I BELONG IN THE MOUNTAINS….
(By Tsem Rinpoche)
Since I was very young, I had a yearning to live in the mountains in a hut or a large cave protected from the elements. Within this dwelling I would have a fantastic large statue of a Buddha/VajraYogini on my shrine with butterlamps offered to them and continuously burning.
This place in my imagination and intense yearning has water nearby, lots of trees, green, grassy and peaceful animals roaming freely, wildly and have no fear of me or I them.
I would eat natural foods that are available. I would see a large expanse of open space and mountains also. The mountains are very important. The air is crisp, fresh and cool but not cold. I must see green and mountains. I need that. I belong there. I wish to be there. I hope to be there. I want to be there. I beg and pray to be there. It is my home. It is where my mind feels most comfortable. I need to be there always…but I can’t be. I have to stay in the city to teach, teach,explain, explain, talk, guide, and meet endless amount of ppl. I have to stay and find comfort in the few trees growing around me. I have to have a house or room that at least looks at greenery. That would keep me connected to what I really want to do and where I want to be but can’t. I want that connection…
I would be very happy here in this type of green mountainous place doing my practices, mantras, prostrations, offerings and reading the holy dharma. I would spend my life in this place and gain exalted attainments. I would fantasize, dream, wish and yearn so strongly for such a place. I wanted and still yearn to live in such a place.
Sometimes even now the yearning is so strong and intense that it’s painful at times. I have to remember the promise I have made to my teachers and continue to do what I am doing. I never wanted to be a teacher or a guru. I wanted to retreat and stay in the mountains. To engage in practices. I cannot disobey the requests of my teachers. I must stay….in the city with sparse green leaved trees around to see through a grilled window….
When I was very young in New Jersey, I drew endless pictures of mountains with nearby lakes and I would live there. No one said these things to me or showed me pictures, but I wanted to be there so much. My nightmare is to live in a place with no greens, all concrete, sandy, barren or in the middle of a city. It makes me apprehensive, uncomfortable and I know it is not home…
I would draw endless Buddhas and paint them or crayon their colors in. Wishing I was in the mountains meditating on these Buddhas…that is what I was suppose to do…I knew that from a very young age as I know that now…
Mountains, lake, greens, trees and open clear sky is the place of my dreams….
Pictures like this take my breath away because I KNOW I BELONG THERE, but I can’t get there.
This is the hut I should be in. I can’t be there..so i must look at the pictures and pretend to be there. Pretend to stare at wonderment of the sacred Vajra Yogini statue in my hut with a butterlamp flickering in front of Her as my offering of Wisdom to this Noble Lady of Crimson. To engage in Her practices without interferences or distractions…..and to gain Her sacred realizations as promised by Naropa and Pabongka Rinpoche…..also Heruka…When can I ever get there???
I don’t like ocean front views, but I am so yearning the mountains. I only want mountains…greens..trees…dharma…meditation…practice….letting all the illusionary world dissolve as they really never existed anyways….
As I grow older and closer to my death, my yearnings of a distant childhood wish to be in the mountains still burns strongly in my chest….although I am changed, yet I am the same….
Will I get there? Will I be able to have something I really want or just continue as I am????
May all beings’ immense wrong perceptions, sufferings that arise from that and it’s results come to me.
May they feel freedom, happiness and be released from the shackles of karma. May they never be separated from the Queen of Crimson hue who waits for us…
Tsem Rinpoche
Please support us so that we can continue to bring you more Dharma:
If you are in the United States, please note that your offerings and contributions are tax deductible. ~ the tsemrinpoche.com blog team
1984 Los Angeles-Left to right: Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen, His Holiness Kyabje Zong Rinpoche, monk assistant to Zong Rinpoche and the 18-year-old Tsem Rinpoche prior to ordination. Read more- https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/category/me
Tsem Rinpoche at Kechara Forest Retreat, Bentong, Malaysia
What I have learned from this blog post:
1. Rinpoche put his guru’s instruction, to teach and benefiting more, instead of doing retreat in the mountain. As Rinpoche taught us: one way to be loyal to our Guru is always do the practice and follow the instructions of your Guru, and let your Guru wins instead of letting your ego wins.
