walked out from my room and close the door just like that. I suddenly “woke up” from my sadness and stunt. I didn’t know how to respond. After that we joked about it, it was really funny and quite comforting in a way. At least he thought that was comforting and at least he did say something 🙂

    After reading this article, now I know when the day come, I know how to comfort people. I am a person that don’t really know what to say during that moment. I think the most I can do is, letting that person know that I am there for him/her, and listen to what she/he wants to say. Thank you Rinpoche _/\_

  15. Datuk May on Apr 11, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    There had been many times that I was caught in such a situation that I really felt so bad for the person that I did not know what to do nor to say if I was to touch base with the person who had suffered a horrendous loss.

    As such this article had helped me a lot to think of those past instances and what I can actually do now.

    The latest encounter had with this situation was when I received a whatsapp from a close relative of mine who told me that her husband was diagnosed with a stage 4 pancreatic cancer and had spread to the liver.

    My first reaction was sadness and as advised I put “myself” aside and instead of wallowing in my sadness, I called her instead of replying with a whatsapp message. I asked her about her husband and she started to cry and talked about what happened.

    I listened and then told her that I would go see her. I did that and it worked as she felt some relief in being cared for.

    There is really not best way to handle such instances but to focus out on the person in distress/grief and just face them with care and kindness and the rest will fall into place. As mentioned in this article, do not avoid by doing and saying nothing.

  16. Valentina Suhendra on Apr 9, 2017 at 2:43 am

    Dear Rinpoche

    Thank you for this wonderful post. The content of the post applies to everyone since all of us at one point of another have experienced loss of loved ones and undergone unpleasant experiences such as being fired from a job. I could understand how Ms. Linda Carol, the writer, feels when her friends avoided her after she lost her son. It is uncomfortable to be around friends who are experiencing misery. But I think to avoid them means that you are selfish. You don’t want to experience and share the suffering of life with your friends. If you just want to share the good time, then you are a user. As bad as it sounds but it is a fact.

    It is rare to find someone who would share both the good and bad times with you. However, it is even rarer to find someone who is willing to give you accurate feedback, press your buttons and risk uncomfortable reactions from you. I think those who are prepared to do that is a real friend and the kindest person. I found this quality in my spiritual teacher, H.E. the 25th Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, and I am forever grateful to him. I came to him with a fixed set of views of how things should be, but through Rinpoche’s kindness and advice, my views and the way I look at things begin to change.

    Valentina

  17. Joy on Mar 4, 2017 at 12:39 am

    These are very good tips because most often we really do not know what to say but to say nothing and do nothing is the worst. Sometimes people may not say anything but they can at least say it through their actions, simple actions like being around, helping out, even if it is to chip in and give a helping help during times of need say a lot!

    It is understandable when you do not know what to say to another especially if we are not close to them or we are afraid we may say the “wrong” things, but we can I guess show it through different means.

    When I experienced my husband died, I know there was nothing anyone could say or do to help me, no words of comfort could comfort, but people still did so and people were around, so that helped a lot. The worst part is when something tragic happens, like when a loved one passes, is for them to be left ‘alone’ on their own.

    I admit I am one of the worst person when it comes to saying something to another when they are experiencing something bad. Usually instead of saying the fake “I’m so sorry to hear the news” and then leave them be, cos I hate all those, so I usually won’t say such things but instead I try to be around and help out. And if it is someone I am close to, the best thing to do is to hug them and tell them you are here and actually really BE THERE. Your words/actions means a lot to the person and the last thing you need is fake comments and useless suggestions.

    So these are good tips for those of us who are tongue tied when something bad happens to someone by saying “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could say the perfect thing, but I know there’s nothing to fix it. I just wanted you to know I care and am here with you.” AND REALLY MEAN IT by being there and helping in any way no matter how small it may be.

  18. Julia Tan on Feb 22, 2017 at 11:38 pm

    This is a very helpful article for those who doesn’t know what to say or do when our friends are needed us the most. i am that type of person who will get suck into the sadness easily. when i see others cried, i will follow. So this is not really helpful. I really need to adjust my own emotional first. Hence when come to case this that, keeping him/her accompany, be there for her/him is really important. I am glad that today i learned something useful that can bring comfort to others when they are facing the tough time.

  19. wan wai meng on Feb 21, 2017 at 1:05 am

    A very solid and powerful article about how to be there for others when they are grieving or had a sudden unexpected loss. Very good to remember these five points to console and bring some reprieve to others.

  20. Lucas Roth on Feb 19, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    This is a very good article that I genuinely think everyone should read. It is excellent advice and this is just very useful as all people would go through a period where a loved one loses someone and you have to be there for them.

    I do believe that listening is the most important part to play in helping someone in a situation that cannot be helped. It is hard but most of the time they just need someone around and someone to talk to. Amazing article.

  21. Colin Tan on Feb 16, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    It’s natural that we would want to offer our help whenever we see our loved one or friends in deep pain. But often we do not know how to react and what to say. We sometimes choose to avoid the person and it usually means that we avoid facing the feeling we have too. If we could look within and examine our feeling, we normally feel shock, pain, fear too, same as the person who experience terrible things in their lives now. If we could deal with our feeling, accept it, know that we did nothing wrong, then we will naturally have the courage to face that person. Thereafter, we will find the right words to say and the appropriate help to offer. As long as we don’t give advice, lecture, but just show our sincere heart, willingness to listen and be with them, that will be all they need to pull them through the toughest moment in life.

  22. Lum Kok Luen on Feb 10, 2017 at 4:41 pm

    Dear Rinpoche,

    These tips are certainly pragmatic and I would say would be the most practical on how to respond or offer comfort for someone in grief.

    I remembered very clearly during my late mother’s bereavement in 2015, when a Kechara Pastor came over to offer to listen and to share the Dharma. I was having regrets over my mother’s passing, but the comforting words and the Dharma sharing by Pastor really turned my mind around and relieved so much of the pain and regrets that I had.

    The main and critical difference here is that being in Dharma and having friends and Pastors really help. I could imagine there are countless of us out there who are without Dharma and when they lose someone close, it is extremely difficult to cope and take a long time to heal, although some may not heal.

    I must really thank Rinpoche for bringing the Gelug lineage to Malaysia and opening up the Protector practice to us here so that we can embark on our Dharma journey more effectively.

    Humbly yours
    Lum Kok Luen

  23. Alice Tay on Feb 7, 2017 at 10:21 pm

    This is so true that we have to manage our own feelings first before we approach to other people especially when they are in pain and grief. For this instance, we can do meditation and do practice as per Rinpoche’s teachings which are definitely will help us to watch and monitor our mind. We may practice empathy and compassion, we should try to feel and understand the pain that the other people feel. On the other hand, we have to put down our ego and admit that if we really don’t know what to say. Remember that hold onto our ego will lead us away to enlightenment.

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this meaningful article.

