It’s Worse to Say Nothing than to Say the Wrong Thing

Jan 31, 2017 | Views: 1,515
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There will be times when horrible things happen to our family and friends, or when we see someone we know in deep pain and grief. When this happens, most of us may not know what to do or what to say to make the other person feel better.

Human nature makes us innately want to help when someone we care about is going through a difficult time. Although there are some who do not possess such empathy, the majority of us will feel this way, and we may even feel helpless when nothing we do seems to allay their pain.

If you find yourself in such a situation, this article provides five simple pointers of what you can do. Do read and keep these methods in mind; bringing others relief from pain, whether physical, mental or emotional, is one of the core methods to develop true compassion and care in our being,

Tsem Rinpoche

 


 

How to Speak to Someone About an Unspeakable Loss

By Linda Carroll on Wednesday December 28th, 2016

Five Ways to Help When You Feel There is Nothing You Can Do

“It’s not about saying the right things. It’s about doing the right things.” ~ Unknown

Years ago, my family and I moved to a bucolic little town in New Zealand, where we were immediately swept up into a group of ex-pats and locals. We felt deeply connected to this community by the time I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in the local hospital.

When our son was three months old, a doctor heard a heart murmur. Twenty-four hours later, he died.

In the days and weeks that followed, I wandered in my own fog of grief as I went about the necessary tasks of ordinary life: shopping for food, taking our other kids to school, doing the usual mounds of laundry.

Meanwhile, my new friends kept their distance. I saw them take great care to avoid me: to cross the street, switch supermarket aisles, literally do an about-face when they saw me coming.

Invitations stopped coming. The phone went silent. My grief was marked by a deeper isolation than I’d ever known.

When our son was three months old, a doctor heard a heart murmur.

Later, many of these people apologized. They told me they were terribly sad and distressed about what had happened, but hadn’t known what to say. My loss was so enormous that words seemed inadequate, even pitiful.

They said nothing, out of fear that they would say the wrong thing.

This sort of experience repeats itself in many different forms: a friend gets dumped by the love of her life, a colleague is given notice at a job he’s held for two decades, or a loved one receives the dreaded news that she has inoperable cancer.

What can you say?

While it’s not an easy question to answer, one thing is certain: It’s worse to say nothing than to say the wrong thing. Here are five ways to respond helpfully to people who have suffered an enormous loss.

It’s worse to say nothing than to say the wrong thing.

 

1. Manage Your Own Feelings First

When we learn that disaster has befallen a loved one, we initially feel shock. Our heart rate increases, our thoughts either speed up or slow down, and we may experience nausea or dizziness.

The anxiety we feel is real and personal. Our instinct, though, is to ignore it, find ways to numb it or minimize it. That’s a mistake.

If we address our own anxiety first, we’ll be in a much stronger position to respond well to the person most directly affected. Do the things you know how to do to manage stress. A walk in the woods, some meditation or yoga, or talking to a trusted friend can help.

Make sure your own body and emotions are regulated before you turn to the person in grief.

 

2. Now Focus on the Other Person

Remember that the isolation they feel is almost as painful as the shock and the sadness of the loss itself. If you avoid them because you don’t know what to say, this avoidance serves only your needs.

Our friends and other loved ones need our comfort, support, and involvement during times of sorrow.

Although there isn’t a right thing to say, there are some things to never say. They include the current favorite, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “I know just how you feel.” How do you know there’s a reason, and what difference would it make to a grieving person, anyway? And you don’t know how they feel—only they do.

Our loved ones need our comfort, support, and involvement during times of sorrow.

 

3. Admit That You Don’t Know What to Say

That’s a good start. Try something simple that breaks the ice and starts a conversation, or at least sends a message to the other person that they’re not alone.

“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could say the perfect thing, but I know there’s nothing to fix it. I just wanted you to know I care and am here with you.”
 

4. Listen

If the person is willing to talk, listen. It’s the single most vital thing you can do.

Listen to their story without interrupting. Don’t turn the conversation back to you with statements like, “I know what you’re going through—my dog died last year.”

Don’t tell them what they will, or should, feel. Simply acknowledge their pain and listen to what it’s like for them.

We all have different styles of managing shock and distress. Some people are angry, while others seem numb. Still others turn to gallows humor. Your job is not to correct them but to give them space to be the way they need to be.

Simply acknowledge their pain and listen to what it’s like for them.

 

5. Rather than Saying, ”Let Me Know If I Can Do Anything,” Offer to Do Something Practical and Specific

Taking on an ordinary task is often most helpful. Offer to shop for groceries, run errands, drive the kids somewhere, or to cook a meal or two. Ask if you can call tomorrow, or if they want to be left alone for a few days.

When Survey Monkey’s CEO Dave Goldberg died suddenly, his wife, Sheryl Sandberg, wrote the following:

When I am asked, “How are you?” I stop myself from shouting, “My husband died a month ago, how do you think I am?” When I hear “How are you today?” I realize the person knows that the best I can do right now is to get through each day.

Taking on an ordinary task is often most helpful.

Today, as I recall the loss of my own infant son, I think about the one person who did truly comfort me. She arrived at my house with a bottle of fine brandy and said, “This is everyone’s worst nightmare. I am so, so sorry this has happened.”

Then we sat on the lawn and she poured me a drink as she listened to every horrible detail.

As I look back now, I still feel how much her gesture helped me cope through those early days of pain. She didn’t try to fix me or try to make sense of what happened. She didn’t even try to comfort me. The comfort she gave came through her being in it with me.

You can’t fix what happened, but you can sit with someone, side by side, so they don’t feel quite so alone. That requires only intention, a willingness to feel awkward, and an open, listening heart. It’s the one gift that can make a difference.

 
Source: http://upliftconnect.com/speak-about-an-unspeakable-loss/
Feature Image: Artist Unknown

 
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40 Responses to It’s Worse to Say Nothing than to Say the Wrong Thing

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  1. Tan Soon Huat on Apr 15, 2017 at 10:20 am

    Thank You Rinpoche for sharing this valuable article. I made me think that with these practice might help us to nurture our compassion or bodhichitta (one of the toughest topics to me personally in Dharma path). I will try to practice this whenever I can.

    The tragedy happened to the writer and Madam Sheryl Sandberg reminded the death of my father. He passed away in 2000 due to heart attack and left us in sudden without a word left to us. I was lost and do not know how to cope with it.There is no Guru (I have not yet met Rinpoche and joined Kechara yet) for me to seek for advice. However, with the little limited Dharma knowledge I have. I asked my family to be vegetarians for 3 months and I did not inform any of my friends (some still blaming me for that). I just wanted to leave alone and chanting Omitabbha mantra to my dad day and night. I do miss him till today. However, for those who has offered help to me to run some errands for my dad’s funeral I appreciate very much till today in my heart. I personally think, Guru, the Dharma knowledge and center is very important to us especially when our family passed away; at least we do not feel lost. I did feel helpless and lost when my father passed away (some even blamed me for offer just vegetable to my father as he was not vegetarian).

    I hope I can help others in future in this type of tragedy. Thank You Rinpoche.

    Best Regards,
    Soon Huat

  2. Justin Cheah on Apr 12, 2017 at 9:23 am

    I am really thankful and glad that I have actually read this article. It teaches us we should look at the situation from the “victim’s” angle and not from our angle.

    I guess it has been a normality and seems like a given thing to do whenever we hear someone we know lost their family members/partner/friend and we give them space. Our part of ignoring or just mere a simple message is deemed as giving them space. This is just from our angle and yes I do agree if there are exceptional situations where the victim really needed to be alone and probably we should just leave them alone because we are more worried of hurting them deeper by making them think about their loss.

    But what I found most importantly is, even if the victim actually needed to be alone, it doesn’t necessarily say we should leave them alone. We should at least offer some help to her this so called victim pull through. We should at least be there mentally and physically to help the victim whether he really needs us or not.

    After reading this article and learning this situation from another angle, I think I am already a better person where I will think more for others. This is one basis where Rinpoche always teaches us to be caring and always think for others. I am one person who tends to automatically think for others. I am now able to think more for others at least. This makes me feel bad too because I haven’t been doing so but I will from now on know what I should be doing when similar situation arises.

    Really thankful to this sharing Rinpoche as this makes me think deeper and act on my flaws. Thank you again, justin

  3. Pastor Albert on Apr 12, 2017 at 8:18 am

    I’m very very fortunate to read this article, in just 5 simple points but it has clearly pointed out much we can do to a person who is in grief.

    There are many powerful quotes that allow us to digest fully to become a more caring and understanding person, when someone close to us are in grief, even we really don’t know what to say, even if we just remain silent, but at least we can be present, be a listener and give support to that person.

    I always used my thinking to put it on others, example, when I’m in grief or unhappy, I prefer to be alone without other people disturbing, so with this, I also thought that when others in pain, they would want their own space and not others to disturb. But Linda Carroll said this only serve my own need, not others. It is very true, we think, we assume, it is all about myself, I don’t like this, I assume others to don’t like as well, I want to be like this, I assume others to be the same, but everyone is different, how can all be the same?

    Lesson learn from this article is, when someone else are in grief or unhappy, instead of imagining my own feeling in that situation, I should focus out and feel what they feel. It’s not about saying the right thing, but it is doing the right thing.

