Thoughts
(By Tsem Rinpoche)
Fearlessness
August 23, 2009
In this region, wealth, face and family lineage have FAR MORE IMPORTANCE than belief in karma, next life and Bodhi mind. Problems arise from basically these 3 factors.
However, when we look at these from the widest scope of ultimate mind view, it pales so insignificantly because our lives are so short. Hence we trap ourselves, again and again. And time passes by quickly…
Isn’t it tiresome when people always focus ON WHAT THEY DID? And that they hardly focus on WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE?
When something goes WRONG, then they REPEAT OVER & OVER & OVER what they did & what difficulties they had in order to COVER. But they never think about HOW THEY DAMAGE OTHERS.
That’s the problem, they never start focusing out.
It’s good for people like that to write and read WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE FOR THEM DAILY. To stop repeating and move on.
If you want to get places, you have to have FEARLESSNESS. What’s fearlessness? Better to GO ALL THE WAY even if we might FAIL. It’s better than DOING NOTHING and JUST FAILING. Because when you do nothing, you have to play so many games to hide your failure.
I hate it when we just do nothing and be comfortable with failure… because you hate yourself in the end for doing NOTHING AND THAT’S WHY YOU FAILED. You carry that your whole life.
Covering failure is the MAIN SOURCE FOR OUR EGO TO STAY STRONG. If we go all the way, the chance to win IS THERE!
Think! Failure from doing nothing or a chance to make it. Ego protection or ego diminishing. Pick…
Much care,
Tsem Rinpoche
Kyabje Lati Rinpoche and myself. Kyabje Lati Rinpoche was the main Lama that asked me to go abroad to teach. That’s how i came to Malaysia.
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In life we learn more from failure than from success, fear not what lies ahead. And those who fears will suffer, mistakes in life teach us how to succeed. Do not fear failure but we rather fear not trying. Once we becomes fearless , life becomes limitless as we move on all the way.
Thank you Rinpoche for this great thoughts to ponder in life.
Thank you Rinpoche for the sharing . FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what we want over and over again without giving up. Successful people have no fear of failure they stay open to all possibilities of the outcomes. We embrace change, even change that appears negative by thinking positive. Being fearless is more about who we are, rather than what we do. Fearless people are great, they are full of life, good energy, passion and self-belief. We must try as we never know if we do not try. Keep trying as the success rate is higher than we thought.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for sharing this advice. Because of our ego, we failed to accomplish alot of things that we may have a chance with it. We are too afraid to try and fail because it will make us look ugly. When things go wrong, we will start looking for excuses and blame others. We are protecting our ego and hence we fail in accomplishing great things because our ego are more important that everyone and everything else.
By letting down our ego and go all the way, we will not be limited by our ego and great things will be acomplished.
Humbly,
Chris
Thank you Rinpoche for the sharing. We will continue trying fearlessly until we get the results. As long as we are perseverance, setting the right motivation and determination, we can surely get results.
We will never know our potential if we don’t try. Once we set our motivation, we should go all the ways. Trying pushes us out of our comfort zone and we learn new things every time when we try. No
regret if we fail, but we will regret if we did not try.
When we try, we will feel grateful to others because by experiencing the processes ourselves, we can realize how much effort, commitment required, and how much attachment we need to let go in order to succeed.
Rinpoche’s logic is impeccable. Truly it is better to try and fail, then not try which is sure failure. Trying helps us to diminish our ego, not trying we stay just the same.
Thank you for this post. This bit stuck out to me the most. “Covering failure is the MAIN SOURCE FOR OUR EGO TO STAY STRONG. If we go all the way, the chance to win IS THERE!” So here’s me going for the chance to win. 🙂
Dear Rinpoche,
How true. Short article but makes a lot of sense.
Failing and having a huge ego do not bring us any benefits. Humble and low profile is better. Remembering who helped us along our way to success is important as those people are the ones that guided us during our failures.
If we are to be in samsara, better to start developing a Bodhi mind than being in delusion by the 3 factors Rinpoche mentioned.
Thank you.