2. Jumping out from our comfort zone, because good things happen out of your comfort zone, for your own and others benefits. Different people may have different comfort zone. It can be staying in city especially for many of us growing up in city and even some may be growing up in small towns or villages, to come to Kechara Forest Retreat, located at a small town away from big city like Kuala Lumpur; it’s not that easy to move and stay in Bentong for many of us. That’s our comfort zone.
3. Rinpoche is planting the seeds for many to inspire for high practice such as Vajrayogini, to renounce samsara and doing retreat in the mountains.
Reading what Rinpoche wrote 5 years ago, I realised Rinpoche’s wishes for going into the mountains to do retreats has never been changed. Rinpoche constantly shared with us pictures of beautiful mountains with little hut. By looking at those pictures, I would usually took a deep breath, pretending i can feel the peace, smell the flower, hear the sound of the grass and trees, the birds and water. Imagine I am there, with my cat, making offerings with the clean water from the river near by, flowers outside the hut and up to the mountain, doing sadhana, retreats and prostrations. I will have an altar with my Guru’s photo, Lama Tsongkhapa and Vajrayogini image. I will finally get rid of all my fear, doubt, attachment and etc, just focus on Vajrayogini practice until my last breath. That’s what Rinpoche has been planting the seed for all of us.
After 5 years, I see Rinpoche’s guru devotion towards his guru only increased but never decline. Rinpoche’s Dharma work today is not just about teaching in the city. The work that Rinpoche is doing now has been increased, many times more and harder. Although some of Rinpoche’s guru already passed away, Rinpoche continue to teach as what he had promised to his guru, preserving what his guru has taught him, protecting the lineage and practices that the guru has passed to him. Rinpoche treasured all his guru more than his own life. I have much faith and respect to Rinpoche today because I see Rinpoche selflessly putting aside what he likes to do, but pushing himself to do what his guru told him to do, inspired me a lot. Rinpoche never give up although the path is never easy for him especially as a foreigner in Malaysia. Due to Rinpoche’s consistency, I started to understand and believe in Rinpoche’s work and teachings. I see a selfless guru working very hard, day and night, prepare, lead, guide, love, care and the list goes on, for the students to transform, so that we can save ourselves from the scary and traumatise 3 lower realms. Our guru gain nothing from us but he continues to work hard for us. This is the nature of a Boddhisatva on earth.
Thank you Julia to share this post for discussion within Chinese Group.
You have pointed and highlights on the practice of guru devotion which we can see clearly through our precious guru. Although Rinpoche is preferable to spend the life to do retreat in the peaceful place as been showed in the post. But due to Rinpoche’s compassion, strong guru devotion and the promise that Rinpoche has made to his own guru, Rinpoche choose to stay with us and continue to teach the dharma.
Thank you Rinpoche for your altruistic mind of bodhicitta to lead all sentient beings to full enlightenment. Thank you Rinpoche for continuing share the peaceful places that close to nature is the best place for us to do retreat and deepen our practice for the benefit of others. And I believe that the peaceful place in Malaysia, is Kechara Forest Retreat.
We all belong to the mountains. We all long to live in nature and undisturbed by the greed of the world. No many will have the fortune to do so. Some out of greed to pursue worldly fortune and fame, some out of obligations, some out of ignorance, whatever form it takes, it’s an attachment of sort to samsara.
I’m happy for those who can break free and exile themselves to the mountains, to embrace nature and be one with nature. For the rest of us, maybe someday we will stop dreaming and talking about it and just do it. Remember, nothing is going to happen if you don’t start.
I understand your yearning, Rinpoche. I truly do. I have been fortunate to live in a vast expanse of green; 65 million acres of riverland, marshes, swamps, and pine forests. We even have our own Bigfoot! The mountains skirt the north side and I live in a deep basin beneath. I cannot see the mountains from where I am, but I am surrounded by lush green fields, pastures and forests and rivers. I am currently living in semi retreat myself. I am not ordained, yet I yearn to be a nun. I spend my days in meditation, prayer and study. Although we don’t have many creature comforts, we do have a roof over our heads and food and water. I am happy. My root lama wants me to teach, but I find myself resisting the idea. I’m not good at teaching; I want to stay where I am. But I also know that I need to obey my root teacher’s instructions. I may have come up with a way to do that. I would love to establish a dharma center in South Texas, in the Big Bend or Texas Hill Country. That way I can have the mountains AND teach. I don’t know how feasible that is. Perhaps you could do something similar, Rinpoche? Find your retreat but also leave your retreat briefly and give teachings. Surely there’s a middle way for you that will benefit yourself as well as those of us who benefit from your teachings. <3
Kechara Forest Retreat (http://retreat.kechara.com/) would soon be done, once it it fully built up, Rinpoche can stay in the KFR. I believe that the green, and the environment around would allow Rinpoche to be more relaxed in some way. I really hope that KFR will be up soon. Benefiting all beings in that area. And most importantly, providing a green and comfortable space for Rinpoche to live in.