  4. Pastor Chia on Apr 12, 2017 at 8:16 am

    I am glad reading this article to learn some knowledge for helping people during akward situation when they facing pain of lose or depress mode. I experienced most of the people are sad and depress, listen their story and companies them by their side to show my support with them. Some time people just to need to let it all out with their emotion. When it out they felt better not keep holding their emotion and suffer from that pain.

    Having said that, is alway hard to start to break the silent, don’t know what right thing to said when people feel sad. Is important for us to make any convasation to show care to comfort others. I learn more to be selflessness and put other first when they need help. Thank for Rinpoche sharing this article

  5. Pastor Antoientte on Apr 12, 2017 at 7:58 am

    In times of pain and loss we feel down and depressed. As described in the article, many tend to avoid to talk to us because they may think that they will say something wrong and only create more suffering. But this is not true as we give support in times of need. By listening, we allow the person to express herself if she wishes to talk and give a support that is much needed in difficult times.

    This article is a good reminder that we should not be afraid but to follow our heart and not be scared to show our support. Telling the person that we are there for her, and that she can count on us and to help in daily life does help. It is easy to be a good friend in good times but it may need courage to be a good friend in difficult times but during this time it is more important and more helpful.

  6. Mingwen on Apr 12, 2017 at 7:53 am

    Before everything happened, as a person, we all should strive to be a a better person, a person who is understanding, patient, rational, cool headed and more. These positive qualities of a person could save lives of a stranger’s who is planning to jump off a 65- stories height building, a friend who has broke his leg and lost his job, a family member who has diagnosed that he can only live for another 3 months. I’m bringing this out here is because no one will ask for helps and supports from a person they do not like, has no sense of secure, untrustworthy and more. We might have close relationship with many people, but when they face problems will they look for us? Or it is worse that even we go forward to provide care, the person will ask us to leave directly or indirectly, because he/she think that “Kent could never know how I feel and he will not able to help because he cannot even take care of himself and was criticising our best friend,Joe, during his lowest point of life, saying that he is like a lady who cannot bear with what has fallen on his shoulders.”

    I think deep and I wish people who are here think deeper.

    If we do not care about others due to our selfisheness. We should even do more to prepare ourselves to help, because we do not know when we need the same help.

  7. June Kang on Apr 12, 2017 at 2:07 am

    The article alert me on we are more focus on ourselves and we made assumption. The assumptions we made can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of communication and therefore we say nothing. Apart from assumption, most of us still struggling should we say or not to say. In my opinion this is all depend on our motivation.

    Beside we can develop our compassion through handling this type of situation. Many of us mistaken Compassion is same as empathy; empathy is you place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. However compassion is more than empathy, compassion bear the pain for others. Compassion always works together with Wisdom. Compassion and wisdom is just like 2 eyes work together and see things deeply. That is my level of understanding. By developing our compassion, we should easily handle suggested points mentioned in the article.

  8. Esther Goh on Apr 12, 2017 at 12:42 am

    This article reminds us to be mindful of our words and actions when dealing with people during their bereavement or in times of despair. After reading and discussion in the KFR group chat I have learnt not to use these 2 sentences (things happen for a reason & I can understand how you feel). Everybody react and feel differently in dealing with their loss so we can never understand how they feel. The 5 points that you have highlighted will be very useful in helping me to handle situations like this in future. Instead of saying or doing nothing we can lend them our ears or a shoulder to cry on to let them know that they are not alone. Through dharma I have learnt so much about selflessness. Thank you Rinpoche for helping me to become a better person through your teachings.🙏🙏🙏

  9. Eric kksiow on Apr 12, 2017 at 12:34 am

    An article that make my day ( knock, knock and wake up ). I am a human and still contain the 3 poisons ( Desires, Hatred and Ignorant ) within my mind, those situations happened to me for all the time, eg : if my friend fall sicks, their parents, siblings and pets passed away. The common words i always used : Bro/Sis be strong, take care, may Buddha bless you and family, i’ll pray for you.. Except these words, i don’t really know what to say anymore. Frankly speaking, i don’t even spend time on them and listen to them.

    What i learned from this article?

    Admit That You Don’t Know What to Say
    That’s a good start. Try something simple that breaks the ice and starts a conversation, or at least sends a message to the other person that they’re not alone.

    “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could say the perfect thing, but I know there’s nothing to fix it. I just wanted you to know I care and am here with you.”

    Listen
    If the person is willing to talk, listen. It’s the single most vital thing you can do.

    Listen to their story without interrupting. Don’t turn the conversation back to you with statements like, “I know what you’re going through—my dog died last year.”

    Don’t tell them what they will, or should, feel. Simply acknowledge their pain and listen to what it’s like for them.

    We all have different styles of managing shock and distress. Some people are angry, while others seem numb. Still others turn to gallows humor. Your job is not to correct them but to give them space to be the way they need to be.

    Rather than Saying, ”Let Me Know If I Can Do Anything,” Offer to Do Something Practical and Specific
    Taking on an ordinary task is often most helpful. Offer to shop for groceries, run errands, drive the kids somewhere, or to cook a meal or two. Ask if you can call tomorrow, or if they want to be left alone for a few days.

    When Survey Monkey’s CEO Dave Goldberg died suddenly, his wife, Sheryl Sandberg, wrote the following:

    When I am asked, “How are you?” I stop myself from shouting, “My husband died a month ago, how do you think I am?” When I hear “How are you today?” I realize the person knows that the best I can do right now is to get through each day.

    Why i wanna copied these few sentences? It’s remind me if the same situations happened to me again, i’ll practice it First and apply to others. If i wanted to convince others, i would make myself to showed in action rather than just talk only.

    Deepest from my heart
    Eric kksiow

  10. Pastor Henry Ooi on Apr 11, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    These are good pointers for most people as we do come across such situations and we got stuck not knowing what to say. All of us has gotten into such situations and may get into similar situations when we are the ones on the receiving end. How we felt and what we needed most during those difficult times may be similar to what others feel and need although they may be not the same. People in grief usually would want to express their sorrows and it would be a great help if we could lend our ears and shoulders.

  11. nicholas on Apr 11, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    It’s always caught in between when people are in such situation. Some may think of a way to help to fix or some may choose to avoid taught that better to say nothing than say the wrong thing.

    From this article it really help me to think that either what mentioned above is all about us rather than the person that in pain that going through the unfortunate situation. We are more worried about ourself.

    The 5 ways in the article really open up my mind. We should focus out for the person and our present is not to fix but to be there to support them. Sometimes what they need is our ear to listen or our present just as company. Everyone react to situation differently and there is no way we can tell people we understand what they going through but what best is our honest motivation to be there for them.

    What worst can happen when we offer to listen or company. If they really don’t need us then we just give them the space and time. The very least we try to be there for them.

  12. pammie yap on Apr 11, 2017 at 11:17 pm

    I’d usually say something simple than to say the wrong thing. Like ‘please take care, let me know if u need anything.’ I believe I would like to hear the same thing if I was going through grieving. Or help out in small little things to help ease a bit of burden like what was mentioned in the post. Maybe do some cooking, basic house chores, etc.

    But come to think of it now, after reading this post and discussion with KFR team and guests, I guess I can actually do more than what I said above. By physically being there for the grieving person helps a lot whether they want it or not. For the person to know that they are not alone and I will be there for them. In another way, I must learn to be more caring and understanding in order to do more to ease their pain.

    Some of us prefer to leave it alone and try hard not to hurt the grieving person more, but I think that is wrong. We should actually be more mindful of their pain. In time, we can also encourage them to move on and heal.

  13. Tek Lee on Apr 11, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article. I believe all of us in our life, will go through this moment one day. Is either we are the one that comfort others or, we are the one that are being comforted. I remember in year 2011, was the year that I had most of my family members passed away. First was my god father, then my grandmother, then my uncle. The one that I remember the most was my god father. It was a sudden death. Died because of heart attack. During his wake, my god sister was crying. I was in the same grief as her, but of course she had a deeper grief than me as it was her own father. I didn’t know what to say to her, I just pet my hand on her shoulder, gave her a side hug, and she leaned on my shoulder and cried. I think that was the most thing I could do during that moment. In my experience being comforted, I think most of the Chinese, especially guys, don’t really know how to comfort people. I remember during my university time, my girl friend broke up with me while I was studying in the UK and she was in Malaysia. I was in my greatest sadness in my own room, and suddenly my friend (guy friend) knocked on my door and just came out one sentence from his mouth “Don’t be so sad bro, aiya….. actually we all don’t like your girl friend one lah.” Then he walked out from my room and close the door just like that. I suddenly “woke up” from my sadness and stunt. I didn’t know how to respond. After that we joked about it, it was really funny and quite comforting in a way. At least he thought that was comforting and at least he did say something 🙂

    After reading this article, now I know when the day come, I know how to comfort people. I am a person that don’t really know what to say during that moment. I think the most I can do is, letting that person know that I am there for him/her, and listen to what she/he wants to say. Thank you Rinpoche _/\_

  14. Datuk May on Apr 11, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    There had been many times that I was caught in such a situation that I really felt so bad for the person that I did not know what to do nor to say if I was to touch base with the person who had suffered a horrendous loss.

    As such this article had helped me a lot to think of those past instances and what I can actually do now.

    The latest encounter had with this situation was when I received a whatsapp from a close relative of mine who told me that her husband was diagnosed with a stage 4 pancreatic cancer and had spread to the liver.

    My first reaction was sadness and as advised I put “myself” aside and instead of wallowing in my sadness, I called her instead of replying with a whatsapp message. I asked her about her husband and she started to cry and talked about what happened.