  24. Lew on Feb 6, 2017 at 6:06 pm

    As I am getting older each day, the more chance I have to meet with such incidents of people passing. As spiritual practitioners, we should do our best to serve others and take care of the person’s well being. This article is really helpful especially point 5 where we actually help the person to do some of their daily routines which will help them to adjust their emotion during the difficult time. This article is really helpful for us to serve others better.

  25. Echeah on Feb 6, 2017 at 12:37 am

    The worst thing we as supposed dharma practitioners may tend to say when tragedy or calamity hits somebody is “It’s karma, it’s due to what you did in previous lives” and also, “Don’t take it too hard, this is impermanent”. Mind you, I’ve heard that being uttered as dharma advice and I cringe upon hearing that kind of counsel. It is heartless and crass. Though technically that is fact, the timing couldn’t be worse. That is rubbing it in and may turn people away from dharma.

    People do not need a sermon during vulnerable times, they just need a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. It is great comfort to know that someone is there and available, someone shares your pain, someone is sensitive to your need and someone is willing to help take care of things if needed, again, if needed.

    Many a friend will walk down the other side and avoid you, I guess, because they prefer not to be dragged down by your grief, they are emotionally unavailable, they will take but not give. It just takes too much from them that they are not willing to give.

    It is also not good to pry. When someone asks for help for a problem, maybe even request for a puja with some brief information, then you come back and say tell us everything in detail, we want to know what exactly is your problem before recommending a puja, it could be a big turn-off. You don’t need to know all the details and the Buddhas already know all that needs to be known. I don’t think there’s such a thing as a wrong puja.

  26. Andrea Lai on Feb 5, 2017 at 2:30 pm

    After reading this article, I recalled back of my closed friend grief over her mom’s passing.Her mourning was so deep that I had to accompany her everyday.Actually, this article really helps a lot. At that time, I really speechless and I don’t know what I could do,to make my friend feel better.

    All I could do is accompany her, make her feel comfort, talk to her, mentality encourage her and advice her in spirituality. It’s quite hard to comfort people who are in grief and depression. A lot of patience need to put in. I’m glad my closed friend recovered from her pain and she is doing well.

    I humbly thank you Rinpoche for advice and sharing this great article.

  27. Jacinta Goh on Feb 5, 2017 at 12:50 am

    Dear Rinpoche,

    Having been through the trauma of losing the loved ones ( not once but twice) was indeed devastating. I think there are people who prefers silent support more than anything else. One great tips here is trying to see what we can do instead of asking unnecessarily or not doing anything. On the other hand, try to listen and listen (yes, listen) again eventhough we might have heard it several times. As relatives, try not to ask why happened like that or what should be done earliet to prevent this, especially now as a Buddhist, we know that death can happened anytime, anywhere and to anyone. Another thing is, try to be the last to go and the first to arrive ( if we are closely related). Offer to be on guard to allow those who are grieving to have some rest.

    Very very thankful having friends (even Pastors and Kecharians) and family to be with me when my dad and bro passed away.

    Thank you Rinpoche for this great article.

  28. Pastor Lim Han Nee on Feb 4, 2017 at 9:29 pm

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing the five meaningful ways of helping someone suffering a great loss, “when you feel there is nothing you can do”. Most times, we feel so helpless, we just clam up and avoid the person in grief, in case we put our big foot into our mouth. But now , this article advises otherwise.

    The main thing is to be there for that person, to just give emotional support . Even if we can’t find the right words to say, we can just do something simple from the heart, like cooking a meal for them. The best words of advice : “You can’t fix what happened, but you can sit with someone, side by side, so they don’t feel quite so alone. That requires only intention, a willingness to feel awkward, and an open, listening heart. It’s the one gift that can make a difference”.

    Having a “listening heart”, showing empathy and being there to show support and showing you care, will make a lot of difference to that person in suffering. It will start us on the road to developing compassion, as it is about not being able to stand seeing someone in pain and doing something real about it to relieve suffering.

  29. Callista on Feb 3, 2017 at 11:52 pm

    After reading this article, it makes me think about mistakes that often made for item 2 and item 5.
    How ignorance I am.
    With this article which is simple and precise. I will use it as self- improvement and to help others.

    Thank you
    Tsem Rinpoche
    With folded hands

  30. Vivian Ong on Feb 3, 2017 at 12:28 am

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article. I truly agree that sometimes that we are lost of words to comfort other people who are in grief or sad. Thank you very much for the tips given on how to help or being with those people who are in pain. All we want to see is that they don’t stay much longer in their sad state and to recover quickly from it.

    With folded palms,
    Vivian

  31. graceleong on Feb 2, 2017 at 11:37 am

    “” Do read and keep these methods in mind; bringing others relief from pain, whether physical, mental or emotional, is one of the core methods to develop true compassion and care in our being “” this is indeed the precious message from Rinpoche !!

    When our motivation is to “relief others” we will have to put aside our own feelings and emotions and focus on how best to help others. This core practice is the most basic and common practice but often the hardest to put in practice because we are so habituated to put “me first”. Due to this habituation we are often muddled and lost for words on how to comfort or help others. If we sincerely want to help then we have to put aside the “self”.

    At every juncture (good/bad) Rinpoche will use it as a teaching to help his students understand better, to reduce our ignorance and attachments. Rinpoche has recently demonstrated yet again this point of putting away the “self” through His own actions and I am very humbled by my Guru’s selfless compassion and wisdom . My deepest gratitude and with folded hands.

  32. Fong on Feb 1, 2017 at 7:05 pm

    Those are very helpful advice indeed. Many a time, I have faced similar situations where I didn’t know what to say at all except to hold their hand and give them a hug. That didn’t help my own feeling of inadequacy. But as per advice #1, manage your own feelings, we are of no help but rather may affect the other person with adverse emotions. So, it is very important and I agree that it is the no. 1 thing to do.

    So, a very timely and practical article for us. Thank you, Rinpoche for the article.

  33. Samfoonheei on Feb 1, 2017 at 2:28 pm

    Interesting article that we could overcome situation of grieving and of helping loved ones and friends.What to say and not to say involvement during times of sorrow…..something to learn from this article.Good sharing i did learn more of what to do during time of sadness and grief faced by friends or whoever so.
    I remembered when i lost my sister and my brother in law between one week apart never one comfort me as shared in this article.They were more interested in knowing how that incident happened. It was indeed very painful for me as i am already in shock,scared and sad.Through my experience a good gesture ,listening and accompany them will be good and helpful.
    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this helpful and interesting article.

  34. Uncle Eddie on Feb 1, 2017 at 11:52 am

    It is without doubt, that during times of sorrow, anyone would yearn for hope of relief for their sorrowful pain and emotional mental agony. They are truly desolute of their need for compassion, suppot or any comforting words of consolution to ease the pain being forced upon them. As our friends, or family loved-ones who need our comforting and support at such time of calamity, shouldn’t we get involved? If you avoid them at such time of need, it serves to show your selfish purpose and not theirs! To console them at the meeting of such a sorrowful occassion, we should out of respect for their grief, allow them to speak first. We should remain a silent patience listener, having deep feeling and understanding for their sorrow, and finally to offer words of comfort to relieve their sufferings. Of course it is better to say something, no matter however simple it maybe, rather than to say nothing at all. Thank you Rinpoche for your wisdomised guiduance in this respect.