My dear Lama
I know a beautiful place on top of the mountain in Bandung. The view is breathtaking. On one of my visits, I immediately thought that you will like this place. I wish to take you there during your visit to Indonesia.
Much care
Valentina
wherever you go, there you are! there is no escape. I know, i live in those mountains!
The first card that I received from Rinpoche depicted a road leading to a mountain scene in black and white. He wrote on the back of the card in these exact words “ I like these scene cards. Seeing them evokes peace, serenity & calmness in me”. I received a couple more of these cards later and all were scenes with country side and a lot of trees. Rinpoche yearns to be in the mountains…….
And like Henry mentioned that many times Rinpoche would send pictures of open and serene mountain scenes via mms to all his students, another sign of his constant longing to be in the nature.
Rinpoche would have gone to these mountains , make offering of butterlamps to beautiful mother Vajrayogini and do his meditation and retreat there. Sacrificing all his personal wish but to listen to his Guru to come to a foreign land to teach, is a strong demonstration of his unwavered guru devotion. A true living example of the 50 stanzes of Guru Devotion in the 21st century.
And I long to have your wish come true my guru, may I humbly follow your footsteps and practise tirelessly my devotion to you.
I love nature too. The greenery, rainforest, mountains, lakes, water-falls, coolness, mist, sounds of the wild, silence, solitude and animals in the wild – these images are still vivid in my mind. Everything in the forest provides us a perfect environment for our meditation practices. Even if it is not for spiritual practice, a moment in the forest or mountain brings so much peace in our mind!
I could remember the time when I was staying in the National Park in Jerantut, Pahang during my younger days. The stay at national park was so relaxing and enjoyable so much so that I was reluctant to return to the city which is so hot, noisy and polluted.
Nature is not too far in Petaling Jaya. There is the Forest Research Institute of Malaysia (FRIM) in Sungai Buloh where one can have an “instant” experience of the rainforest. It is very accessible and only about half an hour journey from the city of Petaling Jaya. I do hope Rinpoche can make regular trips there to enjoy the nature.
May Rinpoche be able to quickly fulfil your dreams of living in the mountains soon.
Rinpoche’s selflessness shines thru again and again as I read thru these personal sharings on this blog. Sacrificing his personal wish for a mountain retreat, and waking up daily in the middle of a metropolitan city cannot be easy. It is, in fact, the complete opposite of what Rinpoche wants.
Hence every moment is an exercise of Guru Devotion. Being in Malaysia, staying in the city, looking out thru grilled windows, teaching his students… it is all a testament to Rinpoche’s towering devotion to his teachers, and his complete submission to his Gurus’ instructions.
What an incredible live lesson in the 50 verses.
Country roads, take me home, to the place, I belong ….. John Denver could not have put it more accurately what Rinpoche longs for. Rinpoche has to put aside His wish to be in the mountains, so that He can remain here to impart dharma to us. We must make KWPC a reality so that Rinpoche can be up in the mountains – to live and teach in an environment that is closest to His heart – it will be fulfilling both His personal wish and at the same time His guru’s wish. Rinpoche has sacrificed a lot for all of us, the least we can do is at least repay that by coming together to help realise KWPC.
Rinpoche has spoken many times of his desire to stay at such places described. He even had a wall paper of trees glued in his room in the old ladrang, a rented house. Occasionally he would MMS to his liaisons and some students beautiful pictures of scenic views, sometimes with text, sometimes without.
The desire to stay in the mountains, surrounded by lush greenery must have to do with Rinpoche’s previous lives. Together with some students, I was fortunate to listen to Rinpoche giving a dharma talk on reincarnation recently. The sometimes painful longing and yearning to go somewhere or do something when one has not experienced it in this life must have come from previous lives.
