In life, everyone wants to be happy. However, most people are habituated to look for happiness in the wrong objects and in the wrong places. Unfortunately, society reinforces these same mistaken objects and sources as the norms. Society expects us to pursue happiness in partnerships, relationships, in getting married and having a family, and in having a successful job and getting lots of money. These norms of happiness are pursued mindlessly and then, all too often, the pursuit grinds to a halt, with unexpected illness and then death. At the end of the road of life we will inevitably meet death, no matter how we push out all thoughts of it from our minds and persist in denying it.

There is generally no room for spirituality in our pursuit of happiness, as this pursuit is all about ME and MY happiness. Soon enough, instead of finding the happiness we have been seeking, deep-seated negative emotions and mental diseases pervade our minds and destroy our peace. Anger, loneliness and depression pull us down; some people even spiral all the way downwards towards suicide.

UNExpected, a book compiled by the creative team of JP Thong and Joy Kam, voices the need for adding spirituality to our lives, while continuing to enjoy the beautiful things that come our way. “Show care for others; take care of our minds”, that is what H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche advises. For many years, Rinpoche has been teaching his effective spiritual methods of how to be happy and to lead a meaningful life. Though they may outwardly appear to be unconventional, his methods and teachings are in fact deeply rooted in the Buddhist tradition, with a basis and a lineage to be found in the timeless, ancient wisdom of Lord Buddha’s teachings from over 2,500 years ago. UNExpected thus shows us this powerful, yet seemingly unconventional approach of Tsem Rinpoche’s towards spirituality for ultimate peace and happiness.

Although Rinpoche was raised by a family who adhered to conventional societal norms and expectations, he himself broke away from these norms that held his family enthralled. And despite a childhood of great suffering, he has successfully cultivated a mind of real inner peace and joy through the methods that he now teaches and skilfully guides people in, with great love and compassion.

The modern world we live in is filled with distractions that disturb the mind more than bring the peace and happiness so desired by all. UNExpected is therefore a manual of how to use unconventional methods to be truly happy and to live life peacefully in this world that is so disturbed by stress and competitiveness, and the focus on “I” and “Me”. This book presents the gems of Rinpoche’s wisdom, which spell out creative and powerful methods to achieve true freedom from suffering, lasting peace and happiness, and even enlightenment. These methods are error-free as they are based on the timeless wisdom of Lord Buddha’s teachings. Many great Buddhist masters and scholars have immersed themselves in these methods and, through them, found their way to their goals of ultimate peace and enlightenment.

I find the following aspects of UNExpected most impressive and inspiring.

Add Spirituality to Our Lives:
Let’s not forget others

“We can still enjoy the beautiful things around us, but let’s not forget to take care of our minds and let’s not forget others.”

– H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche

1. “In the Buddha I trust.” From the insights he developed in meditation over 2500 years ago, Buddha Shakyamuni taught us with exact precision why we suffer when we think we are going to be happy. We suffer because we cling to the objects that we think will bring happiness – objects like wealth and our relationships. These ‘conventional objects’ of happiness disappoint us in the end because they are impermanent. We cling to them and we try to make them permanent, and that reinforces our suffering when we are faced with the reality of time and decay that they are not.
2. “Happiness is a choice.”
   1. The choice is between following cultural and societal norms of achieving happiness through pursuing relationships and acquisitions of wealth, or adopting Buddha’s way of letting go of our clinging to all these conventional objects of happiness. For in truth, these conventional objects bring suffering. So we can choose conventions, or turn instead to the unconventional path of caring for others and benefiting them.
   2. But it is a difficult choice. It is difficult to accept the unconventional as we have been habituated and taught from young “conventional is right and unconventional is wrong”. For may people, society and the people around them becoming overwhelming in their assertion of what is right and what is wrong. People who are creative and intelligent but are unconventional are often dismissed, without a second thought, as “strange” or “weird”, and may even end up becoming “social outcasts” simply because they do not follow what is expected of everyone else.
3. Choose with wisdom as this choice concerns a path that will lead us to a truly happy and meaningful life, with a peace that will endure. Wisdom comes from studying the Dharma (the Buddha’s teachings) and contemplating deeply on them. When clarity arises in the mind, thanks to greater knowledge and contemplation, then we will naturally develop wisdom.

Why do we study Lord Buddha’s teachings to find the way to real happiness and meaning in life? Buddha Shakyamuni had lived it all; every single conventional object of happiness that you can ever imagine was laid at his feet. He was a handsome prince living as Prince Siddhartha in a luxurious palace with a beautiful wife and a son, when he decided to go in search of the meaning of life. He left his palace and lovely family to find a path to the cessation of suffering and yet, to this day, there are still people who express disapproval for what he did!

Nonetheless, a study of his life will show us that, without a doubt, Prince Siddhartha left his family because he worried about how they would live, grow old and die, without any meaning and purpose to their lives. So he sought the truth to the meaning of life for his family as well as for all beings. He subsequently spent six years in deep meditation and from that he discovered the path to the cessation of suffering, and unchanging happiness. He then spent the next 40 years of his life teaching this and the methods to real happiness and peace.

