An Exhumation of Ancestral Graves
(By Tsem Rinpoche and Datuk May)
Being of Chinese descent, the very thought of exhuming an ancestral grave causes great concern and superstitious fear of impending misfortune and inauspiciousness.
The inevitability of having to exhume ancestral graves occurred twice before for me but somehow I was not that affected as someone else was going to take care of it. I observed the procedure but was not emotionally connected.
The first instance was handled by my late mother-in-law. That occasion was the exhumation of the family’s ancestral graves as decreed by the governmental authorities in Singapore, who no longer permitted burial in order to save land for the living. All future post-funeral rites were to be by cremation. My late mother-in-law did extensive preparations for this exhumation with many offerings and prayers by Taoist priests during and before the event.
The second instance was the exhumation of my great-grandmother and grandparents’ graves. This needed to be done as the male descendants had migrated abroad and there was no possibility of them taking care of the graves.
The above incidences were choices made without options. In order to avert any adverse results and consequences for the living descendants of the family, a lot of work was put in to ensure that the exhumations were done in the best manner known.
However, the most recent case of exhuming my parents-in-law’s graves gave me great concern and worry. It was not mandatory for the graves to be exhumed as they were buried on private property. The reason it was done was due to the passing of time and the changing needs of the land owner.
The story of this grave began in 1984 when my father-in-law passed away. He was explicit in his instructions in not wanting to be cremated and being a Singaporean, it was a tall order. Luckily, one of his children owned an orchard in Malaysia and made a promise to have him buried on this plot of land.
Many arrangements were made for his body to be transported to Malaysia, and the whole entourage of family members and mourners were flown in from Singapore to witness the burial. Six months later, my mother-in-law too passed on and, as she was in Malaysia when she died, she was buried alongside her husband.
Fast forward to late 2016 – we were told that his son, the owner of the orchard, wanted to have the graves exhumed. As the owner, it was his right and there was no way to argue with him.
Personally, I was very affected by the information and greatly saddened, as I had been very fond of my parents-in-law. So much effort was put in 32 years ago to have my father-in-law’s final wish granted, and now it seemed that the situation would be overturned and his grave disturbed.
Having witnessed previous instances of how much had to be done to prevent any “taboo” results arising from the exhumation of graves, I desperately wanted to ensure that the exhumation was done properly so as to appease the deceased.
I knew the solution lay with my Guru, H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche, but it was most inappropriate for me to disturb my Guru as during that period, His sentient son, Mumu, was very ill and had subsequently passed away. My Guru and Kechara were in mourning.
Being extremely desperate, I sought Beng Kooi’s assistance to request for Rinpoche’s assistance feeling within me a great sense of selfishness, to be so inappropriate in my request. Yet, my faith told me that Rinpoche was the best person to help with the situation, and this propelled me to make my request.
Rinpoche, who is kindest person I have ever known, gave the following instructions:
Before the exhumation begins:
- Do a Lama Chopa with tsok dedicated to your father-in-law.
- Do sangsol (smoke offering ritual) then serkym (golden drink offering)
- Ask the local spirits and guardians not to be disturbed by the digging and exhumation.
- Douse the grave with blessed water (made from Protector rice)
- The person-in-charge should talk to your father-in-law and say:
We are here to relocate you because we are selling the land. We are not here to disturb you. Please don’t be disturbed by the digging.
- Offer food that your father-in-law likes together with incense and candles. Light the incense and candles before the exhumation begins.
This is good enough for the exhumation.
Do the same for the relocation.
- This time say:
This is your new home. We are sorry for the disturbance.
- Offer food and drink that your father-in-law likes, and light candles and incense.
- Do Lama Chopa with tsok, sangsol and serkym and dedicate the merits to him.
- Pour blessed water over the new grave or columbarium.
With the above instructions, I discussed with Kechara’s Head Pastor, Pastor Yek Yee and immediately Pastor Chia and Pastor Tat Ming along with the puja team were ready to help.
Dedicated Kechara pastors conducting the necessary prayers at the gravesite
Altar setup at the grave site
My family and I paying our respects at the gravesite
Rinpoche’s advice and instructions were thoroughly carried out and auspicious signs occurred as we performed the puja and rituals at the gravesite.
Upon completion of the puja preparations, there was a very slight drizzle and thereafter, the sun was shining with a slight breeze through the orchard.
