Question asked by Ng Yao Min
Any Suggestion to deal with Dhrama related problems and Illnesses.
Well I have to confess I entered dhrama because I am sick and because I cannot find a cure, till now I am still not cured. But I guess it is the powerful of faith and Buddha that I actually begun to realised the truth of Buddha teachings and become more interested in Learning the Dharma and curing my illnesses.
I meet with a lot of obstacles from my parents when I learn the dhrama, seriously I can play online games and spend hundreds a months buying those virtual items that get used up in days and they won't blink an eyes. But if I do puja, lisen to dharma they will start to say this and that. I never blame my parents, I only blame myself for not giving them the correct truth of the Dhrama, to be honest I myself is not very good at Dhrama either, but either way I do try at time to get some sense into them but unfortunately due to their Karma and not enough merits they mostly do not understand the dhrama or even if they understand they choose not to accept, my parents self grasping mind is too strong, they like many others only choose to believe what fits their projections. Just like many people when ask do you believe in good deeds get good rewards most people belive but when they ask do you believe that bad beeds brings bad rewards, most people tune their mind in such a way that they do not believe it. I know that each time I learn dhrama my parents would cause a Sin by hurting the dhrama,and I have to bear the karma or go to the deepest hells as a results.
But I keep asking myself who am I learning Dhrama for (I do confess that I still have the I benifit in mind, although I am trying to remove the I but it takes time), if I am learning dhrama and practising to gain merits to save all beings then why am I still afraid of going to hell. If because I am afraid of going to hell and stop learning dhrama which of cause can be easily done, I can just go back to playing my online games, find a gf , go to shopping all day long with my family and eating my favourite icecreams. Sometime I do dislike obstacles but as far as I know there is no outer obstacles there is only inner obstacles, it is not our parents who affect us, but rather ourselves, if we have strong faith and also know that Buddha teaching is base on truth and logic, then no matter what obstacles we face we would not at all be affected. If we are affected it only shows we have not done enough. So each time I face obstacles I actually do even more dhrama and practice.
I always wanted to attend a real dhrama cause unfortuneally the only course I can do is youtube, because many such course span over days. And as you may see it is not possible under my current situation to attend such courses. Of cause I can always tell a lie to say I am attending some self imporvement courses bear the conseques of lieing and going to hell and then go to learn dhrama. I do try to attend pujas as much as I can. Most of puja actually contain some dhrama talks. My purpose is to remove obstacles to the path as fast as possible since I know my merits alone cannot achieve much.
I now try to balance my weekends between my parents and dhrama, about 50/50. But due to my lack of merits my parents feel that I should spend all my time with them and they feel that dhrama is only a side note thing. They think dhrama is only something to make your mind feel good and serve no real purpose. Of cause its my fault for not giving them the correct information but then at this point of time I cannot as they do not yet have the merits to receive it. I have yet to devote myself to a GURU, well I soon might. I need time to consider which is the best for me. I need to find a place that I can access but my parents would never be able to find until they gain enough merits to accept the dhrama. I also need to find a Guru which I can devote to and that eventuially my parents can also accept. Actually my mum do pray to Buddha but then towards worldly concerns mostly. I do have to admit I also have worldly concerns, but I am moving towards the main goal of becoming Buddha, a small grain step at a time.
For example beside concerning to clear path to become a Buddha I also clear for my daily obstacles and also current illnesses to be cured. Which I have no idea what is wrong because I went by like 4 operations with differnts doctors and sugeons and all to no avail. I do not dare to go for another operations (I know it is wrong for me not to face reality) but the pain after operations is unbearable and there is also no gurantee that my illness would be cured. In fact it may even get worst. Well I know I should not have focus on wordly concern but having to dress a wound daily for almost or more than 2 years on and off, well I admit my state of mind is not yet attain enough to ignore it.
By the way can anyone help me do a Divination on what to do next regarding my illnesses and how I should continue learning the Dharma?
Dear Ng Yao Min,
You are right that it is through the Buddha’s blessings that you have discovered the Dharma when you fell sick. I urge you to be patient and kind to your parents who have brought you up and looked after you. When you do dharma work, dedicate your merits to them. Eventually, they will see that you are sincere and support you.
Actually, we learn and practice the Dharma for ourselves and for others. In fact, we should practice the Dharma well so as not to go to the lower realms. Try to attend Dharma classes to gain more knowledge and attend pujas to remove obstacles and obtain blessings from the Buddhas. If you wish, you may look up the schedules for Dharma classes and weekly pujas in Kechara House. May you always be protected by the Three Jewels.