    I listened and then told her that I would go see her. I did that and it worked as she felt some relief in being cared for.

    There is really not best way to handle such instances but to focus out on the person in distress/grief and just face them with care and kindness and the rest will fall into place. As mentioned in this article, do not avoid by doing and saying nothing.

  15. Valentina Suhendra on Apr 9, 2017 at 2:43 am

    Dear Rinpoche

    Thank you for this wonderful post. The content of the post applies to everyone since all of us at one point of another have experienced loss of loved ones and undergone unpleasant experiences such as being fired from a job. I could understand how Ms. Linda Carol, the writer, feels when her friends avoided her after she lost her son. It is uncomfortable to be around friends who are experiencing misery. But I think to avoid them means that you are selfish. You don’t want to experience and share the suffering of life with your friends. If you just want to share the good time, then you are a user. As bad as it sounds but it is a fact.

    It is rare to find someone who would share both the good and bad times with you. However, it is even rarer to find someone who is willing to give you accurate feedback, press your buttons and risk uncomfortable reactions from you. I think those who are prepared to do that is a real friend and the kindest person. I found this quality in my spiritual teacher, H.E. the 25th Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, and I am forever grateful to him. I came to him with a fixed set of views of how things should be, but through Rinpoche’s kindness and advice, my views and the way I look at things begin to change.

    Valentina

  16. Joy on Mar 4, 2017 at 12:39 am

    These are very good tips because most often we really do not know what to say but to say nothing and do nothing is the worst. Sometimes people may not say anything but they can at least say it through their actions, simple actions like being around, helping out, even if it is to chip in and give a helping help during times of need say a lot!

    It is understandable when you do not know what to say to another especially if we are not close to them or we are afraid we may say the “wrong” things, but we can I guess show it through different means.

    When I experienced my husband died, I know there was nothing anyone could say or do to help me, no words of comfort could comfort, but people still did so and people were around, so that helped a lot. The worst part is when something tragic happens, like when a loved one passes, is for them to be left ‘alone’ on their own.

    I admit I am one of the worst person when it comes to saying something to another when they are experiencing something bad. Usually instead of saying the fake “I’m so sorry to hear the news” and then leave them be, cos I hate all those, so I usually won’t say such things but instead I try to be around and help out. And if it is someone I am close to, the best thing to do is to hug them and tell them you are here and actually really BE THERE. Your words/actions means a lot to the person and the last thing you need is fake comments and useless suggestions.

    So these are good tips for those of us who are tongue tied when something bad happens to someone by saying “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could say the perfect thing, but I know there’s nothing to fix it. I just wanted you to know I care and am here with you.” AND REALLY MEAN IT by being there and helping in any way no matter how small it may be.

  17. Julia Tan on Feb 22, 2017 at 11:38 pm

    This is a very helpful article for those who doesn’t know what to say or do when our friends are needed us the most. i am that type of person who will get suck into the sadness easily. when i see others cried, i will follow. So this is not really helpful. I really need to adjust my own emotional first. Hence when come to case this that, keeping him/her accompany, be there for her/him is really important. I am glad that today i learned something useful that can bring comfort to others when they are facing the tough time.

  18. wan wai meng on Feb 21, 2017 at 1:05 am

    A very solid and powerful article about how to be there for others when they are grieving or had a sudden unexpected loss. Very good to remember these five points to console and bring some reprieve to others.

  19. Lucas Roth on Feb 19, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    This is a very good article that I genuinely think everyone should read. It is excellent advice and this is just very useful as all people would go through a period where a loved one loses someone and you have to be there for them.

    I do believe that listening is the most important part to play in helping someone in a situation that cannot be helped. It is hard but most of the time they just need someone around and someone to talk to. Amazing article.

  20. Colin Tan on Feb 16, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    It’s natural that we would want to offer our help whenever we see our loved one or friends in deep pain. But often we do not know how to react and what to say. We sometimes choose to avoid the person and it usually means that we avoid facing the feeling we have too. If we could look within and examine our feeling, we normally feel shock, pain, fear too, same as the person who experience terrible things in their lives now. If we could deal with our feeling, accept it, know that we did nothing wrong, then we will naturally have the courage to face that person. Thereafter, we will find the right words to say and the appropriate help to offer. As long as we don’t give advice, lecture, but just show our sincere heart, willingness to listen and be with them, that will be all they need to pull them through the toughest moment in life.

  21. Lum Kok Luen on Feb 10, 2017 at 4:41 pm

    Dear Rinpoche,

    These tips are certainly pragmatic and I would say would be the most practical on how to respond or offer comfort for someone in grief.

    I remembered very clearly during my late mother’s bereavement in 2015, when a Kechara Pastor came over to offer to listen and to share the Dharma. I was having regrets over my mother’s passing, but the comforting words and the Dharma sharing by Pastor really turned my mind around and relieved so much of the pain and regrets that I had.

    The main and critical difference here is that being in Dharma and having friends and Pastors really help. I could imagine there are countless of us out there who are without Dharma and when they lose someone close, it is extremely difficult to cope and take a long time to heal, although some may not heal.

    I must really thank Rinpoche for bringing the Gelug lineage to Malaysia and opening up the Protector practice to us here so that we can embark on our Dharma journey more effectively.

    Humbly yours
    Lum Kok Luen

  22. Alice Tay on Feb 7, 2017 at 10:21 pm

    This is so true that we have to manage our own feelings first before we approach to other people especially when they are in pain and grief. For this instance, we can do meditation and do practice as per Rinpoche’s teachings which are definitely will help us to watch and monitor our mind. We may practice empathy and compassion, we should try to feel and understand the pain that the other people feel. On the other hand, we have to put down our ego and admit that if we really don’t know what to say. Remember that hold onto our ego will lead us away to enlightenment.

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this meaningful article.

  23. Lew on Feb 6, 2017 at 6:06 pm

    As I am getting older each day, the more chance I have to meet with such incidents of people passing. As spiritual practitioners, we should do our best to serve others and take care of the person’s well being. This article is really helpful especially point 5 where we actually help the person to do some of their daily routines which will help them to adjust their emotion during the difficult time. This article is really helpful for us to serve others better.

  24. Echeah on Feb 6, 2017 at 12:37 am

    The worst thing we as supposed dharma practitioners may tend to say when tragedy or calamity hits somebody is “It’s karma, it’s due to what you did in previous lives” and also, “Don’t take it too hard, this is impermanent”. Mind you, I’ve heard that being uttered as dharma advice and I cringe upon hearing that kind of counsel. It is heartless and crass. Though technically that is fact, the timing couldn’t be worse. That is rubbing it in and may turn people away from dharma.

    People do not need a sermon during vulnerable times, they just need a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. It is great comfort to know that someone is there and available, someone shares your pain, someone is sensitive to your need and someone is willing to help take care of things if needed, again, if needed.

    Many a friend will walk down the other side and avoid you, I guess, because they prefer not to be dragged down by your grief, they are emotionally unavailable, they will take but not give. It just takes too much from them that they are not willing to give.

    It is also not good to pry. When someone asks for help for a problem, maybe even request for a puja with some brief information, then you come back and say tell us everything in detail, we want to know what exactly is your problem before recommending a puja, it could be a big turn-off. You don’t need to know all the details and the Buddhas already know all that needs to be known. I don’t think there’s such a thing as a wrong puja.

  25. Andrea Lai on Feb 5, 2017 at 2:30 pm

    After reading this article, I recalled back of my closed friend grief over her mom’s passing.Her mourning was so deep that I had to accompany her everyday.Actually, this article really helps a lot. At that time, I really speechless and I don’t know what I could do,to make my friend feel better.

    All I could do is accompany her, make her feel comfort, talk to her, mentality encourage her and advice her in spirituality. It’s quite hard to comfort people who are in grief and depression. A lot of patience need to put in. I’m glad my closed friend recovered from her pain and she is doing well.

    I humbly thank you Rinpoche for advice and sharing this great article.

  26. Jacinta Goh on Feb 5, 2017 at 12:50 am

    Dear Rinpoche,

    Having been through the trauma of losing the loved ones ( not once but twice) was indeed devastating. I think there are people who prefers silent support more than anything else. One great tips here is trying to see what we can do instead of asking unnecessarily or not doing anything. On the other hand, try to listen and listen (yes, listen) again eventhough we might have heard it several times. As relatives, try not to ask why happened like that or what should be done earliet to prevent this, especially now as a Buddhist, we know that death can happened anytime, anywhere and to anyone. Another thing is, try to be the last to go and the first to arrive ( if we are closely related). Offer to be on guard to allow those who are grieving to have some rest.

    Very very thankful having friends (even Pastors and Kecharians) and family to be with me when my dad and bro passed away.

    Thank you Rinpoche for this great article.

  27. Pastor Lim Han Nee on Feb 4, 2017 at 9:29 pm

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing the five meaningful ways of helping someone suffering a great loss, “when you feel there is nothing you can do”. Most times, we feel so helpless, we just clam up and avoid the person in grief, in case we put our big foot into our mouth. But now , this article advises otherwise.

    The main thing is to be there for that person, to just give emotional support . Even if we can’t find the right words to say, we can just do something simple from the heart, like cooking a meal for them. The best words of advice : “You can’t fix what happened, but you can sit with someone, side by side, so they don’t feel quite so alone. That requires only intention, a willingness to feel awkward, and an open, listening heart. It’s the one gift that can make a difference”.