After completion of the ritual and puja, a light shower occurred and stopped after about 10 minutes. The sun shone again.
At the columbarium, a light shower also occurred after we completed our prayers.
With such auspicious signs, I knew without any doubt that my late parents-in-law were at peace with the prayers and rituals performed. My mind is at peace too.
Conducting prayers at the columbarium
Pastor Chia carrying out the rituals as prescribed by my Guru, H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche
Altar setup at the columbarium
My family and I participating in prayers at the columbarium
What impacted me the most throughout the whole situation was Rinpoche’s loving kindness to my family and I. Although in deep mourning over the loss of Mumu, Rinpoche gave his time to help me out of my dire emotional state of fear and acute desperation to overcome my superstition of ancestral grave exhumation.
The blessings from Rinpoche and our Protector Dorje Shugden resulted in the rituals performed by the puja team led by Pastor Chia and Pastor Tat Ming being very effective to achieve the peace and calm necessary for this exhumation. The auspicious signs that occurred throughout the day was evidence of such blessings.
I am deeply grateful and appreciative for my Guru’s and Kechara’s assistance to help me through this situation. Kecharians are indeed blessed to be in the space of Rinpoche and Kechara House, a privilege we must never overlook and take for granted.
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Thank you Datuk May for this sharing. I totally agree that Chinese are very concern about exhuming the ancestors grave. I think about 6 or 7 years ago my grandparents graves was exhumed to be relocated to a columbarium so it will be convenient for all the uncles, aunties and grand children to pay respect. We have to make sure the date chosen to do the exhumation is right or it will affect the ‘feng shui’ and bring ‘bad luck’ to the family members. Anyway, I guess being a Chinese it is difficult to run away from taboo but we are fortunate to have Rinpoche here to guide us the right way. Rinpoche is always kind and ready to give a helping hand despite being in the mourning state. Thank you Rinpoche.
Thank you Datuk May for this article that shows clearly that many Malaysian Chinese are firmly entrenched in their minds with the belief that certain rituals must be carefully carried out in conjunction with certain actions, in conformity with all the taboos. This is important as complying with taboos would mean that there would be no negative and dire consequences on others. The exhumation of an ancestral grave , if not properly done , may heap direct consequences on the family of the deceased and their descendants.
It was most compassionate of Rinpoche to advise the prayers and rituals to be carried out.
My sister, brother and I had our father’s 6o year old grave exhumed on the Qing Ming day of 2010. The taboos were complied with in accordance to the advice of an elderly Buddhist nun, an old family friend. The whole ceremony and all the rituals were carried out without our presence. All three of us were told to go to the crematorium the following day to collect the bones of our father for the cremation and later to collect my father’s ashes.
For me, the most poignant experience I have ever had was the long 5-6 hour journey to Singapore, with my father’s urn next to me. My feelings were feelings of great exhilaration, for my father’s urn was going to be placed next to my mother’s in the Nirvana Columbarium,in Singapore, thus reuniting two souls that had been apart for over 60 years!
For me, it was a most poignant reconciliation with my dad. I chanted Medicine Buddha, Quan Yin and Dorje Shugden mantras, and requested fervently for my father to be guided to good human rebirths and to be protected by my Guru, the Protector ,the Buddhas, the Three Jewels , all the way to Enlightenment. I felt very strongly the presence of my Guru, Protector Dorje Shugden, and the Buddha deities, blessing my dad. When we arrived at the Columbarium and my father’s urn was placed next to my mum’s , the most auspicious sign happily manifested. It started to rain and then it poured!
Thank you Datuk May for sharing this. An Exhumation of Ancestral Graves is always very uncomfortable for Chinese. Chinese thinking is Graves feng shui can affect generations. Therefore to Chinese An Exhumantion of Ancestral graves may either bring good or bad to the generations and people try to avoid it. However Chinese also believe that if you do it right, it would not bringing bad but more good to the generation.
We are lucky that we have our guru around to guide us the correct way and have no worry to do this. This is the kindness of the guru who always cares about us and peoples. Thank you Rinpoche.
Thank you, Tsem Rinpoche for guiding Datuk May and all of your students, with only one motivation which is to hug us all into Dharma. Regardless of timing, even at your low points of life, when Mumu was ill and passed away, he was your companion since you moved into Malaysia and he is who assist you to build Dharmain his own helpful way.