My thought on this is rather narrow, more on personal level. Sometimes, we are just happy in our comfort zone. Any changes are immediately perceived as negative and hence, resistant arises. The thought of failure is constantly staining our mind, even before we embark on something new. Thank you Rinpoche for giving me the fearlessness in Dharma where I have taken a U turn (I still have my fear but lesser). May I be of benefit to others.
Thank you Rinpoche. I’m taking a second look at this post because i’m rediscovering new facets of this teaching or facets I had overlooked before.
We place so much emphasis on wealth, face, and family, because our focus is on this life and on ourselves as a separate independent identity. We think so much about this life, when in reality , this life is so very short if we place it against ultimate reality.We forget that we will circle endlessly, in samsara, rebirth after rebirth,migrating to whichever of the six realms of existence our karma takes us.
We become so self-absorbed that we tremble in fear of leaving our comfort zones and experiencing failure. Fear of failure is ego’s subtle rejection of a diminishing of the ego with failure.
We are so focused on what we are doing that we give little thought to what others are doing. We forget we are dependent on others. Then we start trampling on others and disregard what harm we inflict on others.
To be fearless, we need to face ourselves and realize that we are hiding behind our egos, especially when we fear failure.We need to be brave and go all the way, even if there is a possibility of failure.
Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat which causes entities to quickly pull away from it and usually hide. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. In short, fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it (also known as the fight-or-flight response) but in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) a freeze or paralysis response is possible. Some psychologists such as John B. Watson, Robert Plutchik, and Paul Ekman have suggested that there is only a small set of basic or innate emotions and that fear is one of them. This hypothesized set includes such emotions as joy, sadness, and anger. Fear should be distinguished from the emotion anxiety, which typically occurs without any certain or immediate external threat.
Fear is frequently related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable. It is worth noting that fear almost always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable. Fear can also be an instant reaction to something presently happening. All people have an instinctual response to potential danger, which is in fact important to the survival of all species. The reactions elicited from fear are seen through advantages in evolution. Fear can be a manipulating and controlling factor in an individual’s life.
Conquering our fears is one of the biggest battles we have to fight on a daily basis.
If we fear failure, it is only because we place high values on the superficial things that we feel are at stake such as our pride, people’s perception of us and money. So many do not even try due to that fear and when we do fail, we hide our failure for the same reason. In fact there is nothing real at stake.
How we deal with failure is a good indication of how much we have progressed in our practice, if at all. I have seen people who failed and allowed that failure to overwhelm them and they stay in that state of mind for the rest of their lives. Each day they do, they replay that failure again and become even more crippled by fear and embarrassment.
Perhaps a good way to avoid being trapped by that fear is to remove our personal objectives from the process and to focus on the good a successful endeavor can bring to others.
Fear of failure prevents us from putting our foot forward to try. It could also be due to laziness and not wanting to get out from our comfort zone. Yes, one must admit our own mistake instead of spending people’s time in listening to our explanation and justification to cover up. So exasperating and selfish. I am grateful to my mother who was a pillar of strength to the family. She didn’t complain any difficulties she encountered to anyone and always sought solutions to solve any problems. I am also grateful to Rinpoche who teaches me the Dharma to help me transform my mind and his constant prayers and blessings for all sentient beings. Thank you very much Rinpoche.
What is there to afraid of? If we do not try, there is no chance for success. If we try, we know where our limitation is and it is while trying, we improve and grow. Growing up is painful, take this pain as a learning process.
Instead os spending time thinking of whose fault it is when failure happens, thinking of a solution is much better in getting things done.
lati rinpoche know that rinpoche can teach .and he ask him to come malaysia to benifit for many people.
有时候，人们会一直不断的犯错，是因为为了要掩饰自己当初的第一个慌言，而且只会越陷越深。要从这样的循环中走出来，唯一的方法就是承认自己的错误，让后再归零做起，再向受到影响的人道歉，你就能完全的从痛苦中解脱。
This is very true. People who are always focused on themselves cannot focus on others. And focusing on ourselves is always very detrimental because we have a deluded view of ourselves. We should be grateful to others who have helped us, especially our Guru, who operates from love without agenda. Our Guru very kindly shares the Dharma with us solely to benefit us and alleviate us from suffering if we should apply the very Dharma he teaches. What we should be afraid of is our lives without Dharma… that negative karma we accumulate should be very scary.