  35. Carmen K on Feb 1, 2017 at 2:28 am

    At one point or another, everyone will go through grief, and have that immense overwhelming feeling of pain within. Everyone experiences and deals with trauma and grief differently – some want to be left alone, some just want a shoulder, some dive into distracting themselves from their thoughts and the reality. Whatever it is, for certain, each and everyone wants to know they have people to rely on, fall upon in these times. I’ve been in situations before, not knowing what to do, or what to say, or perhaps saying the wrong things without realising it until the words left my mouth, but it’s better to be there for them and let them know that you are there for them, than to keep a distance. The care and comfort received might just propel the person, into overcoming their pain and grief in unimaginable ways. Pehaps people don’t want to say something to those in pain because they don’t want to have to go out of their way to do something to help, or perhaps your pain doesn’t bother them, but It would be good to put yourself in the shoes of those suffering, and think what you would need and want, and then you can do that. Thanks for sharing Rinpoche.

  36. Pastor David Lai on Feb 1, 2017 at 12:54 am

    This is an interesting article that touches on a sensitive subject of grieving and of helping loved ones and friends cope with intense grief. A year ago, my mother passed away and for the first time in my life, I felt that intense, paralysing feeling of grief and for the initial first few days of preparation for the wake, calling, meeting and talking to family and friends, I felt numb. I didn’t cry and could not cry because I didn’t really have the time or space to grieve.

    Talking about saying the wrong thing, I had a few people come up to me and my dad and tell me that we should have done more to prevent my mom’s death. Can you imagine that? After telling the story of how my mom passed away several dozen times, this was certainly a new reaction and nonetheless, it made my blood boil. Anyway, I didn’t really experience people keeping a distance that much but I certainly had my fair share of people saying totally the wrong things.

    For whatever reason these people had, it was certainly painful for me and my dad to hear it and totally uncalled for. I think it is common sense and obvious decency not to say such things to grieving relatives of the deceased. We are already in shock, deeling with our grief, why would you only think about how you feel and negate how we feel. But that is the real world for you and you get all manner of people in varying levels of selfishness and we have to just deal with people as they come.

  37. Lin Mun on Jan 31, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    This is a good article and guide for us when we are faced with such situation. Sometimes not saying is better than saying wrong and hurtful things to others. We can offer practical and exact help instead of a general statement. When a person experiencing sad state, he/she could not even have a clear mind to ask the help they need. Hence, understanding and supports from friends and close one are very important.

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article.

  38. Soon Huat on Jan 31, 2017 at 1:18 pm

    Thank You Rinpoche for sharing this valuable tips to us. My father has passed away in acute heart attack. He left us without a word. I was hiding myself out in a corner in my father funeral and wish everyone could leave me alone so that I could stay more time with my father and chat Amitabha mantra to him. I think I would feel more relief if there were somebody with me to provide silent support to me.
    However, when I think back, I wish I would have chance to bring him to Rinpoche when he was still alive so that he can pick up Dharma and practice Dharma to collect more merits for his next life. I really I wish I could do for him so if I can travel back to past. I always think that since my body is given by him, hence, if I practice Dharma well maybe he could benefit from it in next life. That is all I can give to him now. I wish my dad well in next life. Thank You Rinpoche for guiding me all the while.

  39. Sharon Ong on Jan 31, 2017 at 12:47 pm

    This could not have been any timelier as we just lost a dear uncle yesterday. When I was younger, I was guilty of keeping quiet for fear of upsetting or offending the grieving party. With this write-up, I will try the tips offered instead of just hugging the grieving party and saying,”Let me know if I can do anything.” I also realised that with such immense grief, one would not know how to ask for another person to help as the sheer intensity of one’s grief often shuts down the ability to function as one would normally do. Hence, why offering to help out with specific tasks is a practical and useful way to help.

    Thank you for posting this, Rinpoche and blog team. Most definitely very helpful.

  40. Stella Cheang on Jan 31, 2017 at 12:33 pm

    Thank you, Rinpoche for this sharing. Many of us who grew up in the traditional oriental culture are often at a loss for words and gestures when it comes to showing sympathy and empathy, especially towards people who suffered great pain due to deceased of a dear one. I have learned it through my own experience that saying something, in spite not saying the perfect words, is better than not saying anything at all. A simple gesture or words of consolation could be exactly the all that the person need to carry on for the next moment. Being a good listener is definitely the best thing to offer because, for the person who is suffering, his/her only outlet and relief is speaking the pain out. I think it is better to let the person speaks out rather than internalizes the pain that no one else can understand nor feel.

  41. Sofi on Jan 31, 2017 at 11:33 am

    Everyone will go through this experience of knowing someone who had faced loss or tremendous stress. Often times we feel at lost as to how we are able to best offer our help or comfort, especially someone we may not know as well but empathise their situation. At least now I learn some tips on how to respond correctly instead of making the other person feel worse. Previously I would have shared my own experience thinking that it may help a little but now learnt that it actually detracts the attention from the person’s sufferings. I do agree that we should not keep quiet as the other person may think we do not care enough or worse, that he/she may feel he/she is at fault or alone. Speaking out or doing something is putting our thoughts into action of caring. Thank you for sharing this helpful and applicable article Rinpoche.

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  • Sofi
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 08:18 PM
    Mokele-Mbembe: The Last Living Dinosaur | 摩克拉姆贝贝: 地球上仅存的恐龙

    Dinosaur still in existence? This creature has been a mystery until current times where many search parties still had no luck in finding the truth of them.

    Read more here and share with us what you think: http://bit.ly/MokeleMbembe
  • Sofi
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 07:56 PM
    Mount Wutai – The Earthly Abode of Lord Manjushri

    Of the places on this earth that Manjushri chooses to reside on, Wu Tai Shan has been closely associated with his beneficial wisdom energy for centuries. Hundreds and thousands of practitioners have made their way there to engage in practices. Everyone in their lifetime should do their best to go on pilgrimage to this holy abode of the Wisdom Buddha Manjushri, and to request Lord Manjushri’s blessings in their practice.

