Spirituality After 60
As I reflect on the eventful day in July 2007, I either smile with bliss or shed tears of both joy and sadness.
It was on the 3rd of July 2007 that I was brought to a Tibetan Buddhist temple (gompa) at Sunwaymas by a friend for a Dharma teaching by H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche. Prior to this meeting, I had read in a national newspaper about this young and modern Tibetan monk and I was very impressed with what was written. So when I heard about Rinpoche, I thought it truly was terrific that a monk could be so modern and unconventional, and yet hold the essence of Shakyamuni Buddha’s teachings with such purity.
On meeting Rinpoche and hearing his teaching, I knew that my search for a Spiritual Guide was over and that I had found my Guru whom I had been seeking in order to understand the Buddha’s teachings. I wanted to practice to gain peace in my life by recognizing the meaning and our potential in freeing ourselves of “suffering”.
A video of my daring ‘debate’ with Rinpoche during our first meeting.
At that point of time when I met Rinpoche, I had gained a small level of success as a business person and with that, I had also developed a way of life and a mind that was hard and unforgiving because I believed that in winning, something needed to be sacrificed and something lost.
Sad to say, I lost my humanity. The qualities of forgiveness, kindness and care for others, all of which I once possessed, had wilted away. I had built a wall of protection (which in hindsight is more a wall of destruction) and began to lead my life in an unwholesome manner.
The only emotions I would manifest were anger, intolerance, resentment and depression. If I had dared to love, it was a case of being extremely guarded and conditional. In some cases with people very close to me, that love became obsessive due to the fear of losing them. It was rather suffocating for the both of us, I would say.
Offering Body, Speech and Mind on behalf of all Kecharians to our Guru Tsem Rinpoche
Coming to Rinpoche with such deeply ingrained perceptions and emotional makeup was indeed a great burden for Rinpoche. Rinpoche’s goal for his students is the path to Enlightenment, not a feel good Buddhist practice. And just like a deep splinter in one’s flesh, removing these mental defilements was surely going to be a painful process.
In the initial stages, I was totally immersed into supporting the Dharma to grow and did whatever I could to fulfill my personal desire to get the job done. Rinpoche noticed that and skillfully went along with me, even though he knew it was not the best way to achieve the true essence of Bodhicitta.
Along the way, my negative karma arose and obstacles came at me with great ferocity. Instead of fully understanding the methods to avert the calamities of my negative karma, I succumbed to them and started to falter in my path.
While I was in great confusion as to my dissatisfaction in my Dharma work and space, Rinpoche manifested my faults and put them in my face, like a great mirror for me to see my failings. Instead of understanding Rinpoche’s skillful methods, I resented what I saw and was unable to relate to the profound teachings Rinpoche was giving me. The fact was I recognized my faults but could not accept the reality of them.
It wasn’t just my faults that Rinpoche revealed, but also a constant reminder of my mortality.
This inability to shift away from my egoistic state of mind made me crawl into inactivity and harbor negative thoughts of the people I know in Kechara.
It went on for a long three years and today as I pen this article, I realize how much my Guru loves me, to the extent that he would risk my negative thoughts towards him just so that I can become a better Dharma practitioner.
Cheerfully bright flowers from my Guru after my surgery at Mt. Sinai Hospital, New York, USA. Far away but never forgotten, Rinpoche was always there when I needed him the most.
My realizations may be late but I know that if I truly practice Guru Devotion and the essence of Buddhism, there is still a chance for me to atone for my wrongdoings that I have inflicted on my Guru.
As my kind mentors advised, I need to surrender myself to my Guru, be alright with whatever is asked of me and trust Rinpoche 100%. I need to realize that what I perceive can be fixed by me is not the correct method. Most of all, to “let go” of all long-held wrong views and perceptions led by my ego of not wanting to fail.
As Rinpoche says, “Dharma is not easy”; so too is finding peace and true inner bliss. If I am so fortunate to have Rinpoche as my Root Guru, to be deserving of Him then why not surrender to His teachings? Life would be so much easier and emotions would be contained within a Wall of Love and Compassion instead of that wall which I built with hate, anger, jealousy, resentment and depression.
May my sharing be of benefit for all those who would read this so that they would not waste as much time as I have in their spiritual journey which brings lasting joy and happiness. Hopefully from reoccurring good rebirths, we will always be near a genuine Guru and the Dharma.
After nine years of spiritual training, the once intolerable, depressed and angry person is almost gone. Now I can genuinely smile from my heart.
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Dear Datuk May, your willingness to be vulnerable and share your truth has open the door to authentic connections with ourselves and others. I see your sadness in lost of humanity. It is very vulnerable and courage for you to share your innermost thoughts and emotions, it help me to embrace my emotions and dark shadows. Often ego would appear to protect our self-image or self-concept, somehow its not the only truth.