    Having a “listening heart”, showing empathy and being there to show support and showing you care, will make a lot of difference to that person in suffering. It will start us on the road to developing compassion, as it is about not being able to stand seeing someone in pain and doing something real about it to relieve suffering.

  28. Callista on Feb 3, 2017 at 11:52 pm

    After reading this article, it makes me think about mistakes that often made for item 2 and item 5.
    How ignorance I am.
    With this article which is simple and precise. I will use it as self- improvement and to help others.

    Thank you
    Tsem Rinpoche
    With folded hands

  29. Vivian Ong on Feb 3, 2017 at 12:28 am

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article. I truly agree that sometimes that we are lost of words to comfort other people who are in grief or sad. Thank you very much for the tips given on how to help or being with those people who are in pain. All we want to see is that they don’t stay much longer in their sad state and to recover quickly from it.

    With folded palms,
    Vivian

  30. graceleong on Feb 2, 2017 at 11:37 am

    “” Do read and keep these methods in mind; bringing others relief from pain, whether physical, mental or emotional, is one of the core methods to develop true compassion and care in our being “” this is indeed the precious message from Rinpoche !!

    When our motivation is to “relief others” we will have to put aside our own feelings and emotions and focus on how best to help others. This core practice is the most basic and common practice but often the hardest to put in practice because we are so habituated to put “me first”. Due to this habituation we are often muddled and lost for words on how to comfort or help others. If we sincerely want to help then we have to put aside the “self”.

    At every juncture (good/bad) Rinpoche will use it as a teaching to help his students understand better, to reduce our ignorance and attachments. Rinpoche has recently demonstrated yet again this point of putting away the “self” through His own actions and I am very humbled by my Guru’s selfless compassion and wisdom . My deepest gratitude and with folded hands.

  31. Fong on Feb 1, 2017 at 7:05 pm

    Those are very helpful advice indeed. Many a time, I have faced similar situations where I didn’t know what to say at all except to hold their hand and give them a hug. That didn’t help my own feeling of inadequacy. But as per advice #1, manage your own feelings, we are of no help but rather may affect the other person with adverse emotions. So, it is very important and I agree that it is the no. 1 thing to do.

    So, a very timely and practical article for us. Thank you, Rinpoche for the article.

  32. Samfoonheei on Feb 1, 2017 at 2:28 pm

    Interesting article that we could overcome situation of grieving and of helping loved ones and friends.What to say and not to say involvement during times of sorrow…..something to learn from this article.Good sharing i did learn more of what to do during time of sadness and grief faced by friends or whoever so.
    I remembered when i lost my sister and my brother in law between one week apart never one comfort me as shared in this article.They were more interested in knowing how that incident happened. It was indeed very painful for me as i am already in shock,scared and sad.Through my experience a good gesture ,listening and accompany them will be good and helpful.
    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this helpful and interesting article.

  33. Uncle Eddie on Feb 1, 2017 at 11:52 am

    It is without doubt, that during times of sorrow, anyone would yearn for hope of relief for their sorrowful pain and emotional mental agony. They are truly desolute of their need for compassion, suppot or any comforting words of consolution to ease the pain being forced upon them. As our friends, or family loved-ones who need our comforting and support at such time of calamity, shouldn’t we get involved? If you avoid them at such time of need, it serves to show your selfish purpose and not theirs! To console them at the meeting of such a sorrowful occassion, we should out of respect for their grief, allow them to speak first. We should remain a silent patience listener, having deep feeling and understanding for their sorrow, and finally to offer words of comfort to relieve their sufferings. Of course it is better to say something, no matter however simple it maybe, rather than to say nothing at all. Thank you Rinpoche for your wisdomised guiduance in this respect.

  34. Carmen K on Feb 1, 2017 at 2:28 am

    At one point or another, everyone will go through grief, and have that immense overwhelming feeling of pain within. Everyone experiences and deals with trauma and grief differently – some want to be left alone, some just want a shoulder, some dive into distracting themselves from their thoughts and the reality. Whatever it is, for certain, each and everyone wants to know they have people to rely on, fall upon in these times. I’ve been in situations before, not knowing what to do, or what to say, or perhaps saying the wrong things without realising it until the words left my mouth, but it’s better to be there for them and let them know that you are there for them, than to keep a distance. The care and comfort received might just propel the person, into overcoming their pain and grief in unimaginable ways. Pehaps people don’t want to say something to those in pain because they don’t want to have to go out of their way to do something to help, or perhaps your pain doesn’t bother them, but It would be good to put yourself in the shoes of those suffering, and think what you would need and want, and then you can do that. Thanks for sharing Rinpoche.

  35. Pastor David Lai on Feb 1, 2017 at 12:54 am

    This is an interesting article that touches on a sensitive subject of grieving and of helping loved ones and friends cope with intense grief. A year ago, my mother passed away and for the first time in my life, I felt that intense, paralysing feeling of grief and for the initial first few days of preparation for the wake, calling, meeting and talking to family and friends, I felt numb. I didn’t cry and could not cry because I didn’t really have the time or space to grieve.

    Talking about saying the wrong thing, I had a few people come up to me and my dad and tell me that we should have done more to prevent my mom’s death. Can you imagine that? After telling the story of how my mom passed away several dozen times, this was certainly a new reaction and nonetheless, it made my blood boil. Anyway, I didn’t really experience people keeping a distance that much but I certainly had my fair share of people saying totally the wrong things.

    For whatever reason these people had, it was certainly painful for me and my dad to hear it and totally uncalled for. I think it is common sense and obvious decency not to say such things to grieving relatives of the deceased. We are already in shock, deeling with our grief, why would you only think about how you feel and negate how we feel. But that is the real world for you and you get all manner of people in varying levels of selfishness and we have to just deal with people as they come.

  36. Lin Mun on Jan 31, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    This is a good article and guide for us when we are faced with such situation. Sometimes not saying is better than saying wrong and hurtful things to others. We can offer practical and exact help instead of a general statement. When a person experiencing sad state, he/she could not even have a clear mind to ask the help they need. Hence, understanding and supports from friends and close one are very important.

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article.

  37. Soon Huat on Jan 31, 2017 at 1:18 pm

    Thank You Rinpoche for sharing this valuable tips to us. My father has passed away in acute heart attack. He left us without a word. I was hiding myself out in a corner in my father funeral and wish everyone could leave me alone so that I could stay more time with my father and chat Amitabha mantra to him. I think I would feel more relief if there were somebody with me to provide silent support to me.
    However, when I think back, I wish I would have chance to bring him to Rinpoche when he was still alive so that he can pick up Dharma and practice Dharma to collect more merits for his next life. I really I wish I could do for him so if I can travel back to past. I always think that since my body is given by him, hence, if I practice Dharma well maybe he could benefit from it in next life. That is all I can give to him now. I wish my dad well in next life. Thank You Rinpoche for guiding me all the while.

  38. Sharon Ong on Jan 31, 2017 at 12:47 pm

    This could not have been any timelier as we just lost a dear uncle yesterday. When I was younger, I was guilty of keeping quiet for fear of upsetting or offending the grieving party. With this write-up, I will try the tips offered instead of just hugging the grieving party and saying,”Let me know if I can do anything.” I also realised that with such immense grief, one would not know how to ask for another person to help as the sheer intensity of one’s grief often shuts down the ability to function as one would normally do. Hence, why offering to help out with specific tasks is a practical and useful way to help.

    Thank you for posting this, Rinpoche and blog team. Most definitely very helpful.

  39. Stella Cheang on Jan 31, 2017 at 12:33 pm

    Thank you, Rinpoche for this sharing. Many of us who grew up in the traditional oriental culture are often at a loss for words and gestures when it comes to showing sympathy and empathy, especially towards people who suffered great pain due to deceased of a dear one. I have learned it through my own experience that saying something, in spite not saying the perfect words, is better than not saying anything at all. A simple gesture or words of consolation could be exactly the all that the person need to carry on for the next moment. Being a good listener is definitely the best thing to offer because, for the person who is suffering, his/her only outlet and relief is speaking the pain out. I think it is better to let the person speaks out rather than internalizes the pain that no one else can understand nor feel.

  40. Sofi on Jan 31, 2017 at 11:33 am

    Everyone will go through this experience of knowing someone who had faced loss or tremendous stress. Often times we feel at lost as to how we are able to best offer our help or comfort, especially someone we may not know as well but empathise their situation. At least now I learn some tips on how to respond correctly instead of making the other person feel worse. Previously I would have shared my own experience thinking that it may help a little but now learnt that it actually detracts the attention from the person’s sufferings. I do agree that we should not keep quiet as the other person may think we do not care enough or worse, that he/she may feel he/she is at fault or alone. Speaking out or doing something is putting our thoughts into action of caring. Thank you for sharing this helpful and applicable article Rinpoche.

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  • Lin Mun
    Saturday, Apr 29. 2017 03:09 PM
    Interesting info and article about werewolves. I never knew about its origins and the various wolves existence until I read this. I have thus far know about werewolves only from the movies and the famous twilight show. But one thing I noticed from the articles is the gruesome manner in killing the person (or suspected werewolves). Some were cursed to be a werewolves. There just so much anger, violence and killing in the whole process, which probably the reason why werewolves are known to kill and hurt human and other animals.

    Anyway, whether we believe the existence of werewolf is true or not, I believe that there are other forms of beings in world. And we should not handle or deal with other beings with violence and anger.