Thank you for being with us and share Dharma with us, Tsem Rinpoche. May you live long and continue to spread Dharma.
Dear Datuk May,
Thank your to sharing this article. I am glad you have rinpoche and Dorje Shugden guardian. Finding suitable place for your ancestral after exhumation grave and let them rest in peace. I am feel happy you find peace in your mind and make such arrangement with your family together.
This is my first experince to perform the ritual for exhumantion for ancestral grave. I can see the importance and urgency to perform right ritual for this ceremony. I am glad rinpoche have gave this intruction to make peace with the being stay around that area and informing ancestral first before exhumation with respect. After remove ancestral grave, Datuk May family with puja team perform another lama chopa puja at the columbarium to bless the new place for Datuk May ancestral.
With rinpoche guardian, we are lucky learn up this knowleage how to exhumation of ancestral graves according buddhism way.
I understand that fear of exhuming our ancestral grave, before joining Kechara, I too always believe that having good feng shui at our ancestral grave will bring benefit to their family members and if we did anything to the grave that affected the feng shui, it will bring bad luck and all our family members will be in dire situation. Rinpoche’s instruction is not about us being affected or not, but it is all about not affecting the deceased and the spirits around, Rinpoche don’t want them to be disturbed. Do lama Chopa to dedicate to your father in law, at the same time, how many unseen ‘beings’ are being blessed as well at that place. Bless the grave with Protector Rice blessed water, indirectly your father in law has made connection with Dorje Shugden. Rinpoche’s instruction is always so kind and it does benefit so many people and beings at the same time.
I couldn’t agree more than what Datuk May said about Rinpoche, while reading your story, it reminded me that a many years back, a family member of Rinpoche’s student passed away, and that day, Rinpoche was not feeling well, but still, Rinpoche did prayer and he even ask his student to put the phone at the deceased’s ear so that he can hear the prayer. Rinpoche’s compassion is just beyond limit, no matter what type of difficult situation he is in, no matter how sad he is, he will never stop helping people whenever there is the need.
Thank you Datuk May for the sharing and thank you Rinpoche for always caring for us so much.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing this article. It is great that there are auspicious signs occurred when puja was carried out at the grave site. It shows that your parents in-law are happy with the arrangement. Rinpoche’s love to us is without boundary and time limitation, it doesn’t matter whether that was Mumu’s critical moment, Rinpoche still spare his time to help Datuk in this situation. And, we are so blessed to have experience Pastors like Pastor Chia and Pastor Tat Ming to carry out the Puja.
My father and all my uncles did an exhumation of our ancestor grave in China three years ago. It’s ashamed that because of work, I couldn’t follow them to China. I saw from picture, some prayers carried out, in a Taoism way, and what the hassle was, they exhumed from one land to another land, which is high up the hill. A lot of walking. I wished I was there to witness the whole process.
Dear Datuk May,
Thank you for sharing this with us. It is indeed interesting especially for me who previously is not believer in superstition. There are too many accounts and real life experience that led me believing into existence of other beings in this universe that we need to respect and make peace with. I am glad that all turned out very well for you and your family and of course I think it is not possible had not for Rinpoche’s boundless kindness and blessing. Makes me wonder what should I do with my body when my time is up.
I rejoice for the good fortune and karma of this family to be guided by holy monks so that their ancesters will be helped and can be in a good place. In the West, many people do not believe in reincarnation and the six realms. Fortunately nowadays, we have access to much more information through the internet and we can research and read more related to Dharma and listen to YouTube videos with Dharma teachings.
But we are most fortunate when we listen do the Dharma and be close to our Guru who teaches us patiently and compassionally. This is such a precious opportunity as our Guru has walked the path before us, has studied the Dharma most of his life and previous lifes, and can guide us towards enlightenment.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing how Buddhism and our Guru has helped your family in a way that nobody else could help us. I rejoice for the Pastors and Puja Team who are guided by H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche to help others tirelessly.
In the olden days, people preferred to be buried on ground other than cremated because they wanted to be respected by their generations. It’s understandable when come to exhuming grave, it’s definite a fear of peace disturbance towards the decease moreover is our own ancestral.