Words of wisdom for everyone to live by. I know some people who could really use this advice. It is tiresome when you see them explaining over and over again, in a variety of ways why a mistake was made, or why things didn’t turn out well. All that time, effort and imagination could have been put to better use in improving themselves rather than protecting their egos and reputations.
Especially in the Asian countries, the value of “face” is priced above self improvement and honesty. Unfortunate but true. If only they realized that their efforts to protect themselves doesn’t work and is too transparent, the world might be a better place to live in
I believe “there is nothing to lose, and more to gain” for going all the way.
Do it because “you have passion and loves it”, not because you are force to do it, and not because “Everybody is doing it”
Live is just too short and fragile, in wasting more time searching “oneself”, we JUST DO IT!
What was written here really strikes a note in my mind. Not to put anyone down or be on the grim side but we are actually losers already so what’s there to lose?
Losers? Why? Think about it..what have we achieved in life that is so worth talking about? We have made LOTS of money? We bought a NEW car, NEW house, NEW toy? Having all these, does it dictate how well we are doing in life?
Having all these material goodies in life might seem to be an achievement to some but that does not make you a winner..How do I define a winner? Hmm check out Mother Teresa and the likes. These people are winners not because of what they have but because they don’t have much but still continue to give. This is a PURE winner.
So yes, since we are already losers anyways, how bad can failure be? There’s really nothing much to lose even if we fail. Instead if we fail and we can stand up again after that, we will gain tremendous respect which will help in our works to benefit others. To use our recognition to bring benefits to more people. Of course only if its genuine failure.
人在遇到困難時都會逃避問題,不要去面对但問題。这就是失敗的原头
我们必须去面对問題，有失败才会有成功，只要鼓起勇氣踏出第一步,拥有勇气并不意味着我不害怕，这意味着，我将尽力帮助自己醒来，面对现实，也不放弃尋求成功! 我堅信，成功肯定在前面等着我们。
谢谢仁波切不断提醒我们
My guru, a lot of times we hold back and do nothing because we are afraid to fail. We do not know what will happen next and we stop right there thinking about doing it but no actions taken after that. We continue to think and think and think and at the end time flies and gone, we then regret with a lot of ‘what if’…but we cant turn back time anymore. I hate this feeling, annoyed with it and hating myself for not having the courage to just do it and giving tonnes of excuses at times.I dont want to carry this feeling, dont want to regret by doing nothing and wait. Thank you Rinpoche for reminding us and myself, even though this article is short but its very powerful. And I love this quote: “Better to GO ALL THE WAY even if we might FAIL. It’s better than DOING NOTHING and JUST FAILING.”
Thank you Rinpoche.
Take good care.
对同一个问题，一千个人有一千种看法，而你只要坚持住你自己的看法，这就是自信，在自信者看来，世间没有什么事情是不可以做的。就像仁波切坚守他对上是的承诺。
Yes, when problem comes I only see what I have done for others (which is actually very tiny little TC thing) but not what I have hurt others and what others had done for me. Hence I started to justify, to find a “good” reason (which always the lame one) why I can’t do it, I also blame others do not corporate and the list goes on. Yes, I am simply being selfish, cover up my own failure and still want to look good. What else is new to me? Putting up a big smile or tears to get away of it do not help me further. All these advantages will be taken away when time goes by. I will end up being alone and no where.
I have all the conditions to be better but why I abused it and stay comfort because I am afraid to fail. I do not push myself to go deeper and thinking why I am no body still. Rinpoche has talked me many many times and given me many many advices, and why am I not listening? Because i have not seen the real suffering in my life. But if i have to reach that stage to transform then i am the biggest idiot in the world. Knowing that I fail is not enough but being able to put my effort into action and keep on improving and trying will be the way I should head off.
