My K.F.R Experience (21st October – 3 November 2013

For the past two weeks I have spent a very unique experience here at K.F.R.

I had visited K.F.R in its embryonic stages, a tent and a couple of small cabins. Then I had visited again when the skeleton of the Ladrang Area was being built, it was horribly messy with mud smeared everywhere and tools lying scattered on the floor. Once more I visited again when the Ladrang area had been fully constructed and was up and running. I was given the opportunity to lay out grass upon an ocean of soil (it seemed like one) for the front lawn of the “Enchanted Forest” with my family, which turned out to be very, very hard work on a physical sense, although we enjoyed working together as a team (rare!).

Then in the early days of September my parents asked me whether I would be interested in joining them for another trip back to Malaysia because they needed to sort out a few personal things but offered me the chance to return to K.F.R. Admittedly, I instantly thought of excuses to not go for example academics and meals (I’m not vegetarian) which carried on up to the point of boarding the plane. However, along with the cons, I pondered on the pros of “if I went back to K.F.R”. Even though there were many more cons that I could think of at the time, they were heavily outweighed by the pros, none of which were materialistic, but that my gains would be measured in experience and “spirituality”. I also realized later that the degree of those pros and cons would be determined by the level of effort I put into building each of those aspects of my experience. With this I concluded that it would be a good idea to go back.

For the first few days I helped out the Gift Room doing a variety of jobs such as taking pictures of Thangkas and pendants, counting stock of pendants and books, moving around books into storage and rearranging the Flea Market. A lot of it was very slow paced which I thought (as boring as it was at times) was good for me, as it allowed me to get used to things in K.F.R without being thrown into the deep end. I was at least; glad I had anything to help out with at all.

On the 24th of October 2013 I was fortunate enough to be present during the celebration of Tsem Rinpoche’s birthday at K.F.R, where I was able to witness an animal liberation of around 350 small birds and an exhibition of incredibly precious Tibetan Buddhist artefacts such as wealth vases or mala beads from highly attained lamas which were all very pleasantly presented. I was also given the opportunity to help out in setting up for the Lama Chopa Puja whilst serving a monk (JamYang) from Tibet (cleaning his room and carrying his gifts) who I had never seen before but had a feeling about him that brought peace and tranquillity to his surroundings. It was the first time I had done anything of that nature and I felt very honoured to even be there.

Like many others, I am somebody who is ‘selectively lazy’ in doing certain things and that is amplified when it comes to prayers and chanting. My pre conceived idea of a Puja would be that it is long, boring, frustrating at times and an arduous grind but I am glad to say, that with the atmosphere in the Wisdom Hall and the auspiciousness of the occasion, I actually found it quite enjoyable and that the Tibetan recitation interested me more than the English… After the Puja I had helped to escort JamYang back to his cabin in Dukkar Appartments and returned to the Wisdom Hall to help arrange the gifts that were offered to Rinpoche and move them into the Gift Room. Personally, I found it physically demanding (I undertake next to zero physical activity on a daily basis) but it felt good knowing that I was alleviating some of the workload that would have otherwise been put upon others if I was not helping out. This is something I should apply to my own home…

The next two days involved a group of around 25 people undergoing a retreat. Apart from the clattering of cutlery and soft chanting in the Wisdom Hall most of the time it was dead silent as hardly anybody around K.F.R were allowed to speak. My parents were also participants so I felt some pride and was happy for them as I thought it was really good experience and I didn’t get nagged for two days!!! Unfortunately for me I did not get involved, but instead, I was helping out with the birthday cards for Tsem Rinpoche in the Gift Room. On that Saturday the retreat finished at about 4:30pm and there was a group sharing session which I was able to listen in on. It was very interesting to hear the different types of lessons people took away from their experience. From what I heard, some people had at least one form of trouble during the retreat, for example, physical pain from sitting in one position for extensive durations, the fear of falling asleep or behaviours causing them to fall back on their chant counts. Some had also been conscious of the amount of mala rounds they were actually able to complete in comparison to others coupled with the difficulty of visualising on top of their chanting.

When one of the Pastors asked if anybody wanted to share anything else, I regret not doing so. It was because I was not confident in what I thought about what was on my mind and was conscious of people judging what I had to say. If I had been brave enough to say what I had been thinking back then it would have been something of this nature.

“With practice comes experience. With experience we will be able to achieve things that we may have never thought we could have. When we acclimatise to situations that are unfamiliar to us, we slowly build up the qualities to ease the things we do in that situation. A marathon runner doesn’t gain his or her ability to run it overnight, it comes from effort and consistency in their training. Speed may be important but what is more important, is that we strive achieve more in what we do from our current level. As a beginner we should not feel uncomfortable in slow progression but make sure the progress we make is of good quality. As a veteran we should look to further increase our ability to exceed what had previously been able to do. That is the only way to improve. Overcoming the fear and laziness that arises from within ourselves is the difference between somebody who ‘wants to’ and somebody who ‘does’.” Of course, like I have proven to myself, it takes more than just the thought to put something into practice.

