Revenge is harmful
Forgiveness is so important. Often we hold grudges and hurts for decades. We can also hurt ourselves. Learning to forgive ourselves opens our hearts to more love and compassion, as well as inner peace. Forgiving can be internal. In relationships we can tell each other, “I forgive you.” It can take the form, “All the things I have done with my body, my words, or my thoughts that have hurt you either intentionally or unintentionally, please forgive me, for I deeply love and respect you.” The partner then says the same. This is very powerful healing. Emaho! – His Holiness Dalai Lama
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Sometimes when we are angry we tend to remember it for a period of time. This is not healthy and even bring negative impact to us. We are angry because we cannot forgive and let go of what has happened. Just imagine the the energy and time wasted when we are angry. Therefore, we should learn to accept, forgive and move on. Otherwise holding on to grudges will only bring unhappiness to our life.
Anger is one of the poisons that causes us to take rebirth in the three lower realms. Therefore, it is very important not to hold grudges in us. When we have grudges in us, we can harm people intentionally or unintentionally.
Whatever bad experiences we had, they are in the past, we cannot do anything to them. However, we can decide how to move on. When we put down our anger, we leave behind our emotional baggages, we will be lighter and happier. Contemplate how impermanent things are then it will be easy for us to let go.
Our mind can be easily clouded by heartbreak and pain. Trying to stop the pain tends to lead us to more negative emotions, such as anger, revenge and hatred. Forgiveness is a way to loosen the grip of these destructive states of mind.
Keep in mind that forgiveness is not about blindly accepting, giving up, surrendering, being weak, or avoiding the cost of justice. Forgiveness is to give love although people have wronged us. When we forgive, we are free.
I do agree that taking revenge is harmful cos there is karma. We forgive the person who did something bad to us is because we can let go and move on. And not because we accept and encourage them to create more harm. It’s that we forgive and just try to avoid the person with compassion, and whatever happened is now past. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this short teaching ?
Remember, you don’t forgive someone for his or her sake – you forgive them for our own sake. Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.The practice of forgivesness is the most important contribution to the healing of many things that happen in our lives. When you hold on ,you will get hurt ,might as well let go and look forward ,There is more important things to do then.
To me forgiveness is the most beautiful form of love ,whatever happen is the past ,move on to the next chapter of our life.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing these beautiful words of advice .
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Holding grudges and hurts have never benefited anyone and only cause more hurt specially to oneself. We all know this logically but yet we are still unable to let go. When people wronged us (in our perception), when we are offended (usually our ego), when we are hurt (again it’s usually our ego), our mind goes into this infinite loop of getting stuck on the incident. The thing about life is it doesn’t get easier because it piles up as time goes by. As we travel through life’s journey, we started out with nothing but we start collecting baggage and the baggage gets bigger and heavier.
Forgiveness is so important, to forgive others and to forgive ourselves. Letting go is so important, if we don’t our life will be stagnant because we have so much baggage we can no longer move. Don’t get stuck. Forgive, untangle and move on.
About a week ago, my mother gave me a life lesson. She said: “What is the point of being angry? You are only punishing yourself, the other person will not feel anything and they might not even know about it. When you get angry, you will only generate more cancer cells, more hatred and sadness. Learn to let go, and you will not suffer. When other people notice that you are a person who gets angry easily. then you will be their new target to tease.” Life is never fair so deal with it.
It might sound pretty harsh the first time, I am not trying to be snobbish or what but if you really think about it properly, don’t you think what my mother said is very true? There is no point of being angry and sometimes because we are angry, we might hurt our friends and family members. Do you think is worth it? Besides, what do you gain from being angry? Instead of gaining something, we lose something.
Imagine if we hit the person that made you angry, of course the person will be hurt which we love but what will happen after that? If you are a student then you might get expelled or you might end up in the juvenile. If you are an adult then you might lose the job that you love or you might end in the jail. All those things you have to go through just so that you can punch someone in the face?
I wish what I wrote will help more people. Thank you for reading.
Forgiveness helps one to heal and move on. An easy, common philosophy that work miracles when we actually do it! Yes I will stay positive and do lots of forgiving this year!
Thank you Rinpoche for this great reminder to not become bitter on our death beds. I’ve seen this happened to my mother, and I hope wherever she is she found some “peace” cos she could not in “living”.
Thank you Rinpoche for the kind sharing.Indeed to harbour revenge is the most uncomfortable feeling you could confined in one self.It is a feeling that poison the mind and a deep malice will grow uncontrollably towards that particular person or group and the only way we think we could resolve it is to return the gesture with equal pain or suffering.This feeling could grow and develop up to a stage where by it cover our logical sense if the desire is not fulfil.
If we could just learn to let go,we would get instant relief .A feeling that would lighten the mind and the body.