    Read more on this holy pilgrimage place here: http://bit.ly/MountWutai
  • nicholas
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 04:58 PM
    A few years ago, I think in 2005, His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche and a few of us went to Kathmandu, Nepal to buy Buddha statues for our outlets in Malaysia, it was around July and it was a rainy season in Nepal, so it rained almost daily during the daytime and it made the shopping trip somewhat troublesome, because the statue shops in Nepal are mostly in Boudanath and it was not a covered shopping mall, you have to go from shop to shop in the rain. We were staying in Hyatt Regency Kathmandu then and it was raining quite heavily as we were waiting at the lobby for the taxis to bring us to Boudanath, Rinpoche commented that it was another tiresome rainy day, and he said to us “You guys wait here, I am going to talk to my friends”, then Rinpoche left the seat, walked towards the hotel entrance, and start staring at the gloomy sky while mumbling something. The few of us who looked at each other, and all turned to stared at Rinpoche, this lasted for about 5 minutes, then Rinpoche walked back to us and said “It’s ok now, I just talked to them and they are OK with it, we can leave soon.” True enough, in about 5 minutes, the downpour turned into drizzle, and we hopped into the taxis, by the time the taxis were speeding along the bustling streets of Kathmandu, the rain stopped completely.

    http://bit.ly/2m9CLIr
  • nicholas
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 04:48 PM
    This is a warehouse full of Buddhist and non-Buddhist items, it is huge, but it is not the merchandise for any online shop, these are GIFTS, to be given out for free, these are His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche’s gifts to the world.

    Tsem Rinpoche first came to Malaysia 23 years ago, with only two suitcases of his monk robes, toiletries, Dharma books, and some protection chakras and talisman to give away to people, that’s all, no sponsor, no friends, no …students, no nothing. But Rinpoche has Dharma knowledge, kindness and compassion, and generosity, and he always gives, in the beginning he could only afford to give away Dharma books, protection talisman, “cheap” plastic Buddha statues to people that he met, but he continued to give, as much as he could, no matter how little he had.

    Read more about Rinpoche’s warehouse at http://bit.ly/2l01e2J
  • nicholas
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 04:40 PM
    Rinpoche has been consistently assisting the underprivileged even at a time when he himself did not have very much. In Gaden Monastery, Rinpoche was well known to visit elderly Tibetan laypeople who were without families, to bring them food, gifts and spend some time with them. Rinpoche also raised funds for various social welfare initiatives, for example the Gaden Shartse Clinic as well as this community hall and nursery school in the local Tibetan refugee settlement who erected a sign as a token of appreciation for Rinpoche’s assistance.

    Read more about how Rinpoche helps people around him at http://bit.ly/2kNHIXq
  • nicholas
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 04:16 PM
    Over the years, His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche has been to many hospitals, doing prayers, performing rituals, giving comfort to the sick, and relieving the worries of the families. The ones on the sick bed could be babies… born with defective organs desperately needing operation, young children, adult men and women with all sorts of illnesses, and dying old people.

    Rinpoche is clairvoyant to know whether the person on the sick bed is going to survive or not, so the prayers and rituals that Rinpoche performs varies based on that.

    Read more at http://bit.ly/2m2cLio
  • nicholas
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 04:12 PM
    Below is a real incident recounted by Casteven Lim:

    One day in June of 2013, I was driving along the North-South Highway of Malaysia, suddenly it rained heavily and I lost control of my car. The car skidded and started spinning furiously and I quickly prayed to my guru His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche for help and recited Dorje Shugden’s mantra OM BENZA WIKI BITANA SOHA.

    Despite my effort to hold on to the steering wheel, the car continued spinning three times horizontally and was almost in a low-flight state, until the car hit the side railing and stopped.

    Read more on how Casteven Lim being saved by Dorje Shugden: http://bit.ly/2kwQN6I

  • Yee Yin
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 04:00 PM
    As more people are aware of how animals are cruelly killed, how much resources are wasted to keep the animals, more people have made a choice to change to a vegan diet. Another reason is that people are also more aware of how meat is harmful to our health.

    It is nice to know a supermarket that specialises in vegan products has opened its door to give people a healthier choice. Not only more supermarkets like this are opening, but more companies are also investing in producing plant-based products to replace meat. Some of the plant-based products have a texture and even a taste of meat. This will entice people to change their diet.

    https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/animals-vegetarianism/vegan-supermarket.html
  • Samfoonheei
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 11:47 AM
    Even though it’s an old post, yet its definitely a great news . Official notice dated February 19, 2014, “TSEM RINPOCHE FOUNDATION,INC” were approved by the US government. Wow…..a happy and joyful news for Rinpoche and everyone at that moment.
    Thank you Rinpoche for this sharing and those beautiful pictures. Wow….loving shrine back then.

    https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/etc/good-news.html
  • Samfoonheei
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 11:47 AM
    Interesting article of Hecate, is a goddess in ancient Greek religion and mythology. Have seen pictures of this so called Hecate but do not understand much of it till I came across this article. Known to be the goddess of magic, witchcraft, the creatures of the night, moon and ghosts. Recording to legends she was the only child of the Titanes Perses and Asteria from whom she received her power over heaven, earth, and sea. She is most often depicted as having three heads; one of a dog, one of a snake and one of a horse. Sound interesting to read.
    Thank you Rinpoche for this sharing.

    https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/etc/hecate.html
  • Samfoonheei
    Monday, Sep 23. 2019 11:42 AM
    Fat Monk have known differently by many Budai, Hotei or Pu-Tai is a semi-historical Chinese monk who is venerated as a deity in Chinese Buddhism and was also introduced into the Japanese Buddhist pantheon smiling or laughing, hence known the “Laughing Buddha” to many. As the folktales in Chinese Buddhism, it was believed to bring happiness to all the people around him. Fat Buddha statues comes in varies forms are popular in many Chinese homes . I love looking at laughing Buddha statues as his broad smiling face tells all.
    Thank you Rinpoche for this sharing with much insight of it.

    https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/inspiration-worthy-words/fat-monk.html
  • Yee Yin
    Sunday, Sep 22. 2019 03:40 PM
    This is a very useful teaching on how to deal with our negative emotion especially anger. Anger causes a lot of problem to us. To know if we have anger is to examine if we have patience. When we are impatience, it is a sign of anger. I never thought these two emotions are related but it actually make sense.

    When we are impatience, we cannot tolerate other people’s fault. Then we get angry with the things they do or say. Our impatience could be caused by our arrogance of thinking we are better. If we really are better, we should be patience to pass and share the knowledge with others. There might be people who have the attitude problem, but this is not something we can change. What we can change is how we feel and perceive.

    https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/inspiration-worthy-words/avoidance.html
  • nicholas
    Sunday, Sep 22. 2019 02:15 PM
    Ram is a Nepalese staff working in Tsem Ladrang for many years. He is hardworking, friendly and polite. His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche always sees Ram as part of the big family.

    In mid-2016, Ram’s wife in Nepal who was pregnant for 7 months suddenly developed complications, she had to go for operation due to dislocation of the baby in the womb. Ram’s wife and baby were very weak and in dangerous condition, the doctor had no choice but to operate and take out the baby. The doctor …even said EITHER the wife or the baby would survive.

    Ram was very worried and informed Tsem Rinpoche immediately, Rinpoche’s divination showed that both the wife and the baby would survive, and immediately instructed pujas to be done and candles to be lit for both the wife and the baby for a few days. Rinpoche also instructed Ram to recite Dorje Shugden’s mantra strongly to pray for protection for his wife and baby.