There are many reasons why we are afraid to fail, right from when we were small and our parents do everything to make sure we succeed in life. They are not wrong in doing that. As we go make a career for ourselves, we fight hard to climb that ladder of success, sometimes we lean on the wrong wall. Some people are lucky to make it, some are not. Everyone around us expect us to be successful in life and to raise a good family. Therefore, it is hard for a common person on the street not to be afraid of failure. When I look around me, people who are successful do take risks. At the end of the day, it is better to try than not to try at all. Thank You Rinpoche.
Fearlessness.
I always thought we as Asian are mostly fortunate as I see a lot of us had it easy ie Parents supporting us financially and emotionally till like 20s. I have know many friends of mine who still live with their parents until now. As for me, I did not need to raise or work my way to pay my universities bills. My mom paid for me and I thought I was lucky and very fortunate.
Then now, I noticed that I am not that fortunate. I have seen the drive which others have and Oh Boy, a few of them are very successful. Some do not take no as an answer and they are aggressive to get what they want. And when you check their background, they have very little support, they had to go through very difficult situations thus they are successful now. Their drive is tremendous and passion for success in incredible. They are fearless. And dare to fail.
we love to point our figure to other when fail and never think about we are the cause of the problem.we choose escape when facing difficulty yet blame other to cause us make such decision…have to change the thinking and facing it instaed escape from it.
Dear Rinpoche:
We afraid of failure so choose to do nothing, we always look out instead of self-checking, we like to cover our shortcoming rather than overcoming it and worst we love to highlight what we have done than recognizing what other people has done to us.
Obviously Dharma is the only solution to all these degeneration. Only Dharma could give us the correct view for everything. A lot of times when I share Dharma and involve more in Dharma works, most of my friends said I’m overly “addicted” to religion so lesser people call me out for “yamcha” or movie. I’m fine with that because I’m bored of talking about money, car and work now. All these topics would only degenerate me. I didn’t mean I’m very “high-class” now, just my view about life is different now.
Now I’m willingly to get addicted to Dharma, I’m sorry for them but I keep my hands open to welcome them whenever they want to join me in Kechara. I wish more and more people could open their minds, see the reality of life and get connected to Dharma.
Thank you for sharing. Take good care.
With love,
VP
I have been meeting many people for the last few days, mainly senior citizens who are ‘enjoying’ their retired lives. Most of then spend time looking for ‘freebies’ and they are very demanding when it comes to their ‘rights’ of taking!
When asked to assist in helping people, they have so many ‘self-generated’ excuses and ‘self-imposed’ limitations not to do anything. It is sad to see them wasted most part of their lives and still wasting the limited time they have on earth…
Had they realised they have to ‘FOCUS OUT’ and start considering about other people around them, their lives would have been different and their time spent fruitfully and meaningfully
I like Rinpoche’s definition of fearlessness. Rinpoche is telling us not to be afraid and go all the way even if we fail.
Such a wonderful post, thank you Rinpoche. This post is direct, straight forward and hit it on my face. After i have digested on this post, its really gave me a big shout!!!! MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!!
Love this most : Covering failure is the MAIN SOURCE FOR OUR EGO TO STAY STRONG. If we go all the way, the chance to win IS THERE!
Totally agreed!
Thank you Rinpoche.
Much care,
Helena
This is really neat because what Rinpoche is talking about is one of the 3 types of laziness that the Buddha taught 2500 years ago. The Buddha said that being lazy is being caught up with worldly affairs and worldly achievements.
I think it is lazy because we avoid looking at deeper issues like spirituality and how are we contributing towards the outcome of our afterlife. This cycle of laziness has been an ongoing issue with everybody and there is very little influence in pop culture that promotes otherwise. It is sad that when someone decides to work full time in the Dharma or decides to become ordained, it is viewed like a temporary or transitory job or that we have failed in life and that’s why we have decided to be a monk. I have never heard of anybody who thinks that it is a calling or something beneficial.
Honestly, I am glad that I am doing something different and I am working for the Dharma. I am finding my place in an organisation (Kechara) that benefits people and spreads the message of spirituality. Nothing could be more exciting than that. I could never see myself going back to the grind of working in an office and for a paycheck.