KWPC would be the ideal home for Rinpoche when it is up.
http://www.kechara.com/peace-centre/
A highlander is a highlander, no matter where he lives. Rinpoche is a highlander, yes Rinpoche belongs to the mountains. In Rinpoche’s past lives he had been a Tibetan Lama living in the mountains on the roof top of the world doing spiritual practices and meditation. Many live times Rinpoche’s incarnation lived in Gaden Monastery which has an altitude of over 4,200 meters above sea level with vast space, green and views as free as the bird. Also in Yara, Kham the homeland of of his past incarnation, Gendun Nyedrak, had lived in the mountain which took me more than 6 hours of horse ride to ascend Tsem Monastery. Such places offer no entertainment and distraction at all. That may be the reason Tibet has so many saints and panditas. Ha, ha…
Terima Kasih Rinpoche!
It’s so great and such privilege to know some of Your inner most thoughts and wishes. I have faith that You will have this dream…
at the rate we are all pushed to excellence and trained to take up the banner and standard of Dharma, in no time, come true.
KWPC…it’s not a matter of how anymore but when…
Anila, your post reminded me of one late Ch’an Master Ven Master Sheng-yen, founder of Dharma Drum Mountain, when I visited and paid my homage in his final abode in Taiwan last year when he manifested stillness, it was located in their Main Monastery, one has to trek up on a small hill nearby and in one beautiful yet simple bamboo grove, his remains lies beneath some unknown bamboo trees (exact locations in the bamboo grove are only known by his core disciples) with no grave markers/tombstones at all. People can just visit there and even do sit in meditation, amidst nature and the fresh air. True to the Ch’an Tradition, from Emptiness he came, to Emptiness he returned.
Nature like lakes, mountains, green forests, hut and caves are places of solace for me where I can allow my mind to focus and concentrate on what is more important. It may be similar to Tsem Rinpoche line of thought, where these are places where he can go to read more to increase depth of knowledge, meditate on its teachings and contemplate to reflect its practice and turn them into actions that can benefit others.
However, I am glad Tsem Rinpoche had not retreated to those places yet as there is much work to be done for KWPC to manifest and we need you to continue to guide us.
My heart swells with love and appreciation knowing how much Rinpoche has sacrificed so that Rinpoche can bring great benefit to people.
Starting from Rinpoche’s childhood when Rinpoche ran away from home in pursuit of Dharma till today when Rinpoche cannot even have the simple wish of living in the mountains to meditate, makes me realize what an incredibly compassionate being, Rinpoche is. The main reasons for Rinpoche’s sacrifices are to keep his promise to his root guru, Zong Rinpoche and Rinpoche’s love of the Dharma and compelling desire to benefit others.
Rinpoche has done so much in his life, having lived in USA, where opportunities are plenty for young people, one thing has not changed is Rinpoche’s devotion to Dharma.
Tears swell in my eyes whenever I think, how much hardship Rinpoche has endured in order for us, his students to have the opportunity to purify our negative karma.
All that I can do in return is to practise guru devotion and I hope that Rinpoche will accept.
I share the same thoughts as Tsem Rinpoche. That is to live in the mountains. I love the forest and trees. The birds and animals that flies and runs around among the trees. I told my family that when I die I want my ashes to be strewn over the jungle if possible. And not like what people normally do. They will cremate the body and strewn the ashes into the sea. When I was staying in Tsem Rinpoche’s house in Ganden, Rinpoche will always ask me to accompany him to sit in the balcony of his house. The balcony is situated overlooking a padi field and at the far end o he can see mountains and forest. He can sit for hours just staring at the mountains. My experience and observation of Rinpoche of what he wrote of belonging to the mountains is the truth.
I heard Rinpoche talk about the mountains for many years already. Rinpoche is always consistently and with so much feeling that he even made me longed for the green hills and lush forests. I never thought much of mother nature as anything but a pretty postcard.
But somehow, Rinpoche has managed to change my perspective of mother nature as a reflection of a deep spiritual calm that all of us wish to attain. The forest, greenery, mountains and hut reflects renunciation, contemplation and meditation. These are probably very strong imprints of countless lifetimes of spiritual practice. Hence, I think everything that Rinpoche treasures are somehow related to what he had been doing for many years.
I love the mountains,…the closest i’ve ever gotten was when i used to live in Colorado. It was so beautiful… even getting stuck in traffic wasn’t such a dread because of the amazing mountainous view. I’ve always wanted to get away to these vast mountainous places as what seems to be around, all the hustle and non-stop activities doesn’t make sense to me.
