Question asked by Yan
Good afternoon pastors. The question I brought can help other practitioners with the same difficulty. A few years ago I received the Kurukulle Initiation for the first time. After that I received other times and I have even gone on a retreat under the supervision of a monk from our Sangha. It was a fruitful retreat and I had many experiences. However, when I look at Kurukulle's iconography there is something in my mind that prevents me from "plunging" into the practice. I explain: The fact that Kurukulle, and other Dakinis like Vajravarahi are standing on one leg and with the other raised, it causes me a "tiredness". I don't know why this happens. This causes me to like Kurukulle, but always with terrible hindrance (yes, it's terrible! and even authorized people in the Sangha, when I talk about it, they don't seem to understand what I mean!). Sometimes I think I would relax more if the Kurukulle we practiced were sitting. Please say what you think about it. Thanks.
Dear Yan,
Thank you for your question. This is the first time that I am hearing of such an incident, but let me try to explain as best as I can. Since Kurukulle is a wisdom dakini, she dances. It’s also a sign that she is an ‘active’ deity, in that her energies are magnetising. So, her iconography is very much linked to who she is as a deity and her ‘function’.
That being said, when we engage in tantric practices we can go through certain uncomfortable experiences. Though, this usually only occurs in higher tantric practices. However, I think perhaps this is what is occurring for you in your practice. I’m guessing that your initiation allows you to self-generate as the deity.
If Kurukulle’s iconography were different, then her path of practice itself and the function and benefits of the practice would also be different too. In this case, as you have her practice, you need to find a way to overcome this tiredness to advance. Tsem Rinpoche advised people in the past who had difficulties or problems with their tantric practices to engage in more purification practices for some time, say like 1-2 weeks. This can help solve the issue if done correctly, as these problems come about due to our negative karma, which kind of acts like a block to our practice and they can manifest in different ways. When I read your message, this was the first thing that came to mind.
However, since you have received initiation, you should request your initiation master for advice on how to over come this properly. You have a spiritual connection with that master, through the initiation. Hence, according to the tantric code of conduct, you should always refer to him or her for advice and guidance according to your practice. I hope this helps. Thank you.