大多數人在遇到困難時都會裹足不前或逃避問題,但按兵不動或原地踏步并不能解決問題!
一位成功者的背后總有着許多失敗的經驗,決對不會害怕會失敗而放棄尋求成功! 我堅信
“走出去,一定會有路” 只要鼓起勇氣踏出第一步,成功肯定在前面等着大家!!共勉之^_^
Everyone knows failure is the mother of success, but unless we have a very stong force of fearlessness in us, we never dare to fail again. Such fear always drag us down and put us off to re-attempt again. Yes, it is more basically because of these 3 factors of face, wealth and ego that people with ignorance and inadequate knowledge of dharma have treated them far more important than the belief in Karma, next life and Bodhi-mind. The story of Rinpoche’s life gives the best of perfect examples of what fearlessness, endurance, determination and compassion are all about to go all the way to make Kechara what it is today, though not without experiencing initial failures, obstacles and intensed sufferings along the way before attaining success! Thanks to Rinpoche’s strong and determined thoughts.
I will always remember what Rinpoche recently told one of his close student which applies to me as well. What have you got to loose? NOTHING cause you were a loser to begin with. Rinpoche was refering to a new project which we were embarking on.
Most of us will think that this statement was harsh but to me that is kindness advice anyone can give us.
If we really think about it, what have we achieved? A marriage/relationship/career/kids/and etc which some we are trapped in. And then we looked back in our lives and what have we actually achieved?
Yes， i had the experience of hate myself at the end when i found i were comfortable with my failure. When I realized it,I found life is no meaning and think of end my life. But at that point i was lucky that i listened lots of Rinpoche’s teaching and it helps me to start realizing the meaning of life. Thank you Rinpoche.
I believe that it is better to try to do something rather than not doing anything due to ego or fear. If we do not try, we will never know our potential and if we fail, we learn from the mistakes and improve on it.
When we focus out, we will be appreciative of what others have done for us and we should repay their kindness and when we get out of our comfort zone we will be able to do more to benefit others.
Thank you, Rinpoche for this advise.
I if we just focus in, what we could do is very limited because it just within our own comfort zone but if we could focus out we will expand our ability in order to achieve the benefits for others.
Being fear because of worried to be fail. Being fear also because of the “Unknown” (http://blog.tsemtulku.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/inspiration-worthy-words/the-unknown.html) things/work the we going to face. For whatever reason, we should just do it. If we don’t try we can never know how far we can go and for others there is nothing to lose because if we don’t do it we definitely FAIL but if we work on it we might make a change.
Yes, many of us are preoccupied with these three issues and it’s all about me, mine, us, and ours. We worry of not having enough wealth yet fear losing it when we have them. We tell a lie to cover another lie because of not wanting to lose face. We put pressure on ourselves and our children to have children and grandchildren so that the family’s lineage continues. I’ve heard of people who go to the extent of asking their son/grandson to take another wife if the first wife cannot bear an heir to carry forth the family’s name. The family’s name is more important than the children’s marriage.
Thanks Rinpoche. This line below really hits me hard. Why? It must be something from within.
“I hate it when we just do nothing and be comfortable with failure… because you hate yourself in the end for doing NOTHING AND THAT’S WHY YOU FAILED. You carry that your whole life.”
Fear is always crippling. I am still afraid to fail as it is still fresh in my mind what failure taste like. And yet, each day spent in dharma work teaches me more and more how really wasteful our “normal” thoughts are. Thoughts that seem to advocate self preservation but actually traps us inside our Fear.
It is true, so much effort is required to cover our failures and so much energy used to hide. A trapped mind is a cursed mind.
Better to just go at it and keep going at it. After a while you became less afraid of the hits.
