Happy Birthday to You!!!!!
As a Buddhist, it has been on my mind whether it is appropriate to celebrate birthdays. The reason is, in understanding that Life is Suffering and that the very nature of being born is to begin the vicious cycle of death and rebirth, why do we celebrate our birthdays?
Another thought that has been on my mind is, why do we celebrate the very manifestation of ageing and the onslaught of illness as we progress yearly in life?
This article is not a conclusion of what is correct or wrong, but rather a realisation that living is a paradoxical situation between the Noble Truths and our delusions and perceptions.
It is also a fact that our world order with all its restrictive acceptable conduct and behaviours, laws and regulations (not withstanding that such laws and regulations do form some kind of control against criminal acts) has made us believe and live by patterns which enhance our delusional mind. This perpetuates a form of cyclic control from external sources so that the opportunity to live in the way we wish is completely obscured.
However, with a basic change in our motivations and intentions, the results of our thoughts and actions can be dramatically changed. To this end, let us consider whether we have the right methods and wisdom not to cause harm, which is the best we can think of at our level.
What then if we were to celebrate birthdays, not to enhance our clinging to “living without end” or in the selfish indulgence of vanity but to celebrate having lived another year of our precious human life in virtuousness? Would the celebration of birthdays then be changed to occasions to look forward to?
Personally, I enjoy birthday celebrations as I think it is a good time for bonding with family and friends, a time of giving (remember birthday presents!), a time of showing appreciation and gratitude, and most of all, a time to let the birthday person be acknowledged for their virtuous and kind deeds which they have conferred on others.
I was asked recently by my siblings how I would like to celebrate my coming 70th birthday. Would I once again have the huge party I did on my 60th? The Chinese have a tradition of celebrating every decade change in age with what they call a big “party”.
I thought about it and decided that I would make this next 70th birthday into a meaningful gathering of my siblings and in-laws, and go on a road trip in Malaysia.
I wanted this occasion to have sweet bonding with my siblings as we are not getting any younger. My siblings have migrated out of Malaysia, so we are all in different places and each meeting may well be the last for us.
Even now, my eldest sister and brother will not be joining us as they live in America and the trip would really be too difficult for them to endure the long flights. However I am really grateful that my eldest sister made the trip from San Francisco to New York to see me last year when I was there for my medical procedure.
The loyal and loving Dharma couple, Mr & Mrs Ooi
Recently, I had the privilege to celebrate the birthdays of two members of our Kechara Family, Mr. & Mrs Ooi, whose birthdays are just three days apart. We had a simple birthday cake-cutting and then shared the cake among some friends. It was not a huge celebration but I wanted this lovely Dharma couple to know how much I have been inspired by them, as they lovingly go together to pujas, retreats and all the events that we host in Kechara. Most of all, I truly appreciate the gift of their child, Beng Kooi, who is one of the pillars of our organisation.
Beng Kooi works tirelessly with our Guru, H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche in propagating the Dharma internationally, and her work has benefitted many who have written letters of appreciation endlessly.
Thank you Mr. & Mrs. Ooi and may you live long to be in the Dharma and the mandala of our Precious Guru.
Taking as an example this particular birthday celebration, I hope that I have brought cheer to both members of my Dharma family as I was extremely happy and joyful doing this small task of wishing them a Happy Birthday.
When we have lived our lives in benefit of others, let us celebrate everyday to do more for the Doctrine and Tradition of our Lineage Lama, Je Tsongkhapa and Protector Dorje Shugden to exponentially grow in ten directions.
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A conditioned response to an anniversary which is ‘man-made’ but serves a purpose to bond and nothing is happier than the ability to bond with people and equipped with the dharma tool that our Guru gifted us, lets make that bonding eternal to benefit others in samsara and ultimately out of samsara…
Prior to meeting Kechara, birthdays are just an excuse to meet your friends, indulge and generally focus and pamper oneself, can be considered very self centred kind of activity and probably inflate one’s self worth beyond necessary. In Kechara besides the precious dharma, we also learn many other things that can help us live a more meaningful life.
When young we always look forward to birthday because it is a day of celebration where we get to eat birthday cake and receive gift. As I get older I start to understand that birthday is not just a celebration as to think of it, it is a day where our mother suffer and risk their life to give birth to us. So why do we then celebrate birthday as we should use this day to remind ourselves to be thankful and grateful to our mom.
As we learn more dharma, birthday means we are aging and nearer to our death. Sounds pessimistic but I think this is to remind us that we better use our time wisely to practise more dharma and to benefit others.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing your thoughts about birthday and remind us to do more for the benefit others.