How people aspire to be and work hard to possess doesn’t make sense to me…i wanted it all to stop. I wish very much that Rinpoche’s wish to have a place up in the mountains will manifest into KWPC in the very near future. Rinpoche thank you for being here with us to give us teachings. Making the inner KWPC manifest is the only way for me to repay Rinpoche’s kindness and how much Rinpoche has “given up” that we may have happiness.
Steve,
what a beautiful letter and sharing that you wrote, and I hope you won’t mind me replying you directly. It always touches our hearts to hear how Rinpoche is reaching the lives of people everywhere in the world. How fortunate we really are to have Rinpoche among us.
Rinpoche has also recounted to us countless times that he does not wish to be in the city and that he has always had a longing to be in the mountains, to engage in quiet retreat, solitude. It was because his teachers, H.E. Lati Rinpoche and H.E. Kensur Jampa Yeshe Rinpoche requested him to go abroad to teach that he continues to persevere here in Kuala Lumpur, to make kechara grow and to guide students, every hour of every day.
By his promise to his Gurus, it means that Rinpoche has dedicated the rest of his life to the service of others, which has meant that he has given up all of his own personal wishes for us, the wayward ones who probably will never really fully appreciate all that our Lamas sacrifice for our sakes.
Even now that there is a new Ladrang in the city, which is much bigger and better equipped, Rinpoche remains in only one room on the topmost floor; he dedicated the whole of the rest of the building for Dharma work of his students, to serve others and execute work. Now, Rinpoche has only a distant view of some mountains but that is all.
It is with much shame that I read this post, to realise how very much Rinpoche is doing for us, and how much he has had to give up so that WE can continue to have the things WE like and are happy with.
Paris,
I just finished reading your book Call Me Paris, which Su Ming was kind enough to send to me. I love it. It is inspirational in many ways, a FEW of them being: with your own experiences in dharma, with your experiences with Rinpoche, with insight into Kechara and what goes on — the hard work with spiritual practice. Anyway I personally appreciate that you wrote it, it really does help people like me out, not only that but it’s very difficult to put down when you start reading! I hope all is well, hope to keep in touch and read your new books.
Steve
It is inspirational in many ways, a FEW of these ways ar: with your own experiences in dharma, with insight into how Rinpoche acts
The temple here is just like that, and I long to be there too. But I am not able to go because I don’t have a car. http://www.cttbusa.org/
Thank you so much for spreading the dharma, Rinpoche. I constantly check your blogs, new videos, twitter, and anything available. I often prayed that I would somehow come closer to you as a student and exemplify your teachings, and coincidentally shortly after you started this blog and began posting more, and it’s extremely helpful.
I wrote you a letter and sent a very small gift in August 2008, and you were very generous and helped me with my practice with more gifts than I ever expected. I have taken full advantage of them, read all the texts, and have tried my hardest to keep my commitments. If you were in the mountains I would never be graced with my practice, faith, bodhicitta or anything. I was selfish and received an initiation I was hardly ready for, but tried very hard to live up to it, and the mentoring you offered was invaluable to this, as well as your inspiration in the beginning, and I will keep my commitments toward you and the dharma. Thank you!!!
Its funny, but this is the visual that is very dear to me – the sounds of the rustling of leaves against the marooned robes, small hands grazing against the leaves or bushes as they walk by and in the background there are soft chanting. It is almost hypnotic. Then the view of the mountains opens up ahead to greet us, as if to welcome us home. Then a cool crisp air gently caresses our faces, as if to wash away all our fears and doubts. I love the mountains, especially if it is by a lake or ravine/river, or any body of water. And I adore the cool mountain air and the rising ‘regal-ness’ of the trees with the changing colours of each season. To me, that is closest to home.
Rinpoche,
I too love the mountains. I understand exactly how you feel about the mountains…it really is nature at its best. I know with everyone’s combined effort, we will make KWPC a reality and help you fulfill your gurus’ wishes and also your dream of living in the mountains surrounded by rolling hills, endless greenery, chirping birds and crisp fresh air.
same here… i feel the same yearning and when you speak of it and share those photos, i feel so poignant… nature is so wonderful, so is solitude…
may your wishes come true in the future after you have carried out your share of the divine wishes of your gurus…