Question asked by naina
great pastor,
i have complited 100000 short or essense mantra of vajrasttva. but i was not satisfied with myself. so, i stared long mantra. each day i can do one mala as i am housewife cant give more time; in that way it will take 3 to 4 years to complete 100000 mantra. now my inner condition is unbearable, its really painful. i am still holding tight. we are planning child and my husband cant wait more, he is not buddhist. he waited for so long. now i am afraid child is going to feel all what i am feeling. what should i do?is there anyway .i dont understand. i dont wanna quit the purification process. the inside numbness and emotionless state i am feeling i dont want anyone to feel. show me the way so i can complete the process.
Dear Naina,
Thank you for your question. When engaged in prolonged practice, especially something like reaching a certain number of mantras over a period of time, we can definitely experience a lot of purification of karma. This is especially so when engaged in the practice of Vajrasattva or other specific purification practices.
As you embark on this journey with your husband, please don’t be afraid that your child will feel what you are feeling due to the purification. Here are some things that you can do to help:
1. Reduce the amount of mantras you are doing daily. Even though it will take a longer time to complete, it will make things more managable for you. When engaged in such long periods of practice, people think it is better to finish it as quickly as possible. This is true for people living a monastic lifestyle, but as a lay person, remember that you have other responsibilities. So take things slow. Slow and steady wins the race as they say. Doing too much will not make your practice stronger, but it will have an effect in other areas of your life.
2. Engage in Protector practice. One of the specific benefits of Dharma Protector practice is to reduce the effects of purification that you feel. You can engage in the practice or Dorje Shugden or any other enlightened Dharma protector that you feel an affinity for. You can find some Dharma Protector practices on this page: https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/prayers-and-sadhanas/sadhana-prayers.html
3. Make sure to take some time for yourself. When engaged in long practice periods, it is important to go for walks, exercise, be in nature amongst the green plants, or go to high places such as the tops of hills, and look out over the wide landscapes. This is mentioned specifically in scripture.
4. If the feeling of numbness or emotionlessness is too strong, you can also seek professional medical help for example by seeing a therapist. There is nothing wrong with this at all.
5. If you have a guru-disciple relationship with a guru, you can ask them for more specific advice.
I hope this helps. Thank you.