Happy Birthday to you Datuk May! And belated Happy Birthday to Mr. & Mr. Ooi! May the blessings of our Guru and the three Jewels shower upon you for a long healthy life and spiritual growth.
I find that when we are young, we will naturally look forward to our birthdays as it was a time of presents. However as we age, we realise that there is more to life than the worldly life. The thought of death will come more often as we age with each celebration of birthday. Of course death does not only comes with age but could happen at any moment as with accidents, war, suicide, etc. Personally, I am grateful to have met with our Guru and his teachings with the practices to prepare for this eventual time. Rinpoche is always worried for us and the very short time that we have which is never enough due to our strong attachments.
Wishing you a happy and safe celebratory trip with your loved ones.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing this article. After knowing and learning the Dharma, everything else like birthday and anniversary celebration becomes less important. Maybe because we learn about how impermanent our life is and do not want to waste anymore time but to do Dharma as much as we can before we draw our last breath. Uncle and Aunty Ooi are indeed a very nice couple. They will attend most of the pujas and dharma classes. It is sad that now Aunty Ooi is not well and could not attend pujas and dharma classes. I pray that she will recover soon and have less sufferings. We missed her a lot. Last but not least a very Happy Birthday to you Datuk May.
With folded palms,
Vivian
Most of us like to celebrate birthday because some of us like to be acknowledged by friends with birthday gifts. For me, I seldom celebrate it with many friends because I dont fancy on big party. May be just chilled with some close friends. This might be because of age catching up.
We must be grateful and appreciate whatever we possessed while we celebrate birthday. We should do more wholesome or virtuos activities to make our birthday more meaningful and meritorious.
This article really inspired me to do more and benefits more people.
Thanks Datuk May.
Jason
Happy Birthday to you Datuk May! And may you be always blessed by the 3 jewels and be near to our dearest guru Tsem Tulku Rinpoche to eternity.
Wishing you many more years to be in the Dharma and your wonderful contributions to benefit more people. Take care and all the best of health! 🙂 _/\_
I was so touched by this article written by our once President, Datuk May expecting it to be some orthodox Buddhist’s views on the subject of birthday celebrations.
At the twist on accurate timing, she switched to relate the celebration of Mr & Mrs Ooi’s birthday instead, and took this opportunity to thank and showing appreciation to sacrifition of this old couples child, Beng Kooi’s deeds .
The whole article made me focused much more on the second part of the article rather than on her view.
I truly rejoice and learned from Datuk May that changes and transformation is possible and she is the living proof of it!
Celebrating birthday as for me is to do something meaningful on that day.That was the day which my mother almost lost her life delivering me.I know how bad the situation as i had helped many mothers delivering babies.I used to buy some food stuffs and send it to the old folks home afew days earlier or on that day .I do not celebrate birthdays and have not a long time.Its more of a gathering and be happy of what we do on that day to benefit others . Well said by Datuk May that ….let us celebrate everyday to do more.
Thank you Datuk May for sharing your thoughts on birthdays. May you be blessed with good health and have a enjoyable birthday soon.
Thank you, Datuk May for sharing this about birthday celebration with us and showing us that not everything in this samsara is bad but a reminder that it is all about perspectives. Birthday celebrations in itself is neither good nor bad but it is about how we have lived and what we have done for the betterment of others that makes this an occasion to celebrate.
May you have many more birthdays with your family and friends. Thank you again, for all you have done and continue to do for Kechara.
Dear Datuk May,
First and foremost, would like to wish you an advance Happy Birthday as I do not know when is the exact date. I truly applaud to what you have shared whereby birthday celebration should seen as an occasion bonding with family members such as our siblings. This year I have celebrated a very simple birthday with my mum when I was in KL.
Flashback: when I was younger, I will very much look forward to celebrate it with my friends and family, a gathering. In recent years, there was once a relative told me that, without her parents, she’s nobody and hence what’s there to celebrate? Thinking back, without my parents getting married and the painful stage of labour that my mum has to endured, there is no Jacinta. Since then, I am being reminded to have gratitude towards my parents on this day.
When Datuk mentioned about the loving couple of Mr. and Mrs. Ooi, it struck me again on how fast we aged. I met them few times in Kechara. Hope they are in their best of health and I wish Datuk May the same too.
Thank you
Indeed it is a good way to look at birthdays in a different perspective where we celebrate a year of giving to others and also looking forward to another year where we are alive and have the opportunity to give, as our human life is very difficult to come by. So, we have something to celebrate if we live our year in helping others and making a difference in the lives of others.
I wish you well, Datuk May, in organising your upcoming celebration with your family and in-laws. 🙂