Question asked by Alex K.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD from being sexually and physically abused as a child. I am in my mid-twenties and unable to work, go to school, or live any semblance of a normal life. I have undergone extreme treatments such as electroconvulsive treatment (70 in 2 years). I took refuge at 16 and became a buddhist and vegetarian. I am poor, but not homeless. I do not have many resources to practice Dharma, aside from my mala. I would like to further my practice to relieve the suffering of others, so no one has to go through what I am going through. What should I do, spiritually, to dedicate my suffering so that it goes toward the better good?
Dear Alex K,
I am very sorry to read that you have been through so much pain as a child. It must have been very difficult and from what you have said, you are still suffering from its affects. People can be so cruel to inflict this on others and this goes to show how much our negative imprints can cause others pain. One practice that you can engage in to help alleviate your symptoms and one that is considered very effective in dealing with calming the mind is the Guru Yoga of Lama Tsongkhapa. This practice is well known to be extremely effective in helping people cope with difficult situations as Lama Tsongkhapa is the embodiment of the three Buddhas: Manjushri, Chenrezig and Vajrapani. You should engage this practice while continuing your course of treatment as recommended by your healthcare professional. Many people have benefited from the practice in this way. You can watch a commentary on this practice here: https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/me/tsongkapas-daily-practice-video-commentary.html. You can find the prayers to guru yoga text, also known as the Gaden Lhagyama here: https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/prayers-and-sadhanas/sadhana-prayers.html.
If you have more time to engage in the practice, you can engage in the daily practice of Lama Tsongkhapa combined with the practice of Dorje Shugden, which you can find here: http://www.dorjeshugden.org/practice/diamond-path-a-daily-sadhana-of-dorje-shugden. Dorje Shugden is a Dharma protector that removes obstacles we may be facing in life and also assists to create the conducive conditions we need to live a fulfilling life, both spiritually and in secular life. If you are able, this combined practice will be very good for you to engage in.
In Buddhism, the guru is the person that is the best to guide us on our path of spiritual fulfilment and ultimately enlightenment. Therefore, since you have taken refuge, I would like to recommend that you get in contact with your guru to request advice for your spiritual advancement. In the meantime what you can do to dedicate the suffering you have faced for the better good, is to transformation yourself as much as you can. This means developing those two essential qualities that we need on our spiritual path: compassion and wisdom. When you develop these two, you see that your pain becomes transformed into something good. A good way to transform your life following these two principles is to read and study the Lam Rim texts. One of the best known as Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand which was a Lam Rim teaching given by Kyabje Pabongka Rinpoche and transcribed by Kyabje Trijang Rinpoche. If you can get hold of this text it will be extremely beneficial for your spiritual growth. It is available to order via our online stores called Vajra Secrets here: https://www.vajrasecrets.com/lamrim-liberation-in-the-palm-of-your-hand. I hope this helps. Thank you.