At the end of the week my parents were going up to Ipoh to visit my grandmother and I partially felt that it was required of me to also visit my grandmother. A few days in advance, I had been thinking about it. On one side, the practice of filial piety is very important and I do not live in Malaysia so the chance to see my grandmother is not readily available. I did not want to cause her to have negative feelings, in my coming back to Malaysia but not visiting her. On the other hand, I believed that as long as I continued to help out in K.F.R, the positive work I would be doing, would outweigh a preconceived reaction that had not and may have not ever occurred. By that rationale I decided to stay. Of course I was also a bit anxious about staying without my parents in such an unfamiliar environment but I managed to overcome that. In the end I found out that my grandmother had approved of me staying on because of the charitable cause which helped me find closure with my choice to stay on; to know that she was at peace with my decision was very relieving for me.

Later that day, there was a celebration at Kechara Oasis for everybody who had a birthday in the month of October. Even though I’m not a fan of birthday celebrations, I thought that the idea of showing gratitude for Kecharians was very admirable. It is reassuring to know that people in Kechara are appreciated for their hard work despite the growth of the organisation. Luckily for me I was rescued from the overwhelming succession of vegetarian courses and instead, had a very long and pleasant discussion with Pastor Jean Ai about my education. Although I already had already given my problems some thought and whilst integrating her experiences from the past, our discussion opened up new perspectives for me to tackle them, inspiring me to look at them from different points of views.

Even later that day (or should it be next morning…)….. A few of us plotted out the plan of a haunted house tour which I found really fun despite the fatigue creeping over me constantly. Although we had to think outside the box of a few spooky ghosts it was relatively easy to brainstorm different ways to make Dukkar Appartments have a creepy atmosphere. In all fairness, the vast space and darkness we had at our disposal acted as a canvas for those concepts so that we were able to take something small and blow it up into something that sounded truly terrifying. It was amazing to see how an idea of ‘a few spiders’ on the wall turn into something with different varieties of Halloween and ways to create a unique experience.

Over the next few days everybody in K.F.R spent of a lot of the time helping out with the preparation of Dukkar Appartments. Our chef Max had made a special Halloween menu in one afternoon and I got to help during a ‘test night’ with shopping and food preparations. Apart from my seldom made lumpy omelettes, that was my first cooking experience and with such large portions, I was able to partially gauge the amount of effort that actually goes into cooking preparing meals that get eaten in a fraction of that time. On top of that, scrubbing down the stained pots and pans to a satisfying level was really tough…… Aside from that, I was helping with the decorations in making Dukkar Appartments seem more festively appropriate. We drew and cut out a countless number of bats, crafted ghosts, giant spiders and bloodied baby dolls, raised an artificial graveyard coupled with some tombstones, spun two HUGE spider webs that were hung up in various locations but the icing on the cake was that we shrouded everything in fake cobwebs which I thought brought the whole thing together. The sound effects we used were also brilliant in setting the mood for a haunted house. When Halloween came about, the work force carefully rushed to get everything finished for our guests. People moved about frantically to make sure it was all in place. Costumes were being put on up to the very end… There really was no time to rest!

The tour was carried out in groups, each one reacting in a unique fashion but the underlining factor was that loads of people were finding it funny as opposed to scary. That night, some people thought I was tired but really I was a bit annoyed. My instantaneous reaction was that I was disappointed (knowing how much effort had been put into the whole event by everybody) that people showed a lack of respect in laughing at what we had worked so hard to achieve. In their defence it would not have been all that scary in a group but I just thought the laughter was inappropriate. I knew this at the time but my anger was clouding my better judgement. I should have realised sooner that their laughter was an indicator to tell us that improvements were obviously necessary to make them scared. Having said that, at least everybody was able to eat a delicious meal, have fun and find some enjoyment out of what we brought to K.F.R. I can say I am very proud to have been able to share my ideas and be part of the ‘Halloween Team’ (despite the wrong reactions). From a small idea; we expanded it into something much bigger and having that manifested into reality within 4 days was truly impressive.

Over the next few days I was much more relaxed, managing to get some homework completed in Tsem Rinpoche’s humble abode in Kuala Lumpur, contributing a small workload to the green team and finally beginning to write this article. During my final day at K.F.R I was very happy to receive a Manjushri statue along with some other gifts, even though I did not ask for anything. I was glad that my appreciation in being able to do things I had done was reciprocated by those that I had helped. It’s not that I was after the recognition but it gave me some peace of mind to know my work had a positive effect on others around me and for that I am very grateful.