Well I was just highlighting an experience I have before.A kind person just reminded me to just let go ,which I did and the feeling of heavy burden just disappeared. As a wise man said “Dialog is the only means to resolve any differences or misunderstanding”.
It is a pity that we get attach to pain and suffering more then compassion and generosity.If we react to the lesser one first.We would certainly develop a more peaceful society to leave in….
Thank you dearest Rinpoche for sharing this meaningful message.Forgiveness is such a simple word to say but not all understand the true meaning of forgiveness and not all have the kind heart to forgive others for the mistakes they did.Good or bad.To truly forgives others that person must have the compassion and wisdom to forgive and accept what he/she have to give.
Through many teachings from guru I, myself are still learning to forgive others.
Thank you Rinpoche for the sharing.
Forgiveness is so powerful.. It opens our heart and heals our wound.
Forgiveness stops us from being burnt by ANGER.
Forgiveness can be a word only, if we are still holding on to its past (grudges). At its surface, we think we have forgiven and yet we are just masking it with a happy face but comes with a heavy heart. Hence, for me….forgiveness is when you forget. In fact, you’ll try to reason with yourself on why he/she behaved as such. Usually, there are so many reasons for it and there is no one conclusive evidence or reason for it (like twelve interdependent links, where the arising of one factor feeds the other). I couldn’t have agreed more with Rinpoche that forgiving can be internal. Through forgiving, not only we will achieve happiness, it can translate into peace for oneself and others. A healing in progress!
Namaste Rinpoche and thank you for sharing those wise words.
Yes, forgiveness others and ourself is very important. But some people hold hurt for years and even when we want to forgive the person who had hurt us deeply, the hurt is still there no matter how hard we try to heal. How can we let go of the hurt and forgive the person completely? Please enlighten us.
We forgivene so that we can free ourselves from the view that we held on. It was what that really hurt us. It is very easy to forgive once we understand why we need to do so. It is not about the other person that cause us harm, but the perspectives we use to look at things.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing the powerful work.
打开自己的心窗，学会原谅，学会宽恕， 这样你会过得更好
For me, forgive with compassion is the most powerful and bravest thing in the world. Hatred is not harm others but also ourselves in term of mentally and physically.
A lot people are stuck with samsara because of hatred and revenge. That is why the puja note, we visualize the difficult people are in front of us and receive the same purification. I think in other way it cultivate our forgiveness.
I have been suffering for hatred for long time which made me very unhappy. I have to try my best to practice forgiveness as life is too short and precious to hate somebody.
Thank You Rinpoche for sharing this.
Revenge is like a slow poison that slowly eats away at us. Forgiveness is the immediate cutre. If you can’t forgive externally because of your ego, be at peace with the person who you have wronged internally.
This is very true, i used to be so hateful and so grudge filled. My family tought me to forgive. This is so very extremely true and we all must get inner peace by forgiving. Thank you for sharing RInpoche.
Thank you Rinpoche for these words of great wisdom. When we forgive, we set our minds and spirits free. Opening our hearts to more love and compassion, through forgiving, we will then attain inner peace.
It was sad for me to learn that a close relative of mine, and his wife,could not forgive his younger brother and sister-in-law even beyond his death. His younger brother was not allowed to visit him when he lay dying, and even at his wake and funeral, his wife would not let his brother come and pay his last respects. Such bitterness is surely very destructive to one’s inner being and inner peace.
In cyclic existence, when karma means that what goes out from us must come back to us, it becomes even more painful to envision the tremendous suffering that will follow these ‘players’ into their endless future lives.
Forgiveness,as the dharma teaches us, is born of great wisdom and compassion.
你打我一拳，我还你一巴掌。冤冤相报何时了。 怀恨在心是很辛苦的。倒不如相逢一笑泯恩仇。原谅他人，等于善待自己。学习原谅他人，也是一种修行。
It is said, “Forgiveness is an absolute necessity for continued human existence”. Even in Buddha”s teaching this has been emphasized that holding on to anger is like grasping at a hot coal with intent of throwing it at some one’s else; you are the one who gets burned. Everyone of us wants to be kind, compassionate and not wanting to hurt anyone, but sometimes its “ego”, the negative emotion that makes us angry, obsessed and hateful. We are all addited to our negative emotions, which makes us do negative things. When we can wipe out these negative emotions we will be left with our love and compassion, and be free of sufferings. May all of us be blessed to be ever conscientious to abandon even the slightest harm and practise every possible virtue! Om mani padme Hung.
It is often very hard to forgive when someone has hurt us so badly but it is useless to keep it in the heart because that will only poison our heart n mind.To learn how to forgive is to learn how to let go.Through dharma,we knew that sometimes people hurt us or left us due to our own karma and we should contemplate on it n forgive..to be able to forgive is indeed the greatest joy.By revenging will only cause us to fall into the lower realm n brings no benefit at all..