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/paranormal/werewolves-the-shapeshifters.html#comment-744320
  • Lin Mun
    Friday, Apr 28. 2017 04:00 PM
    Everything we offer to Buddha is a form of mind transformation and practise our mind to be focus even when doing water offering. When pouring the water into the bowl we have to recite Om Ah Hum (3 times), think positively and pouring it slowly so it does not spill and leaving the space of a grain of rice before reaching the top. After offering we also have to clean the bowls properly without leaving stain. All this is to train our mind.

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing the many benefits and water offering in a simple to understand article.

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/buddhas-dharma/making-water-offerings-to-the-buddhas.html
  • Samfoonheei
    Friday, Apr 28. 2017 03:38 PM
    Trolls are assiociates as beings of Scandinavian folklore.A large number of different mythological creatures continue to live on in Scandinavian folklore.They have different shapes,habitat and filthy features . There are also numerous tales of trolls told and retold.Trolls are also believed to have the magigal powers, which were folktales ,posses capabilities that are beyond human .What ever it was a remnant of a long-lost reality for sure. I do believe that there’s a very high chance trolls had existed in the past.
    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing ,i do enjoyed all the stories in these article even though it just folk tales.
    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/science-mysteries/the-hidden-nature-of-trolls.html
  • Jason
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 11:54 PM
    People always expect return on some contribution being done especially in charity events. When the return was under their expectations then they will feel sad or unhappy.
    As Rinpoche said, Dharma is a teachings to transform our mind to become bodicitta or selfless to benefit others without condition. Once we practiced selfless mind, our mind will not be affected by others people reaction.
    What will be my legacy? I think this is not really important to me anymore once I know Dharma teachings from Rinpoche.
    Thanks Datuk May for sharing to benefit more people.

    Jason

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/guest-contributors/what-will-be-your-legacy.html
  • Samfoonheei
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 08:56 PM
    Amazing miracles true story …of how Rinpoche helped. With Rinpoche blessing during the children baptismal ceremony,this little boy who had not spoken since 9 years old was able to speake again.Incredible….
    Chef Au truly believes been a vegetarian has help him to collects merits for his son.Rinpoche’s care and compassion has benefited many more people.Through these stories hope more people will be inspired to achieve the state of compassion and attainments.
    Thank you Rinpoche and Pastor Loh Seng Piow for this sharing.
    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/personal-attendant/the-miracles-of-tsem-rinpoche-true-story-4.html
  • Samfoonheei
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 07:51 PM
    Having fully trust and faith in Rinpoche ,Fat monk’s mother was well again, after been diagnosed with cancerious tumour at the liver.
    Following instructions given by Rinpoche, his mother recited mantras and Fat monk did a series of pujas as told,his mother recovered then.
    Amazing……Miracles do happen.
    Thank you Rinpoche and Pastor Loh Seng Piow for sharing.
    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/personal-attendant/the-miracles-of-tsem-rinpoche-true-story-3.html
  • Stella Cheang
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 05:27 PM
    We are no strangers to the creatures called Werewolves. They are often depicted as the Jekyll-and-Hyde-like monsters in movies who are unable to control their animal instincts when they shift from human form to a wolf-like creature, usually during the full moon. Together with the Vampires who can transform into bats, are my childhood imagery villains, who triggered my curiosity on mythical creatures during younger days. They still do, lol.

    It is gruesome to learn that real life werewolves are actually brutal even when they are in human forms. It is a far depict from the movies and fictions, where they are civil and level headed when in human form. I hope one day science or technology can provide more proves the existence of werewolves, and debunk the reason of this mystical shapeshifter.

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/paranormal/werewolves-the-shapeshifters.html
  • Stella Cheang
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 05:07 PM
    The miraculous power of Protectors’ practice can heal and shield us from negative karma from ripening. Through the blessings of our Guru, coupled with strong faith and trust, the practices will take effect swiftly and effectively. Rejoice to Steven Lee. May he be guided by the Three Jewels always. Thank you, Pastor Seng Piow for sharing the true story with us.

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/personal-attendant/the-miracles-of-tsem-rinpoche-true-story-10.html
  • Lin Mun
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 03:57 PM
    This is a very touching article. I totally agree that dog is a man’s best friend. They are always so loyal to the owner. However it is sad that not all pet owners are such. Some will only treat them literally as an animal and therefore do not take good care of them. Dogs or any other animals are beings that have feeling. There should not be neglected and be abused by us. This article reminds us to always care for all beings and respect them.

    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this heartwarming article.

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/animals-vegetarianism/faithful-dog-chases-deceased-owner.html
  • Samfoonheei
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 02:21 PM
    Its a heartfelt touching article of this faithful dog.Cannot imagine this ,such a wonderful relationship between that dog and the deceased owner.The greatest fear dogs know is the fear that we will not come back for them That i noticed from observing from my pet poodle.In this case this faithful dog knew his owner won’t be back.
    Dogs are loyal, patient, fearless, forgiving, capable of pure love and have feelings too.He must have missed the owner badly that he wanted to accompany the owner all the way to the resting place.
    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing. May that faithful dog ,continue to serve and well taken, love by the other family members.
    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/animals-vegetarianism/faithful-dog-chases-deceased-owner.html
  • Samfoonheei
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 01:46 PM
    Werewolves are known to be mythical creatures found in fiction instead of lurking in the dark woods,In various parts of the world there were few cases who have gone down in history as real life werewolves Interesting to read it from these post..How far it was true or just legends.,no one really know . Many myths and legends surrounding werewolves .To become a werewolf, it is necessary to be bitten by a werewolf in their form at the time of the full moon. Thats what all of us knew from the movies and from fiction told. Reports of werewolf sightings continued even till this century but mostly in between 1428 and 1447 .The most recent sighting of werewolf sightings in 1972. was in Ohio .but eventually subsided .
    Thank you Rinpoche for sharing these interesting article which i do enjoyed reading it,
    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/paranormal/werewolves-the-shapeshifters.html
  • Valentina
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 01:11 PM
    Join our blog chat session this Saturday 11AM – 12PM (GMT +8) on the topic of:

    Twenty-Four Holy Places & Eight Great Charnel Grounds part 2 – (focus topic: Eight Great Charnel Grounds)

    At one time there was a god by the name of Rudra who was originally part of Mahadeva’s retinue. He was a very fierce being who also had many of his own consorts. Together with his consorts he began to oppress sentient beings, and promoted violence and unethical behaviour. At that time, Heruka once again arose, and in a dance of great compassionate wrath, liberated Rudra and his consorts from their physical bodies, sending their minds to pure lands. The places where Rudra’s body parts fell became charnel grounds. …read more by clicking the following link:

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/buddhas-dharma/twenty-four-holy-places-eight-great-charnel-grounds.html
  • Jason
    Thursday, Apr 27. 2017 03:07 AM
    This year Wesak Day fall on 10 of May. This day is very special and meaningful to me because I will visit Kechara Forest Retreat(KFR) to join some meritorious event there.
    For me, Wesak is a day to commemorate Buddha Sakyamuni in three aspect( Birth , Enlightened, Nirwana).
    While we celebrate Wesak, we must remind ourselves to learn from Buddha teachings and practice it in order to gain attainment.
    Thanks Rinpoche and Pastor Seng Piow for sharing in order to create more understanding on Wesak Day.

    Jason

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/buddhas-dharma/wesak-day-special-on-rtm-2.html
  • Stella Cheang
    Wednesday, Apr 26. 2017 06:10 PM
    OMG! This is very touching. To see a doggie who never left go of his owner in spite of death. Way more powerful than many who proclaimed “till death do us part.” Just like the human, not all doggies are as loyal as this tear-jerking pet, but I truly believe almost all doggies offer unconditional love to the person who feeds and cares for them. Even when they are stray animals. There was a stray dog who will run two streets from the entrance of the “Taman” until the car stops in front of the house, just to greet me. You can imagine the warm and conviction in my heart that these beings are more than capable of loving than many of us, human! Thank you for this lovely sharing. I miss my doggie, Sherab.

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/animals-vegetarianism/faithful-dog-chases-deceased-owner.html
  • Stella Cheang
    Wednesday, Apr 26. 2017 06:00 PM
    Thank you, Pastor Seng Piow, for this amazing sharing. There is no doubt about the ability of our Guru, His Eminence the 25th Tsem Tulku Rinpoche. His incarnations have been compassionate and taken rebirth to return and spread the dharma so that sentient beings can benefit and learn some dharma in our short life.