Your sharing remind me to embrace the struggles in life too. We might feel confuse in life but its part of the journey. We are never too late to get back on the right track if we willing to surrender. I’m amazed and inspires when you said you took for a long 3 years to pen this article, it is scary to face our truth-self. But you plant a seed in your heart and others now.
I hope you always in peace and have lasting joy.
Dear Datuk May,
Thank you for sharing your heartwarming story about how surrendering oneself to Dharma and how going all the way with our Guru has transformed Datuk into a better version of yourself. This only proves that Dharma is for anyone and at any age. All that is needed is a heart full of willingness and the rest will fall into place.
Wishing Datuk a long and healthy life and many, many more years in the Dharma.
Wow! That is some revelation May, a brave and courageous one too! And in all essence a very good and helpful one. I believe most people, including yours truly here, tend to use secular intelligence rather than Buddhist wisdom to decipher what a guru is doing with one’s life. Of course many a times, they (I) got it wrong and the guru is always right.
Dharma is indeed a “mirror” and the guru the “assassin” killing one’s ego.
For the students, they still haven’t grasp what a skilful, perfect, real guru does.
Thank you for your very honest account of your spiritual journey and you are so fortunate to have found an erudite high lama in your guru, Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.
Datuk May was someone who came into dharma, trying to be 200% beneficial and would get stuck in whatever problems and issues. Regardless of what issues rose up, she courageously went head on with it. She didn’t understand what NO, or I CAN’T that simply did not exist in her vocabulary, which to me got her into the thick of dharma projects and work.
At 60 and doing dharma work and doing it at such huge scale and practicing as well, is not exactly a Sunday walk in the park. Having lived a good life, due to her own sheer determination, hard work, raising a family, wow she done so much. Datuk May is indeed a rare gem of humanity, that has found a higher purpose to dedicate herself to. I wish her all the best for all her subsequent work with Kechara and the Dharma. I hope many other people young or old will be inspired by her spiritual path.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing this beautiful article…..your Dharma journey to be a better person from depressed and angry person.Rejoice.
Spirituality after 60 Datuk May found her true lasting happiness in benefit of others. She’s truly an inspiration to all of us. Thanks for reminding us to have faith in our Guru and practice Guru Devotion to transform our mind.
Thank you again i do enjoying watching the video too, wish you good health always.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing your dharma journey with us. It is inspiring because you shared your experience from your heart so you could benefit and help others in the spiritual path.
It is never easy for one to change the attitude and mindset but you have proved that one can do it with courage and perseverance. You reminded us that we must always believe in Guru and practise Guru Devotion as Rinpoche wish is for us to transform our mind.
Once again thanks for sharing your experience and passion towards dharma. May you always be blessed by Three Jewels.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing with us your experiences as a Buddhist practitioner. I am amazed at your tenacity and resilience in wanting to practice the dharma even though after the age of 60, many habits are deeply ingrained and very difficult to change.
I have seen your struggles and breakthroughs throughout the years. I am truly very happy that you have learnt to let go more in order to be more at peace.
My intentions for introducing you to Tsem Rinpoche was so that you could learn Buddhism and be truly happy. This intention has never changed. I believe this is the greatest gift I can give to a dear friend.
I pray that you will continue to follow Rinpoche’s advice all the way so that you will realize the Buddha nature in you and be in eternal peace.
I believe everyone has their own story to tell and I love to hear stories. That’s why I love great masters stories as well. It makes me think deeper. Sometimes I might not face the situation now but somehow, when the situation arises, it helps me to recollect the memory and I will be able to face it calmly and in repose.
Thanks for your sharing here Datuk May. Being in Dharma is very very difficult for me now. As if I am being pulled in many direction. When you talked about Guru Devotion, I do wonder if I can be as great as you. May you always be blessed Datuk May. Thank you.
Thank you very much, Datuk May for sharing this inspirational story. To see someone work a business and practice dharma all the way is very heartwarming. You are an inspiration for the young, and old a like. 😀
Thank You Datuk May for your sharing this inspiring article. It was not easy for a such successful businesslady like you to honestly open up or confess all wrong perception in Dharma path. I would like to bow down to your courage and strong Guru Devotion you have nurtured.
Like Fong said “We are going different path or different experience but our destination is same.”. I feel I am so tittle compared what you have achieved in Dharma under intensive training from our Lama. It is truly not easy I can feel it honesty. We always tend to complain that we are asked to do beyond our ability as we have other things to take care such as earn a living for family, family life etc. However, we did not notice that those are all excuses for our laziness or ego.