Being Chinese we are very prone to all these superstitious and taboos when in grave yards. To me, this is a very unfamiliar case I read on. I’m really grateful to Datuk May unselfishly share out the procedure of exhumation, guided by H.E Tsem Rinpoche and with the help from pastors and puja team. Thank you Rinpoche and Datuk May for sharing this interesting article.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing this. A lot of time we may not really know what to do when we encountered this situation. Pretty much when we face such scenario we will be worry and want everything to be done in a right way for the benefit of the deceased and as well as those living. I’m glad that everything went turn out well for you and your family.
You are right that our Guru is always very kind to us and under any circumstances he always there to guide us and care for us. Our Guru blessing is always important for our spiritual practice and attainment. Of course this has to couple with our samaya and always follow our Guru’s guidance or instruction all the way in order to see good result.
Kechara also very fortunate to have learned Pastors that able to help us in many ways from Education to Puja, from new born to deceased. Their services really cover a wide range that able to help us at any point of time.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing your story. Chinese do have a lot of superstitions and beliefs. To the older generation exhumation of graves is considered taboo in Chinese custom. But with the guidance and blessings of our kind Guru, Tsem Rinpoche everything went well and smooth as witnessed by the auspicious signs. I feel so blessed to be connected to our kind Guru and Kechara.
When young i was brought up by Taoism background, we should do : Depending on the hour, usually in the early morning, a priest e.g. Taoist priest conducts a simple ritual of prayers and offerings. The exhumation date is pikced according to the Chinese horoscopes of the deceased and family. When digging starts, the family membrs who were present, MUST turn away when the first grain of dirt is unearthed. Chinese custom considers it unlucky to look when an ancestor’s grave is dug up and etc…
After reading this article, that’s make me more clear of An Exhumation of Ancestral Graves in Buddhism way. Thank You Datuk Amy for sharing to all of us.
When young i was brought up by Taoism background, we should do : Depending on the hour, usually in the early morning, a priest e.g. Taoist priest conducts a simple ritual of prayers and offerings. The exhumation date is pikced according to the Chinese horoscopes of the deceased and family. When digging starts, the family membrs who were present, MUST turn away when the first grain of dirt is unearthed. Chinese custom considers it unlucky to look when an ancestor’s grave is dug up and etc…
After reading this article, that’s make me more clear of An Exhumation of Ancestral Graves in Buddhism way. Thank You Datuk May for sharing to all of us.
I’m glad that all turned out well and your mind is settled and at peace, dear Datuk May. Yes, Rinpoche’s compassion is boundless with no boundary, be it for humans or animals and the remaining realms of existence.
I’m very fortunate to have met His Eminence Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, founder of Kechara, who out of great compassion accepted me as one of His students. I am doing my best in learning and practicing the dharma, that will greatly help to purify my mountains of negative karma, and collecting merits through dharma work. Rinpoche always says to learn and practice dharma, and to do dharma work without giving up. Thank you very much, my dear Rinpoche.
As the eldest among my siblings, I made the decision to have my late father’s remains cremated, and the ashes strewn in the sea off the island of Penang. Then followed the same for my grandfather, grandmother, mother and my aunt.
When my time comes, I wish it to be the same, and my family is informed long time ago. I personally find this method to be cleaner and less hassle. No need grave cleaning during ‘cheng beng.’ Once the dead is gone, those living need to go on with their life. I’m not saying burial is not good, just my preference. Different cultures have their belief system and traditions, and I respect that.
To exhume a body from its grave is a very serious matter indeed, and not something easily accomplished with benefits to all parties. The parents in law being exhumed had some merit to have prayers from Kechara, Dorje Shugden done for him, that to me is another silver lining, and inadvertently due to Datuk May’s kindness she managed to link her parents in law to His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche as well. Thank you for sharing something so private with all of us. With a very kind guru many seemingly negative situation can be turned on its head.
Dear Datuk May, am glad to know that everything went well and smooth during and after the exhumation. Rinpoche is indeed very kind to have given you those precious instructions so that everything will be done accordingly. Especially when there were auspicious signs. Although Rinpoche was sad because of Mumu’s passing, He still managed to give advice. This shows how kind and compassionate Rinpoche is, always helping and benefitting others no matter when, where or how.
As a Chinese and from a young age, there are so many superstitions, especially with my mum and her family. The younger generations, just follow what what they say or do although sometimes it may sound illogical.