    We shall never doubt our Guru; but must see that He is one with our Yidam and Protector, an attained being. Even if our Guru does not demonstrate clairvoyance abilities, we must never contest our Guru, for he holds the key (dharma) that can liberate us from eternal suffering in samsara.

    http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/personal-attendant/the-miracles-of-tsem-rinpoche-true-story-1-2.html

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The Unknown

The Known and unknown are both feared,
Known is being comfortable and stagnant,
The unknown may be growth and opportunities,
One shall never know if one fears the unknown more than the known.
Who says the unknown would be worse than the known?
But then again, the unknown is sometimes worse than the known. In the end nothing is known unless we endeavour,
So go pursue all the way with the unknown,
because all unknown with familiarity becomes the known.
~Tsem Rinpoche

Photos On The Go

Click on the images to view the bigger version. And scroll down and click on "View All Photos" to view more images.
Holy Lady Buddha Vajra Yogini\'s blessing can be found when we decide to focus out to others instead of in to only ourselves.
~ Tsem Tulku Rinpoche
2 weeks ago
Holy Lady Buddha Vajra Yogini's blessing can be found when we decide to focus out to others instead of in to only ourselves. ~ Tsem Tulku Rinpoche
His Holiness Vajradhara Kyabje Zong Rinpoche of Gaden Monastery who is the refuge of countless, gives a clear explanation of Dorje Shugden. One is able to hear his holy voice and translation by Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen! Please see here and share: http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/?p=122352
2 weeks ago
His Holiness Vajradhara Kyabje Zong Rinpoche of Gaden Monastery who is the refuge of countless, gives a clear explanation of Dorje Shugden. One is able to hear his holy voice and translation by Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen! Please see here and share: http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/?p=122352
: This picture says it all. Click on it to enlarge and read and please share.
3 weeks ago
: This picture says it all. Click on it to enlarge and read and please share.
This is a simple chart showing the three main psychic channels used in tantric meditations to control the winds, raise tummo (fire energy), gain higher consciousness and insight and also for gaining siddhis. These channels are used in meditations for controlling the mind, when the mind ejects from the body (phowa) and one\'s death. These three channels are very important. Tsem Rinpoche
3 weeks ago
This is a simple chart showing the three main psychic channels used in tantric meditations to control the winds, raise tummo (fire energy), gain higher consciousness and insight and also for gaining siddhis. These channels are used in meditations for controlling the mind, when the mind ejects from the body (phowa) and one's death. These three channels are very important. Tsem Rinpoche
I think my cute doggie Oser is actually Tintin\'s dog Snowy!
3 weeks ago
I think my cute doggie Oser is actually Tintin's dog Snowy!
Great Masters of Gaden Shartse Monastery. From left to right: His Eminence Kensur Jampa Yeshe Rinpoche, His Holiness Sharpa Choeje Jetsun Lobsang Nyima, H.E. Kyabje Zemey Rinpoche, H.E. Kyabje Lati Rinpoche, His Holiness 101st Gaden Tripa throne holder Jetsun Lungrik Namgyal.
3 weeks ago
Great Masters of Gaden Shartse Monastery. From left to right: His Eminence Kensur Jampa Yeshe Rinpoche, His Holiness Sharpa Choeje Jetsun Lobsang Nyima, H.E. Kyabje Zemey Rinpoche, H.E. Kyabje Lati Rinpoche, His Holiness 101st Gaden Tripa throne holder Jetsun Lungrik Namgyal.
 Left to right: Dharma boy, Mumu boy and Oser girl. The three of them are my beautiful and loved Schnauzer dogs. They loved looking through the window to see traffic, people and movement. They loved the smells that drifted through their little noses. I love seeing the three of them together like this. I love them. Tsem Rinpoche
3 weeks ago
Left to right: Dharma boy, Mumu boy and Oser girl. The three of them are my beautiful and loved Schnauzer dogs. They loved looking through the window to see traffic, people and movement. They loved the smells that drifted through their little noses. I love seeing the three of them together like this. I love them. Tsem Rinpoche
Little Mumu boy...he loved balloons. When he saw them, he wanted to get close and perhaps bite them. Cute. I love this picture of Mumu reaching for the balloons. He was young and healthy! This picture captures his energy, enthusiasm, curiosity and high energy. I love this picture of him chasing the balloons. His pictures are always so nice....He was not a pet but family to me. I love him tremendously and always will. Tsem Rinpoche
3 weeks ago
Little Mumu boy...he loved balloons. When he saw them, he wanted to get close and perhaps bite them. Cute. I love this picture of Mumu reaching for the balloons. He was young and healthy! This picture captures his energy, enthusiasm, curiosity and high energy. I love this picture of him chasing the balloons. His pictures are always so nice....He was not a pet but family to me. I love him tremendously and always will. Tsem Rinpoche
Little Mumu boy and myself.. He was not a pet but family to me. I love him tremendously and always will. Tsem Rinpoche
3 weeks ago
Little Mumu boy and myself.. He was not a pet but family to me. I love him tremendously and always will. Tsem Rinpoche
2017-His Holiness the 101st Gaden Tripa, Jetsun Lungrik Namgyal is doing well and 90 years old. His Holiness Lungrik Namgyal is a powerful master of sutra and tantra and practitioner of Dorje Shugden. Currently residing in France.
3 weeks ago
2017-His Holiness the 101st Gaden Tripa, Jetsun Lungrik Namgyal is doing well and 90 years old. His Holiness Lungrik Namgyal is a powerful master of sutra and tantra and practitioner of Dorje Shugden. Currently residing in France.
One of the most sacred statues of Avalokitesvara made of sandalwood housed in Lhasa, Tibet. He has shown miracles also. Every pilgrim wishes to make offerings to this Lord of Compassion.
3 weeks ago
One of the most sacred statues of Avalokitesvara made of sandalwood housed in Lhasa, Tibet. He has shown miracles also. Every pilgrim wishes to make offerings to this Lord of Compassion.
 Sacred Avalokitesvara statue in Nepal. Thousands come to worship this special Buddha as it has conferred wishes in the past.
3 weeks ago
Sacred Avalokitesvara statue in Nepal. Thousands come to worship this special Buddha as it has conferred wishes in the past.
Tsem Rinpoche\'s Vajra Yogini statue and offerings
3 weeks ago
Tsem Rinpoche's Vajra Yogini statue and offerings
Two of my teachers from Gaden Shartse Monastery in South India. Left side is Most Venerable Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen whom I lived with for 8 years in Los Angeles where his centre Thubten Dhargye Ling is located. On the right is the abbot emeritus H.E. Kyabje Lati Rinpoche the scholar and yogi. I was very fortunate to have them in my life and learn so much dharma from them. Tsem Rinpoche
3 weeks ago
Two of my teachers from Gaden Shartse Monastery in South India. Left side is Most Venerable Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen whom I lived with for 8 years in Los Angeles where his centre Thubten Dhargye Ling is located. On the right is the abbot emeritus H.E. Kyabje Lati Rinpoche the scholar and yogi. I was very fortunate to have them in my life and learn so much dharma from them. Tsem Rinpoche
 It is so wonderful to be kind to people, be caring, feed them, make sure they are healthy and share dharma if they are interested with them for their future. But simply to be nice to others is worth getting up and being alive...otherwise why be alive to hurt/use/distrust and hate others? No point living that way..must change that..... It is nice to live our lives to benefit others and be patient even if we have been hurt before because by caring we can heal the hurt and \'defeat\' the ones that hurt us because we don\'t become bitter..... Tsem Rinpoche
4 weeks ago
It is so wonderful to be kind to people, be caring, feed them, make sure they are healthy and share dharma if they are interested with them for their future. But simply to be nice to others is worth getting up and being alive...otherwise why be alive to hurt/use/distrust and hate others? No point living that way..must change that..... It is nice to live our lives to benefit others and be patient even if we have been hurt before because by caring we can heal the hurt and 'defeat' the ones that hurt us because we don't become bitter..... Tsem Rinpoche
Tsem Rinpoche\'s heritage in China. Must read: http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/?p=120499
4 weeks ago
Tsem Rinpoche's heritage in China. Must read: http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/?p=120499
Thank you Buddhist Pastor Chia for sharing your story on how you met His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche over 20 years ago. We can learn much from your story.~Admin  Please read: http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/?p=116928