I still remembered when I was fresh in blog chat. You point out to me that ego is the most sever poison among three. In fact, I was not agreed that I thought it could be anger which is worst poison among three. However, by experience along the Dharma path, I realized you are right. Hencce, with my humble opinion, we need to experience the Dharma knowledge in our life, not just study for knowledge purpose. Hence, Guru is pushing us in that way which is painful for us as it changes our normal life styles which we wrongly nurtured for lives in past.
Thank You again Datuk May. I always enjoy your debate video clip and writing. Hope you live long with stable health and smooth Dharma path under guidance of Guru. Let us work together to fulfill our Lama’s wish.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing this meaningful article. I rejoice for your transformation from a jealous, angry, intolerable and resentment person to a person who can benefit others with love and compassion.
I am sure your practice of guru devotion will inspire many to surrender ourselves to Rinpoche and let go, trust our guru 100% and have no doubt. You are truly a role model for us.
Dear Datuk May,
Thank you for sharing this beautiful article. I believe in my humble opinion that there are many things which money cannot buy. Such as true friends,true love,honesty,trust,wisdom,sincerity,loyalty,good karma and last but not least a wonderful Guru. I honestly admire and respect Datuk May for your inner beauty. I would like to wish Datuk May good health,forever happiness,long life and smooth Dharma journey.
With folded hands,
Anne Ong
I rejoice for you on your realizations. We all walk a different path but the destination is the same.
Thank you for a very honest and open sharing
Thank you Datuk May for writing and sharing Datuk’s thought with the wisdom that Datuk has gained from the beginning of the Dharma journey in Kechara until the current moment. This sharing will become a good testimonial and motivation for all of us, especially for those who are new in Kechara, to explain how our Rinpoche’s skillful methods that can guide us in learning the Dharma, transforming our mind from negative to positive state spiritually and able to give us teachings in simplified terms and advice on how to help others in Dharma so that we can gain merits for higher Dharma practice and at the same time purify our past bad karma. We are truly fortunate and blessed to be able to be connected with Rinpoche through the guru-student relationship at this degenerate time.
May more and more people able to receive and learn the Dharma teachings given by Rinpoche through the social media, Dharma books, Rinpoche’s blog and other ways of learning so that there will be less and less people continue to suffer and being trapped in samsara by our own ignorance, attachment and anger. I sincerely wish Datuk May continue to live long with stable health and smooth Dharma journey ahead in this and many future lifetimes.
Thank you with folded hands,
kin hoe
Thank you Datuk May for sharing your personal journey with Rinpoche as your Root Guru. You have pointed out the fallacy that many of us face in thinking that in contributing monetarily or volunteering, we are in our Dharma mode. No doubt that all these will garner some good but what matter most in Dharma achievement as Rinpoche always emphasise on is Mind Transformation. The transformation that comes from within and in the way that our motivations & actions are selflessly benefitting others. Rinpoche will confront our inner demons to root them out to be understood and worked on. I am always so amazed by his skilful means of giving us the Dharma teachings and practices. What you have gone through we will be or are going through and serves as encouragement for us to persevere in surrendering ourselves to the enlightened mind of our Guru. Let not the ego lose us our salvation from Samsara. May Rinpoche remain to live long with good health and continue guiding us in our spiritual path but most of may all of us realise the great compassion of Rinpoche and swiftly be the fulfilment of his wishes.
Thank you Dato May for sharing this beautiful article. And the video is beautiful. The conversation between you and Rinpoche sounds like you’d known each other for a long time. Very lovely and beautiful first met. This remind me of what Pastor told us, during Buddha’s teaching, Manjushri manifested as his student, and Manjushri kept asking questions, it was like a Q&A session, by answering Manjushri’s quesitons, it benefited all other students around them. I rejoice that Dato May has found your ultimate happiness, and transformation, which we all will follow the path. I always remember that Rinpoche told us, “Dharma can wait, karma can’t wait.” With folded hands _/\_
Thank you for sharing this honest and heartfelt feelings of yourself before and after meeting Rinpoche. I think Datuk May’seem accounts are somewhat similar to many who have not been really happy in their lives despite having so much materially. This shows spirituality do help and everybody needs it especially in this modern day where people forget the very basic values that can make us happy.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing article with us. I agree with Datuk May that we should not waste and think too much. Once we have make our decision just go all the way in our Dharma path. We have nothing to lose but everything to gain and that is Enlightenment.
With folded palms,
Vivian
Thank you very much, Datuk May for this very open and touching sharing of your spiritual journey. In between the words, we can find warm and fond subtleties of a Guru-Disciple relationship. Datuk May’s sharing highlighted His Eminence’s skillful ways of guiding his student. We are thankful for this sharing because the points are relevant intricacies for all of us practitioners. By reading and understanding them now, we are very much reminded of the importance of surrender fully to our Guru. It is also an inspiration for us to learn to “let go” of all long-held wrong views and perceptions led by our ego of not wanting to fail. Thank you very much for this article.