    Read more about Ram’s wife and his baby at http://bit.ly/2krBWu8
  • nicholas
    Sunday, Sep 22. 2019 02:10 PM
    Founded in 1790, Beijing (Peking) Opera has been the main form of Chinese entertainment for over 200 years. It all started when the Four Great Anhui Troupes went to Beijing to perform for the Imperial Court, with the royal families present. Although in this time and age, this beautiful national art form has to compete with blockbuster films, TV drama series, home-made internet films, MTV music videos etc …many, many people in Beijing and most parts of China still appreciate it.

    The Chinese government encourages the younger generation to participate in Beijing Opera, and like Wang Tao Yang (aka “Wonder Kid of Peking Opera”) many of the younger kids seem to have a natural ability for it.

    Read more this interesting article at http://bit.ly/2kWwobm
  • nicholas
    Sunday, Sep 22. 2019 01:59 PM
    Manjushri, whose name means ‘Gentle Glory’ or ‘Sweet Splendor’ in Sanskrit; ‘Wen Shu Shi Li’ (文殊师利)in Chinese; ‘Monju Bosatsu’ in Japanese; ‘Moosoo Posal’ in Korean; ‘Jampel-yang’ in Tibetan) is one of the most important Bodhisattvas in the Mahayana and Vajrayana traditions.

    Manjushri is also known as ‘Manjugosha’ (the Gentle-Voiced One); ‘manju’ refers to how the continuum of his life has been rendered ‘gentle’ by his grasp of transcendental wisdom, and ‘gosha’ refers to his perfect ability to communicate the Dharma verbally and in written form, in which he destroys illusions, delusions and ignorance that keep all sentient beings within samsara.

    Read more about Manjushri at http://bit.ly/2mpeezi

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The Unknown

The Known and unknown are both feared,
Known is being comfortable and stagnant,
The unknown may be growth and opportunities,
One shall never know if one fears the unknown more than the known.
Who says the unknown would be worse than the known?
But then again, the unknown is sometimes worse than the known. In the end nothing is known unless we endeavour,
So go pursue all the way with the unknown,
because all unknown with familiarity becomes the known.
~Tsem Rinpoche

Photos On The Go

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Third picture-Standing Manjushri Statue at Chowar, Kirtipur, Nepal.
Height: 33ft (10m)
2 months ago
Third picture-Standing Manjushri Statue at Chowar, Kirtipur, Nepal. Height: 33ft (10m)
Second picture-Standing Manjushri Statue at Chowar, Kirtipur, Nepal.
Height: 33ft (10m)
2 months ago
Second picture-Standing Manjushri Statue at Chowar, Kirtipur, Nepal. Height: 33ft (10m)
First picture-Standing Manjushri Statue at Chowar, Kirtipur, Nepal.
Height: 33ft (10m)
2 months ago
First picture-Standing Manjushri Statue at Chowar, Kirtipur, Nepal. Height: 33ft (10m)
The first title published by Kechara Comics is Karuna Finds A Way. It tells the tale of high-school sweethearts Karuna and Adam who had what some would call the dream life. Everything was going great for them until one day when reality came knocking on their door. Caught in a surprise swindle, this loving family who never harmed anyone found themselves out of luck and down on their fortune. Determined to save her family, Karuna goes all out to find a solution. See what she does- https://bit.ly/2LSKuWo
2 months ago
The first title published by Kechara Comics is Karuna Finds A Way. It tells the tale of high-school sweethearts Karuna and Adam who had what some would call the dream life. Everything was going great for them until one day when reality came knocking on their door. Caught in a surprise swindle, this loving family who never harmed anyone found themselves out of luck and down on their fortune. Determined to save her family, Karuna goes all out to find a solution. See what she does- https://bit.ly/2LSKuWo
Very powerful story! Tibetan Resistance group Chushi Gangdruk reveals how Dalai Lama escaped in 1959- https://bit.ly/2S9VMGX
2 months ago
Very powerful story! Tibetan Resistance group Chushi Gangdruk reveals how Dalai Lama escaped in 1959- https://bit.ly/2S9VMGX
At Kechara Forest Retreat land we have nice fresh spinach growing free of chemicals and pesticides. Yes!
3 months ago
At Kechara Forest Retreat land we have nice fresh spinach growing free of chemicals and pesticides. Yes!
See beautiful pictures of Manjushri Guest House here- https://bit.ly/2WGo0ti
3 months ago
See beautiful pictures of Manjushri Guest House here- https://bit.ly/2WGo0ti
Beginner’s Introduction to Dorje Shugden~Very good overview https://bit.ly/2QQNfYv
3 months ago
Beginner’s Introduction to Dorje Shugden~Very good overview https://bit.ly/2QQNfYv
Fresh eggplants grown on Kechara Forest Retreat\'s land here in Malaysia
4 months ago
Fresh eggplants grown on Kechara Forest Retreat's land here in Malaysia
Most Venerable Uppalavanna – The Chief Female Disciple of Buddha Shakyamuni - She exhibited many supernatural abilities gained from meditation and proved to the world females and males are equal in spirituality- https://bit.ly/31d9Rat
4 months ago
Most Venerable Uppalavanna – The Chief Female Disciple of Buddha Shakyamuni - She exhibited many supernatural abilities gained from meditation and proved to the world females and males are equal in spirituality- https://bit.ly/31d9Rat
Thailand’s ‘Renegade’ Yet Powerful Buddhist Nuns~ https://bit.ly/2Z1C02m
4 months ago
Thailand’s ‘Renegade’ Yet Powerful Buddhist Nuns~ https://bit.ly/2Z1C02m
Mahapajapati Gotami – the first Buddhist nun ordained by Lord Buddha- https://bit.ly/2IjD8ru
4 months ago
Mahapajapati Gotami – the first Buddhist nun ordained by Lord Buddha- https://bit.ly/2IjD8ru
The Largest Buddha Shakyamuni in Russia | 俄罗斯最大的释迦牟尼佛画像- https://bit.ly/2Wpclni
4 months ago
The Largest Buddha Shakyamuni in Russia | 俄罗斯最大的释迦牟尼佛画像- https://bit.ly/2Wpclni
Sacred Vajra Yogini
4 months ago
Sacred Vajra Yogini
Dorje Shugden works & archives - a labour of commitment - https://bit.ly/30Tp2p8
4 months ago
Dorje Shugden works & archives - a labour of commitment - https://bit.ly/30Tp2p8
Mahapajapati Gotami, who was the first nun ordained by Lord Buddha.
4 months ago
Mahapajapati Gotami, who was the first nun ordained by Lord Buddha.
Mahapajapati Gotami, who was the first nun ordained by Lord Buddha. She was his step-mother and aunt. Buddha\'s mother had passed away at his birth so he was raised by Gotami.
4 months ago
Mahapajapati Gotami, who was the first nun ordained by Lord Buddha. She was his step-mother and aunt. Buddha's mother had passed away at his birth so he was raised by Gotami.
Another nun disciple of Lord Buddha\'s. She had achieved great spiritual abilities and high attainments. She would be a proper object of refuge. This image of the eminent bhikkhuni (nun) disciple of the Buddha, Uppalavanna Theri.
4 months ago
Another nun disciple of Lord Buddha's. She had achieved great spiritual abilities and high attainments. She would be a proper object of refuge. This image of the eminent bhikkhuni (nun) disciple of the Buddha, Uppalavanna Theri.
Wandering Ascetic Painting by Nirdesha Munasinghe
4 months ago
Wandering Ascetic Painting by Nirdesha Munasinghe
High Sri Lankan monks visit Kechara to bless our land, temple, Buddha and Dorje Shugden images. They were very kind-see pictures- https://bit.ly/2HQie2M
4 months ago
High Sri Lankan monks visit Kechara to bless our land, temple, Buddha and Dorje Shugden images. They were very kind-see pictures- https://bit.ly/2HQie2M
This is pretty amazing!