4 weeks ago
Thank you Buddhist Pastor Chia for sharing your story on how you met His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche over 20 years ago. We can learn much from your story.~Admin Please read: http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/?p=116928
Mumu boy is incredibly photogenic. He is beyond cute. Tsem Rinpoche
4 weeks ago
Mumu boy is incredibly photogenic. He is beyond cute. Tsem Rinpoche
 (left to right) Rabten Tulku, Gonsar Rinpoche, Gyume Kensur Rinpoche, Trijang Rinpoche, H.H. Gaden Trisur Rinpoche (France)
4 weeks ago
(left to right) Rabten Tulku, Gonsar Rinpoche, Gyume Kensur Rinpoche, Trijang Rinpoche, H.H. Gaden Trisur Rinpoche (France)
Beautiful 200 roses arrived today for me as a gift from Su Ming. Very kind and thoughtful of her as usual. Tsem Rinpoche
4 weeks ago
Beautiful 200 roses arrived today for me as a gift from Su Ming. Very kind and thoughtful of her as usual. Tsem Rinpoche
It\'s good to be with kind and sincere people.
4 weeks ago
It's good to be with kind and sincere people.
If we are kind, we lose less of ourselves-Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
If we are kind, we lose less of ourselves-Tsem Rinpoche
My Mumu boy didn\'t want to eat. Eating is not one of his favorite activities throughout his life. So I talked to him to let him know why he needs to eat and keep his strength up when this photo was taken. He was listening intently and after my talk with him, he ate. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
My Mumu boy didn't want to eat. Eating is not one of his favorite activities throughout his life. So I talked to him to let him know why he needs to eat and keep his strength up when this photo was taken. He was listening intently and after my talk with him, he ate. Tsem Rinpoche
This is so true. Click to enlarge and understand more about unpleasant people.
1 month ago
This is so true. Click to enlarge and understand more about unpleasant people.
This mahasiddha Kukkuripa is easy to identify as he is accompanied by a small dog whom he loved very much.
1 month ago
This mahasiddha Kukkuripa is easy to identify as he is accompanied by a small dog whom he loved very much.
Mumu taking a rest in the turquoise room. Over the years, I always feel very satisfied when I see him covered with a blanket, safe and sleeping. I always wanted to make sure he was safe from harm, illness and distress. I wanted him to have a happy and loved life. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
Mumu taking a rest in the turquoise room. Over the years, I always feel very satisfied when I see him covered with a blanket, safe and sleeping. I always wanted to make sure he was safe from harm, illness and distress. I wanted him to have a happy and loved life. Tsem Rinpoche
I wrapped my little Mumu boy up in my blanket and propped him up on my bed. He didn\'t move or wiggle and just looked at me. He is one funny entertaining little guy. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
I wrapped my little Mumu boy up in my blanket and propped him up on my bed. He didn't move or wiggle and just looked at me. He is one funny entertaining little guy. Tsem Rinpoche
March 2017-Coaxing my little Mumu boy to eat his meal. He was not well and therefore not hungry. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
March 2017-Coaxing my little Mumu boy to eat his meal. He was not well and therefore not hungry. Tsem Rinpoche
Click on picture to enlarge and see what Milarepa says. Profound.
1 month ago
Click on picture to enlarge and see what Milarepa says. Profound.
We are always trying to get somewhere, try something new, find some friends, get some entertainment and in the end we end up in the same place. Time to really practice Dharma seriously and stop wasting time we don\'t have. ~Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
We are always trying to get somewhere, try something new, find some friends, get some entertainment and in the end we end up in the same place. Time to really practice Dharma seriously and stop wasting time we don't have. ~Tsem Rinpoche
March 20, 2017-Mumu is just so adorable with his bright eyes.
1 month ago
March 20, 2017-Mumu is just so adorable with his bright eyes.
More and more people inviting Lord Dorje Shugden home to connect with on their shrines. I am so happy to see this as it will benefit them and their families so much. That is the purpose to be alive which is to benefit others as much as possible. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
More and more people inviting Lord Dorje Shugden home to connect with on their shrines. I am so happy to see this as it will benefit them and their families so much. That is the purpose to be alive which is to benefit others as much as possible. Tsem Rinpoche
His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche is a good sport watching his students do Halloween drag costumes for a charity show. Funny!
1 month ago
His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche is a good sport watching his students do Halloween drag costumes for a charity show. Funny!
His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche is a good sport watching his students do Halloween drag costumes for a charity show. Funny!
1 month ago
His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche is a good sport watching his students do Halloween drag costumes for a charity show. Funny!
The Japanese are very innovative. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
The Japanese are very innovative. Tsem Rinpoche
Read this as it will be interesting
1 month ago
Read this as it will be interesting
Recite this before any meal or drinks for blessings of abundance. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
Recite this before any meal or drinks for blessings of abundance. Tsem Rinpoche
This sacred statue of Buddha is in Nepal brought originally from Tibet and has spoken on many occasions. Very blessed to see this holy image and keep a picture...bless you always. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
This sacred statue of Buddha is in Nepal brought originally from Tibet and has spoken on many occasions. Very blessed to see this holy image and keep a picture...bless you always. Tsem Rinpoche
I love Mumu boy tremendously. We went through so much together for so many years. You are a great being to be with. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
I love Mumu boy tremendously. We went through so much together for so many years. You are a great being to be with. Tsem Rinpoche
Dear everyone, I am sharing this beautiful and modern altar to Dorje Shugden in Malaysia. I am glad to see more and more people creating sacred spaces. Tsem Rinpoche
1 month ago
Dear everyone, I am sharing this beautiful and modern altar to Dorje Shugden in Malaysia. I am glad to see more and more people creating sacred spaces. Tsem Rinpoche
Lhamo Karmo, a female buddha form visualized above the crown of one\'s head at the time of death, to encourage consciousness to leave the body via the crown aperture. From my book \"The Female Buddhas.\"- Glenn Mullin
2 months ago
Lhamo Karmo, a female buddha form visualized above the crown of one's head at the time of death, to encourage consciousness to leave the body via the crown aperture. From my book "The Female Buddhas."- Glenn Mullin
The Tibetan female tulku Dorje Pakmo, from a fresco on the wall of the Dorje Pakmo monastery (Samding) in Tibet, near the Turquoise Lake. In Tibet the Dorje Pakmo was ranked with the Dalai Lama, Panchen Lama and Sakya Trizin as the four highest lamas in the country.-from Glenn Mullin
2 months ago
The Tibetan female tulku Dorje Pakmo, from a fresco on the wall of the Dorje Pakmo monastery (Samding) in Tibet, near the Turquoise Lake. In Tibet the Dorje Pakmo was ranked with the Dalai Lama, Panchen Lama and Sakya Trizin as the four highest lamas in the country.-from Glenn Mullin
Dharma boy, Mumu boy and Oser girl checking out the scene..cute
2 months ago
Dharma boy, Mumu boy and Oser girl checking out the scene..cute
My Dharma boy has such a cute expression here. He is a good boy!
2 months ago
My Dharma boy has such a cute expression here. He is a good boy!
February 9,2017-My Mumu boy and Oser girl are just relaxing together..super cute
3 months ago
February 9,2017-My Mumu boy and Oser girl are just relaxing together..super cute
Click on the picture to enlarge and see what Suzy from Hawaii commented on the Dorje Shugden issue after much research. She is very candid and honest. Refreshing. Original is posted here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl-4lIwxph4
3 months ago
Click on the picture to enlarge and see what Suzy from Hawaii commented on the Dorje Shugden issue after much research. She is very candid and honest. Refreshing. Original is posted here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl-4lIwxph4
This is a good one to read
3 months ago
This is a good one to read
Click on "View All Photos" above to view more images