對仁波切來說，甚麼東西是最重要的？我想對仁波切來說，完成對上師的承諾，可說是此生最重要的。這是詹仁波切一個很优秀的美好品貭，也是仁波切每個轉世都不約而同擁有的特貭之一。當年，因拉諦仁波切而來到星馬一帶，仁波切就為了完成自己上師的心，所以，凡是上師交待過的事情，他都不會忘掉，然後盡自己所能去實現它！此等依止心，能夠找到的，就是上師的加持。
Our fears and worries are always the result of our focusing inwards on ourselves. So we let ourselves be dragged down by these negative fears and worries about failing. We dare not venture into something because we fear that the odds are against us.WE give a hundred and one excuses and hide behind these excuses.Because of that, we don’t even try, let alone go all the way. End result is when we protect our ego and ‘face’ this way, we are doomed to end up doing nothing, which is worse than having done something even it resulted in failure.We end up being disgusted with ourselves.
what strike me are:
1. It’s better to do it rather than standing there do nothing due to fear as we have more chances of getting it. Albert einstein has gone thru thousands of failure for us to enjoy our lights today.
2. Focus out.
it is when we focus out, and always be appreciative of others kindness, then we will do more.
That practice of focusing out on others hit me nice and hard in the gut today. This is not the first time I am reading this, but this is the first time it has hit so hard.
It just brings me back to how small my/our problems are when we stop thinking about ourselves and considering the plight of others for a change. Nothing changes, everything changes eh?
Thank you rinpoche for a strong blow to my ego again.
这篇教诲提醒自己别在迟疑与浪费时间在思考可以不可以成功的问题上，惧怕失败而不敢前进是愚昧的，由于害怕失败而躲在舒服圈更是大错特错！
We constantly put constraints on ourselves and based on these constraints we give excuses for not taking the leap or not going all the way. Most of these “concerns” are imaginary.It is our fear more than anything else that holds us back.
In both worldly and spiritual pursuits, if we don’t give our 100% we will never know our full potential.
Rinpoche always encourages his students : if we try at least there is a minimum 50% chance; however if we don’t even attempt, there will be no chance at all !
不要坐着盘算失败的下场当下就必须努力。与其坐着等死，不如站着求生。努力了，也不一定就达到目标，就成功，至少我努力了，而通常就做出成绩来。天下没白吃的午餐。是的，仁波切，勇者无惧，无惧失败，只惧于自己不曾付出，不曾奋斗过，不曾热血。
谢谢仁波切的教诲，铭记于心。
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing a post with such wonderful insights.
It is true, that many people places those 3 far more important than Dharma… how very unfortunate. I also believe, that it is also because we place our own importance above the Dharma… we think about ourselves first, then Dharma which is a terrible attitude… it is this very attitude that brings all of our troubles, lack of practice, lack of dedication and hindering out spiritual growth.
Thank you for this timeless advice, as a Dharma student I hold this advice (and all of Rinpoche’s advice) very close to my heart.
Somehow we are born into fear and we fear the unknown but I equate this fear as layers of skin like onions. If we are to peel this layer of fear little by little by attempting to go one more step forward (after conquering the last fear we had) instead of retreating, then I guess we will be in the process of reaching the goal by peeling layers upon layers of this fear inside of us.
I believe. If I don’t do it, I will never know whether I’d succeed or fail. Since it can be only one, I should do it. My ego should not be my reason of not trying. If I succeed, fabulous and if I fail, try again. I will always remember! Thank you Rinpoche for the constant reminder for us to buck up and do something about it.
Yes rinpoche, wealth, face, and family lineage tend to occupy the primary purpose and thoughts of our wordly lives. Such illusion tends to continue on and passed down through the off-springs as family heirloom teaching. Hence that’s how human beings like ourselves are trapped again and again, until we can have the merit to meet up with a spiritual Guru to teach us Dharma. Otherwise it will be like what ‘Heartspoon’ prayer said “since beginningless cyclic existence through countless cycles of rebirths, we have not achieved the slightest benefit from them.” Without following a spiritual teacher, when it comes to following the path leading to Liberation and omniscience, we are as confused as a blind person wandering in the middle of a deserted plain. Likewise, a spiritual teacher is our true guide to enlightenment, who thinks of us with his boundless compassion and with kindness in caring far more greater than any existing human being can ever give. Thank you rinpoche for your constant care and guiduance.
