Question asked by WS.So
Namaste to All,
Last Thursday, I experience a unpleasant experience. A taxi make an illegal U-turn and almost hit me and my son while we are crossing, although I'm not sure he aware or unaware of our presence on the middle of that road, nonetheless, he still running into our direction and almost hit both me and my son. Seeing that as an imminent danger I pull back my son immediately. But out of fear and anger, I kick at the taxi door as it passes me by to display my anger and dissatisfaction of how the driver disregard the law and the safety of pedestrian. After that I cross back to a safety area. As a result, the driver stop, open his door and hand holding a piece of steering lock, threatened me into a brawl.
When the moment he do that, there a surge of immense anger and frustration that at that point, I start to scream back in a extreme fierceful tone which I find myself in a trance of anger. It's probably a paternal instinct seeing it less than a meter knowing my son will be run into because of such driver act. Hence, that fire of anger burst out while I yell back telling him how wrong is him to drive as such. And the threatening, screaming and yelling returning back and forth as it brawling is inevitable. Fortunately, nothing had happen as I think the driver know that it some where legal aspect he is totally wrong or probably the traffic doesn't allow him to stop in the middle of a road, forcing him to leave.
But after that come to pass, I realized that such anger is a very dangerous element. During the berserk emotion, the THOUGHT of make the driver suffer greatly keep flashing in my mind. And that scared me. It feel like I may beat that man to death should he in any form hurt my son. It been bothering me for the last few day as how human can have such a huge primal form of rage. I try to recollect myself after a few minutes later though the wandering thought of how we can find peace more easier in such predicament. I really hope to find some answer from the way of Dharmma. Thank you very much for your time in advance.
Dear W.S.So,
Anger is an emotion that can destroy your peace of mind. In Buddhism, it is one of the three poisons. The other two are ignorance and desire. It is good that you have the realisation that anger is a very dangerous element. The Buddha said that one moment of anger will destroy lifetimes of merits.
I’m glad no one was hurt on that day. Think how the episode could have affected your son. It must have been frightening and traumatic to see two angry adults shouting at each other. It is not a good example to show to a young person.
The way to deal with anger is to generate love and compassion for others. Be patient and tolerant always. Then irritation and anger will not arise. So be mindful of your emotions. Bringing awareness to our emotions helps us to have straightforward or uncomplicated emotions. The Buddha said: “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. This second arrow is optional.” This means that in life, we can expect painful experiences – the first arrow. To condemn, judge, criticise, hate, or deny the first arrow is like being struck by a second arrow. The first arrow is often out of our control but the second arrow is not.
Do read up on the Dharma and follow Tsem Rinpoche’s blog. You will find the answers that you are looking for. My prayers are with you.