After him, many great pandits and teachers studied his teachings (the Dharma) and followed his path to find their own true peace and happiness. The Buddha’s way is the way of kindness and compassion, peace and love.

4. The Wisdom Way – Kindness

“Kindness is the best religion. It doesn’t matter what religion you are. Just BE KIND.”

– H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche

Practising kindness and care towards others, instead of indulging in self-grasping and self-cherishing, is the way of wisdom. It is the way to go. Tsem Rinpoche has advised us “not to forget others” – the poor, the homeless and the needy.

As Mother Teresa had said, “At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by “I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless and you took me in.”.”

In the same vein, Steve Jobs has this reminder for us:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”

What is truly important, that we all too often only realise at the point of death, is not any of our material wealth, our relationships or even our body, our name or our fame. These do not matter because we have to discard all of them and leave this life alone.

What is truly important are the seeds of kindness and wisdom sown in our minds, which will bring us real inner peace and lasting happiness. Once you have developed a peaceful mind, you will be able to view all things of this life as impermanent and graciously let go of them. You will be able to accept all the pleasurable and sad moments that life brings you, and graciously let go of them too, knowing that they too will pass. When death comes, you will be able to graciously let go all that you had acquired but have to leave behind.

Be kind to other beings who have inherited the earth like you and me. Be kind to animals , birds and fishes. Be kind to the environment. Be kind to planet earth. Be vegetarian, save lives, and adopt them. To be kind and giving to the poor and needy, to save animals and the environment – all these acts of kindness and compassion are generally not so readily acceptable because they do not follow the norm of behaviour in any society. To take money and resources, and use them in our own pursuit of pleasure seems to be the norm. We keep habituating ourselves with the belief that this is the right thing to do as this is what society tells us to do, or the advertisements on mass media lull us into believing we should do.

But look at the elderly among us, who have spent their whole life in pursuit of their own wealth and happiness. See how broken down they are in the end, how depressed and lonely and bitter! Deserted by the young who are following in their footsteps of chasing the same dreams!

5. Kindness is our inherent nature. We all have the inherent nature of kindness, compassion and love. Spiritual guides like Tsem Rinpoche have been patiently and skilfully guiding their students towards awakening these innate good qualities in us. We should therefore add spirituality to our lives by cultivating wisdom and kindness for true peace and happiness.

Add Spirituality to Our Lives:
Take care of our minds

Spirituality is also about creating peace in our minds, through wisdom.

1. All thoughts are creations of the mind, even anger. Let it go. Do not let anger control you, for anger destroys peace.
2. Winning isn’t everything. It’s how you play the game so have integrity. Abandon hurting others, as all harming of others will come back to you.
3. Be focused on gaining wisdom through meditation, so that you can confront the crazy and confused world with a clarity of mind, to direct your choices and course of actions well.
4. Engage in contemplation. Calm the mind and gain clarity for wisdom to arise and peace to abide there.

We should thus add spirituality to our lives by training and controlling our minds and, through meditation, gain clear and deep insights into true reality. Thus will we develop a mind of peace through wisdom.

Achieving the Impossible Is the Spirit and the Way to Go

“We must do that which we think we cannot.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

Taking the path less travelled – the unconventional path – to ultimate peace and happiness requires extraordinary courage, patience and perseverance. As Rinpoche says, “How much we want anything is how hard we make it.” Everything may seem to be a struggle now but we should not give up because one day we will win.

We should also walk this path with optimism and I particularly like the phrase “No Way But Up”; it really is the right positive attitude to take.

For all of this, we need a qualified and experienced spiritual guide to lead us on the path. Over and above it, though we take responsibility for our choice of which direction to go, we should take advice and guidance from an experienced and qualified spiritual guide who has walked the unconventional path himself.

Being the Light. Being You – Unique, Different and Special

“In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.”

– Coco Chanel

Be you. Be unique, different and special. Be unconventional but live by the way of peace, compassion and wisdom. Everyone’s different so accept all and not be judgemental. Make your decisions and your choices and take responsibility for them. In the midst of the crowd, find yourself. Be yourself.

I find that UNExpected is a distinctive manual of how to live a life of meaning and attain a state of mind of true peace and happiness, by walking the unconventional path of kindness and wisdom. It is unconventional because it requires us to behave in a manner that is against the social norms. Unconventional because it goes against what society tells us is the correct thing to do. But simply because society tells us what is the correct thing to do, does not mean that on an ultimate level, it is correct for everything that exists within society is a social construct. It is not the universal law of truth, kindness and wisdom that is appreciated everywhere regardless of race, religion, background, upbringing and socioeconomic status. So for me, UNExpected also shows us clearly that we should walk this path with fierce conviction, and a courage and determination to succeed. When we follow it all the way, we will find that there is no way to go but up. In truth, there is really no other way but this UNExpected way to true peace and happiness.

For more interesting information:

• Coming into Kechara: A Journey to Find My Spiritual Self
• The Kechara Pocket Prayer Book: A Review
• Faces of Enlightenment by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche – a Review
• Books That Are A Must-Read!
• Snakes, Roosters and Pigs by Tsem Rinpoche

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