There are so many types of thoughts. Positive thoughts, negative thoughts, evil thoughts, virtuous thoughts etc. Different people have different thoughts. But I think the most important thoughts are thoughts like never say die. When you fall do not wallow in your failure. Throw those thoughts out and start again. Then you find that when you have suceeded. It is your mind and thoughts that it happen. Some people before they start on anything the thought that comes to their mind is doubt. When something you have not even started, how do you know before hand that you cannot do it. Even if you fail you must not give up. Try again until you suceed using positive thoughts.
“Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.” – Randy Pausch
“The brick walls that are in our way are for a reason. They are not there to keep us out, they are there o give us a way to show how much we want it” – Randy Pausch
http://blog.tsemtulku.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/2010/05/randy-pauch.html
There are many things that I am grateful to my mother for. One of the things is that she taught me and my siblings gratitude. So when Rinpoche says “It’s good for people like that to write and read WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE FOR THEM DAILY”, it brings back memories of when my mother taught us to eat mindfully. She set an exercise for us to realise how we depend on others’ kindness – she said that at every meal, we should write down where the meal came from. Can you imagine doing that for a bowl of spaghetti? The ingredients in the pasta, the ingredients in the sauce…who planted the vegetables? Who made the pasta? Who harvested the eggs? Who drove the ingredients to the factory? Who made it? Who operated the machines? Who packed it onto lorries, who drove it to the supermarket? Who stacked the shelves? The list could go on and on. The point is, no man’s an island – we thrive on other people’s kindness, so we should never act so arrogantly as to believe we are the centre of society.
Another thing my mother taught me is that it’s easier to tell the truth and accept the consequences, than to lie and hide. Temporarily, it might hurt like hell for your ego when you tell the truth, and you are scolded for your mistake about but ultimately, the only person who benefits from that is you. Playing games is tiring, and you’ll eventually be found out – the consequences of that (lost trust and faith in you) is more difficult to remedy than the shouting you receive from your initial mistake.
Yes, I had (and still have!) an awesome mother!
Such an important talk, thank you Rinpoche!
This post reminds me of another one of Rinpoche’s most classic quotes (which is also on my email signature!) which is “Stop believing in what you are; start believing in what you can be”.
Rinpoche was talking to David and me about our books when this quote arose. It was an apt reminder to us to get real, to stop being paralysed by our fear and to realise that there is always something more – we can always be better, fly higher, do more so long as believe that this is what we CAN BE AND DO.
I think this quote is a perfect complement to this post because it reminds us of the potential that every one of us has if only we learnt to focus forward and outwards.
It’s so true, isn’t it, how we sit around JUST BELIEVING in who we are right now: we say, our hands flailing, “But that’s just the way I am! I can’t change, I’m like this, I’m like that.” And we take refuge in all the limitations we put on ourselves.
I like what Rinpoche says about how not trying or doing is already failure in itself. Because if we tried, we were at least halfway to achieving it. If we didn’t manage to achieve it, we would surely find other gems along the ways – other experiences, lessons and successes.
Nike got it right then, when they flung a swoosh on their products and proclaimed boldly, simply, JUST DO IT. (Lots of time for worrying later). So here goes. *holds my breath and jumps*
We must always try. Having courage doesn’t mean I am not afraid, it means that I am but will try to help myself wake up and face reality with a soft heart. Taking responsibility for my life and how it effects others. This is courage I think, one day at a time. I am blessed to have your words reminding me of what is important today. Much less of the great “I am” and more giving everyday
Thank you so much Rinpoche
This is such a timely and wonderful post, Rinpoche. Thank you so deeply for sharing these precious words. I needed to read them and re-read them. And because so many precious words are all documented in Rinpoche’s Blog, I can return to them time and time again. I have wasted enough time and much of my life. Yet I will contend myself to saying that it is comfortable and safe not to try. I will only exert enough effort to get things started, but have not put enough effort to move things to the end. Going all the way was not something I did or could comprehend. Thus, this is why I look back and can only see a barren land. Nothing was ever built. But this will all change after knowing the Dharma that Rinpoche has so kindly shared with us all. Ultimately, I know I too will change and that is worth looking forward to each day. Thank you, Rinpoche. Always.