My relatives decided to exhume their parents’ graves after they found that the ‘feng shui’ was not going very well in the family after quite some time. They were shocked to find that their hair/fingernails were still growing and body yet to rot. They were cremated after the exhumation but sad to say, I did not see any difference in their ‘luck’ after that.
Thank you Datuk May for this very good write up on how to exhume ancestral graves. It’s very informative, espcially for people like us who doesn’t know what to do. We are very fortunate to have such a kind and caring Guru who can give us all the guidance. And also with the helpful and wonderful Pastors in Kechara._/\_
Thank you Datuk May for sharing your personal life story with us.
Being Chinese, it is indeed a dreadful and superstitious feeling to handle anything related to exhuming graves or relocating the burial site.
It was definitely auspicious and peace of mind to follow what our Guru advised. Rinpoche is forever so compassionate and keeps us students as his priority over himself, despite his sadness and ill-health.
I am glad all went well for the process Datuk May.
May good luck and Guru’s blessings always be with you.
My uncle also plan to do exhumation on my grandparents grave in Teluk Intan but this plan was rejected by some relatives. This kind of things not easy to handle and if not well manage,it might bring bad luck to descendants. Some say all these are superstitious fear. No matter we believe it or not, we must follow Rinpoche’s adviced rituals and prayers to appease sentient beings which we can see with our bare eyes.
This is very interesting article.
Thanks Rinpoche and Datuk May to share this.
Jason
Thank you Datuk May for sharing this personal story. It is definitely an eye opener and I have never heard of such rights or know how to begin with. This story and Rinpoche’s loving advice and instruction on how to do the exhumation to you will help others in such situations.
It is nice to know that you had very good auspicious signs after the prayers. Again this shows how our Guru cares for someone beyond himself and what he himself is going through. Rinpoche’s love and care for others is truly no ordinary and what a Bodhisattva does. We are definitely so fortunate to have such a precious Guru.
Again thank you for sharing this information which I had no clue about until now. And next time if we ever heard of people wanting to exhumation their ancestral graves, we can point them to this blog post 🙂
There is a number of superstitious fear and inauspiciousness of exhuming an ancestral grave.When i was young i heard a lot taboos of do and
don’nt but do not understand about it.Both of my parents had their grave exhumed but i was not around at that time.
Well ,good to know more of these exhuming of ancestral grave through Datuk May’s experiences. What should be done and so on with Kechara Puja’s help.
Datuk may’s was so fortunate to have the guidance of Rinpoche to do the whole procedure done smoothly without hesitate.
Thank you Rinpoche and Datuk May for sharing these wonderful post.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing your story about your parents-in-law grave exhumation. The older generations indeed do not like grave exhumation as they believe it will bring bad luck. But in Datuk May’s case, Datuk May was guided by our dearest Guru, Tsem Rinpoche on what to do before, during and after the exhumation of the grave. We are all very blessed to have our Guru to guide us so that we do not make the deceased and unseen beings unhappy.
With folded palms,
Vivian
Datuk May,
Thank you for sharing with us your experience. It is good to know Kechara Pastors are capable of conducting the rituals for exhumation of ancestral graves. As our country develop more everyday, the need for this will also increase. It is true that a lot of things we have to consider and do correctly when exhumating our ancestor’s graves as Chinese will not want to damage the ‘feng shui’ by accident and cause misfortune to the descendants. The appearance of the auspicious signs show that the ritual performed by our pastors with the blessings from Rinpoche is really effective.
Thank you for sharing this personal account on one of the most taboo subjects in Malaysia – exhumation. Having no personal experience in this, I can only imagine Datuk’s emotional anguish and the dilemma of having to forward such request to our beloved Guru at one of Rinpoche’s saddest moments, the passing of his beloved Mumu.
Datuk’s account has clearly shown how our beloved selfless Rinpoche, in his infinite compassion, has set aside personal feelings to offer your family guidance and support at such a crucial moment. Am glad to read that all went well with the exhumation and relocation. I believe that anything done according to Rinpoche’s guidance and blessings will go well.
Thank you, Datuk May for always sharing your private moments and advice from Rinpoche such that we may all learn from it and be comforted. It takes a great person like you to recognize, acknowledge and be grateful for Rinpoche’s advice, setting an example for us all to aspire to.
May you always be blessed and protect by the Three Jewels.