Coming from a relatively comfortable lifestyle in England, I would consider myself as spoiled in terms of the amount of work I help out with around the house. I am somebody who rarely takes on any physical work and I dislike boring and static tasks (such as cleaning…or counting stock…), so I was partially surprised at how I willingly accepted to do those things without complaining.  I did question myself many times, “Why am I doing this?”, “How do I help people like this?” and even though my consciousness was telling me that I was helping indirectly, I had no way to prove to myself that I was truly making a difference. Even though I already knew where the problem arose from, I had to constantly remind myself in order to quell my doubts. “Why am I looking for direct positive external change when Tsem Rinpoche teaches direct positive internal change will indirectly produce positive external changes?” or at least that is what I interpret his teachings to be. To most people, the word “positive” can be very subjective, but in this case I’m referring to nurturing the true altruistic nature within all sentient beings, where the result of that would lead to acts of compassion which results in “real” happiness (not to be confused with misperceived happiness that leads to suffering) to those who are directly and indirectly affected by our actions.

I suppose I learned that having an over exaggerated pre conception of “things” can lead us to fear it and therefore miss out on experiences we may never have the opportunity to experience in a long time or ever again. One could say that it is down to individual perception in terms of whether a pre conception is really over/under exaggerated or not. If the action that results from a pre conceived idea is one that results in suffering, then we should learn from those mistakes and change our actions to dispel the causes of the suffering and thus reveal the true nature of our pre conceptions (being a cause for suffering or happiness, respective to the being that is affected by our actions). Unfortunately for us we can be put in positions (as a result of our past choices and therefore our karmic repercussions) where an action may cause happiness for one and suffering for another simultaneously. However it is important that we must have the right motivation when we carry out any actions as that will help nurture the “true nature” of our minds and by definition, we eventually create situations where we do not need to cause suffering in order to give happiness to others.

During my time at K.F.R I was able to ask a few questions to different people which allowed me to gain different perspectives on a variety of different points. I must say that I learned and realised many things because of these people in Kechara. I was also able to learn things from those with ‘less’ Dharma knowledge than others. It is reassuring to know that you don’t have to be a fountain of wisdom to help people learn and realise something positive. A few people also stayed up to nearly 4am to talk to me which most definitely does not happen in England!!! I was enjoying my time at K.F.R so much that on the second week, I asked my parents to extend my flight date back a few days to the end of the week. It meant that I had to take a plane back all by myself, which was the first time I had ever travelled alone. Although it was a big decision, it was also an easy one because for the chance to do more Dharma work, I thought it was worth it.

After my experience at K.F.R I managed to get a better sense of direction in terms of what I wanted to work towards in this lifetime. I had fun outside of my comfort zone, I made new friends, I tried and enjoyed new things that I never imagined I would have done back home. It is important to add that I am grateful to Tsem Rinpoche and his concepts which allows for the manifestation of Kechara and K.F.R which allowed for any of my experiences to be possible. I can honestly say that those were the best two weeks of my life so far and I would like to thank everybody who took care of me whilst I was there, be it sharing knowledge with me, driving me around, feeding me, allowing me to help out or even listening to what I had to say and most of all, making me feel something I have never done before, a true sense of belonging. I look forward to returning to K.F.R so that I may further help out and create more timeless memories.

Wei Tan

Please journey in pictures of Kechara Forest Retreat so you have the full impact of Wei’s beautiful descriptions: https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/?p=44949

Dear Wei,

I was glad to meet you and speak to you. I liked your questions and train of thought. I didn’t find your questions way out in left field, strange or too ambiguous. I rather found it nice and refreshing. It’s nice when someone can think deeper.

I am glad you were able to visit Kechara Forest Retreat and spend time with our wonderful people there. I welcome you back whenever you are free. Each visit you will learn more and grow. People mistakenly think spirituality is JUST CHANTING OR PRAYING, but real spirituality is learning, applying and seeing things in a different way. Anger, confusion, depression, frustrations, disillusionment all arise from the mind, so the solution in conclusion must be within our mind also. But although the solution is in the mind, we need higher wisdom to unlock the solutions within our minds. The study and application of Buddha’s teaching does just that. Although in Buddhism we respect and take faith in higher beings such as a Buddha, but we realize no higher beings can solve our problems but definitely have the solution to them if we apply them. Meditation, chanting, prayers, rites, special rituals, study with our teacher or dharma books (or both) are methods to give the mind what it needs. Wisdom combined with a sense of peace. Invoking the blessings of the enlightened beings by prayers, chanting and the likes are very beneficial as supportive practices.

I am happy to read your experiences here. You really took the time to write down what you experienced very well. I am sure many in Kechara will be happy to read this and as well as many around the world.

I urge you to continue your spiritual journey by studies, application and some chanting. It will do you good. Your method of thinking is very logical and only logic without hypocrisy can satisfy you. I understand somewhat.

I share your thoughts here with many people on the path or discovering just like you. I wish you well. Keep Tsongkapa close to you and see you in Kechara Forest Retreat. Thank you for your write up. Thank you for your thoughts. I enjoyed reading them as I know many will.

Tsem Rinpoche

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