For most of us including myself, the word ‘sorry’ is one of the very difficult word we could utter to our spouse, children, friends, parents etc after an argument or disagreement even though we feel remorse thereafter …”if I am to say sorry or apologize, that shows that I am wrong and if not how am I going to confront or dealing with this person without holding any negative views or revengeful feeling ? ” It is really a very bitter, painful and unpleasant feeling to hate or dislike someone. I remembered years back, one colleague of mine told me that we should let go of all the unpleasant thoughts and not hold to grudges amongst friends or colleagues as we might never been able to say sorry or meet each other the very next day. I believe to forgive is one of the very basis act which leads to happiness . Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this wonderful quotes by HH Dalai Lama.
Yes…just by hearing the words “I forgive you” really brings a closing to my heart. When I had an argument with a close friend, and we haven’t really been on talking terms for years, and when she spoke those words. The joy and the openness from the heart, words cannot describe.
Forgiveness is just a very simple act, yet many times, because of our ego and pride, we never perform them, thus hurting ourselves and our loved ones for a long time.
Thank you Rinpoche, for such a short, yet very powerful message.
We always so silly that thinking “die also not going to forgive people who hurt me”… Silly because the other person is not going and will not feel your emotion or does not care about your emotions or feeling. We learn to forgive and forgive, not because we “love” the person we think who hurts us, but because we want happiness, we want to feel peace of mind. It’s just like we move forward just because we can’t keep staying or standing at the same spot anymore. And most importantly, we do not want to keep feeling sorry and sad for ourselves anymore. Only by chasing away feeling of being hurt or sorry for ourselves, we can have some space for happiness and peace to come in and stay. Wish all have a nice day 🙂
Thank you Rinpoche, wish you and US team have all in good health and nice sunny days.
To Err is human, to forgive is divine. We should not say this. Forgiveness is a human trait. It is something we should and must do. We do not have to show forgiveness but rather forgive people from your heart. If you just tell them that you forgive them with no true forgiveness, it is annulled. Never be vengeful, always forgive.
Forgiveness is a simple but meaningful word. If everyone of us can practice it in daily life,definitely it can reduce lots of our problems where mostly the factor of our problem was just from a small matter. Try to practice forgiveness now while we still can. Don’t wait, otherwise we might regret forever.
I agreed. Because holding grudges isn’t going to help us becoming a better person, to hate or to take revenge on someone is a very tiring thing to do, its not like its gonna change the situation. Sometimes what we have to do is forget about it and move on, life is not about taking revenge on the people who have hurt us, its about how we confront it and turn it into something good instead.
Forgives is an act of compassion towards ourselves and others because it relieve our pain in our mind and make our live more happier as for others. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this inspiring quote with us.
Thanks for Rinpoche’sharing. The teaching from GH Dalai Lama very powerful. This is the antidote for hatred. Only we let go ourselves, only we can closer to happiness.
Thank you Rinpoche. Revenge brings more harm in the end. Not forgiving, holding grudges, to the extent that we are not able to sleep until we have had our ‘sweet’ revenge,thoughts in this vein are like a canker worm that eats up our mind of peace.
A person whom i love because of her warmth and tenderness, had had a quarrel with her only daughter. There is no forgiveness in the daughter for her parents. Recently, my friend’s husband who had been sick for some time, passed away. A few days before he passed away, their estranged daughter came to visit her father. Before she left, she told her father that this was her first and last visit. She would not visit them again.
How sad. My friend’s husband passed away, a few days later. Their daughter might have broken his heart all over again.
Forgiveness must surely open up a heart to greater peace for self and the person one has forgiven.
I love the way one asks forgiveness from inside out.The greater will be the healing.
If we wish to be freed from a painful experience from others, letting go of the past is expressed through forgiveness. On our side, we stop creating the continuing of karmic cycle by retaliating. In this way ours’ next cause of actions will be base on equanimity and not of anger. Thanks Rinpoche for continuously reminding us of simple yet practical Buddhist teachings.
Thank u Rinpoche for posting this words of wisdom.
I have come across a lot of people in my life, especially more when I am working in Dharma. A lot of them are inspiration for me, some I would like to be them when I am older, others I do not want to be them when I am older. The main problem which often people experienced and makes their life unpleasant is their bitterness. It is very sad as the people who inflicted the pain into them, some are not even around anymore but they held on to that bad experience for a long time. This happened to someone who was very close to me. She has passed away but even in her death bed, she could not forgive those who has harm her 50 yrs ago. It was very heart breaking to see her in that state of mind.
Of course forgiveness to me does’t mean to be laid back also and take all the harm the others are doing, just need to be smart at handling situation like this which I have learned a lot for the past few years.
Forgive others also liberate ourselves. Open up our heart, love is all around.
Thank you Rinpoche again to help us on working on forgiving ourselves and others to be able to let go of all our grudges and open our heart fully to do our dharma work!