First Sri Lankan Buddhist temple opened in Dubai!!!
4 months ago
This is pretty amazing! First Sri Lankan Buddhist temple opened in Dubai!!!
My Dharma boy (left) and Oser girl loves to laze around on the veranda in the mornings. They enjoy all the trees, grass and relaxing under the hot sun. Sunbathing is a favorite daily activity. I care about these two doggies of mine very much and I enjoy seeing them happy. They are with me always. Tsem Rinpoche

Always be kind to animals and eat vegetarian- https://bit.ly/2Psp8h2
4 months ago
My Dharma boy (left) and Oser girl loves to laze around on the veranda in the mornings. They enjoy all the trees, grass and relaxing under the hot sun. Sunbathing is a favorite daily activity. I care about these two doggies of mine very much and I enjoy seeing them happy. They are with me always. Tsem Rinpoche Always be kind to animals and eat vegetarian- https://bit.ly/2Psp8h2
After you left me Mumu, I was alone. I have no family or kin. You were my family. I can\'t stop thinking of you and I can\'t forget you. My bond and connection with you is so strong. I wish you were by my side. Tsem Rinpoche
4 months ago
After you left me Mumu, I was alone. I have no family or kin. You were my family. I can't stop thinking of you and I can't forget you. My bond and connection with you is so strong. I wish you were by my side. Tsem Rinpoche
This story is a life-changer. Learn about the incredible Forest Man of India | 印度“森林之子”- https://bit.ly/2Eh4vRS
4 months ago
This story is a life-changer. Learn about the incredible Forest Man of India | 印度“森林之子”- https://bit.ly/2Eh4vRS
Part 2-Beautiful billboard in Malaysia of a powerful Tibetan hero whose life serves as a great inspiration- https://bit.ly/2UltNE4
4 months ago
Part 2-Beautiful billboard in Malaysia of a powerful Tibetan hero whose life serves as a great inspiration- https://bit.ly/2UltNE4
Part 1-Beautiful billboard in Malaysia of a powerful Tibetan hero whose life serves as a great inspiration- https://bit.ly/2UltNE4
4 months ago
Part 1-Beautiful billboard in Malaysia of a powerful Tibetan hero whose life serves as a great inspiration- https://bit.ly/2UltNE4
The great Protector Manjushri Dorje Shugden depicted in the beautiful Mongolian style. To download a high resolution file: https://bit.ly/2Nt3FHz
4 months ago
The great Protector Manjushri Dorje Shugden depicted in the beautiful Mongolian style. To download a high resolution file: https://bit.ly/2Nt3FHz
The Mystical land of Shambhala is finally ready for everyone to feast their eyes and be blessed. A beautiful post with information, art work, history, spirituality and a beautiful book composed by His Holiness the 6th Panchen Rinpoche. ~ https://bit.ly/309MHBi
4 months ago
The Mystical land of Shambhala is finally ready for everyone to feast their eyes and be blessed. A beautiful post with information, art work, history, spirituality and a beautiful book composed by His Holiness the 6th Panchen Rinpoche. ~ https://bit.ly/309MHBi
Beautiful pictures of the huge Buddha in Longkou Nanshan- https://bit.ly/2LsBxVb
5 months ago
Beautiful pictures of the huge Buddha in Longkou Nanshan- https://bit.ly/2LsBxVb
The reason-Very interesting thought- https://bit.ly/2V7VT5r
5 months ago
The reason-Very interesting thought- https://bit.ly/2V7VT5r
NEW Bigfoot cafe in Malaysia! Food is delicious!- https://bit.ly/2VxdGau
5 months ago
NEW Bigfoot cafe in Malaysia! Food is delicious!- https://bit.ly/2VxdGau
DON\'T MISS THIS!~How brave Bonnie survived by living with a herd of deer~ https://bit.ly/2Lre2eY
5 months ago
DON'T MISS THIS!~How brave Bonnie survived by living with a herd of deer~ https://bit.ly/2Lre2eY
Global Superpower China Will Cut Meat Consumption by 50%! Very interesting, find out more- https://bit.ly/2V1sJFh
5 months ago
Global Superpower China Will Cut Meat Consumption by 50%! Very interesting, find out more- https://bit.ly/2V1sJFh
You can download this beautiful Egyptian style Dorje Shugden Free- https://bit.ly/2Nt3FHz
5 months ago
You can download this beautiful Egyptian style Dorje Shugden Free- https://bit.ly/2Nt3FHz
Beautiful high file for print of Lord Manjushri. May you be blessed- https://bit.ly/2V8mwZe
5 months ago
Beautiful high file for print of Lord Manjushri. May you be blessed- https://bit.ly/2V8mwZe
Mongolian (Oymiakon) Shaman in Siberia, Russia. That is his real outfit he wears. Very unique. TR
5 months ago
Mongolian (Oymiakon) Shaman in Siberia, Russia. That is his real outfit he wears. Very unique. TR
Find one of the most beautiful temples in the world in Nara, Japan. It is the 1,267 year old Todai-ji temple that houses a 15 meter Buddha Vairocana statue who is a cosmic and timeless Buddha. Emperor Shomu who sponsored this beautiful temple eventually abdicated and ordained as a Buddhist monk. Very interesting history and story. One of the places everyone should visit- https://bit.ly/2VgsHhK
5 months ago
Find one of the most beautiful temples in the world in Nara, Japan. It is the 1,267 year old Todai-ji temple that houses a 15 meter Buddha Vairocana statue who is a cosmic and timeless Buddha. Emperor Shomu who sponsored this beautiful temple eventually abdicated and ordained as a Buddhist monk. Very interesting history and story. One of the places everyone should visit- https://bit.ly/2VgsHhK
Manjusri Kumara (bodhisattva of wisdom), India, Pala dynesty, 9th century, stone, Honolulu Academy of Arts
5 months ago
Manjusri Kumara (bodhisattva of wisdom), India, Pala dynesty, 9th century, stone, Honolulu Academy of Arts
Silver Manjusri figure from Ngemplak Semongan (Indonesia). Apparently during the Shailendra Dynasty, Mahayana Buddhism was very strong in Indonesia. This Dynasty promoted Mahayana Buddhism and Manjushri was a principal Buddha of worship.
5 months ago
Silver Manjusri figure from Ngemplak Semongan (Indonesia). Apparently during the Shailendra Dynasty, Mahayana Buddhism was very strong in Indonesia. This Dynasty promoted Mahayana Buddhism and Manjushri was a principal Buddha of worship.
In Buddhism: The Importance of Having a Clean Room- https://bit.ly/2ZgrbKS
5 months ago
In Buddhism: The Importance of Having a Clean Room- https://bit.ly/2ZgrbKS
There is an area near Lumbini, Nepal, they have sightings of Yeti for hundreds of years. So they have signages in the area with Yeti artwork to highlight this. Interesting. TR
5 months ago
There is an area near Lumbini, Nepal, they have sightings of Yeti for hundreds of years. So they have signages in the area with Yeti artwork to highlight this. Interesting. TR
Photos of footprints (Yeti) are from a high altitude pass (Darwa Pass) connecting Gangotri valley to Yamunotri valley through old pilgrim route.
5 months ago
Photos of footprints (Yeti) are from a high altitude pass (Darwa Pass) connecting Gangotri valley to Yamunotri valley through old pilgrim route.
Beautiful picture. Rare. Three holy beings.
5 months ago
Beautiful picture. Rare. Three holy beings.
May 1, 2019-I really enjoy this picture of these visitors visiting Dorje Shugden\'s grotto in Kechara Forest Retreat today. They look happy, light and blessed after doing their prayers to Dorje Shugden. I wanted to share this picture.- https://bit.ly/2UltNE4
5 months ago
May 1, 2019-I really enjoy this picture of these visitors visiting Dorje Shugden's grotto in Kechara Forest Retreat today. They look happy, light and blessed after doing their prayers to Dorje Shugden. I wanted to share this picture.- https://bit.ly/2UltNE4
A postcard of my great grand aunt Princess Nirgidma of Torghut-Tsem Rinpoche
5 months ago
A postcard of my great grand aunt Princess Nirgidma of Torghut-Tsem Rinpoche
Rei Kawakubo – Grand Dame of ‘Hiroshima Chic’- https://bit.ly/2Vz4N06
5 months ago
Rei Kawakubo – Grand Dame of ‘Hiroshima Chic’- https://bit.ly/2Vz4N06
Just now, this beautiful grape and orange infused water drink with a blue glass was brought in for me. I was amazed at the colors. Tsem Rinpoche
5 months ago
Just now, this beautiful grape and orange infused water drink with a blue glass was brought in for me. I was amazed at the colors. Tsem Rinpoche
We have to look in and change from within to find the way out of all that makes us unhappy.~Tsem Rinpoche 

www.tsemrinpoche.com
5 months ago
We have to look in and change from within to find the way out of all that makes us unhappy.~Tsem Rinpoche http://www.tsemrinpoche.com
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Videos On The Go

Please click on the images to watch video
  • Always be kind to animals-They deserve to live just like us.
    2 months ago
    Always be kind to animals-They deserve to live just like us.
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  • Bodha stupa July 2019-
    2 months ago
    Bodha stupa July 2019-
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  • Cute Tara girl having a snack. She is one of Kechara Forest Retreat’s resident doggies.
    3 months ago
    Cute Tara girl having a snack. She is one of Kechara Forest Retreat’s resident doggies.
  • Your Next Meal!
    4 months ago
    Your Next Meal!
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  • This is Daw
    4 months ago
    This is Daw
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  • Don’t Take My Mummy Away!
    4 months ago
    Don’t Take My Mummy Away!
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    4 months ago
    They do this every day!
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    What happened at Fair Oaks Farm?
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    4 months ago
    She’s going to spend her whole life here without being able to move correctly. Like a machine. They are the slaves of the people and are viewed as a product. It’s immoral. Billions of terrestrial animals die annually. Billions. You can’t even imagine it. And all that because people don’t want to give up meat, even though there are so many alternatives. ~ Gabriel Azimov
  • Our Malaysian Prime Minister Dr. Mahathir speaks so well, logically and regarding our country’s collaboration with China for growth. It is refreshing to listen to Dr. Mahathir’s thoughts. He said our country can look to China for many more things such as technology and so on. Tsem Rinpoche
    5 months ago
    Our Malaysian Prime Minister Dr. Mahathir speaks so well, logically and regarding our country’s collaboration with China for growth. It is refreshing to listen to Dr. Mahathir’s thoughts. He said our country can look to China for many more things such as technology and so on. Tsem Rinpoche
  • This is the first time His Holiness Dalai Lama mentions he had some very serious illness. Very worrying. This video is captured April 2019.
    5 months ago
    This is the first time His Holiness Dalai Lama mentions he had some very serious illness. Very worrying. This video is captured April 2019.
  • Beautiful Monastery in Hong Kong
    5 months ago
    Beautiful Monastery in Hong Kong
  • This dog thanks his hero in such a touching way. Tsem Rinpoche
    5 months ago
    This dog thanks his hero in such a touching way. Tsem Rinpoche
  • Join Tsem Rinpoche in prayer for H.H. Dalai Lama’s long life~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYy7JcveikU&feature=youtu.be
    5 months ago
    Join Tsem Rinpoche in prayer for H.H. Dalai Lama’s long life~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYy7JcveikU&feature=youtu.be
  • These people going on pilgrimage to a holy mountain and prostrating out of devotion and for pilgrimage in Tibet. Such determination for spiritual practice. Tsem Rinpoche
    6 months ago
    These people going on pilgrimage to a holy mountain and prostrating out of devotion and for pilgrimage in Tibet. Such determination for spiritual practice. Tsem Rinpoche
  • Beautiful new casing in Kechara for Vajra Yogini. Tsem Rinpoche
    6 months ago
    Beautiful new casing in Kechara for Vajra Yogini. Tsem Rinpoche
  • Get ready to laugh real hard. This is Kechara’s version of “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane!” We have some real talents in this video clip.
    6 months ago
    Get ready to laugh real hard. This is Kechara’s version of “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane!” We have some real talents in this video clip.
  • Recitation of Dorje Dermo‘s mantra or the Dharani of Glorious Vajra Claws. This powerful mantra is meant to destroy all obstacles that come in our way. Beneficial to play this mantra in our environments.
    6 months ago
    Recitation of Dorje Dermo‘s mantra or the Dharani of Glorious Vajra Claws. This powerful mantra is meant to destroy all obstacles that come in our way. Beneficial to play this mantra in our environments.
  • Beautiful
    6 months ago
    Beautiful
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  • My little monster cute babies Dharma and Oser. Take a look and get a cute attack for the day! Tsem Rinpoche
    6 months ago
    My little monster cute babies Dharma and Oser. Take a look and get a cute attack for the day! Tsem Rinpoche
  • Plse watch this short video and see how all sentient beings are capable of tenderness and love. We should never hurt animals nor should we eat them. Tsem Rinpoche
    6 months ago
    Plse watch this short video and see how all sentient beings are capable of tenderness and love. We should never hurt animals nor should we eat them. Tsem Rinpoche
  • Cruelty of some people have no limits and it’s heartbreaking. Being kind cost nothing. Tsem Rinpoche
    7 months ago
    Cruelty of some people have no limits and it’s heartbreaking. Being kind cost nothing. Tsem Rinpoche
  • SUPER ADORABLE and must see
    8 months ago
    SUPER ADORABLE and must see
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  • Cute!
    9 months ago
    Cute!
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  • Uncle Wong
    9 months ago
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    9 months ago
    Tsem Rinpoche’s Schnauzer Dharma boy fights Robot sphere from Arkonide!
  • Cute baby owl found and rescued
    9 months ago
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    We rescued a lost baby owl in Kechara Forest Retreat.
  • Nice cups from Kechara!!
    9 months ago
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  • Enjoy a peaceful morning at Kechara Forest Retreat
    9 months ago
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  • His Holiness Kyabje Trijang Rinpoche makes offering of khata to Dorje Shugden.
    9 months ago
    His Holiness Kyabje Trijang Rinpoche makes offering of khata to Dorje Shugden.
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  • What the meat industry figured out is that you don't need healthy animals to make a profit.
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    2 yearss ago
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CHAT PICTURES