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ASK A PASTOR


Ask the Pastors

A section for you to clarify your Dharma questions with Kechara’s esteemed pastors.

Just post your name and your question below and one of our pastors will provide you with an answer.

Scroll down and click on "View All Questions" to view archived questions.

  • April 20, 2017 10:45
    Ronnie asked: Dear Rinpoche and Pastors, I'm studying abroad and very far away from home, seeking guidance and advice as I have no one else I can talk to about this. Please read with an open mind, I don't know where else to go for help. I'm pregnant and it's an unplanned pregnancy. I'm stuck between keeping it or letting it go. I'm young and having a child at my age in the society we live in now would be considered taboo. The father of the child thinks I should let it go because it may cause a setback to both our careers and cause major family issues. He thinks we aren't ready to raise a child especially since we're both still in university and his parents think badly of me even though they've never met me or tried to get to know me. I'm sure no one would ever have the heart to take away a heartbeat but it seems like it isn't the right time to have a child now and if we did go through with it, the child probably won't be able to have the best things life can offer looking at where we are now in terms of finance and maturity. I'm lost, confused and unsure what the right thing to do is now. Any advice at all would be helpful right now. Thank you so very much for taking time to read my story.
    pastor answered: Dear Ronnie, I’m sorry to read that you are going through this situation. I can understand that this situation is tough to go through. You are always more than welcome to come here to ask questions. May I suggest that you talk to either someone in your family or your friends to help you come to an appropriate solution? This is because, what you feel, what you are going through, will change from time to time and you would need someone to talk to, someone that you can lean on through this situation you are facing. Depending on where you are in the world, professional help can also be sought to help you make a decision, which will be the best option for you seeking help. From a Buddhist perspective, the taking of a life is not considered a positive act, therefore those on the Buddhist path, would normally abstain taking a life if possible. However, that being said, one must always weigh the decision oneself. Everything we do in life, necessarily involves karma both positive and negative. That is why Buddhists try to overcome samsara in general. Your situation is complicated because you are abroad, but if possible you should really open up to someone you are close to in order to help you through making this decision on a personal basis. When you talk to someone, whom you are able to express yourself more, you may able to come to better decision that is right for you. There may be other options open to you if you seek help. I personally know women who have been in similar situations. One of these women, let the child go and the other went through the pregnancy and then gave the child up for adoption. You may or may not have thought of this option, but it is one that could be open to you, depending on where in the world you are. Any decision we make in life, however big or small it may seem, has far reaching consequences whether in this life, or in future lives. This is just a part and parcel of life within samsara. However, we should weigh the decisions we make clearly given the situation we are in. We cannot always do this weighing ourselves, but need to talk about our options with others we can rely on such a friends, family or professionals. You should consider doing this, which will help you greatly emotionally, and may give you the grounding you need to make the correct decision for you. I hope this helps.
  • April 19, 2017 04:57
    Dongho asked: What is a nyung ne practice? According to Lama Zopa Rinpoche, it's a purification sadhana. However, what are the instructions for this? I'm guessing it's to Chenrezig, but how does it work? Also, from what I have read, Vajrasattva practice is only for broken vows while Akshobhya is for regular misdeeds. Does that mean one has to take the Akshobhya practice to purify bad karma from this life and previous instead of Vajrasattva? As for the purification practices, are some like Vajrasattva and Chenrezig only to purify the bad karma and let it come quickly or is it to prevent it from coming? I am confused in it. As for signs, I recited a mantra of White Yangchenma that a Sakya lama, Lama Kunga Thartse Rinpoche, gave me with the Sakya visualizations I read on, and after one mala, I heard some lady call my Korean name even though no one in my neighborhood knows of my name and my family members weren't in the area. What does this mean?
    pastor answered: Dear Dongho, Thank you for your questions, it’s nice to see you back here again. Nyung Ne practice is a purification practice that centres around Chenrezig. It is a very beneficial practice that stems from a holy nun named Gelong-ma Palmo. It is a two and a half day practice that can be repeated many times over and over again to intensify the purification and build a closer relationship with Chenrezig. As well as its purification aspect, the practice is known to generate vast amount of merit, and also compassion, as the practice centres around Chenrezig, the Buddha of compassion. The practice involves taking the eight Mahayana precepts for the duration, fasting, meditating, prostrating and praying. The practice usually entails empowerment into the practice of Chenrezig, therefore the exact meditations, prayers can only be explained to those who have the empowerment. Vajrasattva practice is not necessarily only for repairing broken vows, etc. That’s why it is advised that you engage in the practice at the end of the day, to repair any vows that you may have broken during that day, as well as stopping any negative karma you created that day from multiplying. This would entail reciting the mantra 21 times, together with the four opponent powers. However, if you engage in this practice more intensely, it definitely has the capability to purify all sorts of karma. That is the reason why in Ngondro, or preliminary practices one engages in before tantra, the practice of 100,000 Vajrasattva mantra recitation is an integral part. You can read more about Vajrasattva and his practice here: http://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/prayers-and-sadhanas/an-important-purification-practice.html. Within purification practices, some of the karma will be purified completely, so you do not feel its effects at all, but when purifying other karma you will need to feel its effects somehow. For example if you have the karma to be in a car accident and get seriously injured, and you are engaging in any practice, but especially the purification practice, since you have purified most of the karma, you will only experience being in a very minor car accident, with only very superficial injuries. Therefore, in this case, the karma has been purified to the extent that it does not affect you as much, but you still need to feel part of its effect. In regards to any signs that you receive which engaging in the practices given to you by one of your specific gurus, you should report the happenings to that particular guru. He will be able to give you more of an accurate answer, as it may be related to the particular practice that he gave to you. I hope this helps. Thank you.
  • April 17, 2017 07:06
    Thomas asked: Dear Pastors, When a serkyem set has been used so much and one is ready to get rid of it and replace it with a new one. What is a respecful mode of disposal?
    pastor answered: Dear Thomas, Thank you for your question. Your question shows that you have a lot of respect for offering items, which is very good. If possible, you should try to repair the item if within your means, and doing so make embellishments to make it a better offering item, which can still be used. If this is not possible, then you should dispose of the item with a good motivation. You should think that this item has been used to make offerings to the enlightened beings, but now that it is broken or unusable, you are going to dispose of it, and replace it with a new one. Since it itself is not a receptacle of energies of the enlightened beings, such as a statue, tsa tsa or thangka, it does not require a special dissolution before being disposed of. However since it was used to make offerings, it still requires some form of respect when disposing, and this comes from one’s motivation and the way in which you dispose of it. Usually, when disposing of items in this way, make the motivation that you have used it and that it is now time to dispose of it, and replace it with a new one. When you do this you can dispose of it in a respectful manner. For example, if you are going to throw it away, you do not simply open the trash can and throw it in. You wrap it up in something, like a bag or newspaper and dispose of it respectfully. Another method you can dispose of it is to recycle the object, if the material it is made from can be recycled. That way you are more conscious of the environment as well. I hope this explanation helps. Thank you.
  • April 16, 2017 22:38
    Curious asked: Dear pastors In a recent youtube video something like paying respect to deceased ones, pastor Nirel Patel explained that merits are like the interest and good karma is like the principal sum. So merits always regenerate themselves and hence do not get used up but good karma is like the principal sum so it gets used up. So my question is what are practices that generate merit? And can we turn a mundane daily activity into a meritorious one? Maybe can you provide an example?
    pastor answered: Dear Curious, Thank you for your question. First, to clarify a point, in regards to good karma, you are right, it is like a principal sum in a bank account, but you take away from it when you experience something good in your life, and you add to it when you do good deeds. Merit on the other hand, once accrued never diminishes, therefore when something is based on merit, it is based on the energies of this never diminishing sum, which you could say is like interest. In short, the principal sum when talking about karma is always added to and subtracted from. However, when talking about merit, once you have it, there is no way to destroy it, you will always benefit from it. There are various ways to explain how to generate merit. I will explain a way that I find easiest to understand. In normal life, when we go about performing any sort of activity, be it ‘good’ or ‘bad’ we do so out of ignorance of the true nature of existence, and it is usually self-motivated. For example, we work our entire lives to generate monetary income, so that we have enough money, resources, and materials goods to be comfortable. This is self-motivated, but it is the accepted way the world works these days, and is part and parcel of being bound to samsaric life. On the other hand, the act of merit making can be categorised into three parts: i) motivation, ii) the act itself, and iii) dedication. Let’s start with motivation, when engaging in various virtuous acts, we should have the motivation that by engaging in the act, we have the motivation to alleviate the suffering of someone else, and that may we gain enlightenment so that we can benefit them in the future. The second is the act itself. The third is to dedicate the energy of the virtuous act to gaining enlightenment. These three are what make merit. This may be a little confusing, so let me give an example: giving help to a homeless person. Whereas in ordinary life, this is something praised as a very good deed, it does not create merit without motivation and dedication. In order for this to become merit, one must set the motivation that one is giving help to the homeless free of the eight worldly concerns, to alleviate their suffering and also making the motivation that you will achieve enlightenment for the sake of the person or people you are helping. Then after you have helped them, you dedicate the energy created to the spiritual journey towards full enlightenment to help all sentient beings, while at the same time benefiting as many sentient beings as possible on the way there. This transforms the act into not only a virtuous action but also one that generates merit. On the other hand, if you were to help the homeless without these, you are creating good karma, which although beneficial, keeps you bound to existence within samsara. As it is the goal of Buddhist practice to overcome the cycle of samsara, a Buddhist would want to generate merit instead of good karma. I hope this explanation helps. Thank you.
  • April 13, 2017 11:38
    D.A. asked: If Begtse Chan is not from Mongolia, what are his real origins or story exactly? And which lamas offer his empowerment? As for Manjushri Nagarakshasa, which lamas specifically offer his empowerment and practice?
    pastor answered: Dear D.A. Thank you for your question. Begtse, is also known as Chamsing, or Jamsaran in Mongolian. As mentioned in an earlier sharing with someone who also asked a question about Begtse, the practiced was introduced to Tibet from India by the translator Nyen Lotsawa, and is considered one of the main protectors of the Hayagriva cycle of tantras. According to the scriptures that derive from the Sakya tradition, who incorporated the practice from the translators, and in which tradition Begtse became a very important protector, Begtse in a previous life was born many eons ago. In that particular life, he was born as the younger prince in a royal family. His name was Drag Gye, and his older brother’s name was Drag Den. Over time both princes developed differing religious beliefs, to the point where they could not get along with each as they both held their own religious views strongly. As was the custom during that time, they decided to settle their differences through logical debate, with the loser having to convert to the winner’s religion. This custom was also prevalent in ancient India, and there are many stories of such debates occurring between the great masters of the past and those of other faiths. Drag Gye lost the various debates, but ran away instead of converting to his older brother’s religion. Drag Den caught him, and tried to punish him for breaking the rules of debate and going back on his promise. Drag Gye told his brother that even if he was killed he would not give up his religion, however if Drag Den let him go, that in the future when Drag Den became enlightened, he would protect his teachings. With that Drag Den let him go, and gave him a set of copper armour, a stick, and a bow and arrow. Drag Den also gave Drag Gye a new name: Sog Dag Yam Shi Mar Po. After this incident the two brothers never saw each other again in that lifetime. Many lives after that Drag Den was reborn as Prince Siddharta, who eventually became enlightened and is now known as Buddha Shakyamuni. Drag Gye, or Sog Dag Yam Shi Mar Po, was reborn in a cemetery in the North West direction. His parents gave birth to two eggs, one was a coral-like colour and the other was an agate-like colour. These two eggs flew high into the sky and reached the heavenly realms, there they subdued the gods. Then flying back down to earth, they subdued many nagas. Eventually they even came to threaten their own parents. The parents petitioned the Dharma protector Ekajati for her help, who threw her own staff (khatvanga) at the eggs, and broke them apart. From the coral-like coloured egg came a ferocious man with yellow hair, he proclaimed that his name was ‘Sog Dag Yam Shi Mar Po’. When he emerged he was wearing a set of copper armour, wielding a stick, copper sword, and a bow and arrow. From the agate-like coloured egg came a female who was blue in colour, her teeth were like shells, she had turquoise eyebrows, and her hair was made of fire. She emerged wielding a copper knife, ritual dagger (phurba), rode a terrifying bear and wore an intricate necklace made of agate and lapis lazuli. It was then that Ekajati once again took action, and subdued them, after which they became Dharma protectors. The male figure became known as Begtse, and the female as his sister. When you propitiate Begtse, his sister is automatically included and aids practitioners as well. As for which lama offer his practice and empowerment, most lamas do not advertise which teachings or practice they hold. Therefore you should respectfully approach lamas and ask them if they have the practice and can bestow it, or if they know of any lamas that have the practice, depending on how much you want to practice Begtse. Similarly, this applies to those lamas who have the practice of Manjushri Nagarakshasa. However, this practice is included in the Rinjung Gyatsa series of empowerments. This unique cycle of teachings, includes all 4 classes of tantric practices, and includes the practice of Manjushri Nagarakshasa. Therefore those lamas who have received the complete transmission, and have kept their commitments for this practice, are qualified to pass this on to others. I hope this explanation helps. Thank you.
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