Teachers & students do prostration before the start of dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
2 days ago
Teachers & students do prostration before the start of dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
Teenage dharma class in Gompa Kechara House. Lin Mun KSDS
2 days ago
Teenage dharma class in Gompa Kechara House. Lin Mun KSDS
Teacher Kien shared about Rinpoche’s biography from the Promise book. Lin Mun KSDS
2 days ago
Teacher Kien shared about Rinpoche’s biography from the Promise book. Lin Mun KSDS
Learning about altar set up during dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
2 days ago
Learning about altar set up during dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
Children learn to make water offering to Buddha. Lin Mun KSDS
2 days ago
Children learn to make water offering to Buddha. Lin Mun KSDS
Currently the youngest student in dharma class :) Lin Mun KSDS
3 weeks ago
Currently the youngest student in dharma class :) Lin Mun KSDS
Nice lotus sit done by the youngest class students. Lin Mun KSDS
3 weeks ago
Nice lotus sit done by the youngest class students. Lin Mun KSDS
Teacher Jayce is teaching dharma to student of age 11-12 years old . Lin Mun MSDS
3 weeks ago
Teacher Jayce is teaching dharma to student of age 11-12 years old . Lin Mun MSDS
Students enjoyed the light exercise session. Lin Mun KSDS
3 weeks ago
Students enjoyed the light exercise session. Lin Mun KSDS
Some simple exercise before we finish our dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
3 weeks ago
Some simple exercise before we finish our dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
Teacher Grace giving some ideas on activities to Wen Yue. Lin Mun KSDS
3 weeks ago
Teacher Grace giving some ideas on activities to Wen Yue. Lin Mun KSDS
The children were so excited to wait for the next quiz question. Lin Mun KSDS
4 weeks ago
The children were so excited to wait for the next quiz question. Lin Mun KSDS
Children will do prostration and recite Manjushri mantra before start of dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
4 weeks ago
Children will do prostration and recite Manjushri mantra before start of dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
Throwback - Participants were so attentive when colouring tsa tsa. Lin Mun KSDS
4 weeks ago
Throwback - Participants were so attentive when colouring tsa tsa. Lin Mun KSDS
Maya painting Vajrayogini tsa tsa at the kid’s corner during Wesak day. Lin Mun KSDS
4 weeks ago
Maya painting Vajrayogini tsa tsa at the kid’s corner during Wesak day. Lin Mun KSDS
Throwback- Family visiting KFR on the auspicious Wesak Day. Lin Mun KSDS
4 weeks ago
Throwback- Family visiting KFR on the auspicious Wesak Day. Lin Mun KSDS
Join us on Saturday, 24th August 2019 in celebrating International Dorje Shugden Day with an evening of auspicious and powerful pujas for abundance, prosperity, longevity and wish-fulfilment! PROGRAMME 4:00pm – Prayer Flag Puja & Lhasang Smoke Offering Ritual 5:30pm – Free vegetarian dinner 6:30pm – Gyenze Increasing Fire Puja 9:00pm – End Collectively, these pujas are a celebration of Dorje Shugden’s blessings and are highly beneficial for all sponsors and attendees. There’s really no better place to celebrate Dorje Shugden Day than in Kechara Forest Retreat, which is home to the world’s largest Dorje Shugden statue. MORE INFO: kecharaforestretreat.com/dorjeshugdenday
4 weeks ago
Join us on Saturday, 24th August 2019 in celebrating International Dorje Shugden Day with an evening of auspicious and powerful pujas for abundance, prosperity, longevity and wish-fulfilment! PROGRAMME 4:00pm – Prayer Flag Puja & Lhasang Smoke Offering Ritual 5:30pm – Free vegetarian dinner 6:30pm – Gyenze Increasing Fire Puja 9:00pm – End Collectively, these pujas are a celebration of Dorje Shugden’s blessings and are highly beneficial for all sponsors and attendees. There’s really no better place to celebrate Dorje Shugden Day than in Kechara Forest Retreat, which is home to the world’s largest Dorje Shugden statue. MORE INFO: kecharaforestretreat.com/dorjeshugdenday
Teacher Jayce explained the good value from Rinpoche’s teachings. Alice, KSDS
1 month ago
Teacher Jayce explained the good value from Rinpoche’s teachings. Alice, KSDS
“Be kind to animals.” Let your kids join the monthly Animal Liberation at Kechara House, Sunwaymas.
1 month ago
“Be kind to animals.” Let your kids join the monthly Animal Liberation at Kechara House, Sunwaymas.
Chern Chern learnt dharma and show the good attitudes to others. Alice, KSDS
1 month ago
Chern Chern learnt dharma and show the good attitudes to others. Alice, KSDS
Encourage the kids to express their feelings and at the same instill the dharma to them. Alice, KSDS
1 month ago
Encourage the kids to express their feelings and at the same instill the dharma to them. Alice, KSDS
Teacher Grace taught the participants for the DIY candles. Alice , KSDS
1 month ago
Teacher Grace taught the participants for the DIY candles. Alice , KSDS
Children recite Migtsema and Manjushri mantra before the start of dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
1 month ago
Children recite Migtsema and Manjushri mantra before the start of dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
Student do full prostration before the start of dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
1 month ago
Student do full prostration before the start of dharma class. Lin Mun KSDS
Wen Yue led students to do key chain as part of art and craft activity. Lin Mun KSDS
1 month ago
Wen Yue led students to do key chain as part of art and craft activity. Lin Mun KSDS